You shiver standing outside the departmental store. The front entrance is jammed shut, the mannequins have toppled over a while ago and the windows are scratched and dusty on the outside. There’s no one around. Of course, no one has been around for the past 8 months. The daylight is not warm; it’s more of a dimming source of light than anything, and the powdery snow feels ashy, your breathing getting difficult every time you go out.

You move around to the nearest window and knock on it twice. Moments later, you’re greeted with Chaewon in a cream hoodie and a black mask. She slides the window open, her eyes shifting with an unnamed emotion while she takes her mask off and sighs in relief before hugging you.

“I’m so glad you’re safe,” she says.

“You know I’m immune, right?”

“Still. It’s dangerous outside.”

You shake your head and smile at her concern. You don’t really have to worry about yourself—you’re immune, and you had discovered it almost too late, when the government had to quarantine your whole neighbourhood. You would have had to spend days in the poorly managed quarantine section, surrounded by death and disease, if it weren’t for Gowon. That’s how you met her. The daughter of one of the scientists researching on the viral outbreak, she had managed to sneak you out when your test results came out; when they tried hiding the fact that you’re immune to the public so that only they could dissect and probe at you, figure out the solution to the problem. The human race has a funny way of trying to play God, trying to delude themselves into thinking that they know when they clearly don’t know what they’re playing with. And now, half the world is dead. Drained resources made way for disease—you could call it the next extinction event. The thought itself has enough power to drain the life out of you.

Still, you feel guilt for abandoning your friends and family. The guilt is serpentine; somehow always managing to slither into your heart. It’s not your fault, Gowon always reminds you, but it’s the darkness shrouding your days that controls your thoughts at night. If the sickness doesn’t kill you, your mind surely will.

“Look who I found!” Gowon interrupts your train of thought. She grabs your hand to take you into the soft toys aisle and pulls out a butterfly plush. It’s cleaner than the rest, possibly stuck deep within the pile of soft toys, and you can’t help but smile at the sparkle in Gowon's eyes. In fact, she has made you so happy these days, you wish you had met her under different circumstances; you wish you had actually talked to her in school, even a simple ‘hello’ in art class would have sufficed. Maybe things would have turned out differently, maybe they wouldn’t.

“You’re doing it again,” Chaewkn furrows her brows.

“Sorry. I didn't mean to.” you look up at her with pleading eyes.

“I know you didn't. Just… please smile.”

“You don’t have to ask that when you keep doing dumb things anyway.”

“When have I ever done anything remotely dumb?”

“You said ‘hey, I wonder if I can climb a shelf’ and toppled over half the shelves in the area.”

“Okay. You didn’t have to mention that.”

You smile at Gowon just as she smiles at you. Smiling eventually turns into laughter, and soon you are trying to count the number of times Gowon has screamed at a passing cockroach while she tried diverting the topic to the time you stepped on one and almost cried. You keep hitting each other like children in between bouts of laughter and clutching your stomach.

You stop instantly when you hear a noise. You and Chaewon had secured the store, making sure anyone else can’t enter, especially anyone infected. It would put Chaewon in danger, and you hate to think about the outcome of that scenario. Rarely, an infected person would stumble upon the place in their haze. She looks at you, whispering to let you know that all the windows are closed. It doesn’t hurt to be careful, though, and you and Chaewon stand perfectly still while the gentle tap tap continues.

Your girlfriend almost screams again when a puppy bolts in from one of the air vents and into a pile of sweaters, shaking its head as it tries to reorient itself. You and Gowon look at each other. As far as you knew, non-human creatures were somehow immune to the virus, but you hadn’t seen any pet around for quiet a while. Gowon takes a step forward. You wanted to warn her, tell her to be careful but what’s the worst thing a puppy can do? She probably thinks the same as she crouches, staring intently at the small creature.

“I haven’t seen a puppy in so long,” she whispers.

