I let my hand brush against the delicate bark of a palm tree, letting it prick my finger. I wonder how long its been alive and how quickly it could be burned to the ground. I look at the soft sand beneath my feet, curling my toes. This was supposed to be my home once, I remember. When I was to run away with Lachlan, Mira, and Carnelian. I know that if I had not made the decision I made all the rebels would have died.

And yet, I can't help but imagine what life would have been like had I not stepped in the nano sand. Waking up to Lachlan every morning, cooking with Mira, making jokes with Carnelian. It could have been a beautiful but lonely life. Could we have that life now? With Mira gone? With everyone in Eden watching me?

You can't stay here, Aaron says. You shouldn't even be here now.

I look to the ocean, unaffected by his words. I'll leave soon. Just not now. I know what's at stake and I won't be selfish enough to stay. I look at the ocean, and take a deep breath, looking at the beautiful sunset.

"You never did get to see the ocean, did you?" A voice says from the tree line. Lachlan stands there awkwardly, now clean-shaven and sober.

"Hey, you look better," I say softly, taking a step towards him. "I wasn't expecting you so early."

"And I wasn't expecting you," he says with a grin. "I just came to think...to reminisce on what could have been," he admits, awkwardly stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah, me too," I whisper, facing the huge body of water again.

"So...how do you like the beach? Is this your first time seeing the ocean?" he asks, trying to fill the gap of silence. I chuckle.

"It can't really be my first time experiencing anything, can it? You know, being the EcoPan and all..." I say the press my lips together in a tight line.

"Yeah, of course, what was I thinking?" he asks, biting his lip.

"This...this doesn't have to be awkward," I say tentatively. "It's only been a few months, we've survived longer times apart." I take a step closer to him...but I know that's not what this is about. Lachlan doesn't care how long I've been away, he cares why I've been away.

"Rowan, you...you left me," Lachlan whispers. "You told me to trust you, and I did...and with that trust, you used me to help you into that coffin. You made me help you!" The gentle disappointment in his voice puts tears in my eyes.

"Lachlan, I can explain. I'm sorry about that, I really am. But I was afraid, shaking so bad I couldn't stand. I knew if I told you what I was about to do you'd convince me not to. I'm sorry for using your trust but I believed I was doing the right thing," I explain, taking his hand.

"Do you still? Do you regret your decision, is that why you're back?" he asks, and I see a small hope in his eyes.

"No," I admit and watch the hope drain from him. "Lachlan, I'm sorry."

"You willingly left me? After all we went through? I would have been willing to walk through fire for you, Rowan. And for what? You left anyway," he says with a chuckle. I can't tell if he's angry.

"Lach, it wasn't that simple," I explain.

"But wasn't it? You said you loved me, Rowan. I thought that meant something!"

"It did," I promise, pressing my palm to his cheek. "It meant that I love you...but not enough to sacrifice all of humanity...it could never be enough for that."

"I just wondered for so long...what was it all for? What did I have to prove that it meant anything? What did I have?" He takes a deep breath, blinking away the glimmer in his eyes. I lean in and he does too. At the last second, I swerve away, kissing his cheek. I don't want to give him any more false hope.

"The others will be here any second," I whisper, turning away from him. I walk away, dipping my toes in the ocean, knowing we both feel so so alone.

~~