《Kick-ass Career Guide for Women》Can you have a career and kids?

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As a woman, can you really have both a career and children?

Unfortunately, I have been asked this question by acquaintances, neighbors, parents at my children's school, people at church, my husband's work colleagues, members of his extended family (for example, cousins, aunts and uncles), and the list goes on.

I respond to them with my own statement:

"[Insert name], that's an interesting question. However, would you mind going over there to my husband and ask him the same question about himself?"

If you have a partner who you co-raise your children with, you should never feel guilty about choosing to step up your career, regardless of if he chooses to also have a career or if he decides to take a slower pace and spend more time at home with the kids.

More importantly, stand your ground if people attempt to guilt-trip you into believing you are less of a parent or co-worker, for being smart and more than capable and adult enough to manage both your personal and career lives. This guilt-tripping technique has been used against me, but I hold my ground. My children and partner respect me for staying strong and sticking to what feels right for our family.

Encourage your partner to be part of the school bake sales, to take part in the group parent evenings, and to be an equal contact point for your children. There should be no boundaries for parents.

I never put just myself as the primary contact on school forms-I put both my husband's name and my name on the same line, and leave the secondary contact line blank. When exchanging contact information with other parents, give both your and your partner's contact details.

At work, I have a rule that if my partner or children call me during meetings, I take the call. I simply excuse myself and leave the meeting room to pick up the phone.

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If you are in a situation like myself, where you do not have your network of family and friends around you and you are living and working in a foreign country, I suggest that you get to know the networks in your community and find resources in your local neighborhood area, including babysitting services.

As for single parents, my mother was a single parent who raised three children in a foreign country, while working full-time and going to college in the evenings to further her education. She did not have her family and friends around, but she was resourceful and found networks in her local community, who gave her and our family the support she needed.

One of the key factors for having a career and children is to be proactive in finding solutions rather than dwelling on the problems.

It is also important to set your boundaries at work-this should be done as early on as possible. I start with my cover letter before applying for a job, where I mention that I have a family. During the interview phase, when I am asked about myself (what I like to do in my personal life), I mention my family. I also mention that they are my number one priority.

I have always been loyal to my employers, however it is important that they understand I am loyal to my family too. The honesty helps ensure that expectations are set, and that the company who hires me is the right fit for me (and likewise, I am the right fit for them).

The other point of importance is to teach your kids to be resourceful, independent, and to be team players at home. Children are smart and we don't give them enough credit for how clever they can be.

Share the household chores and, if an incentive is needed, find a way of rewarding them with something they appreciate. It doesn't have to be monetary, as there are other incentives that motivate children. Find what drives them, and stick with what works.

Unfortunately, gender stereotypes still exist in the workplace, at school and parent group events, and at large family gatherings. This makes it even more important to stand up and stand strong.

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