Waking up irritable with the sun shining through my window, bright in my eyes i roll over in snuggling up to my pillow. Only thing was this wasnt my room nor bed nor my pillow. I was still with joker laying in the aftermath and looking up at his sleeping figure i knew i was in deep shit. I was well aware of what i was doing last night but i was caught up in the moment...and his touch and tounge. Slowly getting out the bed my legs turn wobbly and give out under me. Well he did say he'd fuck me sensless and by the lack of feeling in my legs he wasnt overestimating his stroke. Quickly going over to close the curtains so the brightness doesnt wake him up i slide on a oversized tshirt and sweats from his dresser before making my quick escape.

Slaming my fist into the door repeatedly i growl and nearly strangle the person who finally answers but settle for barging past her into her home angrily.

"Not that you arent always welcomed but what the hell are you doing here at 6:30am?" Ivy ask following me towards the bathroom and i grab a towel from her linen closet before going to the bathroom.

"If i went to my house he'd find me" i tell her slamming the bathroom door shut and pealing off my clothes before indulging myself in a steaming hot shower scrubbing every ounce of my skin. Some parts stung...like the hickeys and bite marks he left all over and when i caught myself admiring them i scrubbed harder which only made it sting worse.

An hour later i step out and notice ivy left a change of clothes but i only take the purple cotton shorts and slide on his t-shirt. Putting my wet hair in a messy ponytail i walk to ivys room where i know shes still watching the weather. "Can we talk?" I ask her sitting at the edge of her queen sized bed trying to focus my thoughts and not joker.

"Yeah of cou-are you crying?" She ask and i feel my chest crack and its like a walls been knocked down sending my tears down my face. "Oh my gosh" she whispers pulling me into a hug and i sob into her shoulder harder then ive ever cried holding her tightly.

"Im so stupid ivy im so stupid and it hurts" i sob but she shushes me. Pushing up out from her orange scented arms i begin pacing her flower covered floor. "I stupidly followed some guy when i was 10 because he promised me an adventure and i got raped ivy, He got his fix and left me on the side of the road. I was stupid enough to think my dad was going to come back and protect me like he promised but i found out he just moved on and started a new fucking family. He got his fix from our family and left. And then j he... He used me to help him until he got his harley and told me he didnt...he told me i wasnt apart of his plan. He got his fix and kicked me to the side" i rant through the tears with my voice cracking but i rub my tears away.

"Ashton i had no idea you went through any of that i...you put on a front of being so tough and dominating over guys i never knew why-" she realizes but i cut her off.

"You had one idea though ivy, that i cared about him and i had feelings for him and you were right no matter how much i tried to deny it because i was suppouse to not have feelings i was suppouse to use guys get my fix and let them see how it feels to be used. I denied it because i didnt want to be hurt again i didnt want to grow attatched but-" i sob falling but she catches me hugging me once again like a mother would a child which makes me cry harder since she cared about me more then my actual mother.

"Youre scared to love because you dont want to be used or not have it returned" she says rocking us back and forth. "Its ok to be hurt and sad and scared ashton...im here for you im going to be here for you. Ash i ENVY you, youre strong you been through all that but still get up put on your best clothes,do your hair in ways i could only wish and do your makeup every damn morning and you walk the streets with so much confidence and pride. You are what women across america aspire to be, relentless brave sexy and confident. When i look at you i dont see a girl pretending i see a woman who owns that shit. You dont let that hold you back you let it motivate you but you cant let it control you. Forgive them ash because thats whats best FOR YOU. You are the best friend ive ever had and i love you for who you are" she admitts and now we're both a crying mess on the floor just sitting here hugging another.

"Thank you" i smile through my tears because i was more happy in this moment then my whole life, ive never felt more love, happyness and a sense of being wanted and needed then with my bestfriend. I was greatful we met back in arkham and more greatful for the woman she was. "Theres one more thing" i mumble and she sniffles wiping her tears giving me a nod to tell her.

"Well i..we had sex and i thought i could just have sex with him once because i thought it was just lust but i realized it was so much more but he used me once whats to say he wont do it again" i panic running my hands over my face but ivy just has a smirk and amusement gleams in her eyes. "Go ahead, say you told me so" i huff but she squeals excitedly jumping up of the floor.

"How was it? Was he big? Was he a minute man? How do you feel? How did it even start?" She blurts in 5 seconds and i laugh before shaking my head.

"It was perfect ivy, oh my gosh" i smile dazed off until ivy clears her throat and i thank god for my chocolate skin that doesnt allow me to blush. "-it was perfect but i cant do it again, me and him i dont want to just be his temporary fix and plus he has harley" i sigh heading to her kitchen to make breakfast. I came second to no-one.

😊