January 27, 1973. Stevie and I are both twenty-three and we're getting married in exactly thirty minutes. Robin is her maid of honor, Keith is my groomsman, only because I didn't want to start a war between my brothers. It's small and intimate, just our families. Except for Aunt Martha, we opted not to invite her in the event that she tries to sabotage our day, and I wouldn't put it past her.

We couldn't afford much. We're getting married in the Nicks' backyard with a priest and our reception is going to be just a little brunch because we can't afford a big party and sadly, no honeymoon.

She's gorgeous in a white silk dress and a black lace bodice over it. My Stevie is not one for white, she had to have some black.

The ceremony goes by me blankly and once I put that gold band on her finger my life feels complete. I don't have a wedding ring, it was too much money and Stevie cried when we had to choose for me not to have one. She said she didn't need a wedding ring and just the engagement ring would do, but it's pathetic and I want her to be able to take it off whenever she wants to but still have something on her finger to show that she's taken. Maybe someday I'll get one.

Later that night while we're laying in the nice hotel my family put us up in, after consummating our marriage, I wrap my arms around her and she lays her head on my chest.

"Someday, I'll have a nicer ring for you and one for myself. Someday, we'll have a really nice house on a hill, like you've always dreamed about, and someday we'll have a proper wedding and honeymoon." I promise kissing her head.

"You are all I need." She whispers closing her eyes and listening to my heartbeat.

"I love you, Angel." I smile.

"Angel, that's new. I like it." She nuzzles into my chest.

We've been married for a year and eight months. Stevie is still waitressing, but I'm not painting houses anymore. I'm staying home, working on music. We've conned Sound City into giving us free time, at two in the morning and on the weekends but there was one catch. We could only get free studio time if in exchange I occasionally come in and play sessions if I'm needed, and we've started a Buckingham Nicks 2. There's no record deal but we couldn't not make music.

Something is different about Stevie though, She's starting to wear looser clothing and in her waitress outfit, she's a lot fuller, in the hips and the breasts. My mother says that's what happens when you marry.

The phone startles me, Stevie's napping and I'm watching a movie with Ginny.

"Hello," I answer.

"Lindsey, where's Stevie!" It's Robin and she's creepily happy.

"She's sleeping, she's been oddly tired lately and she actually has the day off so when she told me she was taking a nap I wasn't going to complain," I explain placing my hand on my hip, not that she can see me.

"Well wake her up," Robin states aggressively.

"HELL NO! She'll kill me." I state.

"Oh, please Lindsey." She begs.

"Fine, but when I get kicked out, I'm coming to live with you." I spit placing the phone down.

Walking into our bedroom, I gently kiss her face. She wakes up and literally growls at me.

"Down puppy, Robin's on the phone," I state

She glares but crawls out of bed and slowly makes her way to the phone and answers it. I follow her and wrap my arms around her shoulders. Robin says something and she lets out a scream.

"We will definitely be there. I have some news too...I haven't told anyone yet. Not even Lindsey, so keep your mouth shut...I'm pregnant. About four months." I freeze.

When she hangs up I spin her around.

"What do you mean you're pregnant? We weren't even trying to have a baby and we've been together for a long time and we've had unprotected sex countless times." I state.

I've always wanted children but now is certainly not the right time.

"I mean Lindsey we fucked, and it must have been the right time of the month because you put a baby in me." She sasses.

"I realize Stephanie...but...WE HAVE...NO...MONEY! HOW IN THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO AFFORD A CHILD!" I raise my voice.

"We'll find a way." She says her eyes boring into mine.

"STEVIE, EVERYTHING IS SLIPPING RIGHT OUT OF OUR HANDS. WE CAN BARELY PAY RENT YET ALONE EAT. IF WE HAVE THIS BABY AND THE CITY FINDS OUT THEY WILL MOST LIKELY TAKE IT. WE CAN'T HAVE A BABY RIGHT NOW." I scream.

"What are you saying." She has tears welling up in her eyes.

"Maybe we should think about adoption or abortion. It's legal now and it won't harm you in any way." I sigh.

