"Why do we have to dance?" I was completely breathless watching the energetic Kwashie restarting the song.

"Because I want to," she shrugged her shoulders.

"Why can't you dance for me?" I was fed up and tired.

"Because I want the both of us to dance.." she had a response for everything.

I groaned loudly as I threw myself onto the floor in a sitting position roughly folding my arms across my chest and pouting like the five year old that I obviously was.

"KWASHIE! I AM TIRED!" I groaned out.

"For someone who spends a lot of the time in the gym you have no stamina." She frowned down at me.

"Excuse you! I have stamina where it matters!" I defended my honor.

"Yeah, says the girl that always taps out."

I couldn't believe she just said that. My mouth hung open as I stared up at her watching the sweat drip down from her hairline. I hated her in this moment. I got up and walked out of the gym going to the kitchen for a drink. Kwashie has been out of the hospital for a month now and I wasn't sure if it's her African genes or what but she's walking around as if her ribs weren't broken and stressing me out about it too.

"You're acting like you were the one with the broken ribs."

"Stop behaving like you're injured, you're just lazy."

"How do you spend so much time in the gym yet still you can't keep up."

This dance was HER idea from the beginning, I would've settled for a duet even though I knew I couldn't sing I'd still do it for her but NO, she wants to go all out and have us dance at the reception. My thighs were hurting, my back was aching and I was surely going to go blind from the amount of sweat my eyelashes couldn't prevent from going into my eyes.

"Zim.." Kwashie came to meet me in the kitchen.

"What are you drinking?" I didn't answer, I just continued to sip on my iced tea.

"I thought you decided to stop drinking, I thought we were making progress." She sounded hurt.

"Zidania!" She raised her voice.

"Kwashie, chill the fuck out. Don't raise your voice at me and I'll drink whatever the fuck I want." I hissed my teeth and turned the cup to my head.

As soon as it touched my lips I felt the glass being dragged away from my fingers. The liquid spilled going into my nose and soaking through my T-shirt. I blew my nose and hung my head low so that the liquid could run from my nose.

"This is the second time you've done that and I'll be damned if I allowed it to slide for a third time." I calmly stated.

"It wouldn't have happened if you had just said that you were drinking iced tea." She clenched her jaws.

"Stop acting like my fucking parent, oh my god. You've gotten so controlling and I hate it." I shouted.

"You need guidance," She blankly stated.

"I don't need no motherfucking guidance you fucking asshole, you don't fucking know me." The anger was building in me.

"Stop cursing," she warned.

"I'll say whatever the fuck I want, whenever the FUCK I want because no one in this fucking room can drape me!" I huffed.

"Want to bet?" The challenging look on her face only fueled my anger.

"Put your hands on me! I dare you Kwashie Ekuban! I'll have you disappear in plain sight," my threat was light but it still held weight.

"Oh really now?" She raised her eyebrow.

Not wanting to reveal where I've been disappearing to these days I hissed my teeth and stomped out of the kitchen marching the steps to my room. I slammed the door and let out a loud scream from the frustration I was feeling. Sophia didn't do as she was told but when she heard the news of CJ's major accident on the highway to the airport, she packed her bags and served Richard the divorce papers at once.

To ensure that my ass was safe, I took extra measures to have CJ's call records deleted. Richard hasn't seen the mass of money missing from my account but I'm sure when his Banker brings it up he'll confront me on it and I've been racking my brain trying to come up with the best excuse possible but it was becoming harder to think with Kwashie down on my neck 24/7.

She was back on T shots and I wasn't sure if they affected her mood swings but she's been having a lot lately. One minute she's trying to get into my boxers, the next she's complaining about something completely simple and stupid like me wearing socks to bed.

I had the bath filled with warm water before I stripped down and stepped in. I needed to relax, I added lavender epsom salt to the bath water and used my stress relief body wash to soap up. I added some more hot water before leaning back and plugging my earphones in. The soothing voice of Jorja Smith doing a cover to Frank Ocean's Lost took me out of my misery and thoughts for three minutes until the song stopped and that five second of silence came before the other song started.

I heard the bathroom door pull and softly close, I kept my eyes shut pretending like I hadn't heard. I could feel her presence beside me as she took up the loofa and brought it onto my chest. I felt how soft and calculated her movements were as she gently rubbed the loofa against my skin, I didn't open my eyes. I allowed myself to feel the bliss and fireworks I felt every time she touched me. My earphones slipped out of my ears and then I opened my eyes.

"I'm sorry," her voice was soft and apologetic. "I'd never put my hands on you, ever."

"I can't believe I said those words to you, I'm sorry if I've been controlling and nagging you." She sighed.

"Well..." I started.

"I know it's not fine and I promise I'll try my best to stop, you deserve your freedom and I'm sorry about the whole you needing guidance thing. It must've triggered some bad memories with your mother." Her apology was sincere.

"Apology accepted." I smiled.

"Are you sure?" Her eyes were wide as if begging me to be sure about forgiving her.

"Yes, I'm sure. I love you." I kissed her.

"And I love you." The kiss was hungry and passionate as it was every time she would verbally attack me and come asking for my forgiveness.

"Let out some of the water so I can join you," she said.

I did as she suggested and watched her strip and got into the tub behind me. I sat between her legs as I let out a small sigh and leaned onto her. Her sturdy arms wrapped themselves around me as she whispered sweet nothings in my ear and I completely relaxed with a smile on my face. After our bath we ended up naked in bed taking a nap in the middle of the day.

"Zidania!!" I heard Richard shouting from the foyer.

I left the kitchen and walked to meet him. He had went grocery shopping, since Sophia disappeared it was all up to him.

"Why didn't you ask for my help?" I took a few bags from him.

"Well I did come earlier but you and Kwashie were knocked out cold in the middle of the day so I went without you," he gave a suggestive smirk.

