There used to be a motel across the street from the place where there used to be a bar. It was a good bar. One of the only all lesbian bars in West Hollywood. They're both gone now, though. The bar was called the Palms. The motel was called The Tropicana Motel.

The Tropicana was not that pretty to look at. Faded yellow and coral-pink with lots of Palm Trees around it, it was sort of a Hollywood icon.

It is described now, if you google it, as "Rocking,",

"Notorious," and "The Quintessential Rock 'n' Roll Motel." My favorite description of it comes from an article in the LA Times. (October 19, 1987 by ROBERT W. STEWART),

"If there's a dimly lit corner of rock 'n' roll heaven zoned for cheap motels, the faded palms of West Hollywood's late Tropicana will be found somewhere within staggering distance."

Yeah... Well, lots of famous people did stay there. Lots of us did too. Every year, as the gay parade traveled down Santa Monica Blvd, it was there I knew I could always find my friends. Ahhh memories... But, the building got bulldozed and a big ol' Ramada got put in its place. Chris and I were out in West Hollywood (WeHo) on a Sunday night and decided to see what The Ramada could offer us that the Trop hadn't. Considering ourselves to be what you might call connoisseurs of dive motels, we were a bit cranky, I think, at the hands of progress for having taken out one of our favorites.

The Ramada, as it turned out, did not disappoint us! I have to admit, after staying in one sleazy motel after another, a bit of luxury was very appealing! They had put in some rooms with a loft that faced the blvd. These rooms had huge glass windows that spanned from the floor all the way to the vaulted ceiling above the loft. They had full kitchens and giant tubs! I actually remember the cost of the room was $195, which seemed like a lot at the time, but we got it anyway. Then we headed across the street to the Palms.

From the front, The Palms looked like one black door sandwiched between two store fronts. Walking in, there was a long stretch of bar on the left with only about a 5 or 6 foot wide corridor on the right. It was always a struggle to push through the crowd that gathered there but once you made it past the bar, the place opened up. There was a dance floor with a few tables around it. Most nights there was a DJ.

Across the floor was a door that led to an outdoor patio that most of the time was empty. But on sunday afternoons they had what they called tea dance. Tea dance is what they call it when a bar is open on sunday afternoons. I think it's a popular thing in other parts of the country- I've been to one in New York and San Francisco - but I can't recall any other bars that did it in LA except for on gay pride weekend. It was always kind of a strange thing. Getting to see the people that we knew only at night, dressed for clubbing, but in the daylight with their shorts and tank tops on. Mostly, I think, we all looked like displaced vampires. Uncomfortable in the direct sun and without our makeup and dark eyeliner.

When we got to the bar that night, Tea dance was over but there were still a spattering of women dressed in their daywear. One of them was sitting alone at the bar. She looked truly sad. Chris and I stopped to say hello. She said her name was Alice and she was from London, England. She was in LA working as a nanny to a couple of girls who lived in the very upscale community of Bel-Air. She was, she explained, rather unhappy because she had just recently decided that she wanted to be with a woman. So she had been coming to this bar for two weeks already and still hadn't found anyone to have sex with! She was really quite put off! Imagine... Two whole weeks and NOTHING! She couldn't understand it. She'd never had trouble finding a man to sleep with her! I was trying really hard not to laugh.

Chris and I took a few steps away from her and looked at each other. She was really quite pretty with blonde hair in that sort of a page boy, Brittish nanny look. Somewhere around 20, I'd guess. Nice, fit body. We shrugged our shoulders as we smiled at each other and Chris turned back to talk to her.

"Well... It just so happens that Jesse and I have gotten a room across the street and we were just thinking... One day, when you are telling you grandchildren about the time you decided you were a lesbian... Wouldn't it make that story so much more interesting if you were able to say that your first experience wasn't with just one woman - but two instead?"

I know, I know - stories to the grandchildren? Yikes! But it seemed really funny at the time and definitely got the message across! She was downing the rest of her drink and gathering her stuff. We were out of there!

We got back to the room and, I have to admit it - it was a really great room! The view of the city from the loft was spectacular!

Alice was fun! It was like she was the student and we got to be the teachers. And she was very eager to learn! It really was like a clinic. Lesbian 101! She asked a lot of questions. We would show her how it's done. Then it was her turn to try. She wanted to be sure she was doing it right. Hehe... She payed really close attention. When it came out that she wasn't sure if she'd ever had an orgasm, of course, we made sure she knew the answer before we were through.

Alice said she had to be home by the morning so she could drive the kids to school. We called for a wake up call when it was obvious she didnt want to leave until then, and fell asleep just as I saw the sky lightening and a glow of gold on the horizon. Another day in paradise!

When the wake up call came, we told Alice it was time to get up and promptly fell back asleep. When Chris and I woke up around 11:00am, we were surprised to find Alice still there!

Uh-oh!

Apparently, Alice called in to the family she LIVED WITH to say she wouldn't be able to get there in time to take the children to school. We thought that was pretty nervy, especially since she was driving THEIR CAR! Chris and I paid for another night so we didnt have to check out right away. We were tired and wanted to lounge and watch HBO but apparently we had created a monster in our young nanny!

Now, you remember what I said about putting our sex toys away when we were done with them? Well, we were done - but she wouldn't go away! We thought that when it was time for the kids to come home from school, she would definitely have to be there to get them... She wasn't. When it was time to make dinner, she would definitly have to be there... We were wrong again! By around 8pm it was clear to us that we would have to be more aggressive, if we were to get her to leave, and so we were. We told her as politely as possible that she needed to go home - now!

She did, finally. We didn't exchange phone numbers and we never saw her again. I wouldn't have been surprised if she found herself out of a job and on a plane back to England by the end of that week! But she would always have that story to tell her grandchildren. Right?