I step off the elevator and walk down the hall in the direction of Ryder's room.

After he had woken up-and after much argument from him-I had gone and rented a room and the hotel across the street and taken the time to actually shower, eat, and sleep in something other than a hospital chair.

Mind you, this was only after Ryder had threatened to get my visiting privileges revoked until I took care of myself.

Not even awake for twenty-four hours he's already being a pain in the ass.

Damien's standing in the hallway outside Ryder's room when I turn the corner.

"Tone down the sarcasm," I hear him say and notice that he's got his phone pressed to his ear. "I wasn't trying to poke fun at you. I was actually going to ask if you wanted me to deal with the media."

He nods in greeting to me, acknowledging me while he listens to the person talking to him through the phone.

He lets out a long sigh. "You can believe that all you want but I'm not your enemy, Miss Carver."

I tune out the rest of his conversation as I walk into Ryder's room.

A table's set up next to his bedside and on it a chess board. I watch as Ryder moves a piece before turning his attention to me, smiling as he sees me.

I also watch as Lily picks up her piece, swats away one of his with an evil laugh and puts her piece in its place.

I watch as Ryder then takes her queen. Lily demonstrates her colorful vocabulary which she no doubt, learned from Ryder.

"I was wondering when you'd be coming back," Ryder says as he looks back to me. "I was beginning to think you left."

I smile at him and take the empty seat opposite Lily, at his side. "Not yet," I reply.

He laughs and then winces, his hand going to his chest briefly. He waves me off when he sees the concern on my face.

"I'm fine carrot top," He tells me.

Lily mutters something that sounds suspiciously like, "If I can't kill him, no one can."

"I do have a question for you though. Something I forgot to ask before," He says as he moves another of his pieces when it's his turn. I wait for him to say more but he doesn't.

"And your question is . . ." I trail off, waiting for his reply.

He smiles at Lily as he watches her move her piece. He takes his turn and then he looks at me.

"Now," He says as he folds his hands together in his lap. He looks at me calmly, collectively.

"Uh oh," Lily mutters. Her gaze remains locked on Ryder's face, reading him.

I turn to look at her questioningly.

"I think I'll wait outside," She says. She makes a point of knocking over Ryder's king before leaving the room.

Ryder ignores her. "I would like to ask you," He pauses and for a moment I believe it's for dramatic effect until I catch sight of the barely controlled anger in his eyes. "What in flaming hell were you thinking?"

For a split second, I'm not sure how to respond.

But then my irritation with him jumps up and I glare at him. "I was trying to make sure you didn't get hurt."

Ryder gestures to the hospital room around us. "Mission accomplished," He says sarcastically.

Guilt gnaws at me and I continue to glare at him. "I thought you said this wasn't my fault."

"Yes well, after thinking it over extensively, I've changed my mind," He tells me. "Because if you hadn't run off, I would not have had to go track you down."

I jump to my feet and throw my hands in the air. "You did not have to track me down. You could have stayed away."

It's Ryder's turn to glare. "Are you saying this is my fault? I didn't shoot you."

"That was an accident!"

"I'm not inclined to believe you."

I glare at him, seriously debating slapping him when I notice the spark of mischief in his eyes and the slight twitch of his lips.

He's screwing with me.

I hate him.

"I hate you," I tell him.

His smile breaks free. "No, you don't," He says as he reaches for my hand and pulls me closer to him.

I continue to glare at him. "And how would you know that?"

His smile gets wider and suddenly turns very smug. He pulls me down to him so his lips brush against my cheek and his breath fans across my ear as he talks.

"Did you know," He starts softly. "that there is exactly one phrase I know how to say in French?"

My eyes widen and I immediately start to pull away from him. My face turning redder by the second.

He doesn't let me. Instead, he pulls me back down to him. His hand still holds mine and with his free head he reaches up. His hand is at the back of my neck, pulling me down to him and he presses his lips softly to mine.

I respond by pressing my hands to his chest and fisting the material of his hospital gown in my hands, my lips moving in sync with his.

He pulls me into even closer, his hand on my hip as he tries to continue to get me even closer to him.

"Ryder," I whisper as I pull away. "you're hurt. We're in a hospital."

"Which one of those is the problem?" He asks before he presses his lips against mine once more. He hooks his fingers in the belt loops of my jeans and pulls me on top of him.

I slide my leg over him so I'm straddling him, while he runs his hands under my shirt. He pulls me closer to him before pulling away briefly, my hair falling around the both of us like a curtain.

"Nicky," He whispers against my lips. "I-"

"That is most definitely not what the doctor ordered," Damien interjects from the doorway.

I feel my face turning redder than before and I move to get off Ryder but his grip on me tightens, making it clear he's not letting me go anywhere.

Ryder scowls at him. "Get out."

Damien rolls his eyes. "Get a room."

Ryder smiles widely. "I have one."

Before Damien can say anything else, Lily comes walking in. She stops for a second then smiles slyly and wiggles her eyebrows.

"I approve," She says before winking and walking back out.

Ryder waves his hand in his sister's direction. "Why can't you be more like her?" He asks Damien.

Damien gives him a flat look. "Your sister's completely bonkers. That's why."

Ryder makes a shooing motion with his hand. "Out you go so I can utilize my room."

My face is red as a tomato and I wish the floor would just swallow me up whole. I'm thinking this could not possibly get any worse.

But then Quinn walks in and I am once again proven wrong.

Quinn says nothing for a long time and just stirs the cup of coffee in her hand.

"Interesting pigmentation," She finally says as she watches me. "Not quite sure I could ever duplicate that particular red you're sporting, Nicky."

