CHAPTER SONG - Wolves - Big Sean

Growing up with a dad like Angelo, you learn a lot of things. Thing's people with normal life's never have too learn. You learn to be fearless, ruthless, and whip-smart. You learn how to outsmart any person and how to always get what you want. You learn to deceive and overwhelm people until they creak in front of you. You learn how to without blinking shoot someone and feel no remorse. You learn how it feels to be barbaric and bloodthirsty. You learn how to be unyielding and soulless. You become this.

Growing up with someone like my mom, you see all the opposite of that. You shown what kindness, and passion is. You learn to see things in ways that aren't vindictive and hateful. You feel that love can conquers all, and learn that love can save you. You learn to support and cherish those around you and you know how to blindly jump into danger without a care for your life to save the people you love. You learn about goodness, and nobility. You learn too love with so much passion that it burns through you. You don't become this, you only learn what it is.

No one teaches you how to blend it all together. How to be it all at once. No one teaches you when to be compassionate and when to be mercilessness. You don't learn how to be fearless and kind at the same time because that doesn't exist. Your either or. You get stuck trying to figure out how to be both at the same time. How do I love without being barbarically protective? How do I support without deceiving? How do I conquer all without being ruthless?

I used to try to find my mom's teaching in my dad, try to find just a little bit of goodness or even nobility but it was never there. Unless he looked at my mom, unless he looked at his kids, my dad is the definition of coldblooded. I used to try to find the same in my mom, just a spec of ruthlessness but I never found anything but support, love, and kindness.

Perhaps that's why I lean more towards being ruthless and careless then being compassionate. Maybe because it's easier to hate then to love. Maybe because when I'm cruel and inhumane no one looks at me like I'm anything but strong. Letting my dark soul weld and control me is safer then having the other one do a number on me. In the world I grew up in you were either strong or weak, and the weak ended up dead. Hardness led to people looking at me like I was my father's son. It was something I was incredibly proud of, stoned and soulless was who I was.

The problem is, stoned and soulless people don't stand out front of classes just waiting to walk a girl to her next classroom. Ruthless and fearless men don't make their brothers walk her either. So what does that make me? It's not that they would question me, they might make fun of me a little, tease me about it but they will always do as they are told. It's that I'm questioning myself.

It's the cold reality of our lives. I was above them; they knew it, I knew it. I proved that I was strong enough to be here, I was heartless enough to lead them and they would follow me to the end of the world. Oddly enough that was the one thing in my life I wasn't proud of. I never wanted to be considered above them, I wasn't in my mind. But their eyes, in my dads eyes, I was the future.

Here is their all mighty fucken future standing beside AP Econ waiting to walk a helpless girl to her next classroom. And before I could talk myself into walking away the ringing of the bell vibrated through the hallways, and I leaned off the wall straightening out and pushed my shoulder's back. Habits that were drilled so deeply into me that I couldn't tear them out even if I wanted too. Who were we kidding, I wasn't going to walk away. I told her I would help, and I don't lie.

The door of the classroom swung open and I scanned student after student until a tiny brunette with a round face and plump lips stepped out of the class. In blue jeans, and a white top tucked in, she looked like she was being swallowed whole in the oversized tan wool cardigan she put on top of that. So tiny, that I'm sure she could hide completely in that cardigan. She smiled at the girl beside her, perfectly straight teeth and deep bay umber eye's held me in place. Tilting her head back and closing her chocolate eye's, she laughed. There was something so pure about it, that it felt like sin for me to see.

The girl next to her laughed too, nudging Lina. And Lina shook her head, letting that pretty smile rest of her face. She turned, looking around for one of her usual escort, and met with a bloodthirsty lunatic waiting for her instead.

She whispered something to her friend who glanced over at me with a wary look and then nodded at her, walking in the opposite direction. Lina made her way over to me, stopped right in front of me and I almost smiled at how I had to look down at her. Normal, I'm not a fan. The girls I normally am attractive too are not this short, usually just a few inches shorter, or pretty much my height but Lina is literally so short that its oddly cute.

