Valentino's struggling to hold it together. From the way he's continually pacing down the hallways and into the kitchen, back up the hallways to hover outside of Judah's bedroom, I can tell he's about to explode. He doesn't try to hide his mask of fury, brows pulled together, eyes blazing in anger as he chews on his lower lip, mumbling to himself incoherently.

I glance over his tense form, drawing my lower lip into my mouth as I hesitate to reach out to him. His chest rises and falls with every breath, reluctantly pausing outside Judah's bedroom door, the sound of sobs and hushed words now muffled, until Valentino raises his fisted hand, striking against the wooden door twice.

There's a silence that befalls the apartment; it's deafening. Heck, it's haunting. Valentino snaps his head towards me, exchanging words with his conflicted gaze.

What do I do? He seems to ask.

My lips part upon seeing his torn expression, shoulders slouching as he attempts to regain control of his breathing. When his eyes flutter to his sock clad feet, he releases a sigh of defeat. I take it as a sign to make my way to his side, arm brushing against his.

Val?I say softly, squeezing his upper arm in comfort. You're going to be okay... remember to breathe, alright? My words, however, seem to have very little effect on him; he pauses, inhaling harshly and exhaling through his nose.

His left eye twitches-an indication that he's nervous, and in all honesty, I didn't blame him-as he reaches for the door once more. I hold my breath, waiting for him to make a move, but instead he turns to me.

I can't do this,he shakes his head, backing down before taking a step back, just as I move to take a step in his direction. I'm going to do something I regret. Kenji shouldn't have to see me like this; he's already been through enough.

It's okay to be angry, Val, I say.

He shakes his head in disagreement, It isn't, but I'm fucking pissed I wasn't there earlier, Aiyana. I regret ever letting Kenji and Jesmyn live with that woman.

You had no control-"

"No, but I could've prevented it, he breathes out heavily, gritting his teeth in anger. These things can be prevented.

Look, Val, you shouldn't blame yourself for the way your mother acted-His lips part, ready to contradict my statement, yet I hold my palm up, shooting him down. -That's on her, not on you. That makes her a shitty person, not you... There are some things we have no control over, and I think both you and Judah have a hard time accepting that.

And I hope my words ease him, even if it's a little. However, I know that's not the case; in fact, he gets... angrier?

A bitter laugh slips through, blackened eyes narrowed into slits when he tilts his chin. I don't expect you to understand, Aiyana.

I've seen Valentino angry before, and I understood just how frustrated he could get, though his anger has never been directed towards me. Hence, his words catching me off guard, taking a step back.

I'm not trying to downplay-

He cuts me off, shaking his head, Stop it... Just- just stop it. It's easy for you to say those things; you've lived in a perfect, little bubble all your life. You don't know what it's fucking like, so please, shut the fuck up-

There's more he's itching to say, but he stops. I blink up at him in shock, in surprise, wondering what caused him to snap. Perhaps, I expected this behaviour from Judah, but not Valentino... not him. And I don't have it in me to be upset; there's no reason for me to be upset. He was angry. He was speaking out in anger, and his anger was justified. I couldn't hold that against him.

The door opens, revealing a dejected Judah. His white shirt is crumpled and creased, tear stains decorating the front, presumably from when he held his younger brother. His shoulders sag in defeat, head dropping forward as he steps out, gently shutting the door behind him.

How is he? Valentino asks calmly, flipping a switch, almost as if we weren't about to go at it a minute ago.

I look between the two brothers, chewing on my lower lip nervously. Perhaps, I shouldn't be here, because right now, I felt like I was intruding. I didn't want to be that person. This was something that Valentino and Judah had to sort out amongst themselves; after all, I was just a stranger right now, and I doubt Valentino wanted to see me right now.

I've calmed him down... he wants to see you, Val, Judah sighs, rubbing his palms against his eyes and running his fingers through his hair. You should go see him.

I... okay, Val murmurs, brushing past his brother to push the door open and step into the room, not sparing either of us a second glance.

I release the breath I'm holding.

I need to leave.

You okay? I hear him ask, shuffling on my feet as I search for my shoes on the shoe rack.

His question has me pausing and turning around to stare at him in disbelief. I should be asking you that, Judah, I say. How are you feeling? How's Kenji?

He sighs dejectedly, leaning against the wall as he shoves his hands into the pockets of his grey sweat shorts, eyes fluttering close with his head downcast. I don't think he wants to be alone... I'm so fucking confused. For the first time in my life, I don't know what to do.

What do you mean?

I don't want Kenji living with my mother; I don't want any contact with her, but I know that's not possible. I just-I don't know where I'm supposed to go from here, he mutters lowly.

Hey, my arm reaches out to squeeze his arm in comfort, though I drop it back to my side halfway, deciding against it. You've got Valentino and your sisters. Maybe you all need to sit down and have a much-needed chat about how to move forward, because this can't be good for either yourselves or Kenji and Jesmyn. They don't deserve to live with a woman who neglects them, and you, Valentino, Dahlia and Leilani included, don't deserve to live constantly worrying about them.

His palms swipe down his face, lingering around his eyes before he mumbles to himself. You're right, he swallows thickly. I just... I just need time. I need time.

When he says those words, I know he's not just talking about trying to wrap his head around today. I know he's talking about whatever is brewing between the two of us too, and I don't know if I can handle that. I don't know if I was ready to wait for something that had barely begun. And I was tired of waiting for someone that didn't know what they wanted; I didn't want to be strung along if this was going to leave me red faced, with a gaping hole in my heart, but alas, this wasn't about me.

This was about Judah.

And either way, we'd only end up where we started; one step forward, two steps back. That's how it always went.

I nod, flashing him a small, wobbly smile and duck my head, Right,I exhale. ...I should get going, I mutter to myself.

Yet when I attempt to move, his fingers attach themselves to my wrist, halting my steps. My back is towards him when he asks his next question, Where are you going?

Home.

Stay, please, he doesn't miss a beat when he responds, fingers firm around my wrist until he's pulling me back into the warmth of his chest. ...One more night, he pleads, holding onto me a little tighter. Let me have you for one more night... please, Aiyana?

I suck in a sharp breath, heartbeat frantic, the ringing in my ears growing louder with every second as I attempt to make sense of his words. A beat passes, and I nod; because I know, I know this is the last time.

kfndmsk hI GUYS 🌚🌚🌚🌚 first of all, we're almost at 250k and i can't quite believe. thank you all so so much for reading this!! i honestly never expected this book of all books to hit so many reads!! it's so crazy how quick it's gone past 200k 😭😭 i love and appreciate you all so so much!!!!!!!

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