"How is school going?" Mom asked as I looked down at my mug of coffee--black coffee. The only thing that drained away my morning exhaustion.

"Great," I replied.

She heard the lack of enthusiasm in my voice. Because she was my mom and letting go of small inconveniences wasn't her thing. I wasn't surprised when she turned around from the kitchen counter and looked at me, wiping her hands on the dish towel.

"I mean for real, Luc. How is it?" She asked. Her shifts were mostly at night, so I tried my best to wake up before her and leave. Mostly for school. But if other things came up, I left for them then.

"It's great, Mom." I looked up at her. "For real."

This was the exact reason why I tried leaving before she woke up. She initiated conversations that were hard to go along with.

Mom responded with a small smile, her eyes crinkling up at the edges--something I loved a lot about her. Smiling always cured pain, at least that's what she thought. I used to believe in that too. Until I couldn't do it anymore.

"You seem so tired these days." She said. "Is there something you want to...tell me?"

I furrowed my brows and looked away. There was so much I wanted to tell her. And at the same time, there was nothing I could say to her. She already spent her nights trying to keep this family together.

What family? I thought. There were just the two of us here. Who would even call this a family?

"I'm fine, Mom." I kept it simple, reassuring.

She blew out a sigh and nodded. I took those silent few seconds to drink up my coffee.

"I saw the cash on the couch last night." She had her back towards me now. I could see the fine white streaks in her hair, and once again I wished she would stop working so hard. I wished I could be a better son, at least for her.

"What about it?" I asked just as casually. Mom didn't know what I did at night, or how I brought cash here from time to time. She never asked me. She just trusted.

"Luc, you never told me you got a job." She started. "I don't know what kind of job this is. You're almost nineteen now. And I feel like...like you're drifting apart."

I looked up at her. There was worry and that unmistakable fear in her voice, and it made me regret so many things. But I couldn't back off now. I couldn't.

"I feel like if something happens, something bad, you won't tell me." She added.

I let out a sigh and rubbed my eyes. "Mom, don't think too much. I promise you, I'm fine. And nothing's happening to me."

She faced me once again and watching the worry on her face was much worse than hearing it in her voice. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," I murmured, not even sure what I was doing. Perhaps this was it. I needed to leave now. Not because it was getting late for school, but because I didn't think I could've stayed here any longer.

"Did you talk to Grace?"

I would've stood up and left right then, but that question rooted me to my spot. And that was the worst thing she could've asked me, especially right now.

"What?" I asked.

She looked a little surprised. "Did you talk to her?"

Talk to her? How in the hell was I supposed to talk to her when I didn't even want to see her?

Grace. Grace. Grace.

For the past few days, since she came back, that was the only thing going on around me and in my head and this whole fucking town. And it was awful. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't see straight. And that was all because of her.

"No." I kept it short. Because I felt angry. Angry at everything. Angry at my life.

"Oh." Was all she said, as if surprised that I hadn't talked to Grace. Why didn't my own mother know how fucking hard it was to see her again?

Grace had left. Two years ago, she left me. Without a reason. Without even seeing me. Without even telling me why. And I'd tried to understand, think of a reason why she'd have left me without telling me. But that was then.

Now there were no warm feelings left inside of me. Not for her. Not anymore.

"It's getting late," I muttered before getting up. "I'll see you when I get back."

And for one little second, I wished I could be that old Luc again. That old Luc who had everything.

•••••

A small groan escaped my lips as I raked a hand through my curls, placing my elbows on the desk. The classroom was halfway filled with people by now. Loud greetings and loud chatters. The teacher, however, was nowhere in sight.

"Jackson." I looked up from my phone to see Noah pulling up the seat in front of me and sitting down on it. "Gonna show up for the soccer tryouts?"

I leaned back in my chair. The need to get another cup of coffee was increasing more and more within me.

"Maybe."

"Maybe? Come on, dude." He exclaimed. "Coach will go crazy if you're not in the team. You know that."

I knew that. But these days were already so exhausting, and adding soccer in between all this would be crazy.

"I'll think about it," I replied.

"Think about what?" Jason sat down on the seat beside me.