She smiled up at me. "Is it your turn now?" she asked softly but all I could do was pay attention to the glossy lips she licked after talking.

Clearing my throat, I sidestepped and hoped she would follow me. To answer her, I nodded, "Yes, it is. Your loyal escort services at your side." I smirked. And to my surprise, she did follow me without any hesitation because according to Ash, she wasn't keen on following him.

She was quick to fill the silence too. "Kirsan said its pointless to argue but I'm going to try. You cannot actually want to walk me to very class. Mateo, I promise you I'm fine." she said, trying to reason with me.

I glanced down, noting her holding a journal to her chest. "I said I would take care of the problem for you, and I am. Bodyguards have proven to be very effective through out history." I replied.

She sighed, glancing at me when she thought I wasn't watching and then her eye's shot away quickly. Like a deer caught in headlights. And it was kind of cute watching her flush. Keeping her gaze in front of us, she shrugged. "You know what, fine. You want to waste your time, go for it. I get four walking buddies out of it."

I wouldn't call this wasting time. Not even slightly but I'm glad she was done trying to argue about it. I would win because like I said, I haven't lived a life where I don't get what I want. Maybe that's called being a spoiled brat, but fuck it. I have put my life on the line to many fucken time's to not get what I want and what I want is Lina safely getting to class. I don't know what it was in the locker room that caught my interest. Maybe her desperately not wanting to talk to this guy that she resorted to hiding in a used shower stall, and trust me those thing's are not clean. Shit, I mean they are fucken gross. But the point is, something about how invested she was in not talking to this guy got me. No one should have to be that panicked, and paranoid and watching this tiny girl with large brown eyes freak out, well that caught me.

So here I am. Doing my good citizen duty and helping. Playing the hero. But what a fucken joke because I'm the last thing from a hero. Still, my lip twitched as I pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth, and kept the smile at bay. "I really hope my brother's haven't been asshole's."

She shook her head, a smile slipping onto her face. "Ash tried to show me his armpit hair." she announced. And I'm surprised my neck didn't snap from how quickly I turned to look at her. "He did what?" I asked, hoping I heard her wrong but honestly, I wouldn't put it past Ash.

She laughed, the sound an melodic sweet treat and said, "It's not that big of a deal, I stopped him before he got far. And Kirsan told me your word was law apparently."

Holy fuck. I wanted to cringe, but shoved past it. Oh course Kirsan didn't have to walk around announcing that but in his head there was no logical reason not too. It didn't threaten any part of our business, and didn't provide any kind of information that could hurt us at the end. Plus, it was the truth and Kirsan isn't one to hide from it. I couldn't hide, even if I wanted too. So, instead I pushed my chest out and shoulder's back. "His right. What I say, they do."

She looked at me with widened fawn eyes and asked, "Have you seen the show Peaky Blinders?"

I shook my head, putting my fist into the pocket of my navy joggers and dropped my head to look at her. She was so random, it was almost refreshing to not know what was going to come out of her mouth next. What that mind of hers was cooking up. She gasped, almost dropping her journal that she had curled to her chest. "No way! You have to watch it."

Watch it. When was the last time I watched anything? "Why?" I asked, stepping up the last step of the stairway. I wasn't going to explain that I didn't really have time to watch movies. Instead, I watched her pull out her phone and start typing on it. Without paying attention to were she was going, she rambled, "I'm sending you the link to it! It's so good. It's about this family called the Shelby's in the 1990s. They run illegal business and it's about all the problem's and drama they deal with. So worth the many hour's I have put into watching it. And I mean so many hours."

I swung my hand out, pushing away a dude that also wasn't paying attention to where he was walking. He swayed a little but caught himself and shot me a glare before realizing who I was and shrinking away. And Lina still hasn't even noticed that she almost collided with him. Ignoring the pathetic standup that was, I responded, "Okay, I'll look into it."

