Chapter Song - Better, Khalid

I reread the words in my note book for the fifth time, still not liking the wording. For whatever reason, this song was not coming along. I even tried to play it on the guitar and still it felt undone. Felt like it was missing a key piece to bring the whole song together. After an hour, and it was really starting to hurt my head. Setting my guitar down, I pulled my laptop to check my email. I was still waiting to hear back from the scholarships. According to the kind lady I was talking to, she said it was looking good for me.

Hopefully she's right because otherwise, good luck to me figuring out how to pay for college. Financial Aid was out of the picture. According to those folk's my parents made too much. They don't take into consideration that my parents aren't divorced but my dad isn't around and isn't here to support the family. My mom is working, but all her money is going to the house, and all the things we need. Because of that, I can't ask her for money. The picture became crystal clear when I accidentally saw her stack of bills.

Nope. The responsibility is all on me. If I want to go to the collage of my dream's, I'll have to make it happen. I don't blame them, really. I understand it's on me. It's been on me for a while now. That's why I have submitted for so many scholarships, grants, and different programs and now I'm going to be a positive. That, and I made it my birthday wish, and my Christmas wish and every other wish I could.

Since it's Saturday, and I have absolutely nothing to do, I'm stuck staring at this song again that was starting to drive me crazy. It wasn't working and I can't figure out why. Was it the hook? The chorus? Or maybe it was the vibe of it all together? It was an upbeat song, yet all the words were lonely. Maybe that's why it didn't work, because you can't put together upbeat, and sad.

I hummed the chores to myself again. The words were right. They were what I feel. I found you where there was no one. I saw you in front of me. Still, it was missing something. While I sat there trying to figure it out, my phone started ringing on the dresser. Setting down my guitar, again, I walked over and grabbing it. Checking the Id call this time, I smiled. "Hello." I answer.

"Come downstairs, love."

Without questioning why, I spun around. "Coming." I said, jogging into my closet. I grabbed the nearest hoodie I could find because the night was cold, and tugged it on. Then, I jogged out my closet and to my desk. I had my wallet scattered across my table because earlier I was looking for my library card. For a second I thought I lost it. Good news, I didn't. Hooray.

"Don't rush. Stop running around."

I paused. "How do you know I'm rushing?" I questioned, a grin slipping to my face. He chuckled in response. "I can see you through your window. It's fucken creepy but you won't shut your blind's despite how many times I have told you its unsafe."

I sighed, fitting the rest of my stuff into my wallet a lot calmer this time and put it into my hoodie. "You know why, it feels a little claustrophobic that way." I explained. It really does feel like I'm being stuffed into a box, and someone is locking me away. It's why my window is open, because with the fresh breeze I feel a little less jammed in this house. It feels a little more opener and when I'm constantly feeling like there no one but me in this house, I just need some breathing space.

Mateo sighed. "I know, love."

I made my way down the stairs, and quickly put my shoes on. Locking the door behind me, I jogged down the driveway where Mateo was waiting for me, on his bike. A black hoodie hugging his body and covered by a black jean jacket. He had one of his feet kicked up on the bike, and black joggers tight around his ankles. White, almost radiating in the night sneaker sat on the seat of his bike.

He smiled when I came to a halt in front of him. "Where are we going?" I asked, rocking on my heels. Excitement bubbling in my stomach as he did a once over on me. My body warmed as he dragged his eyes back up to my face. The way he did it, it felt like he devoured me with just his eyes.

"On a date."

"A date?"

"Yes." he reached behind himself, grabbing a black and red helmet, "Don't tell you have never been on a date."

I smiled. "I have."

He turned back, holding the helmet between his hands, and I noticed his grip tighten. His expression, it mixed into an annoyed look. "I wish I didn't know that now." he sighed before extending the helmet to me.

I grabbed it, finding it kind of heavy. People wear this on their heads? How does it not hurt to have to hold up so much weight? Glancing up at him I raised my brow. "Why?"

