CHAPTER SONG, As It Was - Harry Styles

Mateo froze, standing like a statue for a second. It was the first time I had seen Mateo be thrown off guard like that. Usually, he was complete unflustered, and collected but right now he looked kind of like me, the flushed me. Like his not sure what to do, and that made me giggle badly.

His family kept him on his toes, and them I appreciated. Unlike mine, they were connected, and always together. Where the Ramos family went, chaos followed. And I have learned that although I'm not the biggest fan of drama, and problems, chaos I didn't mind so much. As long as it was fun kind of chaos, and the Ramos family was it.

In the middle of the kitchen, he turned slowly. Forest eyes so wide that they looked like he opened up a new portal to a whole new flower field, and I couldn't do anything but stare with awe. God, he was beautiful, always. The man was cover magazine hot, even when he was clearly tired, and aching from hockey practice. It didn't change that he made my stomach flutter, and heart skip a beat.

He set the pot down on the counter, blowing out a slow breath as if he was trying to calm himself and said, "They were not all supposed to show up. I'll go kick them out right now." And he turned for the living room, rounding the corner but I was quicker, skirting around and coming to a halt in front of him. Putting my hand to his chest to stop him, I smiled. "It's okay. There's food for all of them. I don't mind."

He clenched his jaw, clearly annoyed with his family. "It's not right that they didn't ask. This isn't their house; they should take your feelings into consideration." I appreciated that so much. It sometimes seemed like he was the only one who cared about what I wanted. Shaking his head, he scowled, "I'm kicking them out."

I giggled, again. Little did he realize that his family, they brought me joy. He was so focused on trying to make me feel comfortable that he didn't realize that in the presence of family, I felt most comfortable. Even if it turned out to be with not my own family, that's okay. "It's okay Mateo. They are your family, and I don't mind. I enjoy their company. We were just going to watch a movie; I don't see why it's a big deal if they join. Maddox is already here anyways."

"It's a big deal that they didn't think ahead and ask."

"I would have said yes." I sighed, leaning into him and putting my chin on his chest. Eye's raised at him, I smiled. "It's really okay."

He regarded me for a moment, debating with himself before finally giving up. With a long sigh, he wrapped his arms around my waist in defeat. "They are a pain in my fucken ass." he grumbled.

I chuckled. "You know they aren't."

His lip's twitched up, just a little but enough to tell me that he really did love his family. Even if they were as he called them a pain in the ass, he still adores them. I envied him for it but of course kept that to myself. He glanced behind himself to where all the commotion was going on, and I smiled, enjoying it. I don't remember the last time this house felt so alive. A little part of me was coming to realize it was long before my dad left. Perhaps that's why he left, because he was tired of the loneliness in this house. I always thought I missed something, maybe that's it. The house has never felt this alive, even when he was around. Something was always missing, and it took me until now, until this second to realize it.

I sighed, because that's a lot to think about and I would bottle it up until I was lying awake with my own thoughts. For now, I have a house full of people, and all most likely hungry. I tapped on Mateo's forearm. "Time to feed the zoo."

He shook his head, a light smile curling to his lips, "Wild animals, I like that. Describes them to well" he chuckled, glancing around, "Where are we eating, love?"

My first thought was the dining room, but I cringed at it, changing my mind instantly. I haven't set foot in there since my dad left, and I don't want to go back in there. Not now, heck, maybe not ever. Something about that place just feels dreadful now. All those memories, family dinners, meeting, and laugher now just felt and sounded empty. Lonely. Those memories, I digested to the point that I'm not even completely sure if they were good memories, or if my mind just spun them to feel like that.

Not in there, that's for sure. I pointed to the counter. "We can leave the food here, and have everyone grab plates and eat in the living room, well we watch?" I asked, glancing up at him, hoping his okay with that.

He shrugged. "Whatever you decide is fine."

I nodded, liking that idea more and more by the second. The living room was good. The dining room? That made me shiver in anxiety. Mateo glanced behind himself. "Let's go gather the degenerates."

