My mother-in-law fills my chambers a few minutes before I am supposed to leave for the court – where I will be told whether or not I am carrying this kingdom's future.

"Aria, my son told me to check on you. He said you were a bit emotional. Is this true, child?"

She found me seated in my desk and she doesn't care that she is disturbing me as I write the letters to the widows of this land. She really doesn't care about what I do, and I know I should attend to her because her matters are always 'important'.

She still fancies herself current queen of this land and I am just a lower grade seat filler. Though she may be right. My husband would very much listen to her any day before he could even hear me.

I rise to meet her. "It must be the new moon, mamah." We meet in a brief customary embrace.

She smiles and holds my face in her hands, and she squishes me a little like a child.

"Your lips look a little plumper." She smiles. "I think you might be pregnant this time."

I clear my throat and she removes her hands with a small frown.

"I don't think so, mamah." I let my shame shine through.

"Aria, did you use the herbs?"

"Every day, like it was instructed, mamah, but nothing has helped."

"Aria, do you sneak into his bed like I told you to?"

"I tried, but..."

"No buts you stupid girl," she lowers her voice for that insult. "I told you to use your womanly prowess on him. Surely, even you can manage that."

"He doesn't want me!" I clasp my mouth shut after that outburst. I look around the room and luckily no one is with us.

Her face morphs now into disdain mixed with loathing...so much loathing. "I knew I should have gone with Precious. She would have gotten the job done by now. Can't you see the shame you are bringing to this kingdom? Don't you care about how this looks?" she accuses.

Once more I am floored by the words of someone I would have thought would be sympathetic to my plight.

"But how can I—?" ­

"Excuses, excuses... you are unworthy of your title. If you were, you would make means." She gives me an awkward look. I stare back at her not understanding her meaning. But I soon see what she means, and I am even more horrified.

She possibly couldn't mean...?

I shake my head. But she gives me no time to process anything. She turns on her heel to walk.

She stops as she touches the knob and looks at me over her shoulder. "Next time, you will be pregnant. I will make sure of it."

With those words, she leaves me stunned in the middle of the room, wondering about all her meanings.

What does she mean?

Does she mean she will find a breeder for me?

But I thought those were illegal in this land. In the days of old, it was common practice amongst young wives who couldn't conceive to secure 'help' from a breeder to help them get pregnant so they can provide heirs for their husbands.

But king Tut, my husband's father was the one who banned the practice, deeming it disgusting and the ultimate failure for women. The punishment for the breeder and the bred is death after the parade of shame in the streets of the city.

Surely, my mother-in-law doesn't hate me that much. And I may be desperate, but surely, I have not stooped that low? Surely, she wouldn't ask that of me.

When I can't find the answers, I decide I must have misunderstood her. I change to a white gown that isn't as tight in itself but the corset I am scarfed with makes the first one feel like it was just the appetizer.

I walk in the court where the spectacle will happen once again. I shudder at the memory of how the last one ended. How I cried in front of everyone, and my husband almost murdered me if his look was any indication of his thoughts.

Calm down, Aria. The goddess will look down on you one day and you will bear a child for the kingdom. You will bear the next king, like all the queens before you.

I clench my fist and luckily the dress covers my hands too. I am only visible by my neck and face. My tremble goes to my fists as I stare at the eyes of Shamus standing behind my husband's chair. I see the lightly smug smile on his face.

He laughs at me. Out of all the people here I'm sure he knows better than even the seer. I bet he knows the truth of why my own husband doesn't want me. I feel his mocking in my very soul and I would run if not for the elders and leaders of the kingdom already in the court.

He taunts me.

He mocks me.

What did I ever do to deserve this?

My mind travels back to my mother-in-law's suggestion. Can I even consider it? My husband will know he didn't impregnate me, and Shamus will know too. They will surely execute me. But what will my husband say when he is executing me? Can he tell his own truth? Will he tell them he won't bed me? And that instead he chooses the arms of another man over me?

I just wish he hadn't picked me, and he just picked someone else or picked Shamus. I could have married another man and maybe I wouldn't be so miserable.

Breathe, Aria. It will all be over soon.

I pass the flat-lipped faces of my father and stepmother. Next to them is the sympathetic faces of my brother, Stephan, and sister-in-law Serena and I swallow the bitterness of their pity.

