Nanaginip ba ako?

"Matagal na kitang hinintay at hinanap, ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng lakas na loob" she said gently letting go of me. "I keep forcing myself to find the loving that you give sa iba dahil takot akong mawala ka sa piling ko, jusko napakatanga ko pala" I kept looking at her confused, sino bang hindi maco-confuse dito, umaamin ng wala sa oras.

"Ikaw talaga, pinapatawad na kita sa paghawa mo ng sakit sa'kin, don't worry" I said to ease the tension, hindi ko keri. "I'm not joking y/n," she got off the bed and stood in front of me.

"Binubuhos ko ang buong puso ko sayo ngayon, I mean it. I've had a crush on you for years now, I love seeing your smile, I get lost in your eyes, your laugh makes me smile, your presence is my comfort, and I'm sorry that I kept pushing you away noon - the only thing I could do to avoid this feeling was to avoid you. It's not that ayaw ko sayo, it's just I'm scared na mawala ka sa buhay ko" she stopped and stared at me.

Tears fell down her cheeks. All those years she liked me too?

"I have to go Janine, I really have to. I have work" I grabbed my bag and left. I'm too confused, surprised. Masaya ako na nangyari 'to pero what the fuck. "y/n, hoy. please, 'wag kang umalis, let's talk. I'm sorry" she calls following me out of the room. Aika and Jill were waiting outside their doors. Narinig nila siguro.

"y/n anong-"

"Sorry ate Aiks, may work pa ako. Text ka nalang if you guys need something, ingat kayo" I said rushing outside the condo. Tears streak down my cheek, bakit hindi ko nakaya? Diba sabi ni mom na panindigan ko siya. It fell into my lap na, pero hindi ko kinaya.

-----

"Nagustuhan ba nila yung cake-"

"Mamaya na tayo mag-usap ma please" my voice was shaky, parang natakot ako bigla.

"Tricia, truth or dare"

"Truth" she responds. "Tapang ah" I joked, we all laughed at her. "Totoo bang crush mo si y/n?" I stopped laughing. What ever her respond is hindi ako magagalit, it's life diba.

"Ha? ako? pass nalang, mas pipiliin ko pa si Rael kaysa sa 'kanya. No offense bes" she looks at me with a big smile on her face. Nag no offense ka pa, wala ka nalang sanang sinabi. "Hoy, okay lang, kahit ako mas pipiliin si Rael" I said, I felt my voice crack.

masakit kasi, sobra.

"Hala, nag text mom ko, I have to answer this" I said standing up and walking away from them. "Hindi naman nag vibrate phone mo y/n" sabi ni Brie. "I put it in mute naman kasi, naka disturbo kanina" I said walking away. I can feel a tear crawl down my cheek. Fuck, dapat hindi ko 'to ma fe-feel. Bawal y/n, bawal.

"Mas pipiliin ko pa si Rael kaysa sa 'kanya" I repeatedly said. Parang tinamaan ako sa puso. Ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. Parang nag-ooveract lang ata ako. "Are you okay y/n" I turn around to see Brie worriedly looking at me. I turned around and silently cried. "Walang text galing kay tita noh?" I shook my head yes. "Tigilan mo na kasi, wag kanang bumalik sa ayaw sa'yo. 'wag kanang umasa," she said facing me, brushing the hair in front of my face.

"You keep believing na magiging kayo, you keep excusing her pambabastos sa'yo. You keep pretending that she's the one for you. She's not," I look at her, hirap na akong huminga. "I know best friends kayo, I know she gives you the comfort your parents, your friends, or I can't give. Pero please lang y/n, tumigil ka na. She's straight, she's your friend, and she's Janine Patricia,"

"Dead end na 'tong pinasok mo"

I shook my head, wiped my tears off my face. "No, hindi. I know naman, and I'm not forcing her, or this. Alam ko na focus siya sa ibang bagay. Hindi sa'kin, hindin-hindi sa'kin," she forced a smile "at least nilulutoan tayo ni tita Leni diba?" she joked. I nod, "oo nga"

I gathered myself and walked back to the room kung nasan ang team. "Sige ako naman"

------

"I'm so confused na, fuck" I groaned. Kakagising ko lang, nakatulog ako sa kaka-iyak. I checked my phone, puno ng texts from the sisters.

ka-usapin mo na si ate please

i dont know what she did pero please y/n

y/n what did tricia do ba?

is there anything i can do to help

i feel like things weren't suppose to end that way

mag-usap tayo pls

y/n

sige na

i'm sorry

let me apologize

let me explain

laham pls

I put my phone down. I'm hesitating between calling her or ignoring her. Hindi ko alam kung ba't galit ako sobra. I need time to think, ang gulo na ng world dumagdag pa 'to si Tricia. Mahal ko siya pero ba't ako natatakot.

"hello y/n ganda" uncle Jesse greets. I smiled, "hello tito pogi" I hugged him, his presence is just welcoming and angelic. Hindi kaya ibigay ni dad ito. "Nan 'don si Tricia sa loob ng kwarto niya, pasok ka lang" he said. "Actually tito, is it okay if I ask you something?" he nodded, "Oo naman, inaanak. Ano ba 'yon? What's bothering you ganda?"

"May gusto kasi ako'ng tao"

"Tao?" he chuckles.

"Opo, tao nalang po para hindi weird. Si tao po kasi, gustong-gusto ko pero feeling ko hindi niya ako gusto o kung aamin man ako, hindi niya ako magugustuhan"

"Takot ka ba?"

"Sobra"

"Nako, mukhang hindi maganda 'yan" he said putting his two fingers in his chin and rubbing it.

"I don't know what to say sa'yo y/n, pero if gusto mo siya - go for it. If it feels scary to jump, then go for it. When it comes to love, for me - I prefer to risk things. Gaya nong kay tita Leni mo, I took the risk, tingnan mo kami ngayon, happy na happy at labs na labs"

I smiled, ang ganda naman niyan. "Thank you tito pogi"

"You're welcome y/n ganda, just know this as well," I raised a brow. "If you back down or get hurt, 'wag matakot to give another chance. If this 'tao' hurt you and you feel na giving them another chance would fix everything, then do it. Sometimes love has to hurt for it to be love." he said patting my back.

----

I took my phone and dialed a number.

"Let's talk, text kita pag nasa labas na ako"

fr ang bait ko masyado HAHAAHAH