He shook his head, as if he wished that thought would just bounce out of his mind and said, "Because I loathe the idea of you ever being in even the presence of someone that's not me."

I lifted the helmet, feeling my cheeks burn. "That goes both ways." I whispered. I knew the feeling. I didn't like thinking of all the girls he has been with. He wasn't a saint, and everyone heard the little whispers around school about Mateo. Heck, I heard them and I'm not even in the social world.

He dropped his leg, and swung forward, wrapping his ripped arm around my waist and tugging me to himself. Tugging on my hoodie string, his lips titled up an inch. "I'll live with it. Or I'll try. I'm not too happy about the idea, and it makes me a little murderous honestly, but I will find a way to deal. But, from now on, mi amor, it's me.." he dragged his finger down my temple, "in your mind and me.." he ran that finger to my cheek, "touching you, and .." his finger pulled across my lip, "only me tasting you."

Smiling, and leaving me a little hazy he said, "You belong to me. Comprender?" Understand?

I melted in his hold. "That goes both ways..." I breath out, the words softly dying out.

"Say you understand, love."

I swallowed as he brought me closer, until I could feel was the ridge of his thigh's hugging me. I nodded, to flustered to even talk because all I could think about were his hard rock thighs on each side of me. His husky arms around me, and his deep emerald eyes, full of fields, and oceans, and skies watching me. Nothing matters around me, and everything seemed to fade. Only his presence I felt everywhere. On ever part of my skin, running in my veins, and filling every dark patch of my mind. Him, and only him.

He made a rough noise from the back of the throat, something mixed between a growl and a groan. "You're going to have to use your pretty words, love. I need to hear you say it."

I grasped onto the words that felt like they were so far and whispered, "Yes, I understand."

He nodded slowly, searching my flushed face. "I'm yours, love. You have me till you decide you don't want me anymore."

How could I ever not want him? His all I want. And I wish I could understand the full grasp of those words. I wish I could climb into his head and really get a clue for what he meant when he said that, but I can't. I only get what he offers, and not anything more. Because that was how Mateo was. His words were few, but meaningful. He didn't explain himself; he didn't think he needed too. He spoke the truth with powerful force behind himself. And I choose to believe those words meant that like he had me, I had him. For how long, who knows. But for now, I had him and he truly was the only one on my mind.

He watched me with a softened expression."Alright, put that helmet on and let's go."

I lifted the helmet, looking around for another but coming up blank. "Where's yours?" I asked, confusion shaking my words.

He let go of me, lifting his sneaker up onto the seat and started to retire it. "I don't wear one. I like the breeze on my face. I only grabbed that one for you." he explained, dropping his foot back to the ground and looking up at me.

I stared down at the helmet. It was meant to protect him and the thought of him getting hurt, it made me shudder. " I don't like that you don't wear a helmet." I muttered, softly because who was I to tell him for what to do.

He regarded me for a moment. "I have ridden bikes since I could climb up them. My bike, it won't be what kills me." he explained so confident in the fact, but I shook my head. It's not him that I don't have faith in, it's all the drivers out there. I have seen to many horror stories about biker's being caught under trucks or thrown off the road. The thought of that happening to him devastated me, beyond words.

I sucked in a breath, but my throat was so restricted that it barely filled my lungs. I can't tell him what to do; if he says his fine then so be it. But the idea of him hurt, it plummeted my stomach to my feet. But before I could respond, he put his finger up to my chin and lifted it. I didn't even realize I was even looking at the ground, or that my chin was starting to wobble a little.

"Hey." he said, looking at me with calm and bright eyes, before sighing. "Will it make you feel better if I wear a helmet? Will you not look like I'm ripping your favorite toy apart?"

My lip quivered and I bit it. "Maybe." I whispered. It would make me feel better, but I don't want him thinking that I'm telling him what to do. I just want him protected, and safe. I want him to not get hurt, but I'm so afraid that he might think I'm trying to control him. So I kept quite, staring at him, and his finger brushed against my lip, the touch so cottony, and delicate, and all I could think about was reaching out and licking him. In the back of my mind, I wondered what he would taste like, what his finger would feel like in my mouth. "Talk to me, love." he mumbled, his gaze hardening on my lip.

