Her mother said she needs to get back on the horse. It's been so long. She needs to get a man for herself and a father for her daughter. Esosa's health is improving and thank God nothing serious had happened the past few weeks she had been released from the hospital. There are throngs of men who came almost every day to check on her daughter. These men visit her because of their interest in her. They are nice to her daughter because they like or got feelings for the mother. But how will she tell her mother that those throngs of men do no interest her. Instead, the man who interest her is one she has been avoiding since that night, the night he poured out his heart to her, the night he held her hand like no man has ever done. Maybe Juwon did. Osas stared into the hand mirror, her eyes wide and steady, and lashes flapping as she laid the false eyelashes on her natural ones.

As a mother, Osas had tried her best to ensure her daughter will not have any reason to contact infection in the house. Everything is sterilized. She had left a hand sterilizer everywhere. The chemotherapy is working the way it should. The side effect are mild ones at the moment. No major ones yet. But it's tiring since Esosa is an outpatient. But she knows she will push through. It's what she has been doing for long.

Few days ago, one of admirers had dropped by to check on her and her daughter. Her mother had walked in when he was asking her out on a date. Her excuse had been Esosa. There's no one to stay with her and it does not seem right to date when she got a daughter who needs her attention. "Nonsense!" Her mother, Itohan, had interrupted. She had interfered and told her visitor that there will be plenty of time for her to go out with him. And here she was, preparing for her date.

"Mummy" Esosa's voice intruded her thoughts.

"Yes, sweetie" She replied turning away from her dressing table, her makeup half done. The setting powder was still on her face, left to bake it.

"Ewww" Esosa screeched with a slight upturn of her nose. "You look like a monster. A masquerade!" She screeched between her laughter.

"That's a nasty thing to say to your mother" Osas said between peals of laughter. "What do you want your momma to do for you?" She pulled her child closer to her.

"Can you comb my hair, please?" She held out a comb. "Grandma is busy on a phone call"

Her mother collected the comb and lifted her to her laps. The light weight of her daughter broke Osas's heart. Esosa has lost so much weight. She was not a chubby kid but she was healthy. Now, her daughter's skeletal. "I will take you to the hair dresser tomorrow to make your hair" She ran the comb gently through the black curls. "It's due for relaxing" She continued, noticing the undergrowth. A sharp cry from Esosa caused her to freeze and remove the comb.

"Why did you pull my hair?" Esosa cried out, turning to her mother.

"Baby, I am so sorry" She embraced her daughter to her breasts, holding her tight. "It was a mistake"

"That was painful!"

"I am sorry. I will be gentle"

And she was. They chatted about Esosa upcoming fifth birthday. Esosa had asked if she was going to celebrate it with her classmates at school. Osas gave a sad smile telling her in a persuasive and gentle voice that she will celebrate it at home.

"But I want to go to school. When can I go back to school? I miss school!"

How will she tell her that her health condition at the moment does not allow her to attend school for a while? So she said. "How about we invite all your classmates over? We will just move the party to a Saturday"

The idea gladdened Esosa's heart because she agreed to it immediately. The little one scampered off as soon as they were done and had tied the hair into two piggy tails. Esosa had not gone with the comb. She had taken the comb to shove it into the drawer beneath her dressing table when she noticed the hair stuck to the teeth of the comb. Osas went still. The beating organ underneath her ribs jolted. Her daughter is losing her hair. It's finally falling off. It's usual for one's hair to break when combing but the amount of hair on the comb was too much to be a breakage. She swallowed. She had been expecting it but the bitter reality of it felt like her heart had been pricked in different spots by a needle. Her phone chimed. It was a message from her date. A smile crept across her face, the end of her stomach knotted. Few minutes later, she was done and ready to meet him after kissing both her mother and daughter goodbye.

She was glad she had not worn heels or gone for a dress. She had gone for a pair of nice jean trousers, a wrap top and flat sandals. Auburn hair, loose and straight, tumbled down her back in undulating waves. As per her mother's request and persistence, Kiki had taken her for shopping, to a spa and salon where she had a full body spa, her hair done, a manicure and pedicure. She can't remember the last time she had such relaxation. It's been so long. The last man she went out with was Jafar. Was that a date or a hangout between friends? Her heart sank to the endless pit in her stomach. Is she doing the right thing by pushing Jafar away? His phone calls and messages have gone unanswered and she had told him to his face not to visit her anymore. Osas shut her eyes. What a thing to say? She will blame it on indecision and anxiety and fear. As much as she wants him, needs him, she can't accept him. She can't be with him. Her mother had made that clear. But her heart whispers his name all the time.

