December 6th 2015

Noah

There was a buzz in the air, an excitement at school. Why, you may ask, because we were less than a month away from the school formal. I didn't bother attending homecoming and I really didn't plan to attend this either. However, I knew all my friends would be going together and the thought of just chilling with them for the evening was exciting.

Chad was trying to fix his relationship with his estranged girlfriend, so had asked her in a half ditch attempt to see where they were. She surprisingly said yes, even he was shocked- so they were going together. Other than that, none of my friends had dates as far as I was aware. The guys, in the basketball team normally have dates with the cheerleaders, yet I think they were all just going stag. As for the girls ( Lexi and Kate) I hadn't heard of either being asked yet and I knew neither were the type to ask. So as of now, they were attending single too, though that didn't seem to deflate their excitement either. Kate offered to lend me one of her dad's old suits for the occasion. I was glad, I could look smart, without having to break the bank. At any mention of the formal, Ash was shifty, from what I gathered he never attended any of these occasions; so I wasn't holding my breath on him turning up to this either.

As this was my first year attending this school, I had no clue what to expect. However, if the excitement everyone was feeling, was any indication, then this was big occasion. I was both intrigued and slightly apprehensive of this whole thing. This wasn't ordinarily my cup of tea- so I was scared. Would I spend the night just chilling or dancing with some random girls? I didn't know- though I'd definitely be checking out the guys in all their tuxes.

Would I prefer to have some hot or sexy guy on my arm? Hell yes! Did I know any guy like that, that wouldn't cause any drama and would willingly be out with me? No. Did I mind too bad- nah- I'd still be able to hang out with my friends for the evening.

So that was how I was approaching the formal. Until Kate and I took a step out of her car. We had begun to carpool most days now and it basically involved her picking me up from my house the days I wasn't staying at hers. The minute we left the car we could see that majority of the student body was crowding around the front entrance. As any normal teenager, Kate and I were intrigued to see what all the commotion was about. So we, together, pushed are way to the front of the large crowd- elbowing and harassing anyone in our way.

From the tip of the school building hung a massive banner, that read:

"Kate Casas, will you go to the formal with me?"

And in smaller print below it:

(Btw look up)

And on cue, Jaxon stood on the roof, holding a megaphone. It was hard to make out who he was, but he defiantly recognized who we were since he wore a pair of binoculars. On locating, Kate he began to talk into th megaphone. His voice booming. "So, what do you say?" He asked hopefully. As I turned to Kate I could see she was wa in some form of shock. I mean, when I was reading the banner I was half expecting it to say "will you marry me?", for a dance invite, this seemed a bit too elaborate and this wasn't even prom. The thought of what Jaxon would do for prom was beyond comprehension....

Before Kate could get out of her trance, someone was handing her a matching megaphone. The sight of that In her hands snapped her out of her phase. She frowned, she may have wanted to be asked to remain dance, but I don't think it involved being asked In front of the whole school. "Jaxon what are you doing?" She yelled.

"Asking you out to the dance" he replied nonchalantly, as if yelling off of rooftops was a common occurrence, in his everyday life.

Before Kate could reply, the megaphone was ripped out of her hand "Jaxon and Kate- my office now" the principal spoke aggressively through the speaker. I could just about make out Jaxon nodding as he quickly stood away from the roof edge. I don't think getting Kate in trouble was part of his plan.

________________________________________________________

It was half way through homeroom that Kate finally returned.instead of being angry or even slightly aggravated she came back beaming. "From that smile, I'm going to take it you aren't In trouble?"

"Nah, just Jaxon's got a week of detention. Silva is going to freak when he realises he'll be missing a week of practice" she giggles. Kate never giggles.

"Kate, what's going on? You're scaring me" I breech.

"I got a date to the dance!" She says wistfully.

"You're going with who, exactly?" I ask, can't believing she'd accept Jaxon's offer after the stunt he pulled this morning. She hates that much attention and on top of that,she was the humiliation of being called to the principle's office.

"Jaxon, duh. Did you not see what he did for me?" She says in a blissful tone and she reminisces over his banner- roof thing.

"Yeah, but you hate things like that Kate. I was pretty much sure you were going to break his heart right there in front of the whole school."

"But what he did was so sweet-"

"Kate." I speak sternly.

