When I woke up the next morning, it felt like I hadn't slept at all. The music from the kitchen told me breakfast was being made by Dad and Mindy.

I hoped that the messages I received the night before were just pieces of a dream, but when I saw my phone turned off facing down on my nightstand, I knew that wasn't the case.

I dragged myself out of bed, throwing the covers off of me and leaving my phone in my room as I headed to the bathroom. After using the bathroom and washing my hands, I looked at myself in the mirror and immediately let out a curse.

"Fuck..." I muttered as my eyes zeroed in on the bruises that ran from my collarbone up to the side of my neck. There was even a faint one under my jaw that no shirt would be able to cover.

I rustled through the cabinets in the bathroom, hoping to find something to cover the bruises with but coming up with nothing.

"Hurry up!" Ava yelled through the door, pounding on it with her fist.

I pulled open the door. "Do you have makeup?"

"Do I look like I have makeup?" she rudely asked, pushing past me. "Who the hell did you let attack your neck?"

"It's not important," I muttered. "Does Mindy have makeup?"

"Why don't you ask her?"

"I can't let her see me like this!" I told her.

Ava just glared at me and pushed on my shoulders lightly to guide me out of the bathroom.

"Maybe you shouldn't have let your boyfriend attack your neck," she said before slamming the door in my face.

I quickly went back to my room before anyone else in the house could see me and threw on a sweatshirt that would cover most of my bruises. Just as I finished putting it on, there was a faint knock on my door.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"Can I come in?" Josh's voice asked from the other side.

Instead of answering, I walked to the door and opened it, stepping aside so he could come in.

"What's up?"

"Wanna go out tonight?" he asked me, sitting down on my bed.

"And do what?"

I was intentionally standing far enough away from him so he hopefully wouldn't notice the blemishes on my skin.

He shrugged. "Get something to eat? I don't know. My plans got cancelled."

"Who were your plans with?"

"Emma," he said with a sigh.

I sent him a puzzled look. "I don't know who that is."

"You've never met her?" he asked and I shook my head. "She's a girl I'm kinda seeing but not really."

I wracked my brain to try to remember ever meeting this girl, but couldn't find the memory.

"Does she sit with you at lunch?" I asked him.

"Sometimes," he said with a nod.

"I don't know her."

Josh just rolled his eyes and stood up from my bed.

"Are we getting dinner tonight or not?" he asked as he walked toward my door.

I nodded. "Yeah. Is your mom home?"

"Yes?"

"Okay, you can leave now," I told him with an awkward smile.

Josh muttered something under his breath before leaving my room and shutting the door. I waited a few moments before I tip-toed out of the room and down the stairs. The music was loud enough where I wouldn't be heard. I peeked around the corner to see both Dad and Mindy dancing around the kitchen as bacon, eggs, and hash browns cooked.

When I made eye contact with Mindy, I held my finger up to my mouth to keep her from greeting me, then I motioned for her to come out of the kitchen. She gave me an unreadable expression before saying something to Dad and then leaving the kitchen to stand by me out of sight.

"Can you help me?" I asked her in a whisper, pointing to my neck.

I really didn't want to have to have her see my bruises but I was immensely more concerned with my Dad seeing them. So, if I had to enlist Mindy for help, I would.

She motioned for me to follow her up to her her room.

"Are you at least being safe?" she asked once we were in her bedroom.

"Nothing happened," I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest.

Mindy raised her eyebrows like she didn't believe me.

"I'm serious!"

"Sure you are," she replied in a disbelieving tone, pulling her makeup bag out of her nightstand. "Sit."

I sat down on the bed and moved my shirt so she could get to all of the bruises.

"Jesus," she muttered, patting my skin with a makeup sponge. "You're lucky your father didn't see this."

"I know."

"I'll keep my mouth shut if you promise you're being safe," she said with a chuckle.

I rolled my eyes. "I promise."

Mindy just chuckled again as she finished covering up my blemishes, spraying something to make sure the makeup stayed on.

"You're the best," I told her.

