Their happy voices still resonates in her head and prompts the edges of her mouth to curl up. Lola keeps reliving the moment where they sang, shouted and laughed as they shook their bodies. That had been one of those rare moments they had been free with one another. Within that hour, her worries had been swept away, her fears dampened and for once in many weeks, nothing held her back from freedom. Joshua's voice had been as horrible as hers yet they found hilarity in them. The neighbours had been disturbed and they pretended not to know, laughing secretly at the misery they would be feeling. Everyone had one way or the other disturbed the peace of the compound. They should bear with them for the first time. All these happened on a karaoke night Lola organised. She liked how free they were jumping and singing, her heart full of laughter and joy. And she was grateful she had that moment with Joshua.

Lola smoothened the invisible creases on her lavender colour dress. She smells just like the colour of the dress, a subtle scent on her neck. Her eyes roved through the room occupied by almost fifty guests. Everyone's dressed in designer suits and dresses. Few danced to the music of the live orchestra, and many in little groups of twos or more conversed with their glasses of expensive alcohols in hand. The charity event was the organizer's way of showing off her new interior and elevate her status in the society. Her mother had been invited but she was unable to attend and told Lola to go in her place. Lola sighed, euphoria zinging through her. This life, she cannot give it up for anything. She loves its luxury and comfort. But it is not perfect. There are a lot of glitches in it. Money, she learnt the hard way, does not solve everything but it gives you peace of mind to an extent. You do not have to worry about your financial needs.

Her eyes kissed his across the room. They were fixated upon hers as he spoke to the plump, potbellied man before him. The intensity at which they looked at her tingled her skin, flustered her heart yet worried her. She could read so much in them than she wanted to. Bringing Joshua along to the elite charity event turned out not to be a bad idea. It was something she did out of....out of what? She had no idea. His smile was returned with a little curve of her mouth before she looked away to observe the art on the wall. That should worth a lot of dollars. Millions perhaps. Stealing that can change someone's life from wretched to noble. She lifted her champagne flute to her lips embraced in matte lipstick. Joshua's ability to read her mood leaves her in wonder. There are times he tries to invade her privacy, know the reason for her bad mood and ask questions he should not and she was good at shutting him away at times like that. She will tell him everything. One day she will. It might not be in a little while but it will happen.

He gives a lot and she got little to offer. He appreciates her and she does little of that. He knew material things would not fuel her joy so he has been creative in what he gifts her. She can do the same. Right? But how? The last time she did such was five years ago before that man ripped the peace out of her life. She had given a lot, trying to have a fairy tale love all for nothing. Most of her life have been lived with insecurities and trying not to attach herself to any man. She had been careful not to have her heart broken and not to offer much to the man in her life because the end result would always be a heart break. She felt, at a point in her life, that she was missing a lot. Her friends had love and she knew what she saw. People who loved without restriction. There was nothing holding them back. And she thought, maybe there are good men out there. Someone who will not leave her broken. When Anthony came along, she gave him a chance hoping he would change her perspective about love. How naïve and stupid of her. Lola drowned the remaining content of her glass when a text came in from Anthony: I miss you. Come over.

Her pulse stuttered. Anthony from being her prince charming became a living nightmare she want to get rid of. Can her mother just do something quick? She had promised she will find a solution and ensure she is left unhurt and Anthony will rot in hell. It's been two weeks which is a very long time and nothing has been done. She had called her mother in moments she felt her secrets would be exposed, times Anthony had found a way to break her and moments she felt she was losing the remaining sanity left. Her mother had assured her she was doing something about it. The sudden riot in her stomach was upsetting and left her in discomfort. Doctor Ben prescribed stronger sleeping pills for her. She marvels at their ability. They make her sleep well, until sometimes, she rises from another nightmare. If her mother does not act fast then she might have to deal with this in her own way. But how?

"May I have this dance with you?" A voice husked in her ear. She jumped, turning the screen of her phone over then laughed when she saw who it was.

With a smile that hurt her cheeks, she offered her clammy hands to her husband, trying to stop the tremors in them. Her smile was honeyed as her tone. Well, no one will ruin her mood tonight. Not even Anthony.

-----

The Wednesday night that followed, Joshua took her for a dance at some substandard restaurant on mainland. The live band was lit, beer cheap, the nkwobi was tender and suya was tasty and spicy. The chairs and tables were white plastic with a branded table cloth over the tables. She had her natural hair in a bun on top of her head, wore something very comfortable and simple and Joshua had told her she looked even more beautiful than she had ever been. The makeup on her face was minimal than it would have been on any other day. They laughed more that night and danced until their feet were sore.

