hey, it's the irony chapter!

where i tell you not to do all the dumb shit i do that i know i'm not supposed to!

you see that? right above this line? yeah, it's a space, that's right! i hit, what's known as the enter key, not once, so it looks like

this, no, we do it

t w i c e, so that there's a space in the middle.

some formats do call for non separate starts of paragraphs like that (i completely forget what it's called), but here on Wattpad it annoys the FUCK outta me when paragraphs have no spacing in between. why? because, try and comment on one paragraph when they're all smashed together like that. it doesn't work. your readers comments will end up at the very end of the entire thing, or whenever you decided "hm, yeah, now there's a slightly more pronounced bit where i could separate it, let's actually hit the enter key one more time this time for the only part in the entire chapter"

it's harder to read, it's harder to engage in, and it's my biggest pet peeve, clearly. i have funny jokes i wanna comment that just won't make sense at the end of this collection of paragraphs. sure, you can highlight only one part of it, but who the fuck does or pays attention to that feature? and what if people only open up the comments at the very end? it just doesn't hit the same. not to mention, seeing viewers thoughts on a specific section as opposed to all at the end is so much more useful for judging their perception of the vibes in that one part, nessisary for suspense, twists, building up literally fucking anything. hit the enter key just one more time PLEASE i swear it isn't that fucking hard.

a lot of people don't separate them at all. not even a

this type of separation. which is more of a problem of not knowing where to do so usually, and is a lot more forgivable. it falls into the same category as people not knowing where to put punctuation for me so they just don't put any at all.

listen, and i know i'm gonna sound like an english teacher here, (trust me, if there's anyone who hates the school system's teaching of the subject it's me):

say it as you would out loud. where you stop or pause, put a comma. and, of course, follow basic grammar rules. don't make a sentence too long without adding the bit you need in the middle, usually with a comma or :/;, or whatever that one type of word is.

i make a ton of mistakes with making sentences too long or improper all the fucking time but it shouldn't look like how this paragraph looks its all messy and hard to read isn't it. even though i put a period there when it should have been a question mark and have two more commas and a period and not make me wanna die idk if it's an adhd thing but i really have a hard time getting more than a slurred drunken nonsensical idea of any clue what this may have been about no matter how many times i reread it

see? chaos.

listen, it can be good for writing things like panicked thought during a panic attack or something very fast-paced and blurred in first person, but it still should rarely ever be used.

also don't use 'this' for dialogue. it's "this one". 'this' is usually more representative of thought rather than spoken aloud word, often in 'italics' as well, however i don't know if thats actually grammatically correct. probably not, but i dunno how else to properly show thought, so i usually use just italics or italics and that.

another thing, don't not use neither/none. i stg. i will strangle you.

oh and switching between two different people's dialogue like this?:

He looked her in the eyes. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" "Maybe, what exactly do you think it is that I'm saying?" "I dunno, you tell me. Maybe that... you really do like me."

no. stop. we can't tell who's speaking. ESPECIALLY if there's more than two people. technically, you're supposed to start a new paragraph everytime it switches, but even some proper big wig authors don't stick to that depending on the scene. even with starting a new line every time, you should still make sure it indicates who's speaking decently well, or it can be just as confusing. just make sure it's separated ffs. here, here's how i'd do it.

He looked her in the eyes as he spoke. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Maybe, what exactly do you think it is that I'm saying?" She smirked.

"I dunno, you tell me. Maybe that... you really do like me." Even with asking somewhat indirectly, he could feel his cheeks heat up by the second.

see? much better. if you don't separate it, be sure to add some fluff in-between too, just something between the last persons dialogue and the next person's indication of who's speaking so it doesn't seem like it's referring to the part before instead.

oh my god and for fucks sake don't put lol or omg at the end of stuff. only really shitty fics do that but a lot of the stuff here is aimed at those anyways, so, in a proper storytelling book don't do that shit bruh. you look dumb as hell. you look like a fourth grader.

