《I just want to be small - ZIAM.》One ・゚✧
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Curling up in a ball, Zayn held his puppy teddy to his chest with a content noise and a thumb to his lips.
It had been a while since he was able to curl up and attempt to regress like this as his University work was piling up like crazy. He knew attending university was mandatory and that he chose to do the course but it was really taking a toll on him, both physically and mentally. He wanted to do nothing more than cuddle up with his teddy under his arms, his thumb in his mouth and Paw Patrol on his iPad: all relaxed and content.
He had waited so long to do this and was quick to gather his things the minute his roommate had texted him, saying he wouldn't be back until 1am and to keep the door unlocked. However, he very rapidly started to think that he shouldn't have trusted his narcissistic roommate as within a matter of minutes of almost regressing, the taller man had unexpectedly, without a knock, barged into the room with his hands on some random girl's waist and his lips upon hers. Zayn was disgusted to say the least and it was certainly not a sight the smaller boy wanted to see while in such a vulnerable state.
He was quick to fall out of the space. "What- What are you doing?"
"Making out with this girl. We share a room you know?" The opposite man muttered with a groan as he held the girl's arse, to which Zayn whimpered quietly at, taking his phone from his bedside table. He sent a text to his best friend, Louis. "You said you wouldn't be back until tomorrow..."
He's just brought a girl around... and now he's practically having sex with her against the wall in front of me.
"Change of plans. Are you going to watch or something? Get out." The man blustered at Zayn, holding the girl against the wall, who was now smirking towards the smaller boy.
"What happened to sharing rooms?" Zayn grumbled and rolled his eyes as he walked out of the doorway, standing aimlessly in the hallway. Any signs of him being regressed simply being discarded away within a matter of seconds, he called Louis with a whine.
"He kicked me out... He kicked me out of my own dorm."
"You can come to my dorm?" Louis replied, nonchalantly. Biting at his nails, arms wrapped around his own boyfriend.
Zayn huffed, "Won't Harry be annoyed, I'm always there...?"
"It's not your fault you're always here. It's your roommates fault. Plus Harry's fine with it, he's sat on my lap right now. Can probably hear you." Zayn heard a hum in the back, "See, he's listening. He hummed."
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"Fine, but..." He frowned, looking down the hall.
"No buts. I'll see you in a bit."
The call ended and Zayn ran a hand through his hair, feeling anxious and shaky. Being knocked out of his headspace was his least favourite thing, it triggered him and made him terrified of regressing, and when regressing was already an issue for him, it became an even larger struggle; It's tough to regress when he hasn't been small in so long and it's even tougher when he's in an environment that he doesn't feel safe in such as his dorm room. (Sometimes he really wishes that he was back in his bedroom at home, where nobody would bother him without a knock to the door beforehand but he hates to admit that.)
Grabbing his phone tight, he walked through the hallway and down some steps. His university wasn't big or anything but when you felt as fuzzy as Zayn was feeling, it was overwhelming and stuffy so when he reached Louis' dorm room which down the hall and few floors down, he was relieved. He knocked on Louis' door. "It's Zayn."
"Come on in, I'm sat with Harry and he's all sleepy so.. Can't really get up." Louis yelled from the opposite side, cuddling Harry on the sofa who was now complaining to Louis about his loud voice.
Zayn entered and looked down, "I.. I was small. Well. Not fully. But almost.. So close. He said he wouldn't be back until 1am..."
"Oh, right. Come cuddle with me and Haz. He's been trying to slip today too." He sighed and rubbed Harry's back, Harry cuddled in closer. "If you do want to regress yourself, just let me know."
"I don't think I can with you, sorry.. You know I haven't been able to before... My head already feels all fuzzy and terrible from being rushed out of it, I don't know if I can handle trying to get back into it right now."
"I'm sorry, I know. It's okay. Just wanted to try." He whispered softly, tucking Zayn's hair behind his ears, "How about a nap? Might clear your brain."
