"Good evening, everyone!", I greeted but received very low response. They looked so tensed. "What's with the voice? And why are you all looking so tensed like soldiers on command?", I joked and saw many shoulders relaxing. Some were shocked. It didn't went unnoticed by me.

"Okay, so I can't say that I'm finally back. Because that's not how I feel. It feels new for me. Everyone here for me is new. The responsibilities might be old, but now they feel as if it's my first time handling them. I don't remember how I was before. I don't remember anything. But I guess, it was nothing worth remembering anyways. So I want a new start. And I want you guys to walk along with me in this new journey. Because I'm new. I might make mistakes. I sometimes might take wrong decisions. So I need your input. I want you to know that we're family and we have to do this together. And I hope, we'll achieve the peaks of success together. Are you all with me?", I asked and loud array of agreements floated in air. A huge grin graced my face as I nodded. This enthusiasm is what I need.

The last five years of my life were spent in struggling to put all the pieces together. But I was never able to solve the puzzle. I never remembered anything. Everything felt new and strange. The faces I had forgotten, were my family and friends and seeing them struggle to keep me happy made me embarrassed. Because I was stuck on the day I woke up, like a blank canvas. I was trying to remember but nothing came back. When I saw my mom crying, I gave up. Remembering my past was not worth the tears she was shedding.

I left the podium and walked down the stage. My secretary tagged along with me.

"How was I?", I asked him slightly giving a glance.

"You were amazing, Sir.", He said immediately with a nod.

"Again sir!? I told you to call me Kabir until I join office.", I said shaking my head.

"I'm used to it, Sir."

"Well, I hope you change that. Also, you're three years older than me. So it feels weird hearing sir from someone who has more experience than me.", I chuckled as I headed where my family stood waiting for me.

Mom wrapped me in a hug the moment I was in a arm distance with her. "You were amazing!", She whispered and pecked my cheeks. I smiled.

"Good job, son. The staff was really impressed with your politeness.", My father said with a proud smile while patting my shoulder.

"I saw that. Was I douche before?", I joked and they all froze. "Really?", I asked shocked. They slowly nodded.

"You were a little strict."

"And cold."

"Let's not forget unapproachable.", My brother added.

"And ruthless.", Ahana said bitterly, when our eyes met, she smiled and I smiled back awkwardly.

"Anyways, it's all in the past!", Mom waved her hand dismissively. It always feels as if she's highly protective of me. She always tries to avoid talking about my past. Sometimes it feels as if she never wants my memories to come back.

"Right. It's all in the past.", Dad agreed with a nod.

"Your dad and I have planned a nice family dinner in restaurant. So meet all the board of directors and we shall go.", Mom said.

"Great. Dad you're staying right.", I asked cautiously. I can't meet higher officials without him by my side.

"Sure, son.", Dad smiled. "Anaya, take the kids along with you and wait for us in parking lot.", He turned towards Mom.

"I'm not a kid! And I'm staying!", Aarav came to my other side and I laughed before throwing my arm around his shoulder.

"Let's go, Mom.", Ahana mumbled already walking out.

My relationship with Ahana feels a little strained. As if she has a lot to say, but she's holding herself back. I don't know if our relationship is like this since the beginning or just after my accident. Whatever it is, I plan to erase all the invisible distance between me and her.

Of course all the relationships are new and unfamiliar. But their love feels like home. As if I belong here and these are my people. It was hard at first. Having nothing to connect the dots, millions of questions were left unanswered. But now instead of finding the lost, I'm trying to get closer to what's left with me.

When I woke up first, Mom was by my side. And she cried rivers when she saw me gaining consciousness. I knew the moment this woman is the most important person of my life. And I never plan to let her go or do anything that will drift us apart. When I first met Dad, we had this connection which felt broken. Same with Aarav. But over the years, we built that broken connection strong. But with Ahana, it was always a walk on eggshells around her. At first she was happy that I woke up, but then distance between us grew miles and I was never able to reach her.

"I'll talk with him for few more minutes, you can go to your Mom.", Dad said patting on my back after he was done introducing me to all the board of directors. I nodded and searched around for Aarav but he was busy flirting with some female employee. So instead of disturbing him, I decided to go out on my own.

While I was walking, a slender arm looped around mine and my steps slowed down.

"You were amazing.", She said softly and I smiled down at her.

"Thanks.", I whispered.

"I won't be able to come for dinner.", She said and I looked down to find her pouting.

"Why?"

"I've some office work to complete. The deadline is tomorrow.", She chuckled.

"Sucks to be you.", I said and she nodded.

We walked alongside each other till parking lot.

"What are you doing here, Tiara?", Ahana asked when she spotted us.

