(after - MUNA)

double update in honour of 600 reads yay !! i feel like this is lowkey boring but i hope it's not TOO boring skjsk enjoy

-

I tugged the blanket tighter around me as I pulled the hair tie from my soaking hair, letting out a slow exhale.

"Here," Tasha handed me a hot cup of tea, "Milk and one sugar, yeah?" I nodded in response, sending her a thankful smile as she sat beside me, having changed clothes and ran a towel through her equally wet hair - same as Luke.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled for what felt like the hundredth time, as Luke rubbed my shoulder and I gripped the mug tightly.

"Don't be, Ana, you're fine," Luke said kindly, as Tasha flopped onto the couch on the other side of me. We were all soaked from our previous encounter outside in the storm, as they both sat and held me while I cried - their kindness and love only making me cry harder in gratitude for the sweetness of my friends.

"What happened out there, A?" Tasha asked, shifting her position on the couch to lean back against a pillow.

"We talked.." I trailed off, taking a sip of my tea before continuing, "And he still loves me."

"He does?" Tasha's eyes widened, and I nodded, turning to look at her, "That's great, isn't it? If he's back here, you can-"

"No, Tash," I shook my head, "I told him it couldn't happen.. and I told him I didn't love him."

"You lied?" she raised her eyebrows, "Ana, it's not wrong to go back to him if it'll make you happy."

"I can't ruin his life again," I bit my lip, desperate to justify my actions, "I said I'd moved on."

"What? To who?"

I sighed hesitantly, before turning to Luke, "Luke, you know how you love me so much?"

His eyes widened, "Ana, you didn't.."

"I'm sorry!" I whined, glancing back to Tasha who had an unreadable expression, "Tasha, I'll tell him I was lying, I just needed him to go away, and-"

"No, it's okay with me," Tasha reassured me, "you do what you have to do to be happy, Ana. As long as you're making no real moves on my boyfriend," she mused.

"I love you," I declared, leaning forward to hug her tightly, before turning back to Luke, "Luke?"

He had his head in his hands, and he was leant forward into his lap, shaking his head before he removed his hands, "You told Harry Styles I was your boyfriend.."

"Yes.." I frowned, "Why do you have that look on your face?"

"Because, Ana, he'll fucking kick my ass," he said worriedly, and I'd never seen Luke so nervous.

"What?" I asked quizzically, "No he won't - why would he do that?"

"Because it wouldn't be the fucking first time," Luke seethed, and I raised my eyebrows, shocked at Luke's sudden discomfort, opening my mouth to speak before I was interrupted.

Tasha sighed, "Luke, don't-"

"What's going on?" I pressed, "What do you mean, it wouldn't be the first time?"

"Harry used to beat me up every bloody day a couple years back," Luke explained, and I groaned, burying my head in my hands, "Every single day he'd shove me into my locker and beat the living shit out of me."

"Oh, God," I groaned into my hands, shaking my head, "Was this after-"

"After Caleb, yeah," Luke exhaled, pushing his hand through his quiff.

I wasn't surprised that Harry had beaten up Luke on more than once occasion - I already knew how Harry had lashed out after Caleb's death, but I never knew Luke was in the fire-line specifically, and I hated to know Harry could've hurt somebody as sweet as Luke.

"Fuck, Luke, I'm sorry," I sighed, placing my mug down on the table, "he never mentioned even knowing you."

"I doubt he remembers it, really," Luke shrugged, "I was one of many, and he was definitely on something fucked up when it happened."

"I'm sorry, Luke," I repeated, "he's really not like that anymore.." I trailed off.

"I guessed as much - there's no hard feelings, I guess, but.. I dunno, it's weird to hear you talk about him."

"I'll tell him I was lying about you," I reassured him, and much to my surprise, Luke shook his head.

"No, don't," he said, "I could enjoy the satisfaction for a little while."

I chuckled half-heartedly, "I think he knows I'm lying anyway, but - this'll have to do for now until I figure out what I'm going to do."

"Are you sure about this?" Tasha sighed, and I nodded.

"Yes. I need to move on from him," I answered as my phone began to ring.

I frowned, picking it up, "Liam?"

"Hey girlfriend," he dragged out the word, and I cringed, chuckling as he spoke.

"What's up?" I asked, Tasha and Luke shooting me a confused look.

"So, as you know, the bitches are back in town! More importantly, I'm back in town, so where you at? I'll come over," he said brightly, and I smiled.

"I'm at Tasha's house," I glanced at her, mouthing the question if Liam could come over, and once she nodded, I continued, "you can come over if you want."

"Already on my way - is it okay if I bring a friend?" he asked, and I frowned.

"Um, sure - I'll see you in a minute." I hung up, shoving my phone back into my pocket and quickly explaining to Luke who Liam was, before a knock sounded at the door.

I stood up to get it, tugging the blanket closely around me and opening the door, Liam flashing me a bright smile as he stepped through, wrapping his arms around me tightly.

"Ana Levin!" he exclaimed, squeezing me tightly, "I missed you!" I'd only met Liam on a few occasions, but I liked him a lot, and he was very sweet and hilarious to hang out with.

"I missed you too," I smiled, immediately biting back the unnecessary tears that constantly seemed to be brimming tonight, "Who's your friend?" I asked, as Liam stepped aside to reveal a man behind him - he had light blonde hair, and he wore thick-framed brown glasses.

