I reach home in the middle of the night and quietly enter without making any noise careful not to wake the boys up. I know they'll be curious of where I was if they find out out I wasn't home in the middle of the night. I feel sorry for leaving them like this at night but I found myself forgetting about everything when Minho sent me the message and don't regret seeing him at all. It helped me make the decision of what my goal would be from now. Focusing on freeing myself from my past.

A few more busy days passed by until we finally had a break after the Awards Ceremony. The break has led me and the boys spending more time in our dorm instead of in front of the cameras. I don't know what to say to Hawon every time I see him and decide to just make things casual again. I begin talking to him about producing again as we have more time to work on more songs for our new album. He never mentions what he said that day and I realize I might have been overthinking and reading too much into the scenario. He was probably looking at me like that because I had something on my face and I took it as something else. Something I hope will never be the truth.

While working on a song I call Hawon to ask for some advice on what would sound better.

"Hawon come down here" I call from the studio

A few seconds later I hear his footsteps walking down the stairs and moments later he walks into my studio taking a seat next to me.

"Listen to this and let me know what you think " I say handing him the headset

"Yes ma'am" he says reluctantly putting the headphones on

"You interrupted Seungwon and I's game" he says

"Sorry" I say insincerely believing that music is more important than their game

"At least pretend you mean it" he says laughing

"I do" I say jokingly again with no emotion

He shakes his head laughing and listens to the song quietly

As he listens to the song I fall into my thoughts and ponder about what he said the other day about not succeeding yet. As we've been friends since we were young I don't like the way the ambience around us feels. I want him to feel satisfied with where we are as a band and I don't like that he isn't happy with our success even though we've come so far. I've always been the one to hate it when things feel emotionally messy around me, which is why hiding my fear was such a hard thing to do for me. I like keeping the people around me happy and with nothing to worry about. I know that this is putting a wall between Hawon and so I ask him what's bothering him. He takes the headphones out of his ears with his eyes not meeting mine and gently sets them down.

"The other day you mentioned not succeeding yet. Why aren't you happy with where we are?" I pry

"It's nothing" he says glancing at me

"Are you sure?" I ask again "We've been friends for long and I know there's something wrong. I don't know if its what I'm thinking" I say suddenly afraid that this is what I might be thinking

"I hope it's not, but if it is then I think we should clear things up between us old friend" I say nudging his shoulder gently.

He jerks back quickly and I widen my eyes.

"Don't do that" he says with a shaking voice "Don't say that. Don't say anything without thinking about it once."

"There's nothing to think about" I say suddenly afraid for our friendship "We're not gonna let something silly like this disturb our friendship"

"Stop" he says harshly "Just think" he says in a desperate tone

He stands up and repeats himself staring at me with his eyes widened "Just think. Just pretend you're thinking."

He walks out the room with his eyes closed and I can't bear to see his sunken shoulders as he walks down the stairs. Before I can follow him out my phone rings and I see a message from our manager. My eyes widen once I see the pictures he's sent me. The beautiful background I could recognize anywhere.