"Stop, Josiah." I heard Jeremiah fussing to Jr as I stood in the kitchen.

"Stop it." He whined again

"Mommy." He then called and I sighed deeply, cleaning my hands off.

"What's going on in there?" I asked, slowly making my way to the living room.

As I did, I heard a loud smack, making me pick up my pace. Once I made it there, Jeremiah was on the floor crying with a red hand print on his face and Jr as standing over him.

"Josiah." I spoke through gritted teeth before he soon began to cry as well, knowing that he was in trouble.

Before I knew it, they were both crying and Joey was throwing all the toys and crayons all over the room.

"Mommy!" Jeremiah screamed, obviously scared of what Jr. was now doing.

"Come here." I told him and he ran over to me and I picked him, putting him in my arms.

Watching as Jr. threw their toys all over the room, I took Jeremiah into the other room. I calmed him down and consoled him for a while before turning the TV on for him.

"I'll will be right back okay?" I told him and he nodded slowly, while I took the time to wipe his tears as he looked up at me.

Once I was finished with him, I made my way back into the living room. All of the boys things were thrown everywhere and the small table I had for them was now turned over.

Shaking my head, I grabbed Jr and took him upstairs to his room. He huffed and puffed the entire way, trying to snatch away from me every chance he got.

When we finally got to his room, I put him inside and closed the door behind me.

"Mommy!" He screamed from behind the door as I held it closed.

"Mommy!" He screamed out again, banging on it this time.

I sighed deeply as he cried loudly, kicking and banging at it. He was simply having one of his many episodes, just like Joey used to. This was different for me though because Joey could handle his, Jr. was still only a baby so he didn't know.

"Baby, mommy can't let you out until you calm down." I explained to him, sitting in front of the door now.

"I don't want you to hurt yourself or your brother." I went on, explaining the punishment.

The doctors had already explained to me that this was the most suitable option when this happens.

Simply because he was too young to begin taking any kind of pills and my baby wouldn't talk to strangers, making therapy impossible.

So every time this happened, I'd just put him in his room and talk to him from the other side of the door until he was okay enough to come out.

"Come on, sit down with mommy. Talk to me." I said to him and I could hear him softly plop down onto the floor.

"Are you sitting?" I went on to ask, raising my eyebrow.

"Yes." His little voice came from the other side, making me sigh in relief.

"Now talk to me."

"What's going on? What's wrong?" I asked, already sure I knew the real issue but I just wanted him to be able to communicate his problems to me.

"Jeremiah won't let me color." He spoke sadly.

"He won't let you color?" I furrowed my eyebrows, asking as if I was in complete disbelief.

"No." He spoke and I could hear that he was obviously pouting.

"But I said you could color so why didn't you just tell me?"

"Hm?" I asked, since it was now quiet on his side of the door.

"Why didn't you just tell mommy instead of slapping him and throwing things all over the room?"

"I don't know, ma." He spoke sadly, making me sad.

I knew it wasn't his fault and it hurt me to have to punish him but if I didn't now, he would never understand that hitting or any other form of violence was wrong.

"You can't hit your brother, baby. You have to be nice him. The two of you have to be nice to each other." I went on, explaining to him why he was wrong.

"But why?" He asked, making me laugh softly.

"Because you're brothers, Joey."

"It's just the rules." I shrugged.

"Rules?" He asked and I nodded with a smile.

"Yes, baby. Rules."

"And the two of you have to follow them or bad things could happen."

"Are they my daddy's rules?" He asked, instantly making me get choked up.

"Hm?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"My daddy." He repeated, shattering my heart into a million pieces.

"Did my daddy make the rules?"

"Yes, baby." I nodded slowly, knowing that if I told him that he'd definitely want to listen.

"They're your daddy's rules so you have to listen to them."

Once I said that, a long silence graced the two of us and I knew that he was beginning to reflect. Meaning it was okay to now let him out.

Slowly, I opened the door and I still sat there in the same spot. I watched as Jr. then came over and pushed himself into my lap with a red face and tear stains on his cheeks.

"I want my daddy." He went onto say, throwing me off as he laid his head on my shoulder.

