private messages

hello mel santiago

emphasis on iago

i didn't know you read othello

what's othello

i was talking about the parrot from aladdin

feathery ass traitor

what did i do

you know exactly what you did

i saw you lace up your running shoes before you sprinted out of the restaurant with tom

also why did he have a bungee cord

um

it's for sex

well now i know you're lying

i'm going to kill you mel

i'm hiding in the bathroom

from what

from seb!!!

why

because you two raisins left us here alone!!!

and that's a problem because

is typing...

eat shit

you couldn't even think of a reason

you know you still love him and i know he still loves you so get out of the bathroom and get into your man

that made no sense

eh i'm not good at being inspirational

idk it kind of worked

you're an inspiration now

that's too much responsibility i want to go back

i mean i'm still going to destroy you when i get the chance

no you won't

and why won't i

you'll be hopelessly in love and love makes you stupid and slow

you'll never catch me

hearing you talk about love always makes me feel so warm and fuzzy

i can tell you're a true romantic

i'll put that on your tombstone after i destroy you

you also won't kill me because i'm with tom right now

YOU WHAT THE WHAT IN THE WHO AND HOW

we're getting pudding

don't make a big deal out of it

THE FUCK I WONT

THIS IS AMAZING

try not to have a coronary

NO PROMISES

I LOVE MOM MORE THAN I LOVE MY MOM

THATS A LIE I REALLY LOVE DIANE BUT STILL

stop living vicariously through me

go take care of your own love life

DID YOU JUST IMPLY TOM WAS PART OF YOUR LOVE LIFE

no but he is part of my list of people to brutally murder

stop pretending to be cold hearted

i know you like spending time with him you cuddly marshmallow little fluff

how dare you call me that

i'm about to leave anyways he's been talking about how beautiful the weather is for like 10 minutes

i have a proposal for you

you throw yourself out a window and i don't have to do any homework because my teachers think i'm grieving?

i think that's a great idea

not quite

i'll make you a deal

this can't be good

i'll stay here and go on this date with seb

if

you stay and hang out with tom all evening

you sadistic bastard

fine i'll do it

for jeb

obviously

not for any other reason

leave me alone and go fall in love again you lump of charcoal

never stopped but okay

i'm sorry there are so many sexual jokes in this fic i feel like i should put a mature rating on it. also yes the first four lines are from b99 aka the reason i live and breathe. a godsend of a show. second in my heart only to the great british bake off