"I know," she replied, kissing the top of my head before I stood up from the bed.

The two of us went back to the kitchen, my father not suspicious about our disappearance and arrival together.

"Elijah! Come eat. I think we overdid it this morning," Dad called out with a sheepish look.

"Smells amazing," I told him with a smile.

Dad placed a plate full of food in front of me and I spent the rest of breakfast hoping he wouldn't notice my neck.

***

When Ava told me she was having a sleepover with Fawn Ridley, I was undeniably surprised. I wasn't aware that the two girls had kept in contact since Fox and I took them to the mall a few weeks ago.

"Do you have everything?" I asked Ava as she stomped down the stairs to meet me in the living room.

"Yes, Dad," she sarcastically replied.

"Hey," I whined. "Be nice to me. I'm your favorite brother."

Ava just snickered as she walked by me and out to the car. Josh came down the stairs a few moments later and motioned for me to follow him.

Ever since our first movie night, Josh and I had been talking more. We still weren't super close, but I was actually kind of proud of our progress, so I suggested the two of us hang out tonight while Ava spent the night at the Ridley's.

"I'm surprised you sat in the backseat," I told Ava as I got into the car, Josh getting in the driver's seat.

"Didn't want to hear you complain," she responded in a bored tone.

I laughed as she sent me a sarcastic smile and Josh headed toward the Ridley household. It didn't take long for us to get there and Ava was quick to get out of the car as soon as we arrived.

"She really didn't wanna hang with us any longer," Josh joked.

"Nah, just you," I replied with a laugh while Josh shoved my shoulder.

We watched as Ava went up to the house and Fawn opened the door for her, letting her inside. Just as Josh was about to drive, a light in the backseat caught my attention.

"Wait," I said, causing Josh to stop. "Ava left her phone."

I reached into the backseat and grabbed the phone before taking my seatbelt off and opening the door.

"I'll be right back," I said to which Josh just nodded.

I jogged up to the Ridley house, shivering as the cold air hugged my skin and cursing myself for not bringing a heavier jacket. I waited on the porch after knocking on the door and a few moments later, Fox opened it, looking handsome as ever.

"Hey?" he greeted me, quirking his eye brow in confusion.

"Ava left her phone in the car," I said, holding it out for him to take.

"Okay, I'll give it to her," Fox said, taking the phone out of my hand.

"Thanks."

I was about to turn and leave when Fox stopped me.

"You haven't been answering my texts," Fox called out. "Or my calls."

I knew he was basically asking me if I was ignoring him after what happened last night, but he didn't want to come out and say it.

"My phone is off," I told him.

"Why?"

"Just wanted to turn it off for a bit," I said.

Fox hummed and nodded.

"You should come in for a bit," he suggested, his voice sounding inviting. I almost eagerly accepted his offer before realizing Josh was waiting for me.

"Josh is in the car," I told him, pointing back with my thumb.

Fox pursed his lips, his eyes darting back to where the car waited and then back to my face.

"Shame," he said in a low tone. "Should've known though because I know you wouldn't put Ava's life in danger by driving her yourself," he teased with a coy smile.

I rolled my eyes and shoved him on the shoulder.

"I'm not a bad driver," I reminded him.

"Hm okay, whatever you say," Fox teased. "What are you and Josh doing tonight?"

"Just going out."

"Just the two of you?"

I hummed to confirm.

"Like a date?"

I instantly shot Fox a disgusted look. "Ew."

Fox chuckled. "I'm just messing with you. But you know I'm the jealous type..."

"Bye," I abruptly replied, rolling my eyes.

Fox's loud laughter echoed through the air as I briskly made my way back to the car, my body instantly warming when I was inside.

"What were you guys talking about?" Josh asked, pulling away from the curb.

"Nothing. I just stood there and admired his pretty face," I replied.

Josh let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head at me.

"Are you taking me to the place you were going to take Emma?" I asked as the thought occurred to me.

Josh stared blankly ahead. "I had a reservation," he muttered.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Why is she standing you up?"