"My boyfriend was giving the speech. Can't I come to attend his rejoining party?", She asked as she left my side and walked up to her. They shared a hug before Ahana pulled her to corner. Whispering something to each other like gossipers.

"Mom?", She startled. When I raised my brows, she shook her head with a smile.

Dad and Aarav came not long after. Tiara was already gone. We settled inside our cars and drove to the restaurant.

"How much time will it take?", I asked the driver.

"Fifteen minutes max, Sir.", He replied immediately with a short glance at rearview mirror.

I comfortably sat back and stared out of window.

My relationship with Tiara is a little different. After a week I woke up, she came to meet me. We talked and she said that we were in relationship before my accident. Honestly, I didn't felt a thing for her. But seeing her saddened eyes, I decided to give it a chance. It's been four years and nine months now and I'm still pretending to be in love with her. I've no feelings whatsoever. I tried very hard to feel for her, but always failed. Whenever we shared any form of intimacy, I was always uncomfortable. So we never went further than a kiss.

Intimacy for me feels foreign. Not just Tiara, but I don't feel any connection or that urge to share few moments of pleasure with any woman. It always grossed me out. I even had a thought that may be I am into men but never came out of my closet and that is the reason my family don't know anything.

So one day when Ömer, my friend, came to meet me, I decided to have that kind of thoughts for him. I swear I couldn't look into his eyes thereafter. And I totally felt guilty when I met his wife. She was a sweet woman and I was embarrassed. I mean, I was trying to imagine her husband with me romantically! That was so stupid of me.

But that made another thing clear, that I'm just not into anyone. I feel that connection with no one. May be because of accident I turned asexual. That was my conclusion. But I decided to throw that thoughts away. They were none of my concern anyways.

I traced the curve of my ring. It was dangling around my neck like a chain. On the day of my discharge, one nurse came and handed it to me. But because I had fracture on my fingers, I wore it around my neck. Tiara always told me to throw it away, because it was slightly chapped and unshaped. But I didn't had the heart to throw it away. It was mine. It is mine. And more than her, I have strong connection with this ring. Obviously I couldn't say that to her face so I always diverted the topic to something else.

"We're here, Sir.", The driver said once we were parked.

"Thank you.", I said politely to him when he opened my door. He smiled with a nod.

"I'm leaving to London tomorrow.", Aarav said once we were seated around the table in private cabin.

"What is there in London, Aarav that you go so frequently.", Ahana asked circling her finger around the rim of the glass of water.

"Nothing of your concern, sweet sis.", He smiled fakely before calling the waiter.

We ordered and involved ourselves in conversation until the food comes.

"Can I come with you, Aarav?", I asked and he choked on his food. Dad, who was seated beside him handed him a glass of water before continuously patting his back.

"No.", He said after calming down. My face dropped.

"Why?"

"You just can't.", He answered before tossing his food around with his fork.

"Why, Aarav? What's the problem?", Mom glared at him.

"It's fine. Let's just forget I ever said that.", I smiled placing my hand on Mom's shoulder to calm her down. Remember I said she's overly protective of me? This is the live example.

"No it's not fine. You're going with him.", She said sternly.

"I'm going to meet my girlfriend.", He said and everyone of us completely froze. Even Ahana stopped and stared open mouthed at him.

"Gir-Girlfriend?", Mom stuttered.

"Yup. I met her during my college days. We instantly clicked and are in relationship since then.", He said wiping the corners of his mouth with napkin.

"Since when!?", Ahana gasped.

"Since my college days."

"That's a long time! You should be married until now!", She said.

"It's on and off relationship. We're still working.", He said softly.

"It's fine. You should go meet her. I was just kidding.", I smiled patting the back of his palm. He gratefully gleamed at me.

I was just curious because I had completed my higher studies there. As mom had told me. So I wanted to go back to that campus and see if I remember anything.

After dinner we headed back to parking lot and slid inside our own cars.

Although I keep saying to myself that my past must be nothing worth remembering. But I'm curious. Cause a part of me feels empty. Something stops me from moving on. As if, without that part I can never find sanity. It keeps tugging me back. Forcing me to remember something. Anything.

There's this heavy feeling pulling me down. As if I need something to complete me. And that something is right now away from me. But I can't find it. So I've concluded this long back, it's not away from me, I have lost it.

I've lost something very important of mine.

I pretend that I'm fine. That I'm completely okay and ready to live my life. But I'm honestly not. Sometimes I feel absolutely shallow from inside. And I need that lost part of my life to complete me again. To join the broken fragments of my memory.

I feel as if something or someone needs me, and I need it too with equal passion.

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