Good evening, people! I sure as hell hope you like the figurative sound of my voice, because for this review, I have a lot to say! There's quite some stuff I want to address here, so buckle up your seatbelts and get ready for the ride!

'Harry Potter: Rise of the Spiral' is a crossover fanfic between Harry Potter (were you expecting something else?) and Naruto. Two pretty well-known fandoms, I suppose, so I believe neither requires much further explanation. The story follows original character Edmund Vulpis (later Whirlpool), a descendant of legendary ninja Naruto, as he navigates his way through Britain's wizarding world.

Let me first start by addressing something positive: the crossover in itself seems interesting, even though I know little about any media concerning Naruto, and the execution of the worldbuilding was overall decently done. The story focused more on the events on Harry Potter and didn't include much Naruto material, but what was present blended into the Potter world and lore pretty nicely.

I do, however, think a lot more of Naruto content could be included in this story. It is a crossover, after all. Because the focus here is definitely more on the Potter universe, reading the story kind of feels like… the whole 'Naruto ancestry' was added for the sole reason of having an incredibly overpowered MC (And overpowered he is, mind you: chapter 48 states that Edmund, at the age of fifteen, was possibly more powerful than both Voldemort and Dumbledore combined).

Which brings me to the next point I'd like to talk about: the characters.

Oh boy, the characters.

Before I commence here, I'll give you all a simplified crash course of what defines a character's personality. Writing a character is a very complex thing, and I can't address everything that goes into building one here, but we're going to look at two different aspects.

Aspect one of a character's personality: environmental factors. A character's environment helps shape a character, and when I say environment, I'm talking about these things: childhood, family/friends/acquaintances, financial situation, the society they live in, and more. If we take Katniss Everdeen from the Hunger Games for an example here, we could say a part of her harsh character is definitely caused by the equally harsh world and society around her in which she needs to fight to survive. In that case, her world shaped part of her.

However! If we're writing a fanfic, an AU, those environmental factors change, and that can alter a character's personality. If Katniss Everdeen from our example had grown up in a less harsh world, she could very well be less harsh herself. Change the world, the universe, and certain aspects of a character change with it; you're free to experiment with this and alter it in any way you like.

But there's another, even more important aspect to a character: the core. No matter what AU you're writing, every single character has certain core traits: these traits are inherent in the character and can always be found inside of them, even if the fic doesn't address them much. The core is what makes Character A, well, Character A, and it's also what makes Character A recognizable in whichever setting he or she is placed. Hermione Granger, for example, has a thirst for knowledge basically built inside of her, and it's an example of a core trait of hers: the majority of people who write Hermione will see this trait and know, 'okay, this is something I need if I want to portray this character accurately'.

You, good sir (or madam?), seem to have grabbed every character's core personality and chucked it out of a penthouse window.

Let's take a closer look: Harry, or Iris, seeing as Harry Potter is gender-bended in this, is at some point described to be a pushover until MC Edmund teaches her how not to be one. This is in stark contrast to canon Harry Potter, who was sassy from the start, who survived literal years in an abusive home (not something that doesn't require immense courage), and set a damned snake up to taunt his cousin at the young age of eleven.

Or what about Ron? In canon, he is humourous, good-natured guy with (mostly) unwavering loyalty. Here, he's almost literally portrayed as a malicious pig: all he does is stuff his face and mistreat Harry/Iris. Hermione, whose nature in canon doesn't hinge on betrayal? Betrays Harry/Iris multiple times. Mrs. Weasley, the epitome of a friendly, caring mother? Here she's a total bitch who'll go to great lengths to pair Ron up with Harry/Iris for personal gain.

So where did their core personalities go?

I'll tell you where that went: it was discarded for plot convenience. Because who's there for Iris when everyone else, literally everyone else, isn't? Edmund. Who takes over the roles of all those characters who supported Harry/Iris? Edmund. It seems we have a classic case of 'show every character in a negative light to make the OC I've inserted seem all that more amazing and likable'.

Hint: That doesn't work.

Because what you have now is a character who can do no wrong. An overpowered, almost flawless guy who can do anything he sets his mind to, who is never wrong and always right. And you know what that does? It serves to make people not want to root for your character and might even cause them to actively dislike your OC. Which is obviously not something you want.

And yes, it is your fic, not mine. Essentially, you can alter whatever you want. No one's stopping you from doing your own thing, and you shouldn't let them do so either. But for quality fanfiction, there's one golden rule: leave as much of the characters' core personality intact, because the reader will love you and your story far more if you do so.

Edmund's character also… does not add that much to the story, in my opinion. In chapter 30, it's said that 'if he couldn't protect Iris, there'd be no meaning left to his existence'. My advice? Remove that line. Now. It's not romantic. It feels like you're admitting your character isn't there to do anything but be the love interest.

Okay, sure, Edmund has his family issues, but in terms of Harry Potter storyline, what does he do? He takes the spotlight that belonged to other characters who've been reduced to empty shells of who they used to be (like when he's the one teaching this 'Dumbledore's army' instead of Iris/Harry) and does little but training his immense power and obsessing over Iris. I mean, come on. It's been stated that he has friends, but… what is there, in the end to his character that makes him so interesting? Who or what would he be if he didn't hog the spotlight like he does now, or if he wasn't Iris' love interest? I don't know. And I need to know, because he's barely a convincing character otherwise, and if he isn't a convincing character, there's very little chemistry between him and Iris. It's a dangerous chain reaction here.

The character interactions also feel off at times. One that stood out to me took place in chapter 30: Edmund, full of pride, admits to Iris that he succeeded in his goal and killed his evil father, to which Iris squeals and hugs him and says 'you finally did it!'

I get that Altair was an asshole who deserved to be killed, but can we get a reality check here? No one, under no circumstances ever, would have such a cheerful reaction and then change the subject. Iris could've at least asked for more details here; even the smallest elaboration of events would've sufficed.

That said… goddamn, the way Edmund tortured and killed his family was a phenomenon, and that comes from someone who researched torture techniques for school once. I'm not sure how to feel about those scenes. They sure are creative, even though they're incredibly gruesome: you could consider softening it up a bit, though this isn't something I'd make a priority here.

The GPS is pretty decently done, and while there were a few errors here and there, the story was easy to read. One tip when it comes to writing style, though: right now, the story has a lot of telling and little showing. I'd recommend adding more description and putting more feeling into your imagery! You can use the five senses for that. For example, don't tell me 'Iris was scared': show me how her fingers tremble, how her eyes widen in fear, how it causes a ringing in her ears and how the shock has her fighting to keep the bile from rising up in her throat. It makes for more sophisticated prose!

Lastly: This story had Author's notes pop up in the middle of the story after a paragraph to explain why what the characters did there makes sense. From that, I gather people have bitched about it before, and I understand that you want to address why it does indeed work and the haters are wrong. However, the use of A/Ns scattered throughout distracts from the story, and most of the time the content of these notes can simply be woven into the narrative, easy as that. Go over those again, see what you can do!

All in all, this is a story that I think could benefit from a major revamp, especially in terms of characters. Either that, or you can take what I said into account for any new projects you might be working on. Or your third option: ignore everything I told you and do nothing with my feedback. I am, after all, simply a stranger giving her educated opinion, and you are in no way required to even look at what I have to say about your work (though taking advice and constructive criticism seriously rarely hurts!)

Rating: 4 right now, but I sincerely do hope you manage to improve it in the future!