"She's not standing me up," he replied. "Her grandmother needed help tonight."

I wasn't convinced. "Okay..."

"Shut up," Josh said with a sigh.

Once we got to the restaurant we were seated pretty quickly thanks to Josh's reservation. The service was speedy and we had our food in no time.

"Trevor's over there," I pointed out. He looked like he was having dinner with his parents and his sister.

Josh slowly chewed his food, looking increasingly uncomfortable and lowering his head as if trying not to be seen.

"Why are you so uncomfortable around him?" I asked in a curious tone. I was truly more curious than annoyed with him. The way he was toward Trevor never really made any sense to me.

Josh sighed and looked away from me for a moment as if he was trying to get out of this conversation.

"Look," Josh started, returning his gaze to me. "I didn't tell you this before because we weren't really close and you were friends with Trevor and I thought you were going to end up dating him."

"Tell me what?"

"He used to have a crush on me Freshman year," Josh admitted.

"Okay?"

That didn't seem like a big deal. Austin had a crush on him now and never acted this way around him.

"He would always come around me and tried to get close to me and when I eventually found out he had a crush on me, I said some things to him I regret," Josh confessed, looking down at his plate in disappointment.

"Why don't you just apologize?" I suggested, taking a bite of my pasta.

Josh scoffed. "Like he would accept my apology."

"He probably would. Trevor's a good guy," I told him.

"Would you accept an apology from your old team? From your mom?" Josh questioned me, his tone sharpening slightly as he looked back up toward me.

"Those are completely different situations," I denied. "Unless you beat him, called him every homophobic slur known to man, and kicked him out of his house, then the situations are different."

"I didn't do any of that," Josh instantly replied.

"Then you should probably just apologize," I assured him with an eye roll.

"I told him to never speak to me again," Josh continued. "And he hasn't."

I took a moment to focus on Josh's expression. He seemed distressed, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth set in a frown. He looked as if he was expecting me to storm out of here and leave him behind. I could practically feel the itch of guilt coming from him.

"Josh, seriously, I doubt he holds a grudge against you," I tried to assure him.

Before Josh could say anything else, Trevor and his family walked by us, Trevor sending me a quick wave and a strained smile at Josh.

"See," I said to Josh once Trevor was gone.

Josh rolled his eyes. "He looked like he was in pain."

I scoffed. "No he didn't."

He kinda did.

Josh sent me a knowing look that told me he was done talking about the situation. We spent the rest of our dinner with casual conversation.

***

I tried not to let myself do it, but my curiosity got the best of me.

As I lay in bed, I pulled my phone off of the nightstand and switched it back on. I hadn't looked at it all day, but now that I was alone, I couldn't do anything but think about what other messages could possibly be flooding my phone.

When it powered on, I couldn't keep myself from going directly to Instagram where my account held a copious amount of hateful messages.

Does your new team know you're a fag?

Surprised you haven't killed yourself yet. I would if I were you.

Should've gone to one of those camps they'd shock the fag out of you.

Better hope we don't catch you alone at the tournament.

I spent a good part of my night reading through the messages. My eyes burned with tears and I bit my bottom lip to try to keep myself from letting them fall.

When I finally dragged myself out of the app, I realized I had a missed call and voicemail from my mother.

"What the fuck," I muttered with a sniffle as I wiped my tearful eyes.

I pressed on voicemail and held the phone up to my ear.

"Elijah. Please give me a call back. Dave has paid his fine and we have decided that we don't want to send you to any programs as long as you come to church every Wednesday and Sunday. Please call me back."

I hit my head back against the headboard, throwing my phone down on the bed.

My head was spinning at the thought of all the messages I had received. I had thought I was in the clear and finally moving on from my old life. I thought I was finally letting myself feel included with my family and the team.

But now there was this. It was like my past would forever haunt me and keep me from fitting in with my new life. It was a dark shadow cast over me, always present and overbearing, following me wherever I went.

My chest was heavy and my eyes stung. All I wanted was to be free from this.

**