Her photography job's beginning to get boring. It's monotonous and she's getting tired of it. The clients are beginning to annoy her. She knew what the problem was. She does not enjoy being a wedding photographer anymore. Telling people what to do and how to pose, trying to be create something romantic when she isn't a romantic are more exhausting than anything else. She should have tried something else, a different kind of photography that won't allow her to deal with people every day and ventured into the type of photography she had loved back at school, aerial photography and landscape photography. As a nomad, she was already a travel photographer who worked for herself. Her works had been admired online and there were interested buyers offering prices way better than she would earn from covering a wedding. Had she committed herself into what she loved, she would have had an exhibit. How could she have been so stupid to reject such offers? That gave her the idea to maybe begin a photography blog and start selling her works online. She might enjoy doing that more than anything else, working from home except she wants to take pictures.

Lola shared her conflicted thoughts with Joshua. He had been very attentive, giving her solutions and what he considered his best opinion until she complained about how rude and annoying her clienteles can be.

His brows went up with an amused look in his eyes. "That's how people feel when you talk foully to them." Her hard glare made him chuckle. "They can't give you the same response because they have a business to grow. I have seen how you speak to people Lola, it's a sight that can make anyone cringe and angry."

"I do not remember ever telling you that you are in a position to tell me that!" Her words came sharp from her gnashed teeth.

He shrugged. "It's high time you stopped speaking to people and looking at them like they are some piece of shit stuck under your shoes. It's part of personal growth. You can be a better person if you want to." The silence that descended upon them was like a ticking time bomb. He waited for her to explode, bite his head off instead she spun away, watched the live band and those around. Joshua had not tried to talk to her which she was thankful for.

They drove back to the island where they stopped at a beach. They trekked its length with their bare feet in the sand, slinking through their toes, hand on hand, the moon smiling down at them, illuminating their path with the extra lighting from the artificial lights around. They had stopped as they conversed. Her kimono flapped in the wind. When he added to something she had said, a mischievous thought came into head. She had bent down to fill her hand with sand while looking at him, smiling and nodding her head to what he was saying. He halted talking, gave her a suspicious look but it was too late. The soft sand like finely milled grains was already rushing down his head. She laughed then broke into a run when he reached out to her. They ran, screaming and chortling. Her regular exercise gave an extra boost to her speed until she could not run anymore. She fell on the sand. He collapsed right next to her, both of them panting.

Water waltzed to the shore and back. It surges rolled and splashed. Its soft tunes entertained them and they listened to it, nestled into one another. Her lips were stretched, his warmth welcomed. He started to speak and she listened to his drawls, melting to the thickness of his voice. There was nothing more she wanted at that time than what they had. He became enough for her.

Something changed. She felt different. That unswerving emotion was surreal, left her wondering. She just wanted to clinch to him. His arm around her waist gave her security and she burrowed into him for more. There's nothing she needed more than that. He received her lithe frame into his firm build. She took note of everything he did, got hold of every word he uttered and listened to the jingle of his laughter. Most things about him that were never captivating were at that moment. He touched her with a tenderness that was so soft she could barely feel. She loved the feel of his hand in her bin, pulling at one of her moisturized curls.

She said something that caused them laugh. The end of his nose grazed hers. There was something right there, in the tip of their brushing fingers that ignited sparks in their bodies. A feeling so strange to her yet familiar to him. She'd take her hand away shocked by what wrecked through her then brush her soft pads against his rough ones. He gripped her hand tenderly, his breathing heavy and she kissed him differently that day. It was not meant to be. She could have stopped it but there was so much she was feeling that she wanted him to know. He was smiling with satisfaction when they broke apart. And he kissed her again, so soft, so gentle and she loved the way their tongues romped.

Lola tried to live like Anthony was not still in her life and the drastic positive change in her relationship with Joshua does not scare her. It was hard to pretend everything was alright with her, laugh hard like she got no problems of her own, visit friends and pretend to enjoy her time with them when all she wanted to do was cry. The intake of her pills have become more regular because she needed the rest from emotional exhaustion. They visited Joshua's mother the weekend that followed. Lola was not so excited about it but it was kind of nice to speak to his mother again. Both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law do not have a cordial relationship but they could converse without feeling any resentment toward one another. Ope's yet to warm up to her just as she was yet to with the teenager who kept giving her nasty looks. There's still a cold air around her and Sophia for reasons known to them alone.

The smell of frying samosas had made her stomach grumble and pulled Lola to the kitchen. She saw the fried samosa in a coriander and had reached out for two, taking a bite immediately to calm her grumbling stomach. Ope was by the gas cooker, flipping over the last set of samosas and spring rolls.

"You should not be eating that?" The teenager had said, her voice anything but nice.

"Why?" Lola asked after swallowing her previous bite.

"You did not make it. You should have a little shame when eating what you did not make or help in its making."

"Why?" Her eyes held Ope's angry ones. It made her wonder why the girl feels so much anger and hate towards her but like always, she does not care. Everyone can't like her. In fact, many people never liked her. Why should she be ashamed to eat something she did not cook? In her house, there are cooks and kitchen staffs to prepare their meal. She has not done anything more than make coffee for herself all her life and the coffee was terrible. That's why she had to hire a cook when she got married to Joshua.

"It's what people with conscience would do."

Lola's brows soared. "Too bad I do not have any conscience." The words came out with an aloof attitude that powered Ope's fury.

