So it began. Like everything, slow, hard at first, but practise makes perfect. The lazy excuses were expected now. Missing lunch for extra drill practise or game planning. Head down in classes, since I was suddenly completely focused on study. Just like that my interaction with Noah went down to simple nods and quick "heys" in the hallways.

He didn't question it, but I knew he noticed it. I don't know what was going through his head. That stupid mantra I have had since I was twelve "Breathe a lot or breathe a little" was going through mine, it didn't make sense, not out of context of that poem. But it didn't matter, those lines made me remember a much happier and simpler time and that was fine.

Just like I had asked, Chad was laying off Noah. Jaxon and Alec were playing nice, and our team was thriving. All was well once again. But it wasn't. I didn't get to spend anytime with Noah. To be fair I don't know what I was expecting, him to suddenly stand up and fight for me. Noah to tell me he wanted me, to push me out of my nice comfy closet. But either way he did nothing, I did nothing and we pretended like there wasn't this tall wall in between us.

I couldn't see over it and that hurt. But like everyone else I did as I had said I do. Smile bright and act happy. Those two things seemed to make sense before, those two things used to be easy before, nothing seemed as wrong as those two things now. Yet I did it, cause I was afraid. Cause I was a coward, I didn't want to take a step out of my comfort zone and face reality. Just like that I was able to convince myself I didn't deserve Noah.

It was a saturday night. Saturday nights meant party nights. I had been hosting them over the past few months. But since that painful night where Noah and I broke off what we had, I had stopped attending. They still went on and people were too drunk to notice my absence. Before Noah I would never had the courage to skip out on a party, but after they seemed so pointless. Now I know my presence wouldn't have even been missed. That thought made me laugh, made me realise how insignificant all of this really was.

However, tonight felt like a night to get drunk, felt like a night to get high, do something stupid, then regret it in the morning. So for the first time in what it felt like an age, I climbed down the stairs and I greeted my guests. I took the first drink some girl offered me, didn't check to see what it was, I just drank. Just like that I was gone, then some hands were all over me.

"Dance with me" some female voice slurred into my ear. Before I had a chance we were on the dance floor. It wasn't like I would say no, so I pressed myself against her and the night began.

A few drinks later and few more songs later I was fargone. But I couldn't help but notice a pair of eyes watching my every move. It took me a while in my drunken state to locate the owner of those eyes. But once I did, I couldn't look away. He was intoxicating, which was saying something considered I was already intoxicated. He was tall, he was handsome, he had that total dark and mysterious vibe going for him. But he wasn't Noah and even in my drunken state I felt a shot of pain in my heart.

But not being Noah was a good thing. I told myself that, as I strode up to him, grabbed his wrist in my hand, and dragged him up the stairs. It took a few moments to locate my bedroom door, but once I found it, I strode in with this new confidence, locked the door and pushed him on the bed. As I was about to straddle him, he finally spoke.

"Wow, ease up a little. I don't even know your name" He laughed in a slight husky tone.

"Names make everything too complicated" and with that I pounced. His mouth was mix of cheap alcohol and smoke, I found myself missing Noah's sweet taste. He quickly began to react moving his hands up and down my back. He seemed to not mind the taste of me as he began to nibble on my bottom lip. This wasn't fun or erotic, but it felt good to be wanted. The kissed deepened as I pushed him down against my bed, as my hands moved towards his belt buckle. I don't know what I'm thinking, but it felt right. It felt right to finally experience and embrace my sexualty. Although this guy wasn't the one for me, he was undeniably hot.

I finally unlocked his belt and popped the button off of his jeans open. My hands push the jeans down his legs. I climbed up, so I was staring down at him. He had dark eyes, I prefer green and hazel eyes more. He had dark black hair, I preferred chocolate brown. But he was beneath me, ready to go, whilst what I preferred was somewhere accepting and pretending I didn't exist right now.

I began to rub my hands over his boxers, as my lips met his again. He moaned but it wasn't the soft delicate moan I was used to, this was harsh and husky sort of moan. I didn't like it, I liked Noah and this wasn't working. I peeled our lips apart and as I was about to remove my hand, he pushes it deeper down. His lips find my neck as he begins to leave a trail of kisses and bite marks there. But all I could think of was how Noah should be doing this to me.

"Dude, what the fuck are you doing?" Chad yelled as he walked out of my ensuite. I had no clue he was in there, or I wouldn't have been doing this.

"It's not what it looks like!" I scream as I climb off of my bed.

"Is he your boyfriend?" The guy, who I couldn't care less what his name was asked.

As I begin to say no. Chad replies "Yes. Who the fuck are you?"

"I was just going" he replies. As he quickly shuffles on his pants and walks out.

"I think that's best" I respond.

Chad and I both wait till he leaves.

"What the hell was that?" Both Chad I yell in unison.

"You told the guy you were my boyfriend!" I throw at him.

"It got the guy to leave didn't it!" He responds

"You shouldn't have done that." I say.

"So you could have fucked that guy in peace?" He snarls.

"I'm gay Chad, fucking accept it! Or don't, I don't care, not anymore!" I yell without even thinking.

"Being gay is a sin"

"No it's not, it's natural. I can't change the way I feel"

"Yes you can."

"No I can't, you don't understand" I say defeated

"Yes I do, I once was-"

But before Chad could finish his sentence, all the drinks I had consumed on an empty stomach, came back up. Coating Chad's shoes and trousers in a lovely layer of sick.

Saturday night at Kate's place is the best way to spend it. There's the whole gang too, Jaxon, Lexi, Alec and of course Kate. But I can't help but notice the absence of a certain grey/silver eyed boy.

