Optimal Fame I would have to say. We had reached Optimal Fame. Way more than I thought we would. More than I thought we could. Stepping on the stage is like a breath of fresh air and feels as if all the adrenaline in my body is present in the moment. Just as I'm falling deeper into my thoughts, I'm interrupted by the loud announcements of

"J & Boyz , you're on in 5"

"Stand by!"

With my black hair following behind me I rush up the stairs to the stage with the two members of the band, Hawon and Seungwon. I'd use the word comrade over members. We've been friends even since we were young, way before I asked them to come to Korea with me to fulfill our dreams in this land of musical success. At least it's that way for us.

We run quickly up the stairs with our hearts pounding, finally being able to perform on one of the biggest stages in Korea. As we reach the stage, I turn back to my only family and raise an eyebrow.

"Ready" I say with what sounds to most others emotionless

"Hey! At least sound like your happy!" Jokes Hawon, the eldest of us three with a smile

"You know I am" I say trying my prove my point

"Alright I'll believe you" he says in fake defeat with a smile

"Let's go guys! Good Luck!" Yells Seungwon, the youngest, as the doors to our dreams open with overwhelming cheers and support from the waves of people who are all in favor of us.

Performing on stage is the only time I can openly express myself. Being the explosive and only vocalist of my team it's in my hands to match both the intensity of the instruments and not be overshadowed by the sound of the cheers.

Finishing the amazing stage of opportunity we leave the concert with hollow feelings in our hearts as we hear the cheers of the fans getting fainter and fainter.

In the van driven by our manager, Hawon and Seungwon fall deeply asleep right away from the tiredness, but I, being a bit of an over thinker, cannot fall asleep while driving back to the dormitory because of the insomniac thoughts crowding my brain. Finally reaching the dormitory our manager wakes up Hawon and Seungwon and they head straight to the company suite (a mini house) dorms while I head straight down to the Studio.

Although we can afford to buy our own houses, we decided to stay at the companies dorm because it was less of a hassle. Hawon and Seungwon liked the idea of all three of us living together like family, and of course I felt happy we all felt the same way, the main reason for me to stay here though was the beautiful studio underneath right underneath our room.

The company suites each have personal studios underneath all the dorms. Seungwon and Hawon focus on practicing with their instruments, Hawon with the bass and Seungwon with the drums. The rest of the music I produce and it's played in the background while Hawon and Seungwon play their instruments live. Heading down to my studio, I hear a ring on my phone and see a notification from my manager asking me to come outside and talk to him for a minute. Suddenly, hearing the sound of the phone notification I freeze in place as a melody begins playing strongly in my head. I rush downstairs forgetting the summoning from my manager as I enter the beautiful dark studio to write down the idea.

My studio has purple lighting, but black everything else giving off a very quiet feeling. I've worked in many studios throughout my life, in New York I also had my own studio before moving to Korea, but never have I been able to generate and produce moving and exciting music at a rate like this one. This place itself is an inspiration.

I sit in my black studio chair and begin recording the basic melody that came to mind. Time passes by in a flurry of emotions and hard work as I continue to deepen and design the melodies to be more complicated and but easy for the ears. Hours pass by as the simple tune becomes a whole song as I imagine the sounds of Hawon's bass and Seungwon's drum being mixed into the instrumentals I have created. Into the dark moments of the nights, the new creation is slowly being finalized when I hear a frantic knock on the door.

"Jina? You're in there right?" I hear someone say as they keep turning the locked door knob in a frenzy

I slowly get up and unlock the door.

"Jina!" My manager says with relief clearly written on his face "I was worried something happened!"

"You know I'm always in here" I say calmly sitting back in my chair

"It's good you sat down yourself" he says " I was going to ask you to do that anyways"

I look up quietly, my eyes and ears attentively focused on him and his words more than before.

"We got an offer from the company that holds the end of year awards ceremony"

The End of the Year Award Ceremony is a massive ceremony of all the singers, idols, actors and even comedians where all the representatives in the specific awards categories are presented with a gold trophy for proof of their hard work. Last year, we attended but weren't able to win the honorable " of the year" golden trophy. This year though, is was almost final that we would be getting an award for the "Band of the year" category as we had swept up awards from every other award ceremony.

"What kind of offer?" I ask still focused on his eyes trying to figure out what he's getting at

Our manager has worked with us since the beginning of our careers from New York all the way to Korea, and knows every little detail about all three of us. That also means that we know everything about him, and at this moment I can tell by the look in his eyes that he has something to say that I might not like.

"They told me that they looked at the backgrounds of all three of you and found out that you had been a dancer in New York. They wanted me to say that they would be honored if you could join the grand Dance performance at the end of the year award ceremony."

That small favor might seem like nothing, but to me an invisible wave of pain hits my body as the word dance leaves his mouth. The memories slowly come crashing back but I try to hold it all in. I can see my manager is also bringing up this topic carefully and I don't want to worry him, but I can't help myself and feel my body tensing up and my breathing becoming heavier by the second.

My manager gets up to console me, but right at that moment I hear a small whisper outside the studio door and put my hand up to tell my manager that I am okay. He tries to say something but I cut him off right away.

"I'll do it" I say with determination clearly in my voice

My manager looks confused for a second but I slowly dart my eyes towards the studio door and he understands the situation.

Hawon and Seungwon are both secretly listening into the conversation, and I can never let them know that I am being held back by something as great as this fear. If they see that the leader of their group, who had asked them to come to Korea with her to do music isn't doing her best to promote their band, the disappointment they would face is something I could never handle.

Trying to be a good example to the boys I accept the offer with a heavy heart. My manager gets up to leave the studio and as soon as he opens the door, two adult boys come rolling into the studio with foolish smiles on their faces, knowing that they've been caught.

I laugh at them inwardly nervous with the thought of tomorrow as I follow them upstairs and head to my room to get some sleep. I lay down on my bed, my head again clouded with unnecessary thoughts. After realizing it's impossible to sleep I sit up and begin to stretch in preparation for tomorrow. I wince in as a nonexistent pain occurs in my foot knowing that this is more psychological then physical. I lay my head back down and begin mentally preparing myself for the day ahead, promising to be strong for the others and to prove to myself that I can win over my own fears.