《if only we were in love | [hky!!]》kuroo tetsurou

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sunlight made its way through the tiny hole between the curtains, but it was still relatively dark in the room. two sleepy teenagers lied on the bed, way too close to be considered friendly.

“good morning, love.” you whispered, lazily draping your arm over his waist for a morning hug. your voice was croaky and honestly, it was more repulsive than attractive, but nevertheless, kuroo still found it adorable how you greeted him first thing in the morning.

a small smile graced his thin lips, yet his eyes were still closed due to sleepiness. nevertheless, he made an effort to turn around a full 180° and hug you, even snuggling his face into your nape. he could feel his own breath.

"it's a beautiful day today." you murmured softly, almost enticingly, as you intertwined your fingers with his, not facing him.

"not as beautiful as you, obviously." he replied smoothly; you let out a soft, breathy chuckle.

silence passed over for the next few minutes, with neither of you moving a muscle. it wasn't long before you broke the serene quietness. what you said made the black-haired boy stiffen up.

"tetsurou, do you still miss me?"

a beat. a long, sorrowful beat. the air drastically changed and suddenly it felt so heavy, too heavy for the lungs. kuroo's throat constricted but he swallowed the lump forming in his throat. all throughout, he remained quiet and still. he continued breathing as if he didn't even hear the question.

but he did, and that kinda sucked on his part, especially since there were nostalgic memories he didn't want to recall.

a weak smirk crept up his face, but it didn't reach his eyes, oddly(?) enough. his eyebrows were furrowed and his heart was racing; despite the cold room, he was sweating.

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he didn't want to answer the question, but there was no other way to escape this

"do you really want me to answer that? you'll forget about it anyway." he quipped, almost nonchalantly— it was a challenge to try to detect any hint of sorrow and anguish.

that was the issue with kuroo, he was like an actual sneaky cat: you could never tell what he was truly feeling unless you knew him better than anything or anyone. he constantly held up a strong front to hide his weak, sensitive soul.

you shuffled in your place to face him, and take a good look at his sleeping face. yet the both of you knew he was awake and well, waiting and listening for any words. but when approximately two minutes passed and still, you hadn't said anything, it was crystal clear that the answer to his question would be... “yes.”

the male pulled you even closer than before, yet his eyes were closed the entire time... as if he was afraid to open them.

but who wouldn't be?

"i miss you all the time; i think i miss you more than you miss me. your words are constantly in my mind, replaying like a broken disc," he murmured, his heart shattering, aching, crying for mercy; crying for this heartbreak of a moment to halt.

"i miss everything about you. and when i say that, i start missing you even more. it... it kinda— no, it really sucks, y'know? it makes me look at pictures of us all the damn time."

with each paragraph, it was harder for kuroo to contain his emotions and keep that sleepy, carefree demeanor he had only minutes ago. yet he didn't stop talking. if anything, he felt compelled to keep talking.

"everything is so cold and blue without you. all the time i wish i could see you, but i can't, and it hurts me to no end.

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"but i still have this... this stupid hope that you'll come back. or that i'll find you.

"but damn, how much longer do i wait? how many sleepless nights remain?"

soft, muffled sobs were heard now. he did try his best to keep it silent, but he had been trying for too long now. he just wanted to let these damned emotions out for once.

"why won't you wait for me?"

and just like that, he woke up with a pillow beside him.

i'm really missing you.

edited!

oh yes!! the song i posted above is what inspired me to write this. and the chapter is now edited!!

and finally, credits to Silv3rt3ar for her lyrics! if you listen to her, then you know what i'm talking about.

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