《eidolon of helen》centurion / curse of a century
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i have become obsessed
with angel numbers
and the romance of fingerless gloves
and free samples of expensive hot chocolate
our working class parents could never afford
london's sky is gray and pink
and the seabirds are circling over the pier
i reach for the phone
but i don't know who to dial
i loathe love's inertia's in winter
when temptation of overdose has me
in a chokehold --
because hostage or not
it is nice to be held
it's all my kin have known
below the bridge
the green waves are heaving
with oil spills and wild sea-murmur --
sickly, like the gull's polluted plumes
i want to melt in the meadow
so i buy rose essence at the ethnic supermarket --
i paid rent last night,
there's no money for perfumes --
but no matter what
i always end up smelling like my mother:
like tiger balm, like an opium den.
my skin is yellow; sickly, they tell me.
so i smoke vogue cigarettes
even though they are bankrupting me
because if i don't know who am i
let me at least emulate my ancestors
scrambling at shanghai's docks
for milk of the poppy,
those red flowers
that make Death lasciviously lick his lips --
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