As if reading my mind "Wish Silva could make it, but he's back at hosting his stupid parties again"

"You used to not call them stupid" Lexi teases.

"Well now I learnt the error of my ways" Jaxon responds, as his eyes dart to Kate as if that's reason enough for him no longer wanting to party. Lexi also notices where his eyes move, which shuts her up. I am still not sure what the tension between them two is about, but at least for the most part they're letting bygones be bygones.

"So what d'ya want to watch first" Alec says walking into the room with two different DVD cases. He has left the question open for anyone but his eyes are focused on me.

I can't help it but my voice comes out quiet "I don't mind" as I try to maintain eye contact. I don't know why, but no matter how much time I spend time with him I still feel on nerve. Yes, I do realise I'm slightly attracted to him. But I'm completely attracted to Damain and yet I can be confident with him. Maybe that's how you know the one is the one. No matter what you feel you're always at ease with them, they have a calming effect on you.

"The ring, duh" Jaxon says, in attempt to sound masculine. I see him shooting quick glances in Kate's direction to see what she is thinking. But in true Kate fashion she is preoccupied by the food and snacks she is prepping; completely oblivious to what is currently happening.

After everything is settled. We all climb onto Kate's l-shaped sofa. Alec at the end, me next to him, Kate on my right, Jaxon on her right and finally Lexi at the other end. There are several bowls popcorn, cheetos and chocolate bars being shared out between us. Then the movie begins.

Half way through the film I was cowering behind the blanket Kate gave me. Let's just say it's official I don't like scary movies. The screen becomes too much to watch, I am about to bury my head in Kate's arm when I realize Jaxon is literally draped around her. I thought I was scared well he is petrified, and this was his pick! I was totally up for the romcom. Without thinking I glance back at the screen- big mistake- I am about to scream, when warm arms engulf me. I look up to see Alec giving me a comforting smile. Without realising it I snuggle deeper into his embrace.

Everytime something gets a little too intense I bury my face deeper into his shirt and he lightly rubs my arms. I try not to think about the fact I am cuddling one of Damian's best friends, in a very not friendly way. I know the right thing to do is to pull away, or to tell him thank you but no thank you. But his arms are warm, and Damian is avoiding me, so I don't. The thought of how Damian can so callously ignore and avoid me then pretend it's nothing; causes a surge of anger to run through me. Consequently, I climb further onto Alec's lap, and let his arms drop to around my waist. I pretend to not notice his grip get tighter around my hips and that his thumb is rubbing circles, on the bare skin exposed from my shirt riding up.

The next scene causes me to jump, his fingers get caught in my belt loops, unintentionally, pulling them down slightly. My hands are filled with fistfulls of his t-shirt. Whilst his fingers resume the rubbing notion. Kate sends me a 'wtf' look, which I return and she blushes in response. Turning away from us. The screen becomes horrible and suddenly I'm whimpering and hiding completely under the covers. "We can go outside if you want?" Alec quietly whispers in my ear. I can feel his hot breath, and suddenly I want to be out of here for a whole different reason.

I nod feebly. Before I know it he's helped me up and is holding my hand as he is taking me outside. We go out of Kate's front doors. "We didn't literally have to go outside?" I attempt to joke.

"Yeah, I know. I just thought you might want some fresh air." I just nod, a little overwhelmed by the kindness he is offering me. "You should have told me you didn't like horror? I would have never listened to Jaxon if you had" I blush at his comment.

"If I'm honest I don't watch movies much. I've never watched a horror film so I didn't know it would be that bad. I'm sorry" I say, staring at my feet as I shuffle them. I am back at that awkward, unsure how to act around him phase: unable to look him in the eye.

"Look at me Noah" I shake my head in response to him. I have now gone to counting the cracks in the paved road.

"Look at me" He repeats as he gently places his hand under my chin. He gently pushes my head up. I'm now looking in his eyes. I never noticed before, but his eyes were a nut brown, with a layer of light brown around the pupil. I gulp suddenly self-conscious about how close we are. "Do you trust me" he asks. I have to think for a second, I never trusted anyone romantically before other than Damian. That didn't turn out well, but staring in his eyes right now, those sour thoughts evaporate. I nod again. "I want to hear you say it" He says as he takes another step in front of me.

I gulp, "I trust you" I say in a small voice. I never realised it but Alec towers above me. At least a head, he's several inches taller than Damian. Damian- thoughts of him evaporate too, the instant Alec's mouth is on mine. I feel a spark flash and just like that we're moving in synchronization. He asks for entrance and I give it to him immediately. His hands are framing my face, whilst mine are in his hair: combing through his soft curls. He nibbles on my lower lip, then our tongues begin to tangle, in and out. He tastes sweet and slightly cinnamony. I like it.

I don't know how long we're like this, but I'm enjoying it. I run my hands up and down his back, I skirt them under his shirt and he shivers at my cold touch. He pushes me against the side of the house. Pushes me up the wall, then open my legs so he can settle inside them. I wrap my legs around his waist, for some reason now I feel confident with him. So much so, I bite down hard on his lower lip, then again on the tip of his tongue. A moan escapes the back of his tongue and I can't help but finding myself loving that sound. He strokes my legs as I move my mouth to his next causing him to moan over and over again. I smile against the next kiss we share-

"Sorry to interupt but Noah it's your dad. He called, he wants you home right now and he doesn't seem happy." Kate says, sending me an apologetic look. Something tells me, it has nothing to do with breaking me and Alec up.