When Lindsey arrived at the other blondes door, she knocked fast and the door opened within a second. The two stood still and just smiled, until Lindsey bolted forward and hugged the smaller girl. She lifted her off the ground and Emily let out a small laugh.

"Missed you so much" she whispered into Emily's neck

"No more than I missed you" Lindsey set her down to then kiss her

It was like the two were stuck in time, taking in the feeling of each others lips. As Lindsey pulled away a smile grew on her face. Emily walked her girlfriend into her room and they laid on the bed telling each other all about break, as if they weren't FaceTiming every night.

"How does it feel to be 21? Finally able to, legally, go to a club" Emily laughed and rolled on her side

"I don't know, haven't tested it out yet" Emily leaned over and started kissing the other girls neck

She started sucking on her neck, "Have you told anyone you're girlfriends only a freshman"

"I forget sometimes I'm not going to lie" She said pulling away

"Okay, go back" She pushed Emily's head back to where it once was

After sometime, now both girls necks marked, they get up and go out for food. Lindsey let Emily choose since it was her birthday. Also Lindsey still didn't know many places. They arrived at this sandwich and salad place that Emily claims to have the best salad ever. The order their food, Lindsey paying for Emily's, and go find somewhere to sit.

They ate in silence until Emily's spoke up, "I have a question"

"...and it is?"

"Do you think I'm embarrassed to have you as my girlfriend?" She asked continuing to pick at her food

Lindsey asked, confused, "Why would you think that?"

"Well earlier you asked if I've told anyone I'm dating a freshman" She looked up

"Yeah but I mean that's just unusual no? A junior dating a freshman" Lindsey looked at her

"I mean we aren't in high school, were both adults so noting is wrong or illegal" Emily said as if It wasn't obvious

"Yes Sonny I know. I just feel like it's not normal" Emily grabbed Lindsey's hand

"Linds I don't care what people say, I love you and that's all that should matter. Fuck other people's opinions"

They sat and finished their food, walking hand in hand out to the car. On the way back Emily placed her hand high on Lindsey thigh making shivers go up her spine. They made it back to the dorms and into Emily's room. Rose was going to be gone for one more day, with her plane not arriving till tomorrow morning.

Lindsey dragged Emily to the bed and pushed her down while starting to attack her neck. Sucking the same spot that was just marked hours ago, exciting a moan out Emily.

~~

Rose got back the next day, falling straight into her bed. Lindsey had left early that morning to unpack her bag and get ready for Monday practice and school.

"I hate flying" she said with a groan

"Welcome back Rosie" Emily said from the bed next to her

"Why do they schedule flights so early"

"So people can get where they want earlier"

"Yeah but it it's no fair if they only have an extremely early one or an extremely late one"

"Rose I've never heard you be so opinionated on something"

Rose ignored her, "So what are you going to do now that you're 21? Only Sam is old enough to go anywhere with you"

"Sam would never go anywhere with me"

"True. Where's Linds?"

"She went back to her room. Do think I could convince her to go one night with me?"

"Sam?"

"Yeah, I mean only one night. I just want to experience it once"

"...because it would feel different than all the other times you've drank?"

"I mean maybe"

"You should just be quiet now"

"Hear me out Rosie, it's not about the drinking, its the experience. Going to a club with other people than the ones you go to school with"

"Sonny do what you want. I can't control you"

The next day Emily caught up with Sam on her way to class.

"Sammy" She turned around

"Hey how are you?"

"Okay, I have a question" They kept walking, "Would you be willing to go to a bar with me...?"

"Son do you not remember the last time we went out..oh wait you didn't until I told you" Sam laughed

"Listen I get it I like to drink and you don't, but you're my only friend that is old enough to go with me" Emily explained

"I really don't want to, you know I don't like drinking in vulnerable places"

"Sam one drink for the both of us I promise we'll leave after" she was desperate at this point

"Fine one drink, and then we come back" they walked into the class

"Yes, you're the best Sammy"

All the girls reunited for the first time, since break, at practice. Mal, Rose and Lindsey were already there. Sam and Emily rolled up a few minutes before the start of it, having to run out of their class.

"You guys were almost late" Mal yelled across the field

"Yeah well our teacher took forever to finish the lecture" Emily yelled back

"Only two more minutes and we could have watch them run laps" Rose whispered causing Lindsey to giggle

"What's so funny, freshie" Emily said sitting next to Lindsey

"Well now I'm not going to say since you called me that" she got up and walked to the field

Their practice went smooth for the rest of the time. All the girls were getting back into it and becoming comfortable again. Lindsey hitting all her targets and serving beautiful balls, like always.

"Damn girl you were on fire today" Emily nudged her

"Stop" she said with a smile on her face

As they started the walk back to the locker room Emily mentioned her big plans for the night.

"Me and Sam are going out tonight"

"Like a date...do you have something to tell me" she whispered

"Haha so funny, no were going to a bar to have ONE drink" she emphasized the word one

"Oh nice"

"That's it?"

