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:

"hey y/n, can we talk for a moment?" you look up and your gaze meets with a pair of eyes you know all too well. wendy starts to smile as you nod slightly, folowing her outside.

it was new years eve and the two of you hadn't spoken in almost a year and four months.

wendy takes a seat on a bench right outside the front door and motions to you to sit next to her. but you stand, putting your shaking hands behind your back so she doesn't know how nervous you are.

"i'm happy you're eating better. you look healthy." you're the first to speak up, staring down, at the wooden porch floor.

"so, jennie told you what happened, i'm sorry. i should have told you myself but-"

"it's fine, you're better now. that's all that matters" you sniffle, now looking at wendy.

"so, you're with irene now? it's good that you didn't, you know⏤ wait around for me" seungwan breathed out, nervously fiddling her fingers around in her lap.

"but i did, for months. had so many chances to talk to me and-" your voice cracks, a rush of emptiness takes over your chest.

"i know, i'm sorry"

you finally find the strength to look at her, your chest aching as you take a step closer to her.

silence.

silence was eating away at your soul as both of you said nothing.

you felt so betrayed and angry, your heart sinking deeper into the pit of your stomach.

and after what feels like forever wendy finally looks up, tears trickling down her pale face.

"i was thinking about the night that i left,⏤we went to that one thai restaurant and all i could think about is how much i love you. i really wanted to say something, i dont know why i didn't"

hot tears drip down your smooth cheeks as seungwan stands up, wiping her face with her small delicate hands.

"but if i did," wendy sniffles, her gaze still at her thighs.

"would you have said it back?" she asks, now looking into your eyes

it was a simple question, really. she could have asked yeri, or seulgi, or even joy; they would have all told her the same answer. she could have even asked irene. but instead, she's asking you; alone on the porch of a new year's eve party. and even as you think about your girlfriend, someone who loves and supports you wholeheartedly; who is inside the house, chatting away, there is only one way to answer wendy's question.

"yeah, i would've."

wendy exhales sharply, almost like the answer you had given her had affected her more than she had expected. she lets out another sigh, her puffy eyes looking back at you.

"are you happy?" she asks, then, you realize the tone of the question. wendy was always childish and possesive, a side of her that you once enjoyed when it was directed at you. now it just made you choke.

"with irene?"

for a moment you hesitate. the answer 'yes' not quite rolling off your tongue just yet. you were happy with irene, really, she had been there for you when you didn't even feel like getting out of bed. but it's not the same. it's not the same as the excitement and adrenaline you felt with wendy, how she made you feel like the world could fall apart tomorrow but you'd still be fine.

you love irene, yes, but it's not the same as you love⏤loved⏤wendy.

but that's the beauty of timing, really.

you can still remember a time where you would drop anything if wendy would just respond to your calls and texts and for a moment, you imagine telling the girl in front of you all of this, of closing the distance between the two of you on the porch and saying fuck it to everything else.

you take a deep breath⏤ a slight, unsure smile grazing your lips.

"i am."

(and so, your new year starts with wendy close by your side, arm against arm, hands almost touching. you almost accept it, almost tell her how

much you miss her

but 'almost' is such a poisonous word,

it's full of potential. seeping in 'maybe's and making

you itch at your fingertips.

you and wendy could

have been a lot of things;

you could've been great, you think.

even now, with the distance she put between you, that you refuse to close.

you almost were a great thing

almost.)