I giggled, following him out the kitchen, only to walk into the actual wilderness. At least that's what the whole scene felt like, something out of a Jurassic Park movie. On the couch, Maddox was splitting his attention between the laptop on his knees that he was typing away on, stroking the keys at lighting speed and the rest of his attention was on the standoff between Kirsan and Ash. Ash, who stood in the doorway, away from everyone. And by Maddox, laid Lily watching the whole thing like it was a comedy show. Did she want some popcorn?

Behind the couch, Kirsan's was eyeing his brother with a profound scowl on his face. "Come the fuck here, Ash, now. What's done, is done and you should have used your judgment ahead of time." he barked at him.

Ash sucked in a breath, which only seemed to coil his shoulder inwards. Then he locked his hand's up on his head. "I really rather not." he drawled, eyeing his brother.

I stopped beside Mateo, who too was eyeing his little brother that looked oddly suspicious over there. Like an actual wild animal, hiding away from the crowd of people trying to take photos of it. A little fearful, and highly uncomfortable, he wore a white long sleeve, and I could see the red stains on it from here. The sleeves both torn in spots, on both arms. Grey jogger's that were also ripped at the knee and they looked busted. As did his face, with a long scratch on his cheek, several scratching on his forehead, and a split lip. He did not look good, actually I think his bleeding from his arm. Worry dropped in my stomach like a brick thrown into the water. From here is almost looked like he was having a hard time even standing as he wobbled, trying to get himself steady.

Mateo's expression flashed in worry, and I could see the flex of his jaw as he bit down, hard. The sight of his brother bothering him profoundly, making his tone dip as he asked, "Ash, what did you do?"

Ash's attention snapped in Mateo direction, wide eye like he had been caught in a robbery. He shrunk a little, sucking in the busted lip only to wince at it. Then he took a step back, looking like he was trying to hide in the dark patches of the wall. And his eye's rolled up, a little blood shot, jungly, and pleading for something I didn't understand.

He swallowed, which kneaded his brows in clear strain before he went on a rant, "I don't know what you're talking about big brother. You are my big brother, right? Blood, or no blood, you love me? No matter how badly I fucked up? You'll always love me, right? Because I love you, I just want you to know that. You wouldn't ever hurt me, right? Or murder me? Because I rather not see those grave sites you and Maddox visit. Except, I might now—"

"Ash." Mateo cut him off, taking a step towards him before halting again because Ash's gaze shot towards the door like he might actually run for it. Calmly, Mateo spoke, "You're my blood. I would die before I ever hurt you Ash, and you know this. Can you come here?" His expression full of heavy concern that echoed in his tone, and made his forehead wrinkle a little. His gaze bounced around his little brother, trying to take in the extend of his injuries.

Kirsan unzipped his jacket, sighing as he pulled it off. "I'm finished Mateo, see to him. If I concern myself with his utter bullshit for another second, I'll lose more brain cell's then I already have. Which might lead me to some sort of psychological breakdown, in which I have no doubt I will hang him by his fucken neck." he explained, before walking over to Maddox who lifted his laptop too him. Kirsan took it, dropping himself to the couch. His attention fit on the screen, and with an empty expression he read over it, ignoring everything going on behind him.

Maddox took that as his second to turn around and watch the scene, and I was close enough to lean on the back of the couch beside him. He looked up at me, a curled smile lifting to his lips that looked like it was dripping in amusement, as always. Like I said, we walked into some type of wildlife park, where all the animals were running loose and having the time of their lives. Where are the zookeepers?

"Ash." Mateo scowled.

Ash dropped his hands from his head and pointed to the ground. "I rather stay in this comfy spot. Where you can't clearly see me, and I have a straight path to the door. In case I need to run." he tried to flash a grin but ended up flinching at the busted lip.

Mateo crossed his arms. "Why would you need to run?"

On the couch, Maddox leaned towards Kirsan. "What did he do?"

Kirsan shook his head, glancing up at his alarmed brother and replied, "Tried to kill himself, what else?"

Maddox eyed his sister who was watching the scene with total amusement. Stretched out on the couch, like she lived here basically. The confidence the girl had, I'm in sheer awe with it. She tucked her leg under herself, the ends of her grey sweat's a little dirty too. Her black crop top I swear it had bits of blood on it too. "She was involved?"

