It was on the news the next morning. Police and FBI looking for a suspect in the murder of a Jane Doe. Burned and tortured beyond recognition.

Ryder had sent FBI teams out looking for Volkov and Sarah immediately after hanging up the phone. No one had found her. Until early this morning. She was found in an abandoned building. No identification.

That wasn't surprising. The world never knew who Sarah Smith was. She was invisible and she had liked it that way.

The only thing that told me that the body was in fact, hers, was the tattoo still clearly visible on her neck. The only part recognizable.

My gaze is locked on the TV screen, watching as the news reporters and pictures continue to flash across the screen.

Ryder comes over and takes the seat beside me. He takes the remote from my hands and switches the TV off. "We're done with that," He says.

I stare at the blank screen. "I thought you were leaving," I say quietly.

I can feel his eyes burning a hole into the side of my head. "Yeah, so did I," He says. "Plans change." He places a glass of water on the coffee table in front of me.

I just continue to stare at the blank TV screen.

"Nicky," Ryder starts softly. "you've been up all night, you haven't even changed out of the clothes you were wearing yesterday. You need to rest. You need to take your mind away from all this. If even for only a moment."

I shake my head. "I don't deserve not to think about it. It's my fault."

"No," Ryder says fiercely. "No, it's not."

Yes, it is. If I hadn't done what I did, if Sarah hadn't helped me she'd still be alive.

It didn't make it any better that my thoughts and feelings were torn between Sarah's death and the fact that Volkov would continue to go after anyone even remotely connected to me just to get to me. And Ryder was likely now at the top of his list since he'd no doubt pissed Volkov off.

This could not possibly get any worse.

I can feel Ryder staring at me, but I don't say anything else. I don't make any moves. My thoughts fly in a million different directions. All going back to Sarah. To the fact that this never would have happened if it wasn't for me.

I can feel Ryder shift on the couch next to me and before I can make any move, he wraps his arms around me and pulls me into him.

I tense up and go to push away from him but his grip only tightens. "You're tearing me apart," I hear him whisper so quietly, I think I imagined it.

"I thought you were done caring," I mutter into his chest. His chin rests on the top of my head.

"I never said that." Ryder's hand strokes the hair back from my face.

"It is not your fault," He states firmly. "This is all Volkov's fault. No one pushed him to do it. You didn't have a hand in this. It is not your fault."

I ignore him because he's wrong.

"Why are you trying to make me feel better?" I ask instead. "You were angry with me."

"I was and still am, furious with you," He corrects me. "but yelling at you isn't going to do any good for either one of us. And as you pointed out, I didn't condemn Sarah, and as far as I know, you haven't done anything horribly bad," Oh how wrong you are. "so, I'm not going to forget it. I'm not going to forgive it, but I am going to set my feelings on this matter aside. If only for a little while."

I shouldn't be feeling as good as I do with his arms wrapped around me. I shouldn't be pressing myself further into him. I shouldn't be sitting here with him at all. I should be coming up with some kind of plan. I can't keep going like this.

And the plan that's coming to mind, is probably the worst one I've ever come up with.

I think you should go to John. Sarah's words echo in my head.

I'll go, I told her, but only as a last resort.

This is my last resort.

Snowball's chance in hell of surviving an encounter with John. Thing is, my odds without his help were even worse.

I've got nothing left to lose . . . not true.

I think of my family. I think of Ryder. But no one else is going to die for me. No one else is going to die because of me. I'm not going to let it happen. The only casualty in all of this if necessary, will be me.

I push away from Ryder and start to get to my feet.

"Uh oh," Ryder says and I turn to look at him questioningly. "You look like a woman on a mission." He eyes me a second longer. "And I don't think I'll be able to talk you out of it."

I shake my head and confirm his thoughts. "No, you won't." I start to walk off down the hall.

"Where are you going?" He asks me.

"I need to shower and change," I reply absentmindedly as my mind is already planning out everything I need to do. Everything I need to account for.

"And then?" Ryder asks me.

And then I have a contract killer whose wife I threatened last time we had contact with each other to find. "I'll need my computer," I say instead.

Last resort. Snowball's chance in hell of it actually working . . .

***

"When you said you needed your computer, I assumed that meant you'd use your computer," Ryder says as he leans against the wall, staring at me sitting at the dining table, his laptop open in front of me.

"My computer didn't have a sufficient charge. So, I borrowed yours," I tell him.

"There's this thing you can do, called charge your computer. Conveniently, the computer comes with a charging cord. Shocking I know."

I take my eyes away from the computer screen long enough to glare at him. I turn my focus back to the computer as my fingers fly across the keys.

"What exactly are you doing?" Ryder asks as he comes to stand behind me and look at the screen.

"Trying to find someone."

"Are you doing it legally?"

"Do you want an honest answer?"

I can feel Ryder glaring at me. He doesn't say anything else though. I'll take that as a no.

After a long time of typing and staring at the computer screen, I have an address. I scribble it down on the notepad resting next to me and rip the page out. I fold it up and put it in my pocket.

Ryder closes his laptop and takes it away from me. Not that it matters, I've got what I needed.