My cheek's burned intensely, and my breathing speed up as I took a deep inhale to calm the beating in my chest. Forcefully, I responded, "Yes, it will make me feel better. I don't want you to get hurt. It's not you I worry about, not your skills but everyone else. Accidents happen, and it doesn't initially have to be your fault. Some time's you just end up in the middle of it and if you ever do, I rather you be protected. I don't want you hurt, Mateo..." I said, my words fading out.

He regarded me, eyes softening around the rim, almost shinning a little more cooper. "I'll wear a helmet." he said.

My chest collapsed and all of a sudden, I could breathe easier knowing that he would keep himself protective. With that, I nodded and pulled the helmet up. He helped me put it on and helped me climb on the bike behind him. Just like on the dirt bike, I found myself cozily getting up and personal with him. My chest, pressed into his back and my arm's wrapped around his torse. Both my legs hanging loosely on each of his sides, and he set a palm on one of my thigh and started the bike.

The bike jerked, and I tightened my hold. Not that I was going anywhere, or worried about falling because I had no doubt in my mind that Mateo's got me, but I just liked being this close to him. If I could climb up onto his lap, and not look like an absolute flushed tomato, I would do it.

I had no idea where we were going, or what we were doing for that matter, but I found that I didn't care. As long as it was beside Mateo, I knew I would enjoy it. Lately, I don't know what's happening to me. All of a sudden, I find myself happy to get out of bed, and to get through the day. I find energy I didn't have before. I just want to keep going, and that hasn't happened in a long time.

With his presence, he inspired me to find the strength to pull forward. I watch him hold this whole world on his shoulders, and still somehow manage to keep pushing forward, so why can't I? Sure, I have plenty of thing's to whine about, or stress about but I have a million more to be thankful for. I have so many things in my life that some people don't, and I choose to focus on those.

Instead on dwelling on everything that I have no control in, I choose to focus on the things I can build back up. Like me.

At some point, he grabbed my hand, tugging it up to his chest and kissed it before setting it back. "Can you teach me to ride?" I called out, and I felt the chuckle on his chest. "Of course."

By the time we parked, I was so comfortably cuddled up in his back that I had to peel myself away, sadly. And he helped me climb off. When my feet hit the ground, I finally took my chance to look around.

Behind the front entrance, I could see the large rides, and ferries wheel. And it made my excitement bubbled in my tummy, as I gaze up at the many roller coasters. We were at a Carnival, and to say I was stoked wouldn't be enough. I have never been, despite this being something I should have totally gone to because it was so me. But honestly, I wasn't even aware they had a carnival in Texas. Sure, I have heard about them always in the fun state of California, but not here. How did I miss this?

I waved at the clown that was sitting by the entrance, waving at me before spinning around to face Mateo. "No way." I grinned up at him, "This is so cool. I can't believe you found a carnival. I haven't ever been, and I always wanted to go. I have seen some so many video's about all the cool thing's they have here but I didn't know we had one in Texas." I jerked into his arms, colliding with him and wrapping my arms around him. He chuckled as he embraced me. "Anything for you, love."

Alert the butterfly people, they have escaped, again.

I pulled back, turning back around to the entrance expect now that I am looking again, I see something's odd. "Wait" I muttered disappointment clinging to my words, "I don't think it's open. There's no one around." I said, looking to Mateo who only grinned at me.

He grabbed my hand, leading us to the entrance. "It's open."

I dragged after him. "But there isn't anyone here." I explained, waving my free hand to show him. There were barely any cars, and the entrance booths were shut closed. But he chuckled. "Trust me, it's open for us."

I tried to figure out what that meant as we stopped by the counter. The clown sat in the chair, blowing up balloons and bending them into figured. I watched him at Mateo knocked on the closed window. And it made the clown looked up, his face lifting into a wide grin. "What would you like me to made you?" he asked, blowing up another balloon.