Kirsan didn't brother looking up this time. "When isn't she? At least for what it's worth, she was the voice of reason this time."

Maddox scoffed, eyeing his sister for a second longer. And I swear she felt it because she looked over at him and sent him an amused wink before looking back at Ash, who was hopped between legs by the doorway wincing at every move. Heck, even breathing looking like a challenge for him. Worry crumbled in my stomach even more, running through my vein the longer he stood there. Whatever he did, the only reason he wasn't admitting to it was because he knew he shouldn't have done it. Still, it's funny that he think's Mateo would be mad at him. Knowing Mateo, he cared more about Ash being okay. Just standing there, I could see the building concern, and anguish he was getting from not being able to check on his brother.

Lily finally sighed. "Just tell him, Ash. His going to find out anyways."

Ash's attention zipped toward her. "Not if we find a way to hide it from him."

"Please tell me, how would we do that?"

Ash swung his arm up, only to let it fall to his side. "I don't know Lil's! Maybe we can contrapt something? Shoot some idea's this way."

"Only to waste my time and energy? I rather not. It's pointless. Let Mr. Know-it-all save you. It's what he does best after all."

I never understood her annoyance with Mateo, and the whole savior complex comment. He helps his family; he cares about them. What's wrong with that? Not that I would ask her because I rather not be at the end of her ice sword. But well they were arguing, Mateo was edging toward Ash with an expression full of racking worry. Expect, he didn't get to far before Ash noticed and shot backwards into the wall. He groaned at the impact before throwing his arms in the air and yelling, "STAY RIGHT THERE BIG MAN! I AM NOT PREPARED TO DIE."

Maddox fell back in the couch, laughing so hard that he huddled over, wiping his tears. I snicked beside him, even if I could feel a pang of worry for Ash. He clearly needed some help, and if it was from the hospital or pill's kind of help was still unclear. Expect something told me that if it was super serious Kirsan wouldn't be sitting there so calmy. If I have learned anything, it's that when it comes to Ash, everyone seems to be ready to drop everything to care for him. The fact that Kirsan, and Lily for that matter were relaxed was a good sign.

Mateo froze in place, eyeing his brother with annoyance. "What did you do?" he repeated.

Instead of responding to his brother, and easing his worry, Ash turned to Lily. "Any ideas? I'll take even the shittest."

Lily finally lifted up, propping her elbows on the back of the couch, and leaned her chest into the couch. "Yes, tell him." she responded.

Ash groaned. "Anything but that!"

"What do you want, Ash? His going to find out, did you think he won't? His your pain in the ass brother, deal."

"Is this you throwing me under the bus? Because I clearly remember you being right fucken there."

"I sure as fuck was, except then I realized you had no idea what the hell you were doing!"

"So much for best friends." Ash sighed, his shoulder lifting a little, "And I knew what I was doing!"

Lily shook her head, pointing her finger at him, and making him inhale a sharp breath. At this point, I'm not sure if it's from the pain or Lily not taking his side. To him, she responded, "No Ash, you didn't. It's not the same as dirt biking, and you knew that. Cars are your expertise, but not this. You almost killed yourself, and now, you know I'll die beside you but not yet. I'm not ready to meet my maker yet."

"Who? The devil? Because he will welcome you home! Actually, if you listen close enough you can hear him calling for you." Ash replied back, cupping his ear as if he was pretending like his listening, all well whispering, "Lily. Lily. Come home to me."

Maddox was dying on the couch, tear's bubbling in his eyes as he tried to breath, and even I was having a hard time containing my laugher. Sure, the situation wasn't all great because clearly Ash was hurt, but it didn't change that it was funny. It didn't change, that for the first time in a long time, I was laughing in my own house. That I wasn't alone, or lonely. Or wondering around the house and trying to decide how to preoccupy my mind from spinning me into dizziness. Plus, with all the arguing they were doing, Ash hadn't notice that Mateo was inching closer and closer to him, until he was directly in front of him. Only then did Ash's gaze snap in shock, but Mateo was quicker and gripped his face with one hand. Using the other he held his shoulder, keeping him in locked in place.