I hate being pitied, but maybe they are right to. They know exactly what will happen. I am the joke of this whole court, and I'm sure the whole kingdom too. If I entertained gossip, I'm sure I would know the opinions everyone has about me.

I take a shaky breath before I must turn when I arrive in my seat in front. I take a sharp breath and I turn with a warm smile, like I'm expected to.

I scan over the crowd with my gaze, and I see the expectant, anticipant faces. Yet some look at me with pity, and some utter disappointment.

The room goes dead silent and that is most probably my husband. I remember his earlier words and I swallow more shame.

I try to get my breathing under control. I can't seem shaken; I have to stand strong. My husband stands next to me and together we gaze upon his subjects. We sit together. Allowing everybody to sit as well.

My heart hammers harder in my chest because the circus is about to begin.

The doors open and the blind, aged and pale woman walks in. It is a bit cold, but she is barefoot, as always. She is covered in blood red clothes and only her face is visible. Her two students walk on both her sides and my heart sinks to my stomach a little more with every step she takes.

The air in this whole room is solemn. All of them expecting news about the future of their kingdom.

It is unfair that so much is expected of me. But what can I do? It's not like I can run away and start a new life somewhere. This is the portion I've been dealt, and I must swallow it as bitter as it is.

My husband rises next to me, and he extends his hand to me. I take his gloved hand and I rise. I can't help feeling like maybe he gloved it because he doesn't want to touch my skin. He wasn't gloved this morning when he walked in the breakfast table with Shamus. Maybe he gloved it so he doesn't have to touch me.

I swallow the tears once more as I place one foot in front of the other. My hand trembles in his and he gives me a tight squeeze. I cover a wince with a throat clearing. I look in my family's direction, hoping I find kind eyes and they land on my sister-in-law's, and she gives me a tight nod with glistening eyes. She can see the pit I am in.

We stand in front of the seer. Shepherd lets go of my hand and he steps back. I look back at him – like a fool – hoping to find any semblance of mercy or comfort from him and I only find blackness and contempt. He really does hate me. I knew it before, but it sinks in now once more. He hates me.

I turn back to the seer with new eyes. The two students move to kneel on both my sides. The seer gets closer, and she kneels in front of me. She lays her hands in my stomach and she lays her forehead on my midsection. She mutters a low chant; a few lines and her hands explore my stomach like she always does.

I am holding my breath. I know the inevitable. I am also holding back the tears that are burning the back of my eyes.

You can't cry again, Aria. Be strong.

After a few moments the woman rises.

She steps back from me, but her face already expresses what she hasn't said. A pang of disappointment pings at me. I knew it was coming, but still somehow, I was hoping. Hoping that maybe a miracle may have happened that one time before he ran from me like somebody whispered to him I had leprosy.

"I have seen a great vision." She starts and the room erupts in low murmurs. I can sense the hope in the room. I know I am not with child, but I peel my ears as well. "Though the queen isn't with child now, but I see two powerful offspring from her belly and one of them indeed the future ruler of this land."

She faints after the vision and her students grab her before she hits the floor, trembling and eyes oozes something white like milk. I feel hands behind on my lower back and the room erupts in joyous gasps.

"Rejoice, for a great destiny awaits this kingdom." One of the elders says loudly and the room has a happier aura.

"But how much can we trust this old woman?" Shamus's voice comes from behind my husband's throne, and I feel his heavy steps approaching. The whole room falls into silence. "She told us the queen was sure to be with child from the first year. It's been five. We keep placing our hope in nothingness. I say the wench is a liar. And perhaps we must accept the truth about our queen."

A few loud gasps rise in the room, and I twist my head to look his direction. I see my husband's jaw clenched.

"General..." he warns.

Shamus stands on the other side of my husband. Then he peeps at me. "I'm sorry, my queen. But I just don't want you to get your hopes up once more, I know how hard you've tried to get pregnant. Unless you are utilizing other avenues." The underlying meaning is understood by the three of us and I swallow, feeling smaller than an ant and so utterly embarrassed.

"That's enough, Shamus." His voice is hard. I am not foolish enough to think he is defending my honor. He turns his gaze to the court. "Let us take the wise seer's prophecy. Greatness will come from your queen. Thank you for your patience. You are all dismissed."

Then he turns and pulls me with him. I feel his hand trembling and I know it certainly, he is angry at me, though I don't know exactly why.