I faced him more, so much excitement inside me that I couldn't stand still. So I rocked on my heel. "What can you make?"

"Anything you want."

I glanced back to Mateo. I don't know why, for permission or reassurance but what I got back was a soft smile that made my heart skip. He always looked cool, calm and collected but never in such a mellowed-out way. Like nothing could get better.

I turned to the clown again, "How about a giraffe?"

"Coming right up."

The window tore open, and I glanced over my shoulder to find a man with salt and pepper hair poke his head out. A smile fully of lively excitement came over him. "A Ramos kid, must be my special day." he greeted.

Mateo nodded. "Peter, how nice to see you too."

The man leaned over the counter, "You too. Where's the awful little brother of yours? Has he come to throw up on more of my rides?"

Mateo chuckled, tugging me to his side once the clown gave me my balloon, and I thanked him. I lifted it up, showing Mateo the cute little yellow giraffe I had. My smile so wide on my face that I swear it was ear to ear at this point but I was happy. And Mateo chuckled, tapping the ballon in my hand before replying to the man, "Not today. I do have a favor to ask of you thought."

The man glanced towards me, a smile of an old soul looking back at me. "A date of yours? That's new." he said, making Mateo nod and glanced at me. He gave a soft reassuring smile before facing the man again. "Important one. Work your magic, Peter."

The man chuckled, pulling open the counter drawer, and tugging out some bracelets. "Anything for your Ramos boy's, you all are a chaotic bunch but I adore you. How's are your brothers doing?" he asked, grabbing a tablet and starting to type of it.

"You know how they are. Up to no good per usual."

The man chuckled. "Oh I believe you. But I also know your part of that pack. Your mom told me a decent number of stories about you too. I believe Kirsan is usually the mellowed out one, has that boy gotten over his carousel phobia?"

Mateo laughed. "Doubt it, since he wouldn't step foot on them."

The man nodded, setting the tablet down and reaching over to us with bracelets. "How's your mom?" he asked, gesturing for me to give him my hand, I did and with the other hand, I held my giraffe. I was going to keep it forever. Ok maybe not forever because at some point it will deflate but for as long as I could, Mr. Santo was going to stay with me. Yes I named him. It suited him too. I grinned at the ballon, still enjoying it as the older man clipped on the bracelet and Mateo answered, "She's doing as good as always."

I pulled my hand back, and the man clipped Mateo's bracelet."And your father?"

Mateo pulled his hand back, giving him a single nod before answering, "As always."

I realized then that all his answered lacked any personal information. As always. Per usual. Good. None of them gave you an inside look to how thing's are really going, or gave you any way to really figure the person out. His answer were basic responses you threw out when you didn't' want to share any information. It lacked emotion, or personality. Unlike Mr. Santo's here who was a father of two, and casually played pianist on the side. Yes, he has a life story now.

The man clicked open the gate. "Well, have fun kids, and you tell that brother of yours that he still owes me for last time."

Mateo led me with him, before calling out to the man that he will let Ash know. The gate clicked behind us, and we stood at the entrance of the park, with Mr. Santo's tucked under my arm. Rides in every direction, and booth's with so many things to do. From face painting to bracelet building, and candy making. Not to mention the many food booths and I knew I wanted to try every single one of them.

There weren't many people around, occasionally, a worker would pop up before going back to doing what they were doing. The point is, we were alone in the park. The only guests, and honestly I couldn't ask for a better way to enjoy the park. Just knowing that there wouldn't be a few hundred people that I would have to dodge or worry about made the whole experience a million times more thrilling.

The clinking of a large machine caught my attention. "Whoa." I breath out, gazing up at the sling shot.

Mateo followed my gaze. "Brave enough to do that, love?"

I shook my head. "Not in my wildest dreams, or Mr. Santo's." I patted his head before looking to Mateo who had a raised brow, and his lips tipped upwards. "You named it?" he asked.