He turned his face side to side, examining the cuts and bruises. Which only made Ash grimace in pain, and coil into himself a little, his arm's slacked to his side in defeat. Mateo lifted his chin, inspecting the large gash on it. "What did you do, kid?"

Ash didn't respond, keeping his gaze to the ground as if he was scared, or maybe ashamed to look at his brother. Mateo lifted his shirt, taking in the massive, discolored bruise forming up his side. Swollen, and blood red it wrapped around his whole side, and covered his naturally tanned skin. He twisted Ash sideways, noting the bruise following to his back.

At this point no one was laughing, and everyone was watching with uneasiness. Even Kirsan had a look that said he was noting all the injuries and documenting it somewhere in his mind for future medical records. This damage looked painful, agonizing even. And the more I looked at him, the more I had to contain my own wince.

Lily pointed to his arm. "Left arm, check it. His having a hard time lifting it."

Ash gasped, starting to wiggle in Mateo's hold again, trying to get out. "Traitor!" he hissed at his best friend who rolled her eyes at him like he was being a big drama queen. He slacked back in his brother's arms after a second, taking a long breath from all the strain of moving around.

Kirsan's head popped up. "You said nothing about your arm." he scowled, pushing off the couch and walking over to his brothers. Both of them examined Ash for another second before letting him go as Kirsan sighed. "He needs a splint for that wrist. It's not broken but sprained for sure."

I raised my hand. "I have one in the med kit." I explained, before rushing into the kitchen. I remember my dad buying the kit for our hikes, and I know it's still around here somewhere. At least it will come in handy now. Searching through the pantry, I finally found it. Grabbing a water bottle, and an ice pack from the freeze, I hurried back into the living room.

Kirsan was already back on the couch, and Mateo was still standing by his brother, arms crossed and staring him down. Ash seemed to be pressing himself into the wall, and I wonder if he was holding his breath because he looked like he was frozen in place, unmoving. I walked over to him, passing the split and he looked up at me with a small smile. "I'm roadkill now..." he muttered, his face twisting as he put his hand into the splint. I extended the water bottle and ice pack to him. "I doubt it. He cares about you more than whatever you did." I replied, hoping to ease his worry. He replied with a little nod and grabbed both thing's out of my hands.

Walking back to the couch, I set the med kit down on the side table and opened it up. Examining what's in there, I could see there was enough to clean his cut's and take away some of the pain his in. I should find some pills, but what kind does he take? He could have allergies. I'm sure Kirsan would know, and I turned to him, about to ask but from behind me, Mateo sighed. "Either you tell me what happened, or I'll get it out of Lily."

I turned fully, just in time to watch Ash's eyes widen in horror and for him to shot towards Lily. Arms stretched out like a starfish he blocked Lily from his brother and shook his head. "Don't touch the traitor. I know, I know we have rules about loyalty and all but this evil human we love."

Lily chuckled, stretching forward to grab him. Then she tugged him backwards, and wrapped her arms around his waist, whispered something I didn't catch. He stood his ground, shielding her despite being in pain. And I had a feeling she would do the same for him. But Ash just needed to explain what he did and let him brothers deal with it. And as always, Ash was making an episode of the Ash show. Only I wish he wouldn't. I wish he would let us clean him and feed him. Seeing him in physical pain was devastating. Wow, looks like even I have hopped on the train called Ash's Army. Except how can you not? It's Ash.

Mateo inhaled deeply, racking his hand through his thick black strains and said, "I'm about to lose my shit with you, kid. Tell me what happened. You look fucken bad, and I need to know if there's someone out there that is responsible for this."

From the couch, Ash finally dropped his arms and backed in the couch. He leaned on it, taking some of his weight off his legs, and you could see by the relief on his face that the pain was really taking a toll on him. The drop of his shoulder, and the look of worry as he rolled his soft brown eyes up to his brother was heart wrenching. "I crashed you bike." he breath out.