It's Sunday and people say Sunday's are for God. I used to be a child who never missed a single day of holy mass but as I grew up and when time went by I lost hope in God and never looked into a church since now. Here I am inside the house of God particularly doing nothing. Maybe I just wanted to escape home and instead of hitting a club in the middle of the day, I chose to visit a church, such weird girl arent I. So, instead of just staring at the alter I choose to do something I haven't done in ages. I pray.

"Dear God, it's me the not so holy child. I remember I always used to ask you the same thing every single time; keep my family happy, healthy and protected. Now that was not a selfish request unlike other people so I don't see why since you are so powerful and happen to love your people so much, why did you not accept my prayer? As much as I hate to admit this sometimes I wonder if you are a sadist because you put the people you love in pain. Do you find pleasure in it? or were you trying to give a message or a lesson by taking half of my family away from me - as most people told us at the funeral - if so, dear good Lord I think you forgot to mention the lesson? Why on earth did you take them away? did you hate me so much that you wanted me to feel so shitty about the fact the both my siblings are dead because of me?. This time I'm asking you something selfish since you tend to not listen to the selfless person in me, Give me answers. All I want is answers as to why I'm living such fucked up life. Amen". I stand up from the bench and walk out to my car. Just as I got into the car my phone started ringing from a no caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Hello Rhea"

"Um, who is this?"

"Were you too high to not remember my voice?"

"Tell me who you are or I'm declining the call"

"It's me, Devon". Hmm, the blue-eyed boy.

"Oh yeah, What'd you want?" I ask.

"You know maybe wanna hang out at my place?"

"Oh please, if you are asking for sex just tell me so".

"Straight to the point huh?"

"I don't go ring-a-ring-a-rosies. What do you want?"

"Sex with no strings attached" perfecto.

"Boy, I don't give gifts. Everything comes with a price"

"fine, what do you want?"

"Molly". This is what you call two birds from one stone.

"It's way too expensive"

"well, so is my pu-"

"Okay okay, you got yourself a deal. Meet me in fifteen". stupid ass boys.

"Send me your location". Does this mean my prayer won't be valid anymore? crap.

I take the location and drive out of the church.

***

"Jason wasn't lying when he said you've got talent", Devon said panting and dropping next to me.

"Yeah. It's time to pay up" I tell him picking my clothes from the floor.

"Here you go and you take birth control, right? I really don't want to be a fa-"

"Don't be stupid of course I take birth control". I get dressed and take the drugs.

"Please tell me this won't be the last time," he said pleadingly.

"Desperate much. It won't as long as you pay me" I tell him and walk out of the room.

I drove up to my house and got inside. There was no sign of my mother. So I went up to my room with the pills in hand. I drew myself a bath and got clean clothes.

After the bath, I go into spandex shorts and one of my brother's hoodies.

'Just one pill Rhea. Only one pill. Nothing more' I told myself as I have a tendency to shove down three or four at a time. I swallow one pill and got on my phone, falling down on my bed.

It has been some time since I activated my IG so I went from stalking Jason to Emma to.... Jennifer. I know Damien told me that they never slept together but I guess it's not just sex. Something about her being around Damien twists my stomach and angry, so very angry. Like I want to smash her head until she knows that she could never lay a hand on him again. I want her to know that after all he's gonna be mine because I've known that since the day I met him. So, I scroll through her profile and no picture of Damien. It's just pictures of alcohol, parties and concerts. Hmm, that's suspicious. why doesn't she have any pictures of herself?. I dug deep and found another private account with her name. I sent a request. And this is the part that I hate, waiting to be accepted but luckily it didn't take much she accepted it just after a few minutes.

Jackpot.

There were pictures of her, her family I suppose, drugs, some random people and ..... Damien. Three pictures of her and Damien. Two of them of her kissing him........... on the cheek but STILL!

Did Damien lie to me? but he would never lie to me. what are you saying Rhe it's been four years of course he had changed just the way you are. I have no right to be this pissed because he doesn't know how I feel. But I want him to know then I could have a valid reason to be pissed. Then on the other hand I'm not going to drag him down with me. Despite my strong feelings for him. I'm not gonna let him love me. I can't do that because out of all the people in my life Damien is someone who does not deserve to be a victim of the curse I carry. I switch off my phone and take the packet of molly dropping two more pills into my hand and without thinking I swallow it both.