You approach the puppy first. He’s a little rough to touch, but a few baths will get rid of the matted fur and he’ll be shining in no time. You smile as the puppy takes more steps into your arms, and rubs his nose against your palm.

Gowon lights up when she touches the head of the puppy.

“It’s been so long since I’ve pet a dog. The last time was when…” she trails off, not wanting to finish. You didn’t want her to finish either.

You and Chaewon spend the afternoon washing Sprite (that’s what you named him) despite his continuous protests and wailing. He needs to be clean so you can make sure his fur isn’t carrying any virus, although you doubt it is or whether washing will fully remove it. It doesn’t hurt to be wary. Besides, a clean pup is a happy pup. The pet section in the store finally came to use, you’re glad.

When Sprite is clean, he bolts off into some aisle before you can fully dry him. Gowon runs after him, telling you to wait. Soon, she is walking towards you, holding a struggling Sprite snugly in her arms while you laugh at Chaewon’s facial expressions and wet shirt.

At night, when you look at Gowon smiling at Sprite kicking in his sleep, you find yourself wishing for a change of circumstances more desperately. You wish, you wish, you wish.

“Guess we got an early Christmas present, huh?” Gowon smiles at you.

Oh. Right. Christmas is nearby. You’re embarrassed you hardly remember, when you were so excited at the beginning of the year. You were excited about a lot of things at the start, including prom and Halloween. Halloween went by with you scaring the hell out of Chaewon, in a mask you found somewhere in the corner. She said she’ll get back at you, but luckily that hasn’t happened so far. You told her horror stories from your childhood, and she’d become more mad at you; mad enough to cling to you the entire night, afraid of ghosts and ghouls. Summer was hot but you pulled through, and before that, well, you don’t remember. Life was bland, governed by routine. But it was safe.

You really did get an early Christmas present, you think as you run around the aisles with Sprite, trying to keep up with his energy. Gowon is still in the food section, as far as you know. You think, maybe, just maybe there is hope. You can get out of this place soon. The virus might die out, and you can start over. In a city with the immune and the saved, you can rebuild your life. You can teach yourself basic life skills in addition to the survival skills you acquired. And of course, you can read up on stuff from books. The city library is unscathed. People barely visited it anyway.

You can find a place, or even build a place with Chaewon. Two bedrooms, one dog house. You think of keeping an aquarium but it’s probably too dangerous with Sprite around. You can stop living off cup noodles, and learn to cook food. Your face heats up at the thought of cooking for Gowon. Perhaps, your daydream is getting a little too out of hand now. You think Gowon would probably stick to the cooking; she’s better at it anyway. Chaewon would love a view of the stars, wouldn’t she? She’d probably sit on the porch, talking about her ideas (which you call conspiracy theories) and you’d listen, just like you do now. Gowon meant warmer nights and hope.

The glass box you call safety shatters when you see Gowon sitting against the wall, her nose bleeding out, unrelenting. Your hands shake as you wipe at the blood, only for more of it to pour out. When it finally stops, she's half conscious, and you have to drag her back to your blankets. You don’t want to think anymore—you can’t think anymore. You sit beside her, biting your nails as panic settles in your bones.

When Gowon wakes up, she looks groggy.

“Did I take a nap?”

“No…you…” you can’t complete, your throat dry with fear.

Gowon sits motionless as she remembers, an ‘oh’ escaping her mouth. She rubs the back of her neck, uncertainty in her eyes. You don’t know if it’s just you but you sense fear from her, too. Of course, she’s afraid. You pray the nosebleed is something else, anything else, and not a sign of the virus.

Fate doesn’t have time for the prayers for mortals, however. Chaewon’s symptoms get worse as the week progresses. Christmas comes and goes, and it’s almost new year’s eve when Gowon states the obvious.

“I’m dying.”

You don’t respond, keeping your head low. Even Sprite can feel the atmosphere dampen, and he whines from your lap.

