Sex is a form of loneliness.

A principle means of escape.

Bounded by riches, women and power, will this loneliness ever die out?

Who says this could define a person as the luckiest and happiest?

Enemies, traitors, liars, haters, pretenders... What not?

So why the need to keep on being the good person?

Rather be the devil himself.

But, what if, that person at the deepest point of obscurity, had a glimpse of the radiant sun?

How long will it take for them to realize the brilliance of this sun?

Will they be able to swim back into the surface no matter how deep the waters are?

To slowly and gently embrace the sun's warmth?

To be rid of loneliness and to finally give a meaning to love?

~Anonymous~

**********

Its been two days since that awkward day, and His Majesty acts the same as usual. Even though I was in cloud nine with his change of attitude, now that I was sobered up, I knew there were loopholes in his behavior. He wasn't completely honest with me. Of course he might trust me, but not as much as he tried to show me by giving me the jade. Even if I loved him I wouldn't be able to forget how he had treated me in my last life. The deeply rooted hatred, that even if I repeatedly said I didn't do anything, he didn't listen to me, neither did he ask me once,

"General, did you do it? Did you kill the Empress Dowager?"

This was out of his character. He's stubborn and no matter what, he'd never be able to change his mind about me so suddenly, when he literally threatened to kill me that very morning. He was a very hard man to convince. Isn't that the reason why he refused to see what was beyond the red curtains in my previous life? Especially when I was the prime suspect, he was now willing to trust me? And just because I said I lost the amulet? Which he already knew and kept quiet. He knew about this in my last life, but never once did he bother to question me about it. I was sure he had his men observing me and found nothing suspicious on my activities. Yet he didn't think twice to sentence me to death for his mother's death. Where was this so called trust then?

I've always known he had no choice because he promised Imperial Father that he'd be there for me and protect me. It explains why he decided to trust me enough to give me control over Xu Lin's security even after the late Emperor's death. I was still trying to figure out why he had given an Imperial edict and handed over the jade to me. Handing over the jade was a big deal after all, so I was very confused right now. At the moment he clearly did not mean any harm to me... But an unpredictable man like himself was definitely upto something. Also there was the fact that he was a bit different since our first encounter but it was subtle.

If he had this helpful attitude he was having now, I wouldn't have died. This was why I was having doubts in my heart now. What's his purpose? I could see he wanted to protect me but why all of a sudden?

I guess I was the biggest idiot, because even after being killed and reborn, just the fact that he's willing to do this much, had made me happy. In fact, I was more focused on the positive side of our relationship that I chose to not think about it, but give more importance to the case at hand.

Just a little bit of attention or a few encouraging words from him, even though they have no deep meaning, was something of great significance to me, who had waited years to be noticed by His Majesty.

I had a glance at the wrist His Majesty held onto.

To me who had rarely any attention from this mighty man, little bits of good moments were always cherished and precious to my heart.

A relaxing smile spread across my lips.

It's hard to see the truth when you're blinded by love. Or rather you refuse to see the truth. But, I knew and I accepted it. I let him hurt me over and over again. Do I regret it? No. This was my choice. And I will continue to persist no matter how much it breaks me. Have I broken already? No. If I were, I wouldn't be standing where I was after everything I'd gone through. I love that man. I loved him so much that I saw his betrayal as a trivial matter. Even after countless of betrayals, I didn't care what kind of motive he had towards me, as long as he'd be true to his people without straying away from the right path which Imperial Father had taught us.

I had already accepted him for who he is.

"Aye yo Brother Ying! Long time no see! So what's good about this boring floor you keep staring holes at?"

Can I just pretend I didn't hear anything?

"Nothing, just looking ...and thinking." I shrugged still watching the ground as if it's the most interesting thing I've seen. His weight leaned onto my body as he firmly hugged me from behind, his chin resting on my shoulder.

"Hm? You okay? I've been wanting to see you for sometime now. But what's this! You look like a widow who had just lost her husband."

"Shao!" I slapped him on the head.

He giggled clinging onto my arm.

This brat was my Forth Brother and the youngest of the brothers. To put it bluntly this guy was a player. He reeked of women's perfume every single day that it had started to make my lungs bitter. Who knows how many women had their hearts broken because of this clueless and carefree man. He spends most of his time outside of the palace. God knows where he goes, how many he had bedded already. How come this boy went on a different path from his other brothers? Was it because Concubine Meng had pampered him too much?

*Sighs*

"I'm fine. And I can see that you're doing well."

Only when I had looked behind did I notice the other three people at a distance.

"Oh it's Sixth and Eighth uncle. Ninth uncle is also here?"

"Greetings Your Highness!" They gave a deep bow.

"Hmm did you want to meet the Emperor?"

They answered, their heads still lowered, "Yes, Your Highness."

"What's this about?"

Sixth uncle politely answered as he handed me the report, "Reporting to Your Highness, five families had been murdered early this morning. They happened to be the families of Xu Lin's guards. It's a mass murder. An extremely unusual case. Not a single survived."

