《I SAID I LOVE YOU》WOH LAMHEIN WOH BAATEIN,KOI NA JAANE
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TITLE TRANSLATION:Those moments, those talks ,Which no one knows
I woke up and looked round for a while with a startled expression, Because the bed was empty,When I came out I saw the light in the balcony,I went to find my angel was talking to nerdy about me.
I was angry and hurt that she did not choose me to express her feelings,But she is right,I will clarify her each insecurity.I slowly tip toed and patted nerdy's shoulder and asked him to go.My angel was speaking ,she was facing the sky,her back was facing me,she doesn't know I am here.
"Monu!!You know, One big mistake we all do is we give people power over us,That may be friends,lovers r anyone. And they start showing power on us by pulling the levels of our emotions, we unconsciously give them permission to play the role of someone who can hurt us. We empower them to hurt us!",she continued speaking I know she was talking about me,how she gave me power to hurt her.
"And I did not forgive aadi yet monu,You know why?To tolerate someone you still blame for hurting you and calling it forgiveness is mocking the truth, and it is self betrayal....To forgive someone is most difficult because sometimes we don't want to forgive. We want to strike back. We want justice. We want the other person to know the pain they inflicted. And if we can't have justice we vow that we will never have a relationship with that person again. We avoid them and ignore them. And I am feeling same towards aadi".
"You may think monu,why am I over reacting,can't I just forgive easily...The answer is no I cant because,If I forgive amn't I just letting aadi get away with a wrong?I am scared if I forgive I will be allowing him to take advantage of me again",I am shocked by now,Did my angel bottled up all these thoughts in her mind.I think she even started crying.
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" I am hurt monu...I dont understand what I am feeling! " ,by now she fell on her knees and started sobbing,I want her to let everything out,I dont want to stop her.
"You know monu sometimes I feel like I will hurt aadi a lot and feel some satisfying sense of getting even,but instead of the hurt he get,The hurt I feel myself may be even greater,I am so pathetic!!",She was sobbing uncontrollably now.By now I too had tears in my eyes,My angel is hurting a lot inside,But I selfishly was trying to get her love me back.
"Thats enough angel",I said and went to kneel down before her,She was so shocked on seeing me,Why wont she,all this while she was talking thinking I was monu.
"Mo..monu",she said with hickups.
"He went away long back my angel",I wiped her tears.
"So ..you",she was hesitating.
"Yes I heard everything,and trust me I am so glad that I heard it",i peaked her forehead.
I sat down and pulled her onto my lap.She resisted but I wrapped my arms around her,She started pushing me away.
"Please angel,Let me hold you,I need to ,,,for all the things I am about to say you",She kept quite now.
"My mother died giving birth to me angel,I know you knew all my story,But I wanted to tell you,In my view,But I was so lucky in a way,Though my dad was hurt,He bought me up with so much love and affection,I dont remember much because I was so small,But I still remember things like my dad feeding me,And when ever I missed my mom,He used to show me the moon,and said my mom was the moon,and the beautiful bright star near the moon will b him,After his life ends".
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"I was snatched away by my grand parents when I was five years old,My dad promised me he will come and take me,But he didnt come,minutes turned to hours,hours to days,days to weeks,weeks to months and months to years...He still didn't come.My grand parents never cared for me"
"I had a very big room,lot of toys but no one to play with...a very delicious meal,but no one to feed me...a big bed,but no one to tuck me in and sing a lullaby...I was alone,all alone,I used to cry myself to sleep,First I was scared but later the darkness became my best friend".
"Later in school I thought I will not be lonely,I would get some friends,But every one saw the Aadithya kashyap and his money,No one even bothered about the real aadi".
"Then you came in my life like a breathe of fresh air,You said you loved me But i did not believe you...do you know why angel?"
"Because my mom did not love me enough to stay alive for me,my dad did not love me enough to release me from my grandparents,my graany granpa never loved me,they only saw me as a heir for their fortune...When my own family did not love me,How can I expect you,Some stranger to love me?"
"But I felt possessive towards you,slowly you became like my habit,I never came to college,But I started coming because you used to follow me whole day saying I love you aadi,I liked how you cared for me,because it was new that some one cared for me,Where everyone saw me as Aadithya kashyap,You only saw me as aadi".
"When you were getting closer to shyam,I feared that even I may loose you,So I thought marrying you would be ensuring because you will stay with me for whole life,After marrying you I thought I will start loving you slowly".
"But ...",I was about to say the real reason which made me a jerk in past,I heard light snores,I tilted my head to see,
MY ANGEL WAS SLEEPING.
I took her to bed and cuddled with her,Thinking about my life,I put my ipod on shuffle and plugged my earphones..
Woh Lamhe Woh baatein
Those moment, those talks
Koi na jaane
No one knows
Thi kaisi raatein
How were those nights
Barsaatein
Rainfall
Woh bheegi bheegi yaadein
Those drenched memories......
Na main jaanun
Neither I know
Na tu jaane
Nor You know
Kaisa hai ye mausam
What sort is this weather
Koi na jaane
No one knows
Kahin se hai fizaa aayi From somewhere this breeze came
Ghamon ki dhoop sang laayi
With itself, it brought the sunlight of sadness
Khafaa ho gaye hum
It created anger in both of us
Judaa ho gaye hum
It led us to seperation......
Saagar ki Gehraayi se
Deeper than the depth of the ocean
Gehra hai Apna pyaar
Deeper is our Love
Sehraon ki In hawaaon mein
In the wind of these wilderness
Kaise aayegi bahaar
How can the spring arrive
Kahaan se ye hawa aayi
From where did these winds blow
Ghataayein kaali kyon chhaayi
From where these black clouds started spreading
Khafaa ho gaye hum
It created anger in both of us
Judaa ho gaye hum
It led us to seperation!!
How appropriate for my situation I thought and fell asleep with my angel in my arms!!
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Sorry for the delay,as I was ill I went to hospital...
I have put all my feelings and hardwork into this chap...I hope you like it.
This is supposed to be an emotional chapter,I dont know whether I was able to convey the emotions properly or not,What do you think?Please express your views through comments!
If you people understand the hard work I do to update daily..Please vote and comment!
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