I get up and go to the guest room I've been staying and start packing up what little I have into my backpack. I'll need to pick up a new phone first chance I get though.

I turn to leave the room and Ryder's standing in the doorway, blocking the way out.

"I'm assuming you're going to go meet with whoever it was you were looking for," He says.

"Yes," I reply as I try to go around him. He steps in front of me and I blow out a sigh or irritation.

"Is this another one of your little criminal friends?"

"If you're asking if he's ever been convicted, the answer is no."

Ryder's eyes narrow. "That's not what I'm asking."

I don't answer him and push around him and into the hallway. I start making my way to the door. He makes no move to stop me. But he does speak.

"You're leaving now?" He asks me.

I don't turn to look at him as I toss a couple more of my things into my backpack. "Yes," I reply, swinging my backpack over my shoulder. "Seeing as you wanted to be rid of me, now's your chance."

He doesn't respond, not that I expected him to and he doesn't follow me. I take the elevator down and go out to the parking lot, heading for the car. I pull the lockpicks out of my backpack and go to work at unlocking the driver's side door.

The car unlocks before I have the chance to do anything.

"Before you hijack and destroy a perfectly good car," Ryder says and then holds up the keys in a way that basically says, look what I have and you don't.

I reach for the keys and he holds them above his head, out of my reach.

"Ryder," I groan as I glare at him.

"I'll give you these keys on two conditions," He says.

"I'd rather hotwire the car."

He ignores me. "One, you stop being stupid-"

I'm going to kill him. How's that for stupid?

"-Two, no more lies."

I stare at him in surprise. "What are you doing?" I finally ask him disbelief.

He lets out a sigh. "Against my better judgment," He says as he takes a step toward me. "I'm giving you a second chance."

"Are you out of your mind?"

Ryder gives me a flat look. "That doesn't exactly inspire much confidence."

"It wasn't meant to."

"You're kind of ruining the moment."

I continue to stare at him in disbelief. He shakes his head and holds out the keys to me once more. "I'm going to regret this."

"Giving me a second chance?" I question. That I don't deserve, I add silently.

"No," He says in a tone that implies I'm an idiot. "Letting you drive."

Give it enough time, and you'll regret the second chance too. I don't deserve it.

I take the keys from his hands without a second thought and open the car door, sliding behind the wheel. Moments later Ryder gets in the passenger seat.

He shouldn't be coming with me. I should just get out of the car and find some other way to get where I need to go. Besides the fact that just being with me is putting a target on his back, I'm leading him right to someone who is potentially worse than Volkov in his own way.

I blow out a long sigh. "Ryder-" I start but don't get to finish.

"If you want me out of this car, you're going to have to throw me out."

"I swear you were just trying to get the hell away from me not twenty-four hours ago," I mutter.

Ryder lets out a sharp breath. "Look, I don't like that gang. I don't like that you were a part of the gang. I'm furious I've been protecting a criminal, but . . ." He trails off and looks at me. "our mutual friend trusts you, and taking into consideration what lack of trust she has in anyone," He lets out another long breath. "well, I trust her judgment."

Our mutual friend. Our mutual friend who happens to work for a very secret government agency. Our mutual friend who is the most selfless person I've ever met. Not hard to see why he'd trust her judgment.

Her judgment's a little screwy in this case. No way in hell I say that out loud though. I don't need that getting back to her ever. Plus, I was, more often than not, convinced she had a death wish.

"So," He says as I continue to stare at him. "We heading off to go see your friend?"

I stare him a moment longer before starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot.

"Remember," Ryder says. "you're supposed to drive within the lines."

"I'll throw you out of the car."

Ryder slides his sunglasses on over his eyes and smiles. He gazes out the window. "You going to answer my question?" He asks me.

"He's not exactly a friend," I reply. "More of an acquaintance really. And I have another stop to make before going there."

I can see Ryder turn his head to look at me, but I keep my focus on the road ahead. On everything I have to focus on, or else I might just start thinking about Sarah again, and then I'll start thinking about what would happen if it had been my family . . . or Ryder. And I just might fall apart.

It could still end up being my family or Ryder. Unless Volkov can be taken out of the equation. Unless the head of the gang can be taken out of the equation. Remove the head of the gang and Volkov and almost everything can go back to normal. Still, it would be better if I never saw my family again, but at least they could go back to living real lives.

"Oh?" Ryder questions. "And where would that be?"

I smile. "I have a storage locker in the area."

Ryder eyes me but doesn't ask any more questions. That's probably for the best. I'd have a hard time explaining exactly what's in that storage locker.

"Why?" He asks after a long silence.

"Because I have some equipment to pick up."

Some very fun, very experimental, equipment I haven't had the chance to play with yet. And I was feeling the need to arm myself, because if Volkov came within striking distance . . . I was going to strike out. Hard and fast. I was going to make him pay for everything he'd done to me, to my family, for what he'd done to Sarah.

Sarah's words echo back to me, You play the hand you're dealt. Yes, in this case, John was that hand, but I still had a few other tricks up my sleeve.