"What?!" I whisper yelled realizing it was the imprisoned guards' families that had met this misfortune. However, no one was informed about their imprisonment yet.

"Shao, let's catch up later..." I patted him on the head and turned to face my uncles,

"Follow me, let me take you three to the Emperor."

Shao nodded his head and pouted in disappointment, his hand letting go of my arm as I paced towards the Emperor's Palace.

"I guess this is going to keep you all busy these next few months. Work keeps piling up, so you won't have time to be roaming around freely anymore. Weren't you having your days off this week? I didn't see any of you in the banquet either."

"It seems there are lots of filth starting to surround Xu Lin, that we have to work our butts off now." A rough voice spoke.

I raised an eyebrow at that, my smile widening, "Heh too bad, there was already enough trash like you here but more unknown filth keeps adding up and I don't find it surprising anymore."

Eighth Uncle's face turned green at my unexpected remark as he shut his mouth horrified. But soon he barked with fury,

"Su Yi-!"

Before he could say my name the hilt of my sword punched his chest and legs, making him kneel before me as he was holding onto his left side of his chest in pain. The scabbard hit hard across his face instantly leaving a red scratch on his cheek. I gave him a menacing smile,

"Say that again? That is if you value your life. You dare say my name with that filthy mouth of yours, I will cut that tongue off and stitch your mouth shut with steel wires!"

His wide eyes had tears gathering as he shook terribly from the fright he had received. He grabbed onto my ankles begging me, "Spare me Your Highness! This servant has gone too far! He had wronged you! Please forgive this lowly servant!"

"Coward." I kicked him off me as I continued to walk to His Majesty's palace. The other two kept quiet while they followed me. Sixth Uncle looked a little panicked and Ninth uncle was as cool as a cucumber.

The feeling of vexation was high today, so my anger was intensified.

Working his butt off? The laziest person in the Imperial Court? Why is he even there in the first place? Wasn't it because he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth?

Eighth Uncle was so grumpy and cunning. He tends to get annoyed easily if things didn't go as he wanted. It seems he has very disturbing hobbies like visiting brothels and he was an alcoholic who would hit his wives when drunk. He liked bondage too. Imperial Father never got along with him because of his so-called hobbies. Basically there was nothing good about this person. All he ever did was complain and avoid his duties by dumping them on his servants while enjoying the pleasure of women and alcohol.

Sixth Uncle was an easy going and a simple man. He tends to be very serious when it came to his duties, always determined. He was very close to Imperial Mother and they happened to be best friends since childhood. Since they were close in age, they got along pretty well but they always kept their fair distance because of Imperial Mother's position. I happened to click well with him too because we had the same set of minds.

Ninth Uncle on the other hand was always considered a mysterious man. He tends to be quiet but also very open minded during discussions. He keeps himself private so not many know about his life. He was smart and one of the top scholars in Xu Lin along with Sixth, Seventh and Third Uncle. Unlike the rest of his brothers he was very keen and far sighted. Thinks outside the box and had been a great supporting pillar to Xu Lin.

His Majesty was practicing his sword when we entered the premises. After my uncles gave their long report to him, he decided to pay a visit to the confined guards with me. Though, I stayed out of their sight. After informing the tragic incident to them, their reaction was shocking.

"Didn't I tell Your Majesty to keep it from General Su? He was angered, we betrayed him so he took revenge from us! What's the use of living anymore, Your Majesty? Didn't we do all this to protect our family?!"

They didn't even know I was informed of their confession regarding me. Therefore, this was a very convincing statement. What made me rather lost, was the fact that they actually spilled out the contents of the letter they had received from an anonymous but with the noble's seal that could even be used by high ranking people like me. Their statement was nailed right at my head.

"He said that as long as we keep quiet about the whole incident he will leave our family alone."

Out of nowhere a guard spoke up, his voice weak, this person had been quiet all this time,

"He's lying."

"What?!" The other guard barked at him, another one following him.

The weak guard shook his head, "If you think you'll survive this, I don't know how idiotic you are to think that. But I rather tell the truth before my death so that I don't have to regret betraying the man I look up to..."

I smiled to myself hearing it.

"We don't know who the sender of the letter is, nor do we know who that man was at my colleague's house. At first we were shown the Imperial Jade and we obeyed. Because no one can go against the General's authority. One day, we received an anonymous letter from a noble, saying that as long as we spill out the General's name once we get caught, they wouldn't hurt our family. That's when we realized someone else was using the General's jade without his permission. In order to keep our families safe, we-we had to do this. It seemed they knew that we'd get caught. All along they were playing with us. Please believe me! The General is innocent! I don't know how anyone could get their hands on the Imperial Jade, but definitely it was without the General's knowledge! I'm not asking to spare us but please the General..."

The guard's voice paused. When I looked into the cell, I saw he had passed out in his chair.

I immediately acted, "Hurry up and give him medical assistance!"

The prison guards took him away leaving the other four in dead silence.