Zayn nodded and tried to rest, eyes shut tight. Attempting to shut his brain off. Louis was sweet, he really was. The poor lad had always tried to get Zayn to slip but it just never worked out and Zayn didn't know why, perhaps it was the fact he knew that someone he grew up with was watching him and waiting for him to feel small, all while rubbing his back and hand feeding him a bottle, or maybe it was simply that he's used to slipping on his own without the company of others. Zayn didn't know.
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He thought it would be nice to slip around Louis though as Louis was good at looking after others, especially his own little, Harry. He's caring and he's super gentle, he creates fun activities and he can make lots of wonderful flavours of milk to try. He'll hold you when you're sad and correctly punish you when necessary, even if his punishments are always simple things such as 'write ten lines' or 'stand in the corner for five minutes'. Deep down, he wishes he could find someone as comforting and as caring as Louis for himself, though he can't imagine finding anyone like that anytime in the near future. He'd be fucked if anyone further in this university found out about his little secret, it'd spread like wildfire and he'd be threatened for his life.
Harry sat up and tugged on Louis' shirt for attention which very rapidly had brought Zayn awake and out of his thoughts. Louis looked at Harry, "Yes, tiny?"
"Mm' bed. Sleepy." The younger boy whispered, looking towards Louis with a gentle pout.
"But Zayn's sleeping here, sweetheart. Why don't we wait a little bit?"
Harry shook his head and did grabby hands, to which Louis sighed at and lifted the younger boy onto his hip. "Sorry, Zayn. I really am. You know what he's like, don't want to get him grumpy." Louis teased with a chuckle, Harry pouted. "You can sleep on the sofa or take to Harry's bed like you did the other night? We'll be in mine."
Zayn rubbed his eyes, sitting up and onto his knees. "Um. I'll take Harry's bed.. Thanks. Was almost asleep."
"Sorry, mate. Good boy, alright." Louis hummed and took Harry over to his own bed, tucking up under the duvet with him. The room as a whole was rather small and everything was open planned, you could see the living area and kitchen from the bed. The bathroom was the only thing locked off, for privacy measures.
Louis quite liked the layout as it meant he could see what his boyfriend was doing from any angle of the area, whereas Zayn hated it because it meant that he could see his own roommate fucking girls, left, right and centre, all over the place. Once Zayn even walked in on his roommate fucking on his own bed. The poor boy was appalled and refused to sleep in it until his roommate washed and cleaned it. (Which took a lot of begging and complaints)
The worst thing about the whole roommate situation with Zayn was that he paid extra to have a single room. He wanted his privacy, he liked his privacy. So when his phone rang and he was told that the single room was no longer available and he had to share with some knobhead, he was more than just disappointed. Especially when he found out the knobhead he shared a room with was on the football team, friends with all the douchey lads, and fucked every person that had a vagina, he was so upset that words couldn't even explain his disappointment. He remembered begging to the office, asking for a change of rooms, to share with anyone who wasn't his roommate but the only rooms available were ones with the opposite sex and for safety reasons, men weren't allowed to share with women. (Even if he was gay.)
Looking over towards Louis who was singing quietly to a small, now regressed Harry. Zayn got up and lay in Harry's bed with his eyes shut. Harry's bed smelt of strawberries and vanilla, in fact the whole dorm did. Everything felt so delicate and warm in there. Zayn wished his dorm felt like that. If he had to sum up his own dorm, he'd say that it was a man cave with very little light and smelt of musky cinnamon, rain and oak wood, and not in a pleasant way either. It was extremely depressing and he only hopes that one day it could be his safe place.
His ideal room would be full of light, soft wood, plants, vinyl records and posters and he wouldn't share it with anyone. It would be the perfect room to relax in and to come visit after a tough day of university. It would kind of be similar to how his own room back at home is and most importantly, he would feel safe in it. He wouldn't feel threatened or worried, he wouldn't be scared to sleep in case he was roughly woken up by his roommate. It would be his place of tranquility and peace.
He listened to what Louis was singing to Harry, realising it was the soft lull of 'You are my sunshine' which was one of his favourite childhood songs, and softly drifted off to sleep, thoughts of berries, vanilla and everything happy and content filling his mind.
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