"They what?" I say, not registering what Ryder just said

"She's in labour" he says running his hand through his hair probably thinking the same thing as me

How can I be happy for them without selfishly wishing it was me having our baby?

"Wow" I say lost for words "that's.... great right?"

He nods slowly "yeah, I guess it is"

After a minute Ryder speaks back up "I know what your thinking, but let's not worry about that right now"

I nod "your right, but you also don't need to act strong for my sake"

He gives me a small smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes

_________________

I'm woke up the next morning to the sun beaming through the window. I flinch before using my arm to block the sun. I look around and note that Ryder isn't in his bed instead he's leaning against the open window, a cigarette between his fingers.

I also notice that during the night, I had somehow managed to end up lying on top of the duvet - which probably had something to do with the fact that the room felt like it was a thousand degrees

I sit up on the edge of the bed, my back facing Ryder. I hear shuffling, my guess being that Ryder has noticed my presence and has turned so that his back is leaning against the window studying me

"Morning" he says but I don't bother turning around

"Morning, have you been awake long?"

Ryder sighs "Sean text at 3 haven't got much sleep since"

I nod "what did they have?"

"A baby girl" he tells me "she was born at 2:47am"

I stand up and walk towards him. I lean against the windowsill looking at the cars passing by. My bare side grazes against his and I pray he didn't hear the intake of breath I took.

"I'm so happy for them" I say, meaning it. Unfortunately I couldn't help the fact that my eyes got watery and a single tear escaped. Ryder turned so he was standing behind my back, his hand runs up and down my arm and he rests his chin on top of my head

"So am I" his voice is quieter than usual "doesn't mean it's not hard"

It's almost two by the time we get home. We decided to get breakfast on the road - which was delicious by the way - in a little village.

"Sarah said they can accept visitors now" I tell Ryder, after reading the message she sent.

Ryder nods "Want a few hours to get cleaned up and I'll pick you up after and we'll go together?"

I nod "sounds like a plan"

Ryder gets out of the car and gives me a quick wave before going into his house. I have the house to myself once I get home, I blast my music while I shower and obviously have my weekly shower concert.

Because the weather was still extremely hot outside I decided on wearing one of my black gym sets. I let my hair naturally flow down my back and opt to go makeup less to the hospital.

Ryder texts me to let me know he's leaving his place so I spend my last few minutes alone giving myself a pep talk and preparing myself to meet their baby when all I can think about is ours.

I notice Ryders changed into some black basketball shorts with white stripes down the side and a white T-shirt that hugs against his athletic physique. Once we get to the hospital, we stop by a small convenience store to pick up a 'it's a girl' balloon and a box of chocolates

Sean text Ryder their room number earlier so we had no trouble finding it. We knock on the door before letting ourselves in. Mike is lying beside Sarah on her bed while they look at something on her phone

My eyes zone in on the tiny baby beside them.

"Look at the happy family" I grin

They both look up at us at the same time, both of them beaming from ear to ear.

Mike stands up carefully picking up their little girl. He walks over to us "this is Ryder and Talia, princess" he introduces us and the baby looks around obviously not understanding or caring about a thing Mike just said.

"Meet your two favourite people" Ryder corrects

"Have you guys picked a name?" I ask looking between both Sarah and Mike

Sarah grins "we're going to call her Grace"

"You want to hold her?" Mike asks holding Grace towards me

I nod and carefully take the baby from him "Hey Grace, you're beautiful" I whisper "your mom and dad are very lucky to have you"

I don't notice what I said until after I say it. The room goes silent

"Tal, you don't have to be here" Sarah says softly and I look up to see her with a sympathetic smile on her face "I know how hard this is for you" she looks beside me "and you toi Ryder, we totally get it"

I shake my head, willing my voice to sound strong "I didn't mean it that way, I swear"

"But still know we understand, if it was the other way around, we know you both would too" Mike adds

We spend over an hour at the hospital with the new family, Sarah gave me the gruesome details of the birth while Mike and Ryder talked about boy stuff.

We decided to go back to Ryders house, so I'm currently lying on his couch while he gets some snacks.

"So now that we're not under the watchful eye of the new parents, how are you really feeling?" Ryder asks

"It was hard" I say my voice quieter than normal "it definitely opened old wounds"

Ryder nods "I couldn't help but wish it was us introducing our baby to them"

I'm shocked by his honesty

"I'm really glad we're friends again" I say "we understand what the other ones going through"

Ryder smirks "I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me"

I throw a cushion at him "oh shut up"