Her date took her to a nice restaurant. The restaurant was a garden with lots of tables and four chairs surrounding each table. There were lot of yellow bulbs hanging from thin lines, giving the lively atmosphere a yellow glow. A live band played on the stage. Few men and women were on their feet, executing different dance steps to the music. The atmosphere was electrifying, its vibe contagious. Osas could feel adrenaline beginning to flow through her. One of her feet moved to the pounding beat.

"The last time I promised to take you out, we got busy" He said beside her, halting her moving foot. "I hope you don't mind this place. I love it and they play nice music. The food is also good. You will love it. They have different varieties of Nigerian dishes" He explained, leading her to a table.

An open mic night? She mused. Jafar had promise to take her to one but he never had the chance. It was that period of time Esosa fell ill. She smiled up at the man next to her.

"I think I will love this place"

"We can dance when they play something we can move to" His hand enclosed hers. Her hand had nearly jerked at the intimate touch. It gave her a tingly feeling. She allowed herself to feel the warmth that nice touch gave her. It's been a while since someone held her that way. There was something magical about his touch that wants her to lean to his side and enjoy the warmth of a man.

"I....I....I am a terrible dancer" She reprimanded herself inwardly for stammering. Did this casual body contact between them steal some of her senses?

"I have seen you dance" He gave her hand a slight squeeze. "And you are quite a good dancer" He winked. Her eyes went wide a little bit with horror. He chuckled. An easy smile swept across his face. She flushed.

"Well....." She shrugged not knowing what to say, trying to ease the heat that flamed her cheeks.

He was his usual self. He still had that sense of humour and there were lots to talk about. He had always been free and open around her than he usually was around people. She was glad he could let go of his caution despite the crowd around them. That only intensified her affection for him. It grew to the extent that her heart swelled. In his usual soft voice, he asked her what she would like to have. She requested for isi-ewu and a bottle of soft drink. He ordered for the same thing. Alcohol's something he abstained from completely. He was not a man who drinks. There was hesitation when he called a waiter over the energetic atmosphere. Laughter erupted from a table where a group of men and women were. When he spoke to the waiter, his smile was bashful. Her lips curled up. At the moment, she was sure she want to spend more time with him and have more than what they had at the moment. She wants a relationship with him. Her heartbeat soared at the unspoken confession.

He told her about his family and friends she was yet to meet. They had known one another for a while but he has never really spoken about them. The conversation about them had not been as lengthy as the one they were having. He shared his challenges at work and his fear of her refusing to go out with him. All thanks to her mother. His honesty had her opening up to him. She told him about her work and they shared her experience with other men. Most had been disastrous and some were memorable. At last, she told him about her daughter losing her hair, a thing that had lingered at the back of her mind almost disturbing her inner peace.

"I am stronger than I was" She said, voice lower. "When the news of her cancer was fresh, I thought I'd die. Life came to a standstill and the consecutive days were dragging at snail pace. I did not realise that the world has moved on around me. Checking the calendar made me realise how long I have been grieving. But knowing she's losing her hair scares me" The sparkle in her eyes conked out. He saw the chaotic thoughts in her head through her eyes were marred with terror. Not knowing what to say or do, he reached for her hand across the table and gave it a light squeeze. It was all she needed. It was nice to know someone understood her pain. "I might lose her" She squeaked. This time when her heart slammed against her rib, it was not due to the sweet sensation the man in front of her causes but it was from fear of losing her daughter.

"You won't"

Their food came. After eating, he pulled her up for a dance. She started to shake her body and he just stood and watch her. The fascination in his eyes was one thing that had her going. Her feet slammed the floor, body twirled to the music, a soft smile stretched her face. He blinked, completely lost in the woman in front of him. He could not stop staring. Emotion clouded his thoughts and his gut closed. The pounding in his chest intensified. His heart pounded to the beat. Familiar feeling poured through his body with an urge that grew stronger. When he brushed his hand over hers, she halted. Her chest lifted and fell, breathing laboured.

Exhilarating sparks shot through their bodies, deep into their core eliciting their digit to slide into one another to form a passionate lock at the feathery contact. Osas heard herself sighing as her heartbeat steadied. Finally, a voice said in her head. It's been so long. She felt like it will take forever before this would happen. They gazed locked, never wavering. The way he looked into her eyes fastened her gaze into place. Osas heart pummelled in her chest. He was so close, very close that there was barely any space between their faces. His laboured breath warmed her face. She stiffened, not able to move or breath with fear of what might happen if she does any of those. The fluster in her stomach increased. Tingles coursed through her when he drew her closer and slid his hand over her waist, his body brushed hers. The fruity flavour of his drink permeated her nostrils. The brush of his lips over hers which she thought she had imagined had nearly cause her heart to burst in the cage of bones.

