Raven was dangerous. That was my first impression of her. People I knew would talk about her in a whisper so she wouldn't hear them but nobody I knew at the time, really knew her. She was from New York. She was tall with blonde hair and dressed ... Hmmm... like she knew I was watching. And when she cruised past us on the way into the bar, she strut! That was all I knew for sure about her. The rest... well it was all just bar talk.

I'd heard she was a criminal. A drug dealer. A dominatrix. And at the time... I was in the frame of mind to get into some trouble!

One night, my friend Kristen and I got invited to go to 'hang out at her pad' for a while. Yes! I was there! So were a bunch of other people. But... I liked her. She was nice... to me.

I think it was the very next morning - early- that I found myself on a payphone just down the road from her place. I was stranded. I needed a ride home. Anytime was fine... I wasn't in a hurry. She came to get me. She pulled up in her Cadillac Coupe deVille, opened the window in in her deep and very sexy voice with it's Brooklyn accent yelled "HURRY UP! GET IN!"

Well... I did tell her I wasn't in any hurry... so she didn't take me! Weeks went by... I never went home! She was so great to me! I mean, for the first time it wasn't me taking care of someone else but someone taking care of me! People were always coming over with jewelry for her to buy (which she wore like a gypsy!) and she would have me try some on! Picked out pieces for ME! She was great! We started fooling around but for some stupid reason I thought I'd do things different this time and I put on the brakes! I had just had my heart broken again and had been feeling pretty low (perhaps a factor in why I had run away from home?) Anyway, I told her I wanted to "do it right this time." "Take it slow." "Get to know each other." Ya know... So she and I took a step back.

We had a great time together. She was so different! We would sometimes go to the flower mart in LA at around 4am to buy flowers wholesale like the local florists. Then we'd bring them back - $300 worth of flowers! - where they would be turned into these gorgeous bouquets and her pad looked like a funeral home but smelled AMAZING!

Raven was never without her people. They would jump through hoops for her! Needless to say some of them did not like me showing up out of nowhere and taking the spot next to Raven!

In my memory, I imagine her to be like The Queen of Hearts and I got the Kings chair while Jack would be doing everything he could to make sure the roses were red knowing that at any moment, Raven might yell, "OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!" Because the truth was... Raven dangerous! And... She was married!

Her husband was in fire camp which is a minimum security prison. I remember one night she said "Come on. We're going on a stealth mission." We dressed in all black and drove up to where her husband was locked up in the middle of the night. When we got to the gate... and this is still so unbelievable to me!.. Two or three men came and unlocked the gates, pulled them open and WE DROVE INTO THE PRISON! Then they closed and locked them again behind us! HOLY SHIT!! Raven said to come on so i got out and turned to see the men who had opened the gates. One was Raven's husband and she introduced me. He was a big scary guy alright... Except when he looked at her! When I asked where the guards were, he said "Oh, their dead drunk! Passed out cold."

Raven left me with her husbands "dog" (or is it "dawg?") and said she'd be right back. Then she left with him before I could stop her. So... I looked at Fido and said... NOTHING! That was okay because Raven really was right back! She and I drove out of there while she was laughing and saying "I told you I'd only be a minute." "The man sits here anticipating my arrival all day! He's lucky if he even gets his pants down first!" Haha! I hadn't thought of that!

One day, Raven opens the door to a guy who I'd met and talked to only a few times but enough times to know he was a skinhead and that he had swastikas tatoo'd all over his body. The fact that I'm jewish must have kept me from really getting to know the guy or being my usual charming self. But Raven and I had talked a lot just a few days earlier about the fact that I wanted to get pregnant. So Raven thought she would assist me in my endeavor! There we were... On a blanket spread out on the floor of her apartment... Raven taking his clothes off of him and looking at me as if to say "Well? Come on!"

I looked at him... I looked at her... She said "You said you wanted a baby!" I said... "But...Raven... He's a Nazi!"

I left after that and went for a walk. When I got back I wanted to talk to her about what seemed like a communication problem we were having! Raven said "Well the problem is, you wanted to be FRIENDS first!" "So now we are friends and that's all we're ever gonna be because I dont look at you like a lover now!" "If we would've had sex right away, we could've been screwing our heads off this whole time! But no!" I have to say i felt like I'd made a big mistake then. And was sad about that.

But... Raven has this ability to make the people around her feel like they're special. I know her jealous friends felt like they were special to her. At least until I came around. I know that when I did leave, I left a few of my things there that had been mine before I knew her. Things that meant something to me. She had adeptly assimilated them into her collections. When I mentioned I had left them she told me "As long as they're here, so is your home." And from then on, whenever I spoke to her...no wait! STILL! Whenever I to her I have no doubt that I am special! And if I were to go visit her and her husband, even now... "I don't care what kind of plan you have or where you want to go... Just tell Raven it's me... I'll wait."

: As I said before, Raven was a dangerous woman. She had earned a good part of her reputation honestly and eventually had to pay for it. While she was away, we wrote letters. I credit Raven with my decision and my courage to have my son. She sent me a letter. In it she said, "Have a baby! Don't wait! If you wait you'll end up waiting your whole life. Just do it! You will be great at it. I know that no matter what, you will make sure it's fed. That it's warm. And that it feels loved. Besides how ready can you ever be to have a first baby? I did. She was right!