He had walked out of the door and I should've told him to stay. No matter how many times I try to replay that last moment I can't help but throw pennies into a wishing well to have time rewind to that moment. The spicy scent, the deep rumble of his voice that caused the deaf to blush, I couldn't believe that he was really... gone.

After he left the building the drive to the meeting seemed normal. Unfortunately on that night he just had to collide with a reckless driver and he died. When I asked to see his body Joseph had insisted it was not for the best as the body had been burned beyond recognition such that it was best I remember him how he was, alive. Leo was the only other individual who had been in the car along with a few other men and he had sustained multiple injuries whilst Daniel who occupied the other vehicle managed to avoid getting scathed.

The days stretched on to an agonizing pace the more I struggled to function.

If I wasn't taking care of the baby I was usually crying. The strain the crying carried and with the lack of sleep led me to grow incredibly lethargic. Not being able to help with the funeral arrangements made me feel useless since I had to spend a few days with the baby in hospital to ensure everything was alright.

I was struggling to accept my new reality and I had gone so far as to switch off my phone in aim to disappear from the world. The family had been struggling to cope with Marcie barely able to be around me for long. It was hard sometimes to look at the baby and ignore the obvious features he had inherited from Nicky. Knowing he wouldn't be there to raise him with me had me letting out another sob.

"Aaliyah..." looking up I turned to see Eva standing by the door with a nurse holding a clipboard on my last day in the hospital. Wiping my eyes vigorously I sat up and cleared my throat, "Yes?"

"Apologies for disturbing you but you haven't filled the part of the child's name," the nurse muttered coming into the room looking at me with apparent pity. I released a shaky breath at the fact the moment I dreaded came.

I had put off naming the child for as long as I could because a part of me believed Nicky would just appear and be able to come and name him. But as the days passed with no signs of him coming back I gave up. I took the clipboard taking a few calming breaths and looked over at my son who was napping. In all the madness he was the one who kept me from completely falling apart.

I took the pen offered and briefly glanced in Eva's direction to see her smiling at me to offer some form of encouragement. I finally filled in the name and handed it back to the nurse who read it out loud, "David... that's a very beautiful name," he said causing Eva's smile to widen.

Mumbling a low 'thank you' in his direction, I reached my hand out to the baby and cooed gently, "Hi David..." he shifted slightly in his sleep and I took that as a form of his approval. For the first time a chuckle slipped out at the way he frowned when I traced his nose. It was through David, I found a moment of solace past the hurt haunting me. He was my light in the times I found myself curling into a ball and breaking down but anytime he smiled, grabbed my finger with his tiny hands I managed to find a second to breathe.

When the doors to the hospital opened I wanted to crawl back into the hospital bed. The idea of facing the world without him was daunting and I immediately clutched David tighter to gain some form of strength from him. Entering the vehicle after greeting Marcie and Aunt Elle, I could see them physically struggling to figure out what to say. Like me they suffered a loss that left their family in a weaker state. "You don't have to say anything but I'm glad you're both here," I said looking up to see both women nod their heads at me. Trying to create conversation was futile when all we wanted to do was grieve.

It's so weird how grief can change how you view the world. In a way as the car drove down the streets the colors seemed so dull and bland. Nothing stuck out to me anymore the way it used to. The food I ate had lost its taste and the sad part was that I was almost fine with allowing the life I lived to grow dim. Even then I looked down at David and pitied the fact that as he grew older he'd come face to face with challenges. Though those challenges were meant to make us stronger at that point I failed to see how Nicky's death made us stronger.

We soon arrived to the building and entered the space filled to the brim with memories of him and I. It was a place where I thought we would raise our child. I struggled for some time to open the door until Marcie grabbed the key from my shaky hands to open it. I shuddered at the cold draft that moved past me. The once welcoming space felt foreign to me. I wasn't even sure if I could even be able to relax knowing that everywhere I looked pictures flashed before my eyes of him and I laughing, being so care-free with each other. We had made plans to see the world, to grow old together and be there to hold our grandchildren.

I felt ridiculous in that moment for ever thinking we would be able to get the life we wanted. A ball of rage formed within me and without another thought I told Eva to keep an eye on David only to walk out the door whilst ignoring their calls to stay. But I couldn't get myself to stay another second in that place. Although I had the intention to run off I felt a chord tug me back prohibiting me from taking another step outside the building.

"Aaliyah!" Eva called but I didn't respond feeling too caught up in the sudden need to wither to the ground and slink away.

There was something about walking into our home that made it all the more real and I suddenly grew helpless plopping myself on the closest seat in the lobby. I buried my face into my hands as if that would hide me. But as she neared I could tell she could see me and the way her voice trembled I knew she too was on the verge of crying. "I-I can't do it... I-I tried – I swear..." I moaned as if going through physical excruciating pain.

I kept my head down far too ashamed at being unable to face the reality before me. trying to block out the light chatter in the room.

I was dying to disappear from everyone – from everything. The feel of a body taking a seat close to mine notified me of Eva's close proximity. Without having to look up at her I could hear her mumbling incoherently under her breath. As the words came out they were gently carried off by the breeze and soon enough her hand was on my back indirectly pulling me back from wanting to yell and scream profanities as if that would solve anything.

"I know no matter what I try to say in this moment it may not help... Hell I'm not even particularly sure if I believe the words I'm about to say to you myself but..." when she paused I finally had enough courage to look up at her. It was as if I was looking at my own reflection. The struggle to keep it together was evidently cracking her exterior but eventually she continued struggling in the process to say, "It'll get better. I don't know how long it'll take... how many days you'll spend in agony but someday it'll start to get better."

Scoffing at the absurdity behind those words I did not waste time in verbalizing my lack of faith in her words, "I-I don't know if I have the strength you do to go through this," I admitted and she simply nodded her head in understanding. The amount of loss she suffered was a lot than most people could handle.

She stood up after some time of us sitting there in silence and reached her hand out to me, "C'mon." Staring at her in alarm I rushed out, "I-I don't want to go ba –"

"We're not going back in there, especially when you're not ready. But I don't want to spend the rest of the day just sitting here, do you?" she asked looking down at me. When I shook my head without protest I placed my hand in hers and stood up to my feet.

Just as she began to move towards the door I hesitated to follow at the little person I didn't want to go too far from, "I don't want to just leave David... I'll come with you if I bring him along," I proposed watching a light appear in her eyes at the mention of her grandchild. "No problem, I'll go get him. after all it's not too early for him to get to know a little history about his family."