"Lindsey no," She says looking at me with pleading eyes.

"Steph look, I am sorry but we just can't have a baby right now. You can get an abortion and we can try again when we're stable." I say.

"Lindsey...I get really bad Ovarian cysts. I've had them since I was a teenager. The doctor said that my chances to have a child were 75 percent to 25 percent. A 25 percent chance at actually getting pregnant. But I never told you because though it's small twenty-five is still a chance. This might not happen again and I am NOT getting an abortion. My clock is ticking and I am having this child whether you like it or not." Stevie spits running out of the room in tears. She doesn't leave the room all day and by the time I go to bed, she's not crying, just sharpening her fingernails.

"There's always adoption. If you get an abortion now and down the line, we can't get pregnant again we can adopt. Or you can carry this baby full term and put them up for an open adoption so we still get to see them." I mutter taking my jeans off and crawling into bed.

She slams her nail file down, and goes to our closet and grabs her suitcase.

"Come on Steph." I sigh.

"I am going home to my mother. I don't know when I'll be returning if at all. Robin's wedding is in November. I don't care if you go or not." She says angrily throwing her clothes in it.

When I wake up in the morning, I cry. She actually left, I didn't think she would I just thought she needed time to cool off. But what hurts the most is that pretty much all of her stuff is gone. All that's left is a grainy weird looking picture with sixteen weeks printed on it in my wife's beautiful cursive handwriting.

San Francisco is lonely, but the wedding of Robin Synder to a man named Kim Anderson is even lonelier without Stevie. She's here, very pregnant and beautiful at what I've concluded to be seven months. Given the sixteen weeks image she left me, I figure it was her birthday when this baby was conceived. She's been gone for three months, I had to sell my guitars to pay the rent. I've been working as a bag boy but it only pays so much.

I'm not even paying attention to the wedding. I'm watching Stevie, sitting next to Kim Anderson's brother David. Kim is head of some accounting firm here in San Francisco and not even two months after she broke up with Cal did they start dating. I've met him a couple of times, he's pretty cool I guess.

During the reception, I watch Stevie flirt and dance with David. As I go to leave a slow song comes on, a blonde girl grabs my arm.

"Don't leave yet...I'm Carol, Kim's cousin. Come dance with me." She pulls me along.

"I'm really not good. I don't normally dance." I shake my head.

"Oh, c' mon. I'll teach ya!" She cheers.

"I'm Lindsey, Robin's friends with my family," I explain.

"Cool!" She smiles.

During our dance, Stevie and I lock eyes and then she stares daggers at poor Carol.

"I'm cutting in." She says sharply.

"Excuse me." Carol hisses.

"Don't provoke me," Stevie growls. Carol huffs and storms away.

"What the hell was that?" Stevie asks angrily.

"Same thing you were doing," I reply.

"I'm the maid of honor and he's the best man. We're supposed to dance all night and hang out. Besides, he actually wants children." She spits.

"Forget it, I'm out...Go have fun. I'll see you at Thanksgiving." I shake my head. My heart-shattering.

"Lindsey..." She calls.

I ignore her, the wheels are already turning when I get home. It's nearing two-thirty in the morning, but I rummage through our attic and find my old acoustic, the guitar I learned to play on. Sitting cross-legged on the attic floor, with a pad of paper by my waist. I write song after song.

I know there's nothing to say

Someone has taken my place

When times go bad when times go rough

Won't you lay me down in the tall grass

And let me do my stuff

I know I got nothing on you

I know there's nothing to do

When times go bad

And you can't get enough

Won't you lay me down in the tall grass and let me do my stuff

One thing I think you should know

I aint gonna miss you when you go

Been down so long I've been tossed around enough

Awh, couldn't you just let me go down and do my stuff

I know you're hopin to find

Someone whose going to give you peace of mind

When times go bad and times get rough

Won't you lay me down in the tall grass and let me do my stuff

I'm just second hand news I'm just second hand news yeah

I'm just second hand news I'm just second hand news yeah

I'm just second hand news I'm just second hand news yeah

I'm just second hand news I'm just second hand news yeah

I'm just second hand news I'm just second hand news yeah

I'm just second hand news I'm just second hand news yeah

I'm just second hand news I'm just second hand news yeah

I'm just second hand news I'm just second hand news yeah

I know she has every right to be angry at me. I said some horrible stuff, I mean I told her to kill our child for Christ sake, but she didn't have to tell me David wanted a family.