"Ew dad, no." I laughed while I started to pack out the bags.

"Did you get eggs?" I asked him.

"Yes, I'm not incompetent." He rolled his eyes.

"We're out of powder seasonings, did you get those?" I raised my eyebrow.

"No, because I didn't know," he huffed.

"Bread from the bakery?"

"No."

"Olives for your bar?"

"No."

"Bananas for your smoothies?"

"Yes," he smiled while pushing the bag of bananas forward.

"Tomatoes?"

"No but I got baby carrots," he laughed holding up the bag of baby carrots.

"You'll get the hang of it soon," I joined in on his laughter.

"How are you holding up?" I asked him.

"I've been better, I'm just really lonely." He confessed.

"I realize that you've been spending longer hours at work," I hinted.

"Yes because work keeps me company unlike you who doesn't have any time for me these days," he pushed his lips together as he said that.

"Man, stop bugging. You knooooow if you say Zim let's go, IMA GO!" I got up and started dancing.

"Where's Kwashie?" He asked after his laughter subsided.

"Sleeping..."

"Oh? You got NyQuil? Or is it DayQuil?" His smirk was wide and I choked on air.

"Richeeeeeeeerrd, staaaaaaawp." I playfully pushed him hearing his laughter boom through the room.

"His mom told me that he's back on T shots," his voice was almost a whisper.

"Yeah," I answered.

"How are you taking that? I know you like feminine features." He asked.

"It takes some getting used to, no lie but I'm getting there." I admitted.

He gave me a soft reassuring pat on the shoulder before grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the theater room. I took my original seat and he went to the speaker on the wall as he always did.

"Sharon? It's me Richard... how do you know it's me? Whatever... bring snacks please and soda." He finished.

"You know she knows it's you because you're the only one who uses that speaker, right?" I laughed.

"Really? Wow," he sounded genuinely surprised and I couldn't hold back my laughter.

He turned on the projector and went to Netflix so that we could continue watching the next movie in the SAW series. We were halfway through the movie when Richard decided to break the silence.

"Why'd you think she left?" He asked. I knew he was suggesting Sophia.

"Maybe she just didn't see a reason to stay anymore."

"I gave her everything Zim, everything she ever wanted." He sounded terribly sad.

"Even though she wasn't the best mother to you, she was at least a decent wife and companion to me." He laughed.

"I would attack her about what she did to you during the day letting her know that I can easily have her locked up for child abuse," he started.

"She was a whole different person with me, she was soft and kind. Her touch was gentle and I never saw what you saw but it didn't stop me from seeing who she actually was when I wasn't around."

"I'm glad that you've finally found your freedom but I don't know how to feel." He confessed.

I didn't know what to say, I took his happiness without even considering how he would've felt for once.

"I'm sorry," I finally said.

"It's not your fault.." he trailed off.

Oh, but it was. I drafted up those papers and I threatened her. Even though I kept everything clean thanks to Mr Citronelli, I still felt like some evidences could still be brought against me. I felt like somewhere along the lines, someone messed up. Carter Jones was dead, I was at least sure of that. Kwashie, Richard and I went to the funeral to show our support. I even smoked a loud one to get my eyes red enough and my emotions flowing so it seemed like I was affected by the whole ordeal.

The crash was severe, the police report said that she was speeding and didn't realize that there was an iron in the middle of the road blocking off a trench until it was too late. She spun to miss the direct hit but ended up in a nearby tree. With the speed she was going, the hit broke the tree and tore in the middle of the car. She died in less than 10 minutes after the crash with the engine oil leaking out and the metal gashing on the tar causing an explosion, one she had no chances of surviving. It was a closed casket ceremony and her father's eyes were bloodshot from the endless tears and hollering. I wanted to feel bad but the remorse never came.

"It's gonna be alright, I'm here for you." I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I know but I need some of that other loving too," he faked his tears.

"What about your secretary? She's had eyes on you for the loooongest while," I suggested.

"Really? I didn't notice."

"Of course you wouldn't, since you were so caught up in your marriage." I rolled my eyes.

"That's not a bad thing, I was being loyal. None of you kids nowadays know anything about being loyal." He huffed.

I laughed not bothering to answer him. We continued watching the movie in silence snacking on our salted kettle chips and baby carrots that Richard bought earlier.

"How are you? With Carter's death and everything." He said.

"I'm holding up fine." It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the truth either. The gruesome images of her death plagued my mind at nights chasing away sleep and driving me to Richard's bar in the middle of the night when I was sure Kwashie was asleep.

"I'm here if you need to talk," he patted my leg and went back to eating his carrots.

"I know..." I trailed off.

The movie was almost at an end and we were cursing the actors saying they could've done better. How the fuck does everyone die in the end? That's pressuring my mind. We sat expressing our frustration looking for the next movie in the series when Kwashie walked in.

"Sharon told me you guys were down here," she said walking around and sitting in the chair beside me.

"Welcome, welcome.." Richard lifted his hand gesturing around him.

"I hope you like scary movies because it's the genre for the day."

"I can manage," Kwashie chuckled. It was deep.

"How are your shots coming along?" Richard asked.

"Good, this time it's just 6 months instead of a full year." Kwashie answered.

"Good to hear. I hope you guys are still working on that compromise. I know things can be overwhelming," Richard said.

"We're trying our best." I turned to meet Kwashie's penetrating gaze.

"We are," I added.

"Awesome." Richard closed off the conversation just as he clicked on the movie.

Things felt kind of normal in a sense, kind of calm. It was my own mind that was fighting against itself. My own mind trying to convince itself to feel something other than satisfaction for what I did even though I ended up hurting persons who didn't deserve it like Big C and Richard. My own thoughts were eating me alive.