"I mean yeah, it's not like you haven't gotten drunk before. Just don't cheat on me and you're good"

"I would never cheat on you, I swear" she leaned into Lindsey arm

~~

The two get to the bar and go inside with no problem. The lights were bright but it was also dark, in some parts. She was mesmerized by all the lights and people everywhere. Barley hearing what Sam said inter ear, trying to talk over the blaring music,

"Remember Son, one drink"

She mumbled, "yeah"

Both girls ordered one beer and got it down relatively fast.

"Come on Sam one more, you and I both know that was nothing for us"

"Fine one more then were leaving" she said ordering another

They were now down four drinks each and finally feeling the buzz of the alcohol.

"We should go now" Sam yelled into her ear

"Come on Sam. We have to get the full experience now" she said tilting her head to the group of people dancing more like grinding on each other

"No Son, I know you. You're going to something that will mess up the good thing you have with Linds"

"Sam one song and then we leave"

"That's what you said about the drink" Sam was being dragged to the group

It was very hot and sweaty there, a feeling Sam would like to pass on. After the song finished she walked away from the group leaving her friend that she would have a hard time getting out of there.

She asked for a water waiting for the moment that Emily slips up and is needing to be dragged out.

Turns out that didn't last long. A few minutes later she turned back and saw she grinding against another person, touching them in ways that is not innocent. Sam paid the bill and then walked over to Emily finally dragging her by the arm like she was little kid,

"Sam don't ruin the fun" she stumbled behind her

Sam didn't answer and just kept walking. She ordered a car to pick them up, pushing Emily in once it got there

Sam- We're on our was back, meet in R and E's room

Rosie- I'm already in the room

Linds- coming

Sam walked in front of Emily,

"Sam why are you mad?"

"Emily, seriously? You were just grinding up against someone and touching them in inappropriate ways, when you have a girlfriend that you love"

"Sam it's fine Lindsey won't know"

"Lindsey will know because I'm telling her. It's not fair you told her that you wouldn't, you told me that you wouldn't and you did. She needs to know she's dating someone that she can't trust"

"Woah, hold on, trust me? I'm the one person you can trust"

"Obviously not since you were about to fuck someone else if I hadn't been there"

"No, I was just having fun. Ever heard of it?"

"You have no right to say that since your 'having fun' is getting drunk and cheating on your girlfriend"

"I didn't cheat" she said frustrated

Sam continued to walk upstairs, Emily following behind. She opened the door, causing both girls to look her direction. Both girls walked in looking normal.

"Why was I called up, she looks fine..you look fine..." Lindsey asked

"Go ahead Em tell her"

Rose looked at them confused, "There is nothing to tell Sam I don't get it"

"Fuck off," she told her "Lindsey..I caught her doing some inappropriate things to another girl" Lindsey heart dropped

"Like..?"

"Touching her..and grinding up against her"

"Sam that is such a lie I wasn't even touching her"

"Seriously Son?" Rose asked in disbelief

"NO, Lindsey I promise I didn't do anything nor would I want to do anything"

Lindsey looked at Sam and then back at Emily. She couldn't find the words to say what she was thinking so instead she walked out. A single tear escaping her eyes.

"Linds-" Rose got up and held onto her arm not letting her go out

"No, don't" Rose grabbed her arm

"Sam why would you do that"

"Why were you going to lie to her?" Sam walked out the door

"Fuck" she said walking to her bed

"Why Sonny? You have something so good with someone who loves you so much. She fell so hard for you, every time she looks at you she can't stop smiling. Everyone knows, on the team, they just don't want to say anything. I know you love her too, because this is the first time I've seen you this happy in while..why did you do it?"

"I don't know Rose okay? Fuck"

Emily grabbed her phone,

Sonny- linds, im sorry

I love you still

dont leave...I need you

Lindsey didn't answer any of them. She laid in bed and was facing the wall as tears streamed down her face. She was stuck, her mind was racing. She felt like she couldn't blame Emily due to her drinking but also Emily wasn't that drunk, she seemed normal with a little buzz. She asked the same questions..did she do something wrong? Should she have stopped her from going? Was this her fault?

Everyone would tell her no but her brain told her the opposite. She felt worthless, she should have known that this wouldn't work, wouldn't last. Emily is at a different stage of life than she is, it should have happened.

~~

The next day Emily did everything she could to get in touch with Lindsey but nothing. No word, she didn't even open the text. Emily thought about showing up at her door but decided against it because she didn't want to put any pressure on her to talk.

Emily felt alone, a feeling she hasn't felt in a while. A feeling she thought she wouldn't have to feel for awhile longer. Lindsey hasn't talked to her, Sam was mad at her, Mal was probably mad at her and Rose was but she tried to not show knowing Emily would be going back down her hole again soon.

She did, fall back down the hole. She would lay in bed, waiting until the absolute last second to get up. Not having the emotional or physical feeling to get up. She wondered at points what was the reason to be here. If everyone is mad, sad and disappointed who would miss her..?

Once Rose heard that she called it bullshit saying that 'everyone wanted her here'. She asks herself if anyone ever has a different answer, it's the same one every time. If no one can come up with a different reason her entire life then maybe they were lying...