The Emperor did not waste his time on them and left the cell together with me,

"We can't delay the matter on mother anymore. These people are acting fast and we need to be a step ahead of them. Who knows what they'll do next."

The Emperor whispered to his Chief Eunuch, "Call the Imperial Physician to the Empress Dowager's bed chambers. Make sure he's brought to the palace in secret."

Signaling the shadow guards to be alert of their surroundings, the Emperor and I entered the Forbidden Lands. The Mother Empress was leisurely sipping her tea in her garden, talking to her maid servants. The scene was very heartwarming and pleasant to look at.

She was obviously surprised to see the both of us who had come to visit her together without her prior knowledge. Despite that, a bright smile spread across her lips as she spread her arms looking at us in wonder. I swear I saw her eyes twinkling,

"Such a rare sight! Have you both finally made up with each other? Did you want to tell me about it first? Is that why you came without notifying me beforehand?"

The Emperor and I coincidently glanced at each other, "..."

The Imperial physician along with his helper, hurried to His Majesty kowtowing and waiting for his orders. His Majesty turned to the three of his guards ordering,

"Take the maid servants away and lock them up in their rooms. Mother, you'll have to come with me to your bed chamber. The Imperial Physician here is going to conduct a quick examination on your body."

Her smile fell off. She looked taken aback but nodded her head realizing the grave tone of His Majesty.

She obediently lied on the bed so that the physician could examine her. And the result was the same. There was nothing wrong with her.

"Imperial Mother, during these past months have you felt any sort of discomfort in the body?"

"...No, not that I think of."

Running a hand across my face in frustration, I dragged the Imperial Physician to aside, while His Majesty was pacing back and forth around the room. His steps quite slow and in caution. Taking my eyes off him I muttered to the Imperial Physician,

"Can there be medicine that could be harmful to us but can't be recognized no matter how much you examine the body?"

"Of course there is Your Highness."

I glanced at Imperial Mother who was weirdly quiet. Thinking back to her personality, I figure out maybe it wasn't that she meant to hide it with ill intentions, but rather because of fear that she'll burden and worry those who love her. When she had severe colds or was bed ridden for days because of fever, we were never informed about it because she hated to see us worrying over her. She also had this issue where she thinks that as long as she drinks her herbal medicine on time and rest a little her sickness would go away. She didn't care much about her health, because she knew how to suppress the pain and keep on going with her life.

"Imperial Mother, right now you hiding your condition is going to cost not just your life but millions of people in Xu Lin. That also includes my life." I spoke sternly for the first time. His Majesty looked unmoved by my change of tone to his mother.

Seeing the kind me who had never spoken to her strictly, she blinked her eyes looking like a lost lamb. She bit her lower lip in shame, as she confessed honestly,

"I didn't know about such a serious matter, Su Ying. Since my body was healthy, I thought it wasn't a big issue and something that would pass on later. I don't know what's going on but, please forgive me Su Ying for I did not act more mature on this. Actually, it started with the itching. It was very subtle but it kept getting a little worse since this month. There were constant headaches. My joints started hurting too and the body pain started intensifying at times. I felt lethargic and light-headed during the day. But I guess that was because I had been working too much lately."

Oh I understood where His Majesty got his stubbornness.

I looked at the Imperial Physician for answers. But he looked blank probably thinking about the cause of these symptoms.

"How long had this been continuing Your Majesty?" He inquired.

"Two and a half months now."

He gave me a questioning look and glanced at His Majesty, who was observing the ornaments at the shelves. He took a double look at His Majesty who was picking up something from the shelf, his keen eyes focusing on this something in His Majesty's hand.

I just watched the both of them curiously.

That's when he gasped loudly, "I think I know what it might be!"

That's when His Majesty replied firmly holding the incense burner, "This is it."

"What's going on?" I was beyond confused at what they were trying to say.

The Imperial Physician took out a thick needle, a while cloth and a wooden bottle. Pouring the translucent liquid into the cloth, he used the needle to dig the white substance from the incense burner and used it to drop the dust particles onto the cloth. He later spread the white dust on the wet cloth using the needle, where dark purple marks started appearing on the cloth.

It's poison?!

"This isn't a deadly poison. But in the long-run as a person continues to inhale the smell, it can ruin a person's health and sometimes they might fall into a coma state. This was definitely used more than three months ago considering her deteriorating health. Even though it isn't deadly, it's good we discovered this now or else it might have been too late for the body. But those symptoms are unusual. Headaches, feeling lethargic and dizzy were the symptoms of this poison. Another important matter is that her pulse should've weakened due to the incense but apparently it's hasn't. I need to study this further before I could give a detailed report, Your Majesties."

When asked about the incense burner, Imperial Mother said she got them from the Imperial Palace like always.

The Emperor decided to assign new servants to Imperial Mother and her previous maidservants were taken to be questioned. It included the cooks and even the most insignificant servants like the gardeners in her palace. Everyone who tended to her palace was brought to the Justice Ministry.

"I'm sorry for my attitude just now." I held her hand.

She giggled and waved at me, "You don't have to apologise child. This Imperial Mother understands."