They sat down on the couch together awkwardly lol. He couldn't believe he was finally meeting his crush in real life! Omg is he looking at him? I hope I don't blush haha.

stop it. please. you are hurting me.

a lot of writing is going to come down to your own individual style. for example, in this book unless i'm showing examples i like to keep lowercase letters and not indent, but in my more serious books that are like, proper stories i tend to be more eloquent and proper.

as you write more and more you'll find maybe you prefer a certain pov or to focus on feeling vrs what's happening objectively. you may like more rich, eloquent, deep descriptors or maybe just more simple, concise language. no matter what you choose, though, there has to be a good amount of detail no matter what.

sure, you may be able to see this scene clearly in your mind, but could everyone else? or are you just throwing the general idea of what you imagine to be happening onto a page?

my advice is, always try and add more detail, even when you think you have enough.

a few years ago, i'm sure i would have only written maybe 1k words for a full fledged one shot, which isn't bad, but now, i tend to average more around 3-7k words, and never have the time to finish writing everything i wanna express. thing is, as long as you're doing it efficiently, my 7k one shot could be just as expressive as a really well written 3k one shot. that doesn't have to mean it's better or worse, it just comes down to your style and pacing, and how much detail and feeling you can put into how short/long of a section. it's not a race as long as you get it done how you're happy with.

i could do a whole chapter on descriptors and how to add more depth to your writing, so we won't talk about that here right now, but maybe a future chapter. there are wrong answers. looking at you, "the deep sky sapphire ocean sparkle eyed man"

when writing smut, one thing particularly I'd like to point out on wattpad,

"(fandom) SMUT GAY SEX BUT FUCKING BOOK"

like first of all, that's not gonna stand out but whatever that's what the cover is for *ahem* totally not me i'd never name a book "MCYTER ONESHOTS (M)"

but mainly who wants to open their library and see just PORN PORN PORN written all over the screen? y'all are the reason we can't open this app in public smh

especially when the cover is like, of someone on someone else's lap just fuckin making out all "ahH,- senpaikun~" 🥵? maybe i'm just ace but like, get that shit outta here man, make something tasteful and stealthy, man.

i put the (M) at the end of mine to let people know it is a lot of smut, but it's also in the description and the title of chapters. it's still nice to let people know. but GAY SEX PORN SEXY SEX TIMES is not a good title for your book, and no one wants other people to accidentally see that in their library.

povs is an important thing. a lot of times i see people switch povs in the middle of a chapter, which is fine. sometimes you just gotta do it to express what you tryna express you know? but when it's happening every six paragraphs? nah fam, that gets confusing, and not only that, exhausting. just use third person.

one thing i've always struggled with is i kinda use a bit of multiple povs in a third person way? i dunno man it works out but i still feel weird about it sometimes

my main struggle though is switching tenses in the middle of writing. i'll write something like this:

"The wind that strong, but enough to gently through her hair. She like a model, the setting sun so perfectly against her skin, her face so peaceful and happy ."

you guys see what's wrong with that? i didn't until like ninth grade when my teacher pointed it out and now i'm super self conscious about someone noticing it in my writing one of these days ahaha

it's all present tense, then i just stick random past tense verbs and adverbs in there cause fuck time i guess

i try to avoid it but it still catches up with me so i kinda just stopped caring. after all i never notice other people doing it most of the time unless i'm revising for them, so it's probably not that big of a deal.

one last thing, authors notes in the middle of the story. sometimes, okay, SOMETIMES i get it. maybe there's a triggering scene coming up and you wanted to put a warning, or theres something you just have to say to make the story work that won't fit in at the end or beginning. but please, PLEASE if you're gonna put some dumbass shit like or (lol green and blue) in the middle of your fucking story all the time it just ruins it man. if it's a really good joke i get it homie, i really do, alright, it's irresistible, but just put it in the comments oh my god. it's not like somebody else is gonna get to it before you. most of the time, it can be put at the end or the begining and still make sense.

i have way more to say as always, but that's all for now.

until the next update,

starve 🤍

A/N: the majority of x readers can suck my cock and balls and nuts by nature 💋