Trying my hardest not to lose myself or break down in front of him, I simply rubbed his back and swallowed the forming lump in my throat.

"I know. I want him too." I spoke, reluctant tears falling from my face.

This wasn't the first time he or Jeremiah asked for Josiah but it hurt me every time they did because I knew there was nothing I could do about it. All I could do was console them and tell them how much Joey loved them.

We sat there for about five more minutes before he ended up falling asleep in my arms.

Sighing deeply, I stood to my feet and walked him into his room. I softly laid him down in the bed before watching over him for a moment.

Once I was finished, I made my way downstairs and checked in Jeremiah. He was sleep as well on the couch I'd left him on.

Deciding I'd take this time to clean up the living room, I did just that. After about an hour, the living room was spotless and I took a seat on the couch for a few moments. I really needed to collect my thoughts.

After taking those few moments, I stood to my feet and went to get Jeremiah. I then carried him upstairs to their room and put him in his bed. I stood there as I watched the two of them sleep and tears slowly rolled down my face.

"I need you, Joey." I spoke softly before I wiped my face clear of tears.

Getting myself together, I walked out of their room and made my way down the hall to mine. I plopped down onto my bed and laid just like that. I was exhausted.

Being 23 years old with two children was no walk in the park. Though I had an amazing family behind me, days like this, when I'm on my own with them is extremely tiring for me.

Deciding I'd take this time to finally get some shut eye, I relaxed my body and slowly drifted of to sleep.

*

Sitting on the same rock I'd saw Joey on before, I waited patiently for him. I needed to talk. I needed to express myself.

Moments later, he appeared, slowly walking up to me with a smile. I couldn't help but to cry, watching him.

"Don't do that, Montana." He sighed, helping me up and pulling me into him for a hug.

"I miss you, Joey. They're missing you too."

"I know, baby."

"I know." He laid his head on top of mine, squeezing me tight.

"But I need you to stay strong."

"My boys need you." He went on and I nodded, knowing he was right but I just missed him.

"Do they see you?" I asked, pulling away from him and he just looked down at me.

"Do they?" I asked, needing the closure and he nodded slowly.

"Why you think they sleep so much?" He chuckled and I couldn't help but to smile. That made me feel some sort of comfort. Which I need badly these days.

"When can I see you again?" I asked hopeful and he shrugged with a smile.

"My babies come first." He joked while I looked into his eyes, simply fascinated with what the mind could do.

"I love you. Aight?"

"I love you too." I spoke sadly, knowing he was about to leave me. I was used to this routine now.

This happened often.

"I'll see you later."

"Bye." I spoke, feeling a lump forming in my throat.

"I love you, Montana." He spoke again, walking backwards.

I smiled a tight smile as tears fell from my eyes.

He sighed deeply, quickly running back over to me and hugging me tight.

"Stop crying. I love you and I'll never stop." He said again, before kissing my lips.

"Aight?" He asked and I nodded slowly.

"Now wake up." He told me and I couldn't bring myself to.

"I want to stay with you, Joey." I croaked as tears rapidly fell from my fast.

"What I tell you the last time, Montana?" He spoke sternly, using his finger tips to wipe my eyes.

"You can't. Now wake up." He spoke sternly as I cried.

"Okay. Bye." I told him.

"I love you." He made sure to say again and I nodded.

-

Abruptly waking from my sleep, tears rolled down my cheeks as I sat there, catching my breath. I looked over at the window and it was now dark out.

Though it'd only felt as if I was asleep for about five minutes but nope, this was life for me. I'd always see Joey in my dreams but that was all I ever got. I didn't know if they were real but they felt like they were and that was all that ever mattered to me.

"I love you, Joey." I spoke softly to myself as I did often, hoping he'd feel me some way.

Some how.

*

I want y'all to know that this book has been on my heart almost every day since I created it. This is my favorite book out of everything I've ever written. ❤️ Its such a beautiful story. I genuinely hope this book was able to touch each and every one of you in the same way it was able to touch me. It's really a magical feeling though it is sad. It's such a feeling.