home isn't exactly the best thing that happens to me. In fact, I hate being alone at home. Some people might feel safe, but I don't. No, I feel terrified; of my own thoughts. The memories implanted in my brain aren't exactly my favorites.

They're horrible.

I sat on the living room couch, leaning forward whilst cradling my head in my hands. I tried holding my sobs in, but when all your emotions come crashing down, it's nearly impossible to do that. I saw them, the unlucky ones. Their horrified faces embedded in my mind, and sadly forever.

It's like this almost every time I'm by myself. Crying by myself, alone when nobody can see me. I don't want Jared thinking I'm unstable, I want to take care of him. But it's not going to last long, due to that fact that he's trying to make up with his family.

I don't want to be selfish either, it's his decision, not mine. Therefore, I'm letting him do what he wants. My eyes were probably swollen by now, bloodshot and puffy. I angrily wiped away my tears, remembering I'm stronger than this, knowing I'm stronger than this. I stood up, straightening out my shirt.

I inhaled a large breath before opening the door and going to the first floor to retrieve my mail. It was the usual, bills and nothing but bills. That was until I coincidentally went to the last envelope. It was blank and upon retrieving what was inside, I froze. It was a photograph; of myself.

I didn't think twice as I quickly dash towards my room, locking myself inside. I closed the curtains shut, barricading almost everything except the main door. I sat in the kitchen, facing the door before looking back at the photograph. It was old, rusty, and crumpled from how long ago it was taken. It had a strange color due to the fact that photography was developing throughout those years.

I was around four years old, holding Gabe in my arms. He looked brand new, but the scenery around us wasn't. We were in the basement in my blue pajamas. It was cold and rusty from what I remember and reeked of a metallic smell. I wasn't looking very happy in the picture either.

My eyes had dark circles around them and my face had a frown stitched on to it. I was barefooted, so my feet were covered in dirt from the cement ground. I had my hands in fists, but I had grown used to the scenery around me. I was there for my entire youth.

I felt like sobbing again, but I knew I couldn't. I didn't want to read the letter that came with the photo, I already knew what was on it. I got up, taking desperate measures. I was about to call the first person that came to mind when she coincidentally called me first. I didn't hesitate to answer.

"Eliazer! Sorry to barge up on this, but you see, I'm kinda bored right now. My brother's not home, Jared's busy, and Nikolai is busy. So I-I just wanted to see if I could swing by your place for a bit...?" Bryn said through the phone line.

Who's Nikolai? And what about her other friends?

I felt a tinge of jealousy for some sort of reason, but I shrugged it off, realizing I was being ridiculous. I hummed in response whilst she squealed with delight. Bryn came around half an hour later, wearing a blue button up coat, long sleeve sweatshirt, blue jeans, and Tims. She settled herself inside, almost as if this was her second home. I made up an excuse, dashing myself inside the bathroom.

I pulled my length out, getting myself comfortable as I stood in front of the toilet. But the longer I stood there, the longer I realized. I gasped, shoving myself inside my boxers as I ran outside the bathroom. I hadn't even bothered pulling up my zipper or buttoning my jeans as I ran out. I stood there, looking at Bryn with the most horrified expression.

"Is this...-you?" She said, holding up the photograph that I had dumbly left on the table. I had no explanation, my mind just went blank. I was dumbfounded as she looked at me ever so interested. The photograph obviously wasn't supposed to be for a cheerful moment.

It had so much misery, so much distress. This photograph was gruesome, any mother would think of horror and terror if she saw her child in this state. I held my mouth agape as I tried to think of a reason for explaining the despondency in the photo.

I had nothing.

"You look so-so sad," Bryn said slowly, tracing her finger gently around the photograph. "So innocent."

I hope she was right, I hope I was innocent. Innocent for everything that was done throughout my youth, what I witnessed. The appalling memories that are drilled deep into my skull, and there's no way they can go away. Sometimes, I wish I can get amnesia, forget everything that's ever happened to me. But that means I would need to forget the things that make me enjoy what I have now.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair before letting it rest on my neck.

"Can yo-can you tell me? 'Bout everything?" Bryn asked unsurely. I small smile wanted to tug my lips at how adorable she looked, but I knew it was impossible. People are frightened by me, by my eye. It's a curse I have to live with every day, furthermore a permanent battle scar. I shoved my hands into my front pocket, staring intently at her.

"I'll tell you the beginning."

-~-~-~-~-~-~-

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You guys don't know how long I've been waiting to get here •_•

It's really intense, like REALLY intense. Okay, I don't know the levels of intensity, so you'll never know. 😊

Exactly how Eliazer feels y'all 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Guys, I'm getting into my feelings wtf

*ahem*cough*cough* ANYWAYS, I really hope you Gus liked this chapter! Don't forget to

VOTE/COMMENT/SHARE

so keep the peace Wattpadians 🤗✌😇☺❤