"class please welcome our new student rhea. Rhea would you like to give your friends here a little introduction about yourself, please" hmm this is the part I hate most about the first day of school 'introducing yourself' why don't people get the fact that nobody gives a fuck about who you are.

" hi, I'm rhea I just moved here from Arizona and I don't think there is anything else for people to know about me " I sit down and get back to doodling on my history book. this is gonna be one hell of a long day.

normally people would be worried about making friends and fitting in but for me, that's one thing I promised myself I would not do. I just don't get why people try so hard to be liked and known. they probably don't know the beauty of being alone and not giving a damn, it's honestly peaceful and quiet.

I have changed a lot, 17-year-old rhea is nothing like her past self. when I look back into my past I realized how dumb and stupid she was and it actually disgusts me. " rhea. RHEA!"

" Yes"

"zoning out can not be tolerated in my class do you hear that?"

" yes!"

can this first day of school get any better? right 'it's okay rhea. you can do this it's just a few more hours' aw what would I do without myself.

***

It's lunchtime and I never ever sit inside the cafeteria because you know 'people'. I take my sandwich I made in the morning and go sit under a shady tree and start reading this poetry book which I have read almost a hundred times because it's not that my mom would buy me some new books, of course, she should save her money for her shit ton of alcohol bottles.

the next few hours of school goes pretty fast and I decided I'm going to walk home instead of taking the bus. until someone patted on my shoulder. " hey! you're new right."

"yeah", " cool, I'm in your English class and thought you might be a cool person to hang around with because I literally got no friends". this is a part I hate, telling people I don't want friends. it's weird this random girl just comes and wants to be friends with especially someone like me I know for sure as hell I don't look like a friendly person. she looks so bright and bubbly and so damn pretty.

" umm, I actually don't do the friendship thing. It's just not for me. but see you around" I walk away, I don't even look back because I hate to see people's reaction to my bitchiness.

***

I walk into my house to see empty cans of beer on the floor, stacks, and a stack of bills and papers on the kitchen counter, and the smell of cigarettes so strong that it makes me so hard to breathe. And now you see how I got my habit of smoking from my mother. when our lives were falling apart she started smoking and I did too. To be honest I used to hate smoking and smokers it just reminds me of how our whole body burns up and how our bones turn into coal. but now smoking helps me to ease up pain and anger.

I increase the heat of the water and get in the shower to feel the water burn my whole body. it's honestly very soothing and it's the only way that I could feel physically. I sit under the shower for God knows how long and get into some comfortable sweats and a hoodie.

"look rhea, I am doing this because I love you", " NO! YOU ARE NOT. you are doing this because he told you to. because he doesn't like to see you love anyone else. you are not doing this for me. y-you are selfish and all this time you wanted to make me someone who I was not, you told me you loved me and you told me you would never ever hurt me or leave me but you lied you FUCKING LIED TO ME! you always wanted to see me get hurt"

" no rhea you are getting this all wrong I am doing this because I have to, OKAY! I can't be your side through everything because I got a life to live. you are just too messed up for me to handle. PLEASE! PLEASE, just don't make this harder than it already is."

" you know what! GO AHEAD GO AND DO ALL THE THINGS YOU TOLD ME WOULD NEVER DO. GO AND LIVE YOUR GODDAMN LIFE. and if I ever die and mess up mine know that its all your fucking fault"

I hate it! I hate it! I hate it when I get flashbacks of that. it just makes me so fucking messed up than I already am. this is why I can't sleep. every single time I close my eyes I see him. I see how he could say those shitty things to my face and realizing that he already knows he's hurting me but he's doing it either way. I just wish I could erase it all. I wish I could erase that night and all the other days I had memories with him.

I have bid goodbye and buried some people whom I love the most in the whole world but out of all people saying 'goodbye' and letting him go was one of the hardest shit ever because he was the reason who made me wish I could live and now he's the reason who makes me wish I would die in my sleep. You know it's like you have been walking in this dark tunnel by yourself and then here comes this person who brings a bright torch for you and whos walking alongside you through that dark tunnel until he decides he can't be that light for you, so you are back to being alone and in the dark with no light or hope and just walking until you see the light at the end of the tunnel.

A/N - I KNOW THE CHAPTER IS ARE KINDA SHORT BUT, I WILL TRY TO MAKE THE REST BIT LONGER.

I HOPE ALL OF YALL ENJOYED IT AND TRUST ME THINGS ARE GETTING MORE INTERESTING.

QUESTION- HOW'S SCHOOL GOING?

- PEACE