I groan and bury my face in my hands before sliding off Ryder and standing next to his bed.

"I hate you all," I tell them.

Quinn smiles widely . . . until her phone starts ringing. She pulls it from her pocket and glares at the screen.

She answers it and doesn't even bother with pleasantries or greetings. "Go to hell," She says before hanging up.

Everybody stares at her in surprise.

She shrugs. "I've had it up to here," She raises her hand well over her head. "with his-" The phone starts ringing again. "Are you kidding me!?" She screams.

She turns to Damien and holds the phone out to him.

Damien looks down at it then to her. "What am I supposed to do with it?"

"Answer it," She replies. "Make up some FBI crap about arresting him for harassment."

Damien just looks at her. "I believe the term you're looking for is, restraining order."

Quinn just continues to hold the phone out to him. "Chances are he'll hang up as soon as he hears it's not me."

Damien just stares at her. Quinn answers the phone herself and presses it into his ear.

He shoots her a bewildered glance but takes the phone this time.

"North," He answers. Seconds later he takes the phone from his ear. He shrugs as he hands it back to Quinn. "He hung up," He tells her.

Quinn smiles, pleased, and pockets her phone once again.

Ryder waves at her, catching her attention. "I'm not trying to be offensive when I say this, but why are you still here?"

Quinn raises an eyebrow at him. "Well, I don't exactly have a house to go back to at the moment." She shrugs and leans back against the wall. "Plus I figured someone has to make sure you don't tear your stitches again."

Ryder nods before looking at Damien and Quinn and then to me.

He turns back to Damien. "If I ask you to distract my parents for the next ten minutes-"

"So long as I don't walk in here ten minutes later to find you on top of each other again, yeah, I'll do it," Damien cuts off Ryder.

He gestures to Quinn. "Come on, I'll introduce you to Ryder's father, I'm sure he'll have a better solution to your problem then screaming at it to Go to hell."

Quinn lets out a snort as she starts to leave the room with Damien. "There is no other solution when dealing with Sean Marrek," She grumbles on the way out.

I look at Ryder as he places his hands behind his head and smiles widely. He winks at me. I feel my face flush again. I turn away.

"So, your family will likely be free to return to their lives," Ryder says.

I whirl to face him. "What?" I whisper.

He shrugs. "I still have to put in a few calls to the US Marshall Service," He says. "But the threat to their lives is gone, so far as we know. They might still have to stay in witness protection for a few more weeks while everything gets sorted out but they'll be able to go home."

I feel tears build up in my eyes. Tears of joy. Of happiness.

Ryder smiles at me. "So all that's left would be you returning home to them."

I turn away and look out the little window on the far wall. The hope, the joy, everything that swirls inside me wants to be free. And I want nothing more than to go home. To see my family again.

"No," I whisper softly. "I can't," I tell him.

I hear the sheets rustle as Ryder sits himself up higher in the bed, turning to me.

"What do mean, you can't?" He asks me. "Yes, you can."

I shake my head. "My family will forever be watched," I tell him. "Not by the gang. That threat to them is gone. But by law enforcement waiting for the arrival of Nicolette Moore. Waiting to catch her going back home to the family she left behind."

I shake my head again. "I can't ever return home. And why would want to, when the only faces that would greet me would be full of the pain I inflicted upon them." I continue to keep my back to Ryder, my gaze out the window. "I knew when I walked out on them that I could never go back. I always knew." My hands clench into fists at my sides. "And I did it anyway."

Ryder's quiet for a long time before speaking. "I can take care of any law enforcement watching-"

"It's not just that," I interrupt. "Even though Volkov's gone along with the leader of the gang, there's no guarantee the rest of the gang won't keep coming after me. I'd be leading them right to my family's home." I shake my head. "I won't do that to them."

I won't do that to you.

The more I think it over, the more I realize I had already made up my mind. I already decided. I made up my mind the moment he got shot (and not by me). It's not safe for him to be around me.

I can't, I won't, watch him die because of me. Not ever.

"Nicky," Ryder sighs. "Look, don't worry about it. We'll figure it out."

I turn to look at him and let a small smile cross my face. "Yes, of course."

I turn away again just before the nurse walks in with Ryder's medication for the night. I watch silently as he takes it from her with a grimace.

The medication, as the doctor had stated previously to Ryder's parents, makes him very drowsy. And right now I'm thankful for that.

I sit next to him and we talk about meaningless things. Whatever comes to mind. I watch as his family comes in and out. I watch as he slowly starts to drift off. I hold his hand as he finally closes his eyes. As his breathing evens out.

I feel tears begin streaming down my face silently.

"I'm so sorry, Ryder," I whisper quietly. "But this is for the best." I reach out and brush his hair from his face.

I take a pen from the nightstand and scribble a note on a pack of sticky notes. I rip it off . . . and then stick it to his head.

I let out a silent breathless laugh. "Goodbye Ryder," I whisper. "I love you."

I turn and walk out of the room and down the hall to the elevator. Quinn's getting off as I'm getting on.

She says nothing, just looks me over before letting out a long sigh. "Don't do this to him," She says.

I shake my head, wiping away tears that continue to fall. "It's for the best," I tell her as I press the button to go down.

She holds her arm in front of the doors, keeping them from closing. "No, it's not. He'll never forgive you."

I smile at her sadly. "I don't need him to," I respond. "I just need him to be safe." I push her arm out of the way. "And he can't ever be safe with me."

She doesn't try to stop me again. Doesn't try to stop the elevator doors from closing.

I close my eyes as hot tears stream down my cheeks. I breathe out a shaky breath. "Goodbye," I whisper.

And when the elevator doors finally open, I walk away. One last time.

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