"How do you even keep my brother?" It was not a question that came out of curiosity but out of disdain for her. "You do not even know how to cook or do anything. You have one of the worst characters on earth."

Lola took a serviette, wiped her mouth gracefully then said "Who told you knowing how to cook and do household chores would keep a man?" Her chuckle was a mockery that surprised Ope then infuriated her. "Like our mothers succeeded in keeping their husband after doing that." Lola rolled her eyes, resting against the counter to cross her legs and arms. "Allow me to ruin that illusion for you, sweetie." Her smile was the sweetest she could muster. "You can know how to cook, be the best housekeeper in the world, be a wife and a slut for your man. You can also try to be his side chick but let me tell you the bitter truth, a man who does not want to be kept can't be kept. Do not allow anyone feed you those lies about knowing how to cook and do household tasks would keep a man. Don't grow up to invest your all into him. Most times, the result is never good. You can give him a part of yourself but don't make the mistake of giving him your all. You have yourself to love and invest into. Do that instead."

"Don't say that to her?" Sophia snapped behind them.

"Why?" Lola spun to her enemy.

"She's just seventeen." Expelled Sophia's lips.

"So? That does not mean we have to lie to her and allow her imagine a fairy tale love when there is barely any in this life."

"Keep your negativity to yourself! There is love. True love that will find her one day! A man who will appreciate her!"

Lola scoffed at those words. "What's negative about what I just said? She's old enough to know and learn such thing. I bet she is no virgin. Dear, it's not a bad thing." She beamed at Ope whose jaw dropped.

"Lola!" Sophia called under her hot breath, her eyes held a very strong warning.

"What?" Lola blew at her baby pink fingernails. "She isn't. Look at her." She gestured to Ope who was beginning to flush and heat up. "Do you want to tell me she has not slept with that boy who calls her every night? They would have done more than kissing. My seventeen years old sisters aren't."

"Just because you have sluts in your family does not mean everyone is!"

Those words hit Lola hard into her chest. Her next words came out with vengeance and a very poisonous venom. "Wow!" Lola exhaled, trying to ease the burn in her chest. "Nice to hear that coming from a woman who slept with her teacher in the toilet." Sophia's big eyes grew bigger. Ope gasped. Lola gave a victorious smile. "I saw you that day with your Maths teacher. You were my senior and would have been fifteen or around her age."

Sophia's chest rose and fell. Her take in and take out of air were loud and hard. Vehemence incensed her veins. "You psychopath!"

"Does it hurt that I have tainted your reputation as the good daughter-in-law, wife and sister-in-law. You and I know better than anyone that you are no saint." They held one another's eyes with a heat that could cause destruction. Ope stood rigid, wordless and sweaty. Her eyes kept moving from one furious woman to the other.

"What's going on here?" Joshua's voice broke the tension and their unforgiving stare.

"Nothing." Lola sang out with a release of air, her lips took a sudden turn upwards. "We were just having a friendly conversation." She beamed at a shocked Ope and angry Sophia, took two more samosas and left.

Lola still basked in the victory she felt after doing that. It was kind of good to be a villain. Sophia deserved that, even worse after all she did to her. A story she does not want to reminisce.

Ten days later, she parked in front of Anthony's beach house. She had called few hours back to meet him because they had a very important conversation. She's losing her grip on a number of things. Each day she spends with Joshua only intensifies the guilt in her. That guilt has become a rope around her neck that would soon squeeze the life out of her. She's a cheat, three words that have been playing over and over again in her head. She's what she despised the most and that makes her a hypocrite. Joshua had embarked on an official journey from work. He said it might take a while and he was not sure about coming back soon. She had spent the past two days of his departure at her parents' house enjoying time spent with her family and thinking hard.

Where does her relationship with Joshua take them? What does she want with him? Does she want to continue in this path to something new? The foundation of their relationship had been based on lies and distrust. They are not telling each other a lot. And with her infidelity, they might really have no future. Should she tell him and free herself from this guilt?

Her mood swing had grown worse. One minute she's happy and the next she's angry, frustrated and everything becomes annoying. Her thoughts runs wild and she's shouting at nothing. Those voices in her head are still there. The ones that tells her how useless she is. The voices that calls her a murderer. Many voices. A lot of them. She recognises some and the rest are unknown. She would tell them to stop. They should just stop and they won't. She had humiliated herself at Nathan's thirty-fifth birthday party. People had looked at her as she screamed. She was also seeing Anthony. He was everywhere she turned to. At the buffet table. Behind the people she spoke to. Beside her. He was everywhere doing nothing but smirking at her. Her illusion. A hallucination. Important people had been there. Owners of popular gossip blogs had been there. Had it not been for Joshua, it would have been worse. He had taken her inside where he tried to calm her down. Her mother had followed them and taken over from where he stopped. The next day, she was at Doctor Ben's doing the same thing again. Stronger doses were administered. The same talk but a different topic. It did help and she was glad she went there even though she hated it.