She ran around the soccer field alone. No one beside her, Rose telling them it's best to give her space. Except she didn't want space she wanted to feel WANTED by someone...anyone. So she ran alone and paired with Rose during drills, coach noticed she was off and pulled her aside.

"Emily, you okay?"

"Yeah just have trouble with depression again" Her coach already knew about the problem and was able to tell if Emily was okay or not by know.

She came to point in her life where no matter how much she tired to hide it, she couldn't. It was too overpowering she had no control anymore.

"Hey..just take it easy okay? If you aren't felling well just go to the locker room and if you want to talk come to my office..yeah?"

"Yeah" she looked back up at him

The practice ended soon after. All the girls walked back to the locker room in a big group, Lindsey, Sam, Mal and Rose included. Rose would every now and again look back but Emily kept her head down. She changed and on the way out made a last minute stop in at her coaches office

She knocked, hearing her coach yell "come in"

"Hi"

"Emily hi, have a set" he offered the chair in front of her desk

She sat down and stayed quite finally letting the tears fall. The ones that have been sitting there all day, when they wouldn't stop she asked herself if she was done if this was it. Her coach passed her the tissues

"Would you like to talk about it?" He asked

"Not really but I have no one so maybe this be better" she whispered

"Go ahead..when you're ready"

"..I lost the one person that means everything to me. The one person that I felt pure happiness with. I lost my best friends, the ones who have been here for me." She stared crying more, "I have nothing left"

"You have you're mother and father"

"My dad died, my mom hates me because of who I love" she felt like throwing up "My dad was the only person who supported me who loved me for who I was..am...he loved everything about me. He wanted me to grow up and be this open happy person, love who made me, me. Then he died, because of me" she sniffled

"Emily.."

"Thank you for listening..see you tomorrow, maybe." She turned and walked out the door

Seeing one person still in the locker room, tears falling down. Emily walked out and saw the other girls standing there. Rose was the only one to look at her, giving her saddened eyes as she walked out. None of the other ones turned a head, Emily felt numb.

She got back to her room where she locked the door and fell back into bed. She hasn't eating since the banana Rose forced down last night. When Rose didn't come back until late that night she knew she was with the other blonde. Rose brought her a half of a sandwich.

"Here" she passed the sandwich over

"Don't want it" Emily mumbled

"Emily you have to eat"

"Why? Why should I eat when I have nothing to eat for. Rose for the past day you've been ignoring me barley even making eye contact"

"I know-"

"NO you don't, because I need you the MOST right now. I need help Rose I'm stuck and I can't get out. I'm scared, alone, I need you"

"I'm sorry" Rose came to her bed and hugged her tight

"I need you" Emily mumbled out,

Rose started tearing up she knows she failed..bad

~~

It's Thursday, Emily's gotten better since the breakdown in Rose's arm. Lindsey had gotten better since Monday nights incident. Neither if the girls have talked since then Lindsey still hasn't opened any of the text.

Emily was being sat out once again due to her mental health, most likely not playing the game the following night. She happy she has Rose back again someone she actually talk to instead of her brain.

On Friday the two girl felt off. They weren't talking so they didn't do their pregame routines. Some people say that they threw off the whole team but others say it was just a bad game. Lindsey would agree that it threw off the whole game.

It started out good. The offense was strong along with the defense. Not having Emily back there threw a few people off but they got use to it. Lindsey got another start and was connecting her passes and her crossed were perfect. By half it was 0-0.

The girls went back out but slipped up in the 70th minute and let a goal by. The worst happened in the 79th minute when Lindsey jumped up to head a ball, a girl from the opposing team did the same. The two girls hit heads hard, causing them to both fall to the ground.

Emily instantly jumped out of her seat and ran to the sideline. Lindsey was laying on the ground covering her eyes crying as the medic team got out there. Emily's coach came to her side and put a hand on her shoulder

"You should sit down"

"I can't-"

"Emily" he lead her back to the bench

The girl siting next to her grabbed her hand and held on

Lindsey a few minutes later sat up but was out of it. They lifted her up and assisted her off the field, being permanently taken off and subbed out. They sat her down behind the benches and were still talking to her as the game continued on.

She could her Lindsey sniffle every now and again. She got off the bench and walked back there bending down, holding her hand. It's almost as if she knew it was Emily and wanted to let go but was in so much pain she held on as tight as she could.

Lindsey wanted to die because her head hurt so much. She couldn't even manage to open her eyes fully. When Emily grabbed her hand she wanted to let go but couldn't because she need something to take the pain away.

Before the game ended they took Lindsey back to the locker room and Emily went with her. As they laid her down on the table she told Emily

"You should go"

"No" she said back

"Please leave because if I start crying it will cause more of a head ache" she mumbled

"Listen I know you don't want to talk about it, but I'm sorry Linds I really am. And I love you so much it's stupid. I need you, you make me happy, make me feel wanted in life. Something that almost took me away, but when I met you I wanted to stay forever. What I did the other night was terrible and I will forever feel shitty about it but I can't take it back. You can forgive me and I can be here for you, even as a friend. I'm okay with that"

"I need time Em" she reached over to grab her hand, "but please stay"

"I will" she squeezed her hand "I will"