It's been hours since we first came to the hospital. As soon as we got here, the nurses called Dr Greggs who came rushing down. She brought us to a private room where we still are now. I'm lying on the bed with Ryder squeezed in beside me playing with my hair soothingly. We haven't said much to each other and I'm pretty sure the conversation we had with Dr Greggs is playing on both our minds.

"So I'm going to give you some pain killers through a drip" she had said to me "then we're going to take a few tests and when there's an ultrasound machine free we'll take one of those"

I had looked at her my eyes still wet from the crying I had done the whole way to the hospital "what are our chances?"

She gave us a sad smile her eyes looking between us "You two have been my favourite patients to date, which is why I hope what I say next is going to be wrong, but I can't give you guys false hope because the reality is, it's not looking good"

The door opened knocking me out of my daydream and I looked up to see Dr Greggs walking in holding a folder. Ryder sits up straighter and without thinking we both interlock our fingers.

She lets out a deep breath before looking up at us "I'm not going to drag this out because I know how much this meant to the both of you" she starts "I'm so sorry but you've lost the baby"

I immediately burst into tears and Ryder wraps his arms around me and kissed the side of my head "it's ok Tal, we'll get through this" he whispers but I can hear the sadness in his voice

De Greggs says she's going to give us some privacy and leaves the room. As soon as she does Ryders guard goes down and his hands go to his face to cover the tears that he thinks I didn't notice

"I'm so sorry" I whisper and rest hands on my bump "I'm so so sorry"

The door opens and I look up to see Molly and Sean walk in. Sean gives me a sympathetic smile before casting a glance towards Ryder who still hasn't lifted his head out of his hands, his gaze returns to me in a question matter as to say 'should I bring him out and talk to him?'. I nod and give Ryders leg a squeeze before Sean gets him to go for some air with him

"I'm sorry for ruining your birthday" I say rubbing the tears that still haven't stopped falling even though I feel nothing but numbness

Molly shakes her head and takes a seat beside me. She grabs my hands "Talia, you didn't not ruin my birthday. Fuck my birthday, I only care if your ok but you're not and that's ok because I know how excited you and Ryder were and nobody can expect you to magically be ok"

"I just.... what if it was me? What if I done something wrong? Ryders going to hate me and I won't blame him"

"Talia, Ryder is not going to hate you" she says "only you two know what each other are going through"

A few minutes later Dr Greggs walks back into the room "I'm sure the last thing you want to do is stay here so I've got your files filled out and I'm going to take out your drip so you're free to go home"

I nod "thank you for everything"

She gives me a genuine smile "for what it's worth you and Ryder would have been the best parents I've met in a while"

"Thank you" I say with a sad smile "you were the best doctor we could have asked for"

"If either of you ever need anything, don't hesitate to call me" she says

De Greggs takes the drip from my hand and once I stand up we wrap our arms around each other for a hug. "Thank you for everything" I say and we say goodbye before she leaves to go to another patient

"I've text Sean, him and Ryder are going to meet us outside" Molly tells me

I nod and pick up my stuff "let's get out of here"

When we get outside Ryder and Sean are waiting out there. Sean gives me a short hug before I stand beside Ryder

"You guys go and enjoy what's left of your birthday Molly" I say, deciding that not everybody has to be sad just because me and Ryder are "I'm sure Ryder wouldn't mind dropping me home"

"Call us if you guys need anything" Sean warns

We both nod and we all say a quick goodbye before we go out separate ways. Ryder and I get into his car without saying anything. Once we're out of the hospital parking lot I look at my phone to see a message from Sarah

I'm so sorry me and Mike weren't at the hospital with you a family thing came up. Molly told us what happened and I'm so so sorry Tal

I type a quick reply to say it's fine they weren't at the hospital before I turn off my phone. Once I look up I notice Ryder drives past the turn to my house

"Um you missed the turn" I tell him

Ryder shakes his head, concentrated on the road in front of him "if you think I'm letting you go home to spend the night alone while blaming yourself, you're wrong"

"Why are you being so nice to me, when it's my fault?" I ask

"Tal, none of this is your fault so please don't blame yourself"

Just then we pull up outside Ryders house. Silently he unlocks the door and we make our way upstairs. Without either of us having to say anything we both go to his room. Ryder gives me one of his oversized sweatshirts and I change into it before I hop into bed beside him. He wraps his arm around me while I lay my head on his chest, caressing it soothingly. I close my eyes to stop myself from thinking about everything that happened tonight and let sleep consume me