I would. I don't lie. Ever. If my word was going to be law, it was going to be truth too. Even if that made me brutally honest sometimes. Plus, I was curious about why this show has her so excited.

We stopped beside her classroom and she turned sideways in the doorway looking between the classroom and me. She was clearly uncomfortable but managed to give me a small smile. "Thanks for walking me."

I gave her a curt nod, and turned to walk to my next class which so happens to be with Kirsan. The kid was wicked smart with school. Everything from a book came extremely easy for him. AP Literature didn't come easy to me no matter how much I studied. Thank fuck after high school I am done with school, despite my mom wanting me to go to collage.

Stepping into the classroom, I made my way to the back of the classroom were Kirsan was already slouched in that chair. Annoyingly, the chair beside him was filled by another kid. No good. Stopping in front of the desk, I stared down at the clueless student. "Move." I demanded. Because If I had to go through another hour of this bullshit class, I'm doing it beside Kirsan.

The guy shot his head up, looking at me with eye's full of fear before collecting all of his crap with fumbling finger's and zipping out of the chair.

I dropped myself in the seat, and swayed my head over in Kirsan direction, who was already pulling his headphone out and setting them in the case. "Next time, try using more words then a caveman." he chuckled making me shrugged because honestly I don't care. I don't care how people perceive, or what they think of me. I don't care if they think I'm mean, or rude, or a fucken asshole. I just simply don't give a fuck. They mean nothing too me, so why should I ponder about what they think about little old me? I sound like a brat. Whatever.

Watching Kirsan slip his headphone case into his pocket, I asked him, "You ever see that show called Peaky Blinders?"

He straighten back in his seat. "Yep, sick show. Clever as shit and fucken interesting." he answered. The kid was a genius but sometimes he didn't talk like one, or even present himself like one and I think that's to blame the life we grew up in. Talking proper, looking proper made you look weak. As if words was all you were packing and you need more in this world. I nodded anyways, making it a point to find the time to watch it by the end of the week. Hockey took up three day's out of the week with practice. The cartel and all its demands took up the rest of my time. If I can make cell tower climbing fit in there, then I can find a way to watch one episode of this show.

The teacher stood up about to start class but I turned to Kirsan again. "Give me a ride to the club after school?" I still didn't have my fucken car thanks to uncle.

"Sure. Could you check in with Ash? I found him drunk last night."

I tensed up. "Why didn't you come get me?" I asked, gripping the side of the table in worry. We have alcoholism in our blood. It's a clean fact. One we are fully aware off. Kirsan and I don't drink but Ash and Aster do. Everyone has a choose, and we all know the consequences. What Ash chooses to do with the fact's, that's up to him. Doesn't mean we didn't worry like hell about him, especially considering that Ash could be using it as a coping mechanism.

Kirsan leaned over. "I didn't want to wake you. You got home incredibly late and I know you had practice yesterday."

My chest tightened. "So? I would have taken care of him either way." I told him. I know Kirsan is just looking out for me, but he shouldn't have had to deal with that alone. I know what it does to Kirsan, and how damaging it is to him.

He shrugged. "I dealt with the situation, and reached out to Lily. He was fine physically, but regardless, you should check in with him."

I nodded, making it a point to check in with Ash today. At least he called Lily, that already eased me a little. "And you?" I questioned, "Should I be worried about you?"

He chuckled, opening his textbook and pulling out his notebook. "Suck a useless act, as if it will help. You ever think you're just make it harder on yourself by letting yourself be consumed by thoughts that are totally hopeless?"

"No. We all have responsibilities. And you are mine."

He looked towards me. The rims of his eyes hardening into shells you'll never creak. "I appreciate your concern. I'm doing the best I can, and that's what I have for now. Ask me again tomorrow, when I have more time to come to terms with my brother drinking himself into oblivion because he can't stand his own mind." he replied in a cold and dreadful tone that send a shiver up my spine. Fucken hell.