"Jafar" She breathe out his name at the unexpected act, her chest trembled as air expelled her lips. She felt the increase in his heartbeat underneath her palm she had unconsciously slithered unto his chest. She knows the heart beats but not as wildly as his did at the moment. As if he had gotten more courage, he lowered his head and planted his lips on hers. She had not hesitated to respond. She locked her arms around his neck, pressed her body to his while he enveloped his hands around her middle.

No lips had tasted better. It was almost shocking that another man's kiss can overwhelmed her after Juwon. The smell of his citrus cologne, the feel of his hard planes undid her. She clung to him as their tongue swirled together, the exchange becoming more passionate.

When they broke away, he took her hand and led her out while she was still dazed. There was barely anything to say through their ride back home but he held her hand, kissing her palm occasionally, making her blush. When his car halted at her gate, she had not gotten down immediately. He took her hand that laid on her lap. She lifted her eyes to look at him.

There was so much his eyes gave away. She saw the tenderness he abhor for her. She's the reason behind the sparkle in his eyes, those hooded dark eyes. They have never appeared so enthralling like they did under the dim light in his car. He took her other hand and his hold grew tighter and desperate in a kind way. The emotions in his eyes changed. He does not want to lose her. He needs her more than she needs him. Fear darkened the black of his eyes. Her heart reached out for him. He need not to worry. She will be there for him. He raised her hands to his lips, caressing her knuckles with the mildest of kisses, eyes never leaving hers. His Adam apple bobbed. He wanted to speak but there was so much going on in his head. He does not need to talk. She knows. She sees it. She moved her hand to his face, cupping a side into her palm. His beard stroked her soft palm. The act was an assurance that twitched the edges of his lips. His feelings are reciprocated.

"Can I come and visit you tomorrow?" He broke the quietness.

"You can come anytime you want" She looked down. "I am sorry for shutting you out"

He gripped her hand. "You need not to" She looked up, meeting his eyes. "It was bound to happen. Can I visit tomorrow?"

"Of course! Jay, when you come over, my mother will ask you about your journey"

"What journey?" His eyelids flickered.

"I lied to her. I told her the reason you have not been able to visit us is because you had to travel"

He laughed, his head going back. The booming laughter lit his eyes which made her smile. "Alright. No problem" He said. "Kiss Esosa for me and tell her I miss her"

"I will deliver your message"

This time, she propped forward to graze his lips with hers, very delicate like feathers. It was long enough for him to respond, cradle her face in his palm and taste her.

He waited to see her walk into the gate of her house. Osas walked like there was a spring in her step, glad she cancelled the date with the other man and accepted Jafar's request to go out with him. It turned out to be a great night with him. What relationship do they share now? Are they finally together? Her breath flattered at the thought, not sure of the anxiety that constricted the inner walls of her abdomen. There's no need to think too much. Her night has been great and its memories are one she wants to relive.

-----

She has had men, a lot of them. She had gone out with them. She had hooked up with them at parties, clubs, anywhere. There were some men she had met at the club who bought her a drink, danced with her and got intimate with before they departed. It meant nothing. It was just for fun. She enjoyed it when men fall at her feet, pleading and wanting her. It gave her a pleasure she could not describe.

But no man had ever made her feel the way she felt at the moment. Her belly was hot. Her nerves were jittery. Desire was one thing amidst what she felt. A little intimate moment with Joshua had turned her molten. It had sent her nerves going wild, made her need for him crazier. Now, he stood in between her legs. The slight brush of his slender hips against her thighs made her apprehensive and caused her to clench her toes. Lola smiled, as much as she would love to be with this beautiful man with her, she would like to be away from him. He is trouble with capital T.

"Business?" She found her voice.

"Yes, business" Joshua smiled, his hand brushing over her shoulder. He took her phone from the counter and paused the song. Silence filled the space.

Lola stole a glance at her shoulder where his hand rested then looked back at him. His smile was still intact but it had changed. The look in his eyes had altered into something she knew well. Men had given her such look countless number of times but the one she received this man was different. It was more intense that she felt he was seeing right through her soul.

"I know you have questions for me" The curve of his lips produced an easy smile.

"Of course" Her shoulders relaxed. "A lot of them"

"And they are?"

She was yet to know him. Who is he? What kind of life had he lived in the past? How does it feel like to be a cultist? Why did he become one? Those were the questions that swarmed her head. But will he tell her everything or tell her what he want her to know. He is a misery, one she can't solve if he does not give her the chance to. "You were a cultist" She began, a hand reaching for a scar on his abdomen. It was fleshy and thin like it had been there for years and was fading. "Why?" Her voice was husky. She maintained eye contact with him.

He sighed out loud before speaking. "I have no reason" He rubbed her arm intimately with an ease he never had. "I think it's because of my childhood. Lola" He breathe out. "Some things cannot be explained. There are times we do some stuffs without a reason. We just do them"

"So becoming a cultist was something you did without a reason" Her voice was judgemental.