"Okay, fine I was mad at him for what he did. But when in the offices he defended me and explained why he did such an elaborate gesture. He said he wanted something as big as I meant to him and all this other sickly sweet, cute stuff. Besides I thought you liked Jaxon- and you'd support me going with him."

"I do like Jaxon and I do like the idea that my best friend is dating a great guy like Jaxon. But I'm concerned that you are only saying yes because you want a date so badly. Especially considering a certain someone is being very shady about the whole dance thing."

"If you are talking about Ash, I don't care whether he's going or not." Kate responds forcefully.

"Really? You don't care if he turns up, with a girl on his arm. He meant so much to you for so long..."

"Honestly, I don't care anymore. I'm tired of being his little lap dog that runs around cleaning up his messes and wagging it's tail. Hoping one day he'll throw a bone or ball to play fetch with. I want a guy to actually appreciate me for me, Jaxon really does like me and he's sweet. So why not have a date that will give me that cheesy cliche experience that every girl dreams of. Is it so wrong I want some generic teen love story romance for a while."

I sigh but in a way I'm relieved. I know that this will be good for the both of them. Jaxon and Kate will make a great couple. "I'm happy for you then."

"Really?" Kate mimics my earlier statement.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" I frown.

"Because now two of your friends are going to be on a date instead of chilling as a group. You know it's not too late to ask Alec. He looks amazing in a suit and he is already out so that won't cause any drama."

"But it will. Damian will freak, and I don't want to give Alec the wrong idea. He's fun and all but we could never be more than friends and sometimes with benefits. I could never see him as more."

"Because you're still into Damian." Kate states rather than asks.

"Yeah, I guess I am. I know that we probably won't happen anytime soon. He may like me, but he's too afraid to put his life and future on the line for me; i get that. But I don't want to someone's little secret. So I'll see what happens, if he's ready to come out and I still haven't found someone worth moving on for than, yeah, I'd give us a try. Though I'm not delusional. I know that won't be for a long time and that I shouldn't hold out on false hope." I say voicing the thoughts I've been thinking for a while.

"If you want. I can turn down Jaxon and we can still go together like planned."

"No, I'm serious when I say I'm happy for you. You deserve this and bless Jaxon he's been into you since like forever. He deserves his chance, I can't be the reason it's ripped away from him. As long as you promise to dance with me at some point in the night- I'm happy. oh , and maybe let me dance with Jaxon too, bet he looks good in a tux."

"Of, course babe" She says as she kisses my cheek in assurance. Just like that the class bell goes and I'm off to my first class. English.

As I make my way into English the first thing I realise is Damian Silva isn't sitting behind me as he always usually is. I just brush it off, thinking he's probably late. But ten minutes later and there still is no sign of him.

Mr. Evans is right in the middle of his Lady Macbeth impersonation when a girl comes to the door I instantly recognise her as a freshman and from the badge she's wearing she's working in the school office today. "Sir, I have a message for Noah Hunt, he's needed". Mr. Evans nods and then gestures for me to go. After quickly scrambling for my stuff I follow the girl out of the classroom. She leads me down a hall then shoves the note she's holding, into my hands and before I can ask her what it is, she's gone.

I open the note and there is a single line written inside: Meet me behind the gym. S.

Not knowing anyone who's name begins with 'S', I'm apprehensive to follow. However, intrigue wins over my better judgement and before I know it I'm headed in the direction of the gym. I haven't been behind it since Damian and I first kissed. That thought borth brings a smile to my face and a shiver down my spine. Those were bittersweet memories.

I walk behind the gym as sneakingly as I can, so I won't be caught skipping class. I walk around the building and see a figure leaning against the building. I can't make out the face but I can tell that it's male. When noticing my presence they kick off the wall and walk towards me.

"Took your sweet time, didn't you?" they joke and instantly recognise the voice before I can see the face.

"Damian?" I ask.

"Yeah, why do you look so surprised? didn't you get my note?"

"I did. But it read 'S'. Oh, for Silva."

"Or Silver" he adds on, making me remember the nickname I used to call him, referring to his Silver eyes. I instinctively look up at them. They are still the same grey eyes with Silver flecks; that shine in the light.

"What are we doing here, Damian?" I ask sternly suddenly annoyed I missing English.

"I wanted to ask you something."

"Something that couldn't have waited till lunch?"

"I wanted to ask you in private."

"You could have asked me, in private, at lunch" I stress the obvious.

"Honestly, I thought this would be more romantic." He argues, exasperatedly.