***

Thanksgiving is awkward sitting around the table at Jess and Barbara's house. Both families know what happened between us. My mom gave me a giant lecture about it when I arrived.

Jess finally speaks, breaking the tension. "Lindsey, you always have your guitar on you, you should go get it and play us something after dinner."

"I um...Can't. I hawked my guitars last month to pay rent." I clear my throat.

"What!" Stevie asks placing her hands over her mouth.

"I got a job as a bag boy, but I only get two dollars an hour and tips. But, there are a lot of us so I only work four hours a day twice a week. I had no other option. I'm going to sell the one I have at mom and dads house also." I say sadly.

"Oh, Lindsey." Stevie leaps at me and starts sobbing.

"What?" I ask cautiously rubbing her back.

"I bought you a strap for your Gibson for Christmas. Pure leather just like you've been wanting." She explains.

"Well, it's the thought that counts. Thank You, dear." I sooth playing with her hair.

"Lindsey, I miss you. She's been kicking and moving nonstop, and I haven't slept properly in two months. And I...I don't know. I want to come home but I..." She rubs at her eyes.

"You can do whatever you want...She?" I ask

"I'm not certain. The doctors don't have the technology to tell, but I just have a feeling. I'll go back to work until I absolutely can't." Stevie states.

"Alright." I nod.

***

I ended up staying at the Nicks' that night, but while we're laying in bed she sits up abruptly. One hand on her stomach.

"Are you alright?" I question growing concern at her hand on her stomach.

"Oh yeah, but Lindsey...I'm sorry about Robin's wedding. I had no right to say those things. I'm still mad and I will be for a long time. Lindsey, I love you, but you really hurt me. I don't want you in the delivery room and Robin will be coming to stay with us for a while. Kim got a job, he starts in February out in LA. Robin is going to come up after Christmas next month, to start looking for places to live." Stevie explains, and my heart shatters again. I won't be there to see my baby take their first breath.

"So, I'm on the couch for a few weeks?" I ask.

"Months Lindsey." She trails off rolling over to go to sleep and I sigh.

The next morning, while we're eating breakfast Barbara, breaks the silence.

"Now, since you two have worked yourselves out. Jess and I have something to say."

"Yes, Barb and I are moving back to Arizona. Chris is twenty, and he has his own place. You two are starting your own family. So, I'm retiring. Teedee was born in Phoenix and I think all of us were devastated when we got transferred. We like it there, and we have family there as well. We're going over Christmas to look at some houses. We're officially moving back in the New Year, however. I will officially be retired on the first of January. But when you have that baby we will be on the first flight out." Jess says.

"What would've happened if Lindsey and I hadn't of made up?" Stevie asks sipping on some tea. I know she prefers coffee in the morning and tea any time after lunch, but with the pregnancy, I think she's cutting back on the caffeine.

"We were going to tell you and send you home." Barbara shrugs.

"And my family is going to Martha's for Christmas, so I think it's just us this December Steph." I sigh.

***

When I go back to my mom and dad's with the promise to pick Stevie up to go back home in the morning, I pick up that guitar for the last time and write. Because though we've made up, I still feel so alone.

I been alone all the years

So many ways to count the tears

I never change, I never will

I'm so afraid the way I feel

Days when the rain and the sun are gone

Black as night, agony's torn at my heart to long

So afraid

Slip and I fall and I die

I been alone always down

No one cared to stay around

I never change I never will

I'm so afraid the way I feel

Days when the rain and the sun are gone

Black as night

Agony's torn at my heart too long

So afraid

Slip and I fall and I die