“Let’s go out.” Gowon looks up at you, eyes rimmed with red.

“What?” your voice is barely a hoarse whisper. Gowon hasn’t left in 8 months and you sure as hell would never have let her. Not with her condition right now.

“It doesn’t matter anymore, right? We can visit our school or something.”

“No. For all we know, you could’ve just caught a really bad cold or something. Going outside is worse.”

“You know that’s not true.”

You do. But you don’t want to face the outside world just yet. You don’t want to say goodbye just yet, you don’t want to wake up without Gowon beside you.

Or, you can find a cure. Try to contact someone, anyone who can help you. It’s a long shot but—

“I wanna dance.” Gowon grins at you.

Or, that. Yes, you can do that today. Tomorrow, you’re going to give your best, and you’re going to save her. You’re allowed to, at least, keep hope.

You arrive at your high school with more daylight than usual. The snow is whiter, and seems less like it wants to suffocate you. The trees are dead, but even they seem to smile at visitors. Gowon holds your hand as you walk, Sprite trailing behind you.

You haven’t seen your school in so long, your heart almost drowns in all the memories as they come up all at once. You’ve always steered clear whenever you went outside in the past few months. You hold Chaewon’s hand tighter as she squeezes back, the warmth reassuring. It’s the quietest you’ve seen the school. There were always large and small groups of friends talking amongst themselves, one or the other causing a loud ruckus in the hallways. Sometimes you’d hear a ‘BANG’ as someone crashed into a locker, with a teacher yelling at them to not run from behind. The place was buzzing with hopes for the future, and seedlings of dreams.

You find your locker very easily. There’s no crowd to navigate through, or friends to distract you. It’s just you, Gowon and Sprite in an empty hallway that used to burst with life. You open the locker and think of a time that seems eons ago. Gowon smiles at the small butterfly keychain inside your locker.

“I didn’t know you liked butterflies!”

“Well, genius, you’re not the only one who can like butterflies.”

Gowon grabs your arm and playfully ruffles your hair, as she finds enough strength to drag you to the gymnasium. It’s emptier than ever, and you smile when Chaewon twirls dramatically in the middle of the court.

“You know, I was gonna learn ballet.” Gowon sits on the floor beside Sprite.

“Really? You’d be good at it.”

“I know.”

There’s a heavy silence before Gowon starts humming to the tune of Tear In My Heart. You join in and soon, you’re singing with her. She gets up and helps you up, keeping one hand on your waist and the o

ther gripping yours securely. You move slowly, humming along. You smile as she sneezes, interrupting your humming. She smiles back and soon your foreheads are touching, while you remain perfectly tranquil and motionless, the tune of the song still ringing in your ears.

You lean in first, lips touching in a chaste kiss. In a few moments, Gowon breaks the kiss to murmur against your lips about how much she loves you, staying close with her warmth. You’re unable to open your eyes, afraid it’ll end too soon.

“Oh, we’re in love aren’t, we?” Gowon continues murmuring.

But she can’t tell you. She can’t tell you she has no time left. She can’t tell you she’s known ever since she had the nosebleed how long she’d be alive for. Gowon has never wanted to break your heart. She wanted hope for Christmas, and maybe it did arrive, but it was gone too soon.

“Please stay with me.” Gowon isn’t sure when she started crying, but she sees you rub your nose too, refusing to look up. She puts her arms around you, and runs her fingers through your hair. The simple action is enough to reduce the heavy pounding your chests to a bearable level. Chaewon feels like she should say something, anything to make the situation look better. But it is what it is. You both know.

Gowon doesn’t want to be afraid. But she doesn’t want to let go either. It’s difficult, yes. It’s unfair, she knows. However, she has hope in the stars. She has hope in you.

When the earth is long gone, when the universe is writing its new chapter, when you and Gowon return to being stardust, you can finally reunite and have a future you deserve. She has hope. She haㅡ