"Why would you care if this was more romantic? What are you trying to ask me?"

"We had our first kiss here." he says reminding me of the thought I had just moments ago.

"I know"

"I thought it would be poetic to ask you this here, because of that."

"Damian ask me what?" he starts looking at my face as if searching for something. I'm not sure if he finds what he's looking for. But he opens his mouth to speak, anyway.

"I'm going to come out." He blurts

"What?" I asked astonished. That was not what I was expecting.

"I'm going to come out as gay."

"Are you serious?" He nods yes " are you ready to do that?"again he nods. " what made you want to come out now?" I ask. Is there someone he's into? Is that what he wants to talk to me about, ask if I'm okay with it? I can feel a pit begin to grown in my stomach- a little aching area consumed with those unsettling emotions.

"I want to go to the dance-" he begins. There is someone." with you"

"Who?" I asked confused.

"You" he repeats. I begin to turn around expecting there to be someone else he's talking about. Then realise we are in a secluded part of the school, so no one would be here.

"Me. me" I say pointing to myself. "Why?"

"Well, because I like you." He states

"Is this some kind of joke?" I question, angrily.

"What? No." He replies, shocked

"This is some weird twisted joke. What are you trying to play at?" I try to force out of him, annoyed at where my thoughts are going. Damian is a good guy despite his many faults.

"This wasn't how I expected this to go down." He states, annoyed.

"Then what did you want to happen? What did you expect?"I argue.

"Let me try again." He practically begs.

"Please do" I state on the verge of walking away. I'll give him one more chance to explain himself. English has never been his best subject.

"Will you go to the dance with me Noah?" before I can respond he continues. " I have been a jerk to you. When all those guys from my team asked me about us, those months ago. I wanted to stand up and say that you were my boyfriend and be proud. But I was scared. That's the thing about lying, you get so good at it you don't even realise when you're doing it to yourself. I was making up excuses left, right and centre of why we couldn't be together because I was afraid. I told you before, that I messed us up because I didn't think I deserve this and that's the truth. But only half of it, I don't think I deserve this and I didn't think I could have it all. I still don't.

"But you see Noah, the way I feel about you isn't going to change. I don't want it to change. I am happiest when I'm with you, that shouldn't be a crime and it's not. If I start being honest to myself, to you and to everyone then there really isn't a reason, that I can see that I shouldn't be happy. That I shouldn't be with you."

"Are you done?" I ask.

"Yeah I'm done" he replies, sheepishly.

"So okay, let me get this straight. What you're basically saying is. You've been putting up this front to show you're this almighty guy, since you're father died. So when you were being confronted, about your sexulaity, it was almost a default setting to lie. But you're tired of lying and want to be honest. You want to do something that makes you happy and the thought of you and I going to the dance together makes you happy?"

"Basically, yeah" He replies, awaiting my answer.

"So, when are you going to come out?"

"Well at the dance, I thought if we go to it, as you as my date, it'd be obvious. I wasn't really planning on making some public announcement."

"Why not?"

"What?"

"Why not make a public announcement?" I question.

"Because going with you would be my announcement. Us, being a thing, that everyone could see would be my announcement."

"Being a thing?" I inquire just to wind him up some more.

"Noah, will you go the dance with me or not? I really want to be with you and I think that this night could be the fresh start we need" he asks genuinely deflated. I can see it in his eyes, he really does want this. He wants to give us another try. He wants to be out and proud like myself. He wants to be with me. I feel the smile stretch across my face.

"I'm just messing with you. Of course I'll go to the formal with you. I'd love to go with you." Damian smiled. Then really smiled, not the smile he gave his fans but his genuine smile; the one where all his teeth could be seen and his eyes lit up. The one smile, that made it impossible to not smile too. A smile I hadn't seen in a long time.

"But on one condition" I say. I can see Damian's face drop, I can see his bubble burst and it pains me to do this but I have to for myself.

"Anything" He replies almost instantly and that makes me smile.

"You have to promise me you won't hold back. If I want to dance, you'll dance with me. If I want to hold your hand, you'll let me. If I want to kiss you, you'll kiss me too. I'll be your date as long as we can have a proper, all the way, kind of date. As long as we can be a proper couple and we won't care about what other people think."

"That's all I want" he responds. Then I take him into a hug, something we haven't shared in a while, but just as I was about to risk going further, the bell goes and our moments over.