***

My head was throbbing and I was feeling nauseous when the alarm went off. I got out of my bed and dropped down on the floor to puke.

It was a school day so I took a quick bath and I really needed to take a break from ripped jeans so I got into a white tennis skirt and a sweater. Tking some pills to relief my headache I got into my car and drove to pick Emma.

"Hello gorgeous" she said getting into the front seat.

"Oh God. what's wrong?" she asked as I was just staying quit. Should I tell her what's wrong or just shut my mouth and wait.

"Nothing and hello to you too" I said choosing the latter.

"Sooo there's this party at lukes house and he throws one of the best parties ever so would you like you know what do you think about it?" she asked.

"count me in its not that I have choice right?". I mean its free alcohol for a bunch of underage teenagers I wouldn't miss this opportunity.

"Great! I'll text shawn" Um what?

"Shawn?"

"Oh no we are not back together we just got into speaking terms so we are like friends" she said with a smile and I nod as we enter the school car park. We got out and walked in heading to our lockers. I saw Damien talking to some of his friends I assume and I thought of going up to him and thanking for dropping Emma home that day.

"Hey Damien" I said walking up to him and as soon as he was about to answer someone came from the back and hugged him. And of course it's Jennifer.

"Hey Lia" Oh god why did he have to say that name.

"You know what it's nothing" I told and walked away not wanting see a random ass brunette wrapped around the boy that I love. Urghh why cant I just kill her maybe not kill but punch her. like I need to get this anger and jealousy out of my system.

"Hey Rhea" A boy said stopping at my locker and I turned to see Devon. Well, Damien, two can play this game so I grab by his collar and kissed, pushing him against the locker. I was glad that he didnt pull away so it ended up in a whole make out session. I pull away from him, adjusted his shirt collar and turned around to walk away not forgetting to take a glimpse of Damien's angry and furious face. I give him a smirk and walked to class.

***

The day went by and it was lunch. This time I decided to take a burito since I have barely eaten in days. I know I should get my meals and stay healthy blah blah stuff but I do have come to realize the health is the last thing in my mind right now. Me and Emma sit at our usual table under the tree.

"When were you going to tell me about you and Devon?" shit.

"There's nothing to tell Em". Honestly there's nothing, it's just that I get drugs if I give him sex and I may have used him to make Damien some what jealous and Emma shouldn't know any of these reasons because it's simply my business.

"So you make out with him in the hallway and call it nothing?"

"Don't push it. I told you its nothing. None that matters concerns" I tell.

"You know you don't have to be so bitchy to me. I practically did nothing to you". she's really going to pull this isn't she.

"Listen Emma, I thought you knew that this friendship wont be like others. You know I have my shit and You know im not gonna pour my heart just because you are my friend. And if you are expecting a friendship like that please feel free to leave." And this is why I don't do friendships.

"You know what I might as well, will leave. Because I don't deserve to be treated like this" She yelled and left our table.

What can I say I was kind of expecting it. But, after all I did accept her as a friend and she was an amazing person way too amazing to be in my life and I'm actually glad she's out of it because she does not deserve to be treated like this but this is how I treat people and this is who I am. This is what my past has built me into; dissuasive, unforthcoming, messed up, temperamental and fucked up human being.

A/N - I KNOW RHEA IS PRETTY MESSED UP RIGHT NOW AND SHE'S MAKING A TON OF HORID DESCISIONS BUT SHE HAS GOOD REASONS TO WHY SHE IS LIKE THIS.

AND I WANT TO SAY THAT THE FIRST PART ABOUT GOD. I DID NOT MEAN ANY DISRESPECT TOWARDS THE RELGION. I MYSELF IS A CATHOLIC AND A BELEIVER OF GOD BUT I HAD TO POTRAY IT OUT LIKE THAT IN ORDER TO GIVE MORE DEPTH AND MEANING TO THIS. I'M SORRY IF ANYONE WAS DISRESPECTED OR DISSAPOINTED BY IT BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS IS FICTION SO DONT BELEIVE EVERYTHING THATS BEING SAID.

THANK YOU FOR READING!

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-PEACE