Lachlan and I spent the next few weeks together as much as possible. We didn't waste a moment, filling our days with kisses, hugs, and all the sweet things you could imagine. We tried to be normal for the short time we had together, not thinking of the emotional consequences we would face when the EcoPan was fixed and ready for me. Lachlan did a good job keeping my mind off of that. When I was with him he made me feel alive, and I didn't worry what it would be like to give that up.

Nonetheless, the EcoPan is now fixed and my few weeks of freedom are over. I try to remind myself that it was stolen time anyways. It was all a gift. And now, for my last night as a normal human, I want to spend time with my family. Lachlan and I are on our way to my mother's house where we will all sit down for dinner, say our goodbyes, and then send me off. Lachlan doesn't hold my hand on the way there. We walk in silence and I feel the tension grow.

Not now, I think. Not now when I need his support most. I can't have him doubting me.

"Hey," I say gently, slipping my hand in his. "I need you right now."

We exchange small smiles but he looks uncertain and my stomach feels hollow. He could never understand how important this is to me. When we reach my mother's house he stops, looking at me guiltily. I look at him, realizing what he's about to do.

"I'm not staying," he says, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I...I can't. I'm camping on the beach for the night...I'm getting away. I've tried to be strong for you Rowan but...this is too much. I can't watch you become the EcoPan again. Once was enough. I don't want you to be mad at me but..."

"Just go," I whisper. I close my eyes, holding back the emotion. I'm not going to let myself falter because of him again. I'm not going to let myself break. What difference does it make anyway? It was going to be over the second I became the EcoPan. Maybe it's only fair that I let him walk away by his own will.

"I love you," he says apologetically. "It's just too much...knowing I'm never going to see you again." Tears fill his eyes. To him, I am dying. And I find myself thinking the same thing he said to me a few weeks ago, I should have never fallen for you again. We've made this so much more difficult on ourselves for our own selfish reasons. But I don't want my last day to be about him leaving. I insist on having a good night with my family regardless.

"I love you too," I say, holding his face in my hands. "You were the love of my life. Goodbye. I'll be watching you."

He kisses me lingeringly, takes one more good look at me, memorizing my face, then walks away. As much as I'm hurt, I know it's worse for him. He has to live his whole life without me. Me, however, all I have to do is make it through this last night. I can't blame him for choosing to walk away. All he wanted to do was protect the last little bit of his heart that would have shattered had he not gotten the chance to say a proper goodbye in private. I take a deep breath, feeling my feet grow a bit heavier as I walk inside.

When I step into my mother's warm home I am met with all the faces I love most. Some are sitting at the table, others sitting on makeshift couches. After the people of Eden were freed they inevitably didn't take well to some of Harmonia's traditions. The glass houses were one of them. Instead, the people who felt that they wanted private houses were assisted in building them and regulating how to use as little natural resources as possible. Nature will always come first in Harmonia. My mother decided to leave her glass sphere, not because she didn't like the lack of privacy, but rather she couldn't imagine staying in the home without me. So her, Ash, and all our friends helped her build her new, smaller home, and she of course helped them in return. First I hug my mother, taking comfort in her the way I always have. She glances back at the door and I suspect that she realizes Lachlan isn't coming. It hasn't been a secret Lachlan and I have been trying to make up for the lost time these past few weeks, and she can assume he'd be with me.

I see that everyone is dressed up in tunics nicer than an average day. I suppose this is a nice occasion, my final supper. I almost want to joke about it with Ash, but decide it's better not to. I know this isn't easy for him, but thankfully he understands. Other than humanity, nothing matters more to me than Ash's happiness. And if he's going to be okay without me, they all will be.

"I'm glad you could make it," Ash says when he hugs me and I smile in confusion.

"Obviously," I say, punching him playfully in the shoulder. "It would be awfully rude of me to stand you guys up."

"Well...I'm just glad you could make it to the wedding," he says then gives me a kiss on the cheek, turning away to talk to someone else. I grab his shoulder to keep him from walking away and I look at him expectantly. "Well, you didn't think I was getting married without my big sis by my side?"

I see Ash's face turn into a grin as he sees the realization hit me fast. With all the excitement of Secundus, I almost forgot he was engaged. Tears fill my eyes as I realize they moved their wedding up for me. I suspect they would want a small wedding anyway since there's no legal marriage in Harmonia. To them, love is love and a silly paper doesn't change that. For the most part, the only documents are records of births and deaths so our future generations can make sense of us. Our stories can't follow us forever.

I bring Ash into a tight hug, nearly suffocating him in the process. I try to bring all my love for him, all our lives, to this one hug. This is why I believe in humanity.

When people refer to a moment as 'animal' they mean that it is wild, dangerous, or disgusting. And when we refer to something as 'human' it is vulnerable or understandable. But it's quite the opposite, wouldn't one think? And if there's one thing I can learn from being the EcoPan and being human...it's that we can be both. We can be selfish humans and vulnerable animals. And this is what I've learned most from my family since I've come home again. They are my humanity. And when I'm lost to the machine they will guide me down the right path...even after they are gone.

So moments later as I watch my brother marry the person he loves most, I understand the duality of humans. The change, the difference, the mistakes. The coincidences, the surprises. But most of all I learn true love and true partnership. I learn to never truly separate from those I love. I relearn what I thought I already knew. Do any of us actually understand humanity? Or love?

And in this moment, I understand what I want. For the first time in so long, I don't have a doubt. And I wonder how I couldn't have done this sooner. I wonder how I couldn't have done this the moment I saw Lachlan's sweet sobbing face when he tried to stop me from becoming the EcoPan.

Aaron is now dead, and his secrets are not mine. Nor are his values or decisions as the EcoPan. And as much as I talk about being connected to my family through the EcoPan, I don't want to watch them die. I don't want to die when my duty as the EcoPan is over. I want to live a full, happy, life with the people I love. And despite Aaron keeping it a secret all these years, the truth will finally be out.

I can take them with me.

~~~