Since I started writing this story of my life and laying it out for all the world to see, there have been certain moments... chapters that have given me pause. Times when I had to make a conscious decision to get over my own feelings and just do it! I had decided from the beginning that if I was going to do this, it would have to be be all-in or nothing. And so, even though it may take a moment or two to reaffirm my convictions, I do eventually come around to it and once again, beat down those feelings of embarrassment.

This is going to be one of those chapters...

One of my favorite books is called Illusions, The Adventures Of A Reluctant Messiah. Throughout the book are little pearls of wisdom that are taken from what the author calls "The Messiah's Handbook." I'm paraphrasing here, as I don't recall the exact words, but it says,

"...We magnetize into our lives whatever we hold in our thoughts..."

If that is true, then it's safe to conclude that Chris and I found each other for a reason. Together we set out on one wild exploration in search of our hedonistic limits.

I can't really say we found them...

But it wasn't for lack of trying!

Chris had been right! I would do anything to please her! It was like I was the center of her world - and she enveloped me!

She also made me feel more like a woman than I ever had before... and I loved it!

She would come home from work at lunch sometimes, with a letter or note she'd written for me. They were never the same and always very creative. Sometimes she would write a fantasy scenario in which she would describe, in detail, what she was doing to me. Other times it would be instructions describing specifically what I should do and where I should be when she got home.

Here are some examples of the kind of things it might say:

Bathe yourself well. Clean every part of you. Shave everywhere.

Put on my favorite button down shirt. Button only the bottom two buttons. Wear nothing else.

When I walk in, I want you naked, facing the fireplace, on your knees.

Wear your leather cuffs and be naked from the waist down. Blindfold yourself and sit on the couch. You may have music on.

Look for the outfit I picked out for you. It's on the bed. I'll meet you at the front door.

There's a box in your dresser. Put on what you find in it. Lie on the bed with your ams over your head. Wait for me.

Wear a blazer. Button it. Wear a bra but no shirt. Put on your black boots and meet me on the porch. Choose your underwear well. We will be going out.

There's some lingerie in a Victoria's Secret bag hidden somewhere. Find it. I want to find you in it. You may choose where i find you.

You get the idea, right? When she was gone, I ached for her.