The class went by in a blur, mainly because I was ignoring the teacher, the lesson and dwelling on the Ash situation and on Kirsan's statement. Was he drinking that much? I have been watching him and I wouldn't say it's obsessive. Regardless, I'll check in with him. And Maddox because his been all over the place lately too. But by the time the bell rung I was more then ready for the day to be over. Just one more class.

I made my way out of the class, saying bye to Kirsan and heading up the hallway where I knew Maddox was suppose to be leading Lina to her class. I had made a schedule with who ever is closes to her classes to pick her up and drop her off. That ex of hers wouldn't bother anymore, expect right now where he had her cornered and was talking harshly to her. I picked up my pass, cursing Maddox. Where the fuck was he? I put that thought aside and quickly came up behind the man cornering Lina in the busy hallway.

"Look Lin, I love you. You know this, just give me another chance."

I looked over his shoulder, finding her panic-stricken face. I knew how to read reactions, and her coiled in stance, quivering lip, and tear rimmed eyes where enough for me to know she was afraid. It wasn't hard to figure out that Lina didn't like problem's, or confronting them, she rather hide from them. She also has anxiety with attention spotlighting on her according to Maddox. Right now, she was scared and I felt this extreme urge in myself to fight those problem's for her.

Grabbing the dude by his shoulder, I yanked him far from her. He stumbled backwards as I stepped closer to her, checking for damage. I knew there was none, but it was instincts.

It was the way her eye lifted up to me in fear and the way her breath filled her lungs deeply that sent a bolt of fury through me. I turned around to the dude, and if the way she reacted to me wasn't enough, her stepping behind me for protection did the trick.

Anger was coursing through me heavily, touching every dark corner inside me and the beast in me screamed to be let out, banging on my chest, kicking, screaming, howling with rage. I stared at the lean dude in front of me, knowing I could take six of him with no effort. My dark soul knew anger, it was its first language but as I released an evened breath to calm myself and felt Lina's chest bump into the back of my arm, my dark soul unlocked a new type of fueled rage.

She was shaking, her body was physically in such a state of fear that it shook as she tried to breath.

The dude caught his stance and turned to glare at me. A lightning spark of indescribable energy that coursed through my body made my vision start to dot. My dark soul no longer just howled, it was screaming bloody murder at the top of its lungs. It was banging so hard on my chest that I could barely breath right now. He made her scared, under my fucken protection, he made her shake in fear.

He rubbed his shoulder and I debated on breaking it. "The fuck dude, I was talking to her." he winced.

My jaw clenched as I tried to blink through this need to attack him. This needs to tear his limps straight out of their sockets for making her scared. I knew I couldn't, but I was starting to care less and less with every shaky breath Lina took behind me.

I lowered my chin, my dark soul slipping out and promising death. "Get. Fucken. Lost." I demanded with a gravelly undertone, as the cold words numbed my tongue.

Lina inhaled deeply behind me, her palm coming up and flattening against my back as she exhaled in relief. I felt the warmth of her breath on my back and through my shirt, it brushed my skin with a feeling of softness I wasn't prepared for. It was relief that I was protecting her, that me, who is so fucked up was protecting her. That thought only amplified my darkness because if she had to find protecting in me, a deeply disturbed individual, then I can only imagine how frightened she was before I got too her. She had nothing to worry about, not with me in front of her but she was scared, terrified and that made it all the worse.

The dude with the death wish stepped to the side, trying to get her attention but I followed him, covering her behind my back completely. I could feel her, centimeters behind me and so fucken tiny. So afraid that I felt this fucken beating urge to hold her in my arms and hide her.

My attention snapped above the idiot where Maddox was marching over to us. I watched him grabbed the dude and yanked him backwards again, making him stumbled like a pathetic piece of shit. Please tell me that at least fractured his shoulder?

"What the fuck, again?" he whined, his shoulder sagging. Alright, it's definitely dislocated.

Maddox came up beside me, and I could see by his face all the apologies, but I didn't care. Not when all I could focus on was the glass doll behind me that was still not breathing evenly. And Maddox noticed her too as he glanced behind me, and his grin spread on his face. "Hello there."