"Nothing," I spoke up. I didn't want anyone to start thinking that there was even a single chance of me coming back to the team.

"He'll think about joining the soccer team," Noah said. I passed him a glare at that.

"What? Really?" Jason asked in surprise. "That's great, man."

So fucking great.

"I said, I'll think about it." I sighed.

Jason laughed it off and patted my shoulder. "We all knew you'd come back. You loved that shit. You still do."

I would've said something contradictory but Mr Walker came inside at that exact moment and everyone started sitting down. I switched on my phone and once again let my gaze rake over Ryder's recent message.

Ryder was a bigger mess than my whole life combined. All I knew about him was that he had this secret rivalry with Chase. Chase Denver--the only gang leader I knew about. I didn't know why though. It had always been like that. Ryder hated his guts with all his might. And this all killing the people and stuffing their dead bodies in creative places was somewhat because of this rivalry.

And I owed Ryder. A lot actually.

The door opened and a few other students came inside.

"Bro, there's this party at Kelly's tonight," Jason whispered loudly. "You coming?"

I looked up at the door even if I knew he was talking to me.

"I'm coming as long as there's alcohol." Noah turned his head around and grinned.

And then I saw Grace.

"All the hot chicks are going to be there."

"And we never miss out on nights like those."

I stared as Grace looked around for an empty seat and started heading for the back; the seat at the opposite end of me. She sat down and her hood fell off her head.

I blinked in surprise and I felt it. I felt a small, strange ache going through me. Her hair, they barely reached her shoulders. And I remembered, I remembered the softness of those blonde strands against my fingertips. A phantom touch that I'd searched for when she'd left.

"Jackson, my man, who're you staring at?" Noah asked. That's when I realized I was staring. Fuck. I looked away abruptly.

Thankfully, Mr Walker spoke up before Noah could've said anything else. "All right class! Let's pull ourselves back from the neverending clouds, shall we? Time to get back to the earth and its equations."

Time slowed down after that. Not because chemistry was boring, or because Mr Walker's lectures were almost at the pace of a snail. No, it was mainly because of my head. Even if I tried so hard to concentrate, I couldn't. All I could think about was her.

I hadn't even known we both had the same class. I would've skipped it. Heck, I would've done something.

And then once again, I found myself looking at her, and I watched her as she blinked, looking down at her textbook. She looked tired, exhausted. And a small part inside of me wanted to go over to her, ask her what was wrong. Ask her to tell me why.

There it was. The small, familiar twist in my chest. Grace didn't look the same. Thin, almost pale. And the lack of sleep was evident in her eyes, even from afar.

I frowned. It shouldn't have concerned me. I fucking wished that it didn't. Because whatever that was going on with her, that had been going on with her since those two years, she'd never meant to tell me. She would never mean to tell me.

Yet I still couldn't look away. Fucking pathetic, that's what it was. I saw the way she was trying so hard to keep her eyes open. To concentrate. But unlike me, I didn't think it was because of her thoughts. No, she looked exhausted.

I saw her blowing out a sigh, looking around. If she saw me staring at her, she didn't seem to care. Or maybe she didn't even notice. Placing her head on the window sill beside her, and her eyes closed up almost immediately.

To my surprise, it took her mere seconds to fall asleep. I looked at her, at her small figure almost hunched up as if looking for warmth within herself. And for that one moment, she looked so much like the Grace I knew. The vulnerable Grace only I knew.

My Grace.

I looked away immediately.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

I placed my hands on my face and let out a quiet sigh of frustration. I needed to get a grip. I needed to get a fucking life.

"...and this is the equation which sums up the theory." Mr Walker continued. I looked up at the board, at the words and equations which somehow made no sense to me.

Mr Walker's eyes moved from one student to another as he continued explaining. And that's pretty much when it hit me. The man hated if anyone slept in his class, especially between the lectures.

Shit.

Before I could've done something, which would've been nothing, his eyes moved over to Grace and her sleeping form.

He stopped talking almost instantly and I swore softly under my breath.

"Ms Collins." He spoke up. Everyone turned around to look at her.

And for once, I wished I could've done something.