"I'm Niall," he shot me a friendly smile, stepping through the door frame.

"I'm Ana, nice to-"

"Whoa, bitch - why are you soaking wet?" Liam asked suddenly, wrinkling his nose as he tugged at my wet sleeve.

"I got caught in the rain," I lied, stepping forward to head down the hall as the other two followed.

"With Harry, by any chance?" Liam asked skeptically, and I groaned internally.

"Not quite," I sighed, taking my seat back on the couch, as Liam introduced himself to Luke, and Niall introduced himself to Luke and Tasha.

"Well, he came back to my house bloody soaking wet too and locked himself in his room, so he walked in the rain far longer than necessary if he wasn't with you. And I know he was coming to find you, and I know he did find you, so - spill," Liam determined, Niall taking a seat beside him and crossing one leg over the other.

I groaned, "Do we really have to talk about this?"

Liam shrugged, "Maybe. Probably. Yes, we do."

Niall nodded in agreement, "He's not wrong, Ana - Harry's a state."

"I don't think that's what she needs to hear right now, you two," Tasha rolled her eyes, and Luke stood up from his seat, moving to sit beside her and wind his arms around her shoulders, pressing a kiss to her shoulder as I focused on Liam, now.

"Ana," Liam whined, "you and Harry belong together, I don't know why you're pretending you don't. Harry and I are staying in Seattle indefinitely, and - I feel like it's gonna get worse if you keep putting this off."

"We're not meant to be together," I frowned, shaking my head.

"Sis," Liam raised his hands, "you sound stupid as fuck."

"Liam," Niall scolded, and Liam huffed.

"What? I'm not wrong!" he argued, "I know Harry, and he's never been as happy as he was with Ana. He's not been this bad in years."

"What do you mean?" I spoke up, and Niall sighed.

"Nice one, Li."

"Well, um, basically," Liam began, "he's not drinking at all."

I squinted, "How is that a bad thing?"

"Ana," Liam sighed, "he drinks for the pain, and it's not working."

"I'm still not seeing the problem," I trailed off stupidly.

"Ana, he's hurting so badly - like, the worst.." Liam sighed, "he's not eating, or sleeping, or anything. He's just.. nothing."

I bit my lip as Liam continued, "You clearly miss him, so I don't see why you don't just-"

"I told him I was dating Luke."

"You fucking WHAT?" Liam raised his voice, and I winced, "bitch, I thought you were supposed to be smart! Why the fuck would you-"

"Stop yelling," Tasha hissed, and Liam shook his head, taking a deep breath.

"Ana, can I talk to you alone for a sec?" he pressed his lips into a fine line as I stood up, following him into the hall as he shut the door, pulling me into the kitchen and taking a seat. "Okay, I'm gonna talk - and you're gonna listen, okay? Okay."

"Okay," I huffed, folding my arms in preparation for a lecture.

"I've known Harry literally forever, right - he's a total dickhead. He hates everyone and everything unless it's to do with music and literature. He's angry at the world, and none of us could ever really figure out why - but when he met you, something switched. He became this brighter, and though still pessimistic, happier person - he suddenly didn't want to drink, and break things, and get angry - he wanted to get up in the morning, and spend the whole day with you, and when he couldn't - ramble about you non-stop to me, which was pretty fucking annoying. The day we left, something in him died, and I know now he left his heart back here with you. He hates Manchester so, so much - and everyday he's cooped up in his room in our flat with his ugly journal in his hand just scribbling things down and staring at the window; he never - and I mean never - puts it down. He always has something to write, but never anything to say. I saw something over his shoulder about 'dangerous brown eyes', before he hit me and threw me out of his room, but I know now that it must've been about you. I know how much he loves you, Ana, and I know how much it's hurt him to be away from you. My man, H, sucks at this relationship shit, and though he may be bloody terrible at it, I know he tried for you. He gave you everything he could but he was always scared one day it wouldn't be enough. Fuck knows, Ana - I'm just trying to make you see he's broken without you, and I know you're not doing much better," he tilted his head, signalling to the state I was in, "I mean, look at you - take a shower, girl."

I laughed lightly, sniffing a little as I wiped a tear I didn't know had fallen, the idea of Harry so hurt without me making my heart shatter into what felt like a thousand pieces, "I love him so much, Liam," I admitted, and I broke down for what felt like the hundredth time that day, as Liam brought his arms around me, "he thinks he doesn't deserve me, and I used that against him. I used that - what kind of person does that make me?"

"A sane one," Liam coaxed me, and I shook my head, "you said what you felt you had to so he'd go away. It was stupid as hell, but it makes sense."

"He thinks he doesn't deserve me," I whimpered, "but it's really me who doesn't deserve him. He is everything I could ever want."

And it was true. As many months as I'd tried to deny it, as many months as I'd tried to move past it - it was the truth. I could only love Harry, and I'd began to think I was okay with that. Fighting it only caused inevitable pain, and prolonging it only fuelled it - I loved him endlessly, and I was only hurting him as well as myself by lying about it.

"He must hate me," I muttered, and Liam tutted.

"No chance, Ana - despite the breakup, I know for a fact he's still totally whipped."

"So now what do I do?" I questioned, and Liam shrugged.

"That, I can't tell you. You need to figure that out, but - just think about what you really want, Ana," he assured me, before leaning back to look at me, "and if that's Harry - so be it."