Some people believed that there was a person out there that completed them. That made them feel whole and alive. I was starting to think that weapons were my soulmate.

Nothing made me feel more alive than a polished knife. Machetes made me horny — just thinking of that sharp edge and the damage it could do made me feel all tingly and warm.

And you know what was better than a weapon? Killing.

Just the thought of knowing that I would be torturing Gmie, that I would be the last person she saw before she took her last breath on earth made me feel like my body was on fire, a slow-burning sensation buzzing along my spine and tailbone, licking every inkling of my skin.

It felt fucking phenomenal like I was walking on cow udders or baby heads. But of course, someone had to ruin it, steal away my joy like a thief in a jewelry store.

"This is a bad idea," Sebastian said, jumping off the bottom bunk as I played with the pretty hunting knife in my hand, my fingers running along the intricately designed blade.

I leered at him, eyes hardening. "So, I'm not supposed to kill the bitches who tried to murder me multiple times, already?"

Sebastian stood a few feet away from me. "You're letting the game get to you." He shook his head, blonde strands falling around his ears. "It's changed you. You clearly haven't been yourself lately."

Rucker and I have been keeping our plan a secret from the rest of the team. We weren't sure how they'd react, but at the end of the day, we were a team, so we'd agreed to tell them before we actually did it.

I knew Yaz wouldn't care. No one could read Khan, but I didn't think he would fight us on it. Seb was a different story. But after he'd been avoiding me lately, I didn't think his punk ass would give a flying fuck, but of course, angel titties had to poke holes in my glorious plan.

"So what?" I cocked my head to the side. "I almost died. I think I have the right to fucking change. And, I'm sick of just waiting around and doing nothing while those two bitches plan my death. They've come after me time and time again. Now, it's my turn." My voice hardened on the last word, putting all my bloodlust and energy into every syllable.

You're slowly turning into mom.

I know this already, and I get it. I get why you have to do it, and I'm actually for it, believe it or not. But I'm afraid of what's going to happen to you when you do it. What if you can't control yourself after and you turn into mom? Turn into the very thing you fear the most? That's why you created me, so you wouldn't have to do things like this — to take risks like this. What if you kill Gmie and Demo and just start killing everyone? Even your own team?

How do you know? Mom fucking killed everyone — her husband of ten years and her children. Her own fucking CHILDREN. Her blood runs through our veins, Tini. We have her DNA. That could work either way, and I would be inclined to believe you if you didn't want to kill people like her. Plus, we're weird — you know I shouldn't even exist. Right there should tell you that we take after her. That's she's in us. Are you willing to take that risk though? Are you speaking from the blood lust or with your brain?

"I get that, but do you think this is a smart choice?" Sebastian asked me, bringing me out of my thoughts. "Look, I get—"

"Shut up, puffball." Rucker turned to me. "Don't listen to him." He then turned to Khan and Yaz who were listening across the room. "Do you guys have an issue with her offing Demo and Gmie?"

"Nope." Yaz rubbed her hands together, an evil smile forming on her lips. "Just tell me where to watch or what I can do to help."

"I don't need help," I said, glancing down at my knife before stashing it in my hoodie pocket with the rest of my stuff. "But you can watch. Everything's going down in the pool room."

Eyes darkening, Khan looked at me, a blankness forming on his face. "I don't care. Killing is the nature of the game. But." He paused. "Are you sure you can do it?"

I shrugged and laughed. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, everyone can tell you've changed," Khan said, watching me like he was looking under a microscope.

"Yes, she has," Sebastian said, slapping his leg. "You're—"

"Weird?" I finished, glaring at him.

"No. I would never say or think you were weird. You're just... different. You're like a completely new person."

I snatched the knife out of my pocket again and let out a tense sigh. "Oh, well, I'm so sorry that I'm not the sugary snowflake you fell in love with anymore."

Sebastian strolled over to me and gripped my chin in his soft hands, anger flowing into his blue eyes. "Seriously? You really think my feelings for you have disappeared because you've changed? I don't care about superficial shit like that. I still fucking lo-like you."

I smacked his hand away. "Then why have you been distancing yourself from me?"

He lowered his eyes and let out a harsh breath. "Because you don't seem to want me around you." He pointed to Rucker. "Since you've woken up, you've been spending all your time with him."

"This him does have a name, butter tits."

Sebastian jerked his head and scowled. "Oh, I'm so sorry, cook slut."

Rucker balled his fist and smiled. "Talking a lot of shit for someone who got his ass beat by this cook slut."

Glaring, Sebastian sucked in his teeth and turned back to me. "I don't care that you've changed. But you treat me differently now like you don't even like me or want to be around me. Like you hate me."

He's not. Fine. Whatever.

My eyes spotted the sadness in his eyes and the dejectedness in his posture, wanting it to be sincere. But I couldn't and wouldn't fall for it until I knew the truth. "If you really like me like you say, then you're gonna have to accept this new part of me. This is me. And I don't hate you, and I wasn't the one who distanced themselves first. You were. And I don't chase anyone. I'm not gonna force someone to be in my life. If you want to be in it, then you damn well better show me you want to be in it." I looked around at the rest of my team. "And I'm not the only one who's noticed that you're pulling away. Everyone sees it."

Sebastian glanced at all of us before sighing and closing his eyes for a moment. "I'm sorry for pulling away, but I just feel like the odd one out on the team sometimes." He put his hands in his pants. "I feel like everyone fits and has their own place but me, and that makes me feel like a loser. I know that sounds childish and stupid, and that makes me feel even more depressed."

See? I knew he was like us.

"Seriously, dude? Do you not remember the pool party?" Yaz laughed. "You should never feel like a loser after hearing Rucker scream like a bitch."

"I told you that never happened," Rucker said, narrowing his eyes.

Yaz pulled out her iPad. "The footage says differently. I watch it at least four times a day."

"I'm gonna break that while you sleep one day," Rucker said in a thick tone.

"And I'll pour oil—"

"Sebastian," Khan said, getting back on topic. "Don't ever feel like you don't fit. We all contribute differently to the team, but we're still a team. We're like a jagged puzzle — we all have different strengths and weaknesses, and you think we wouldn't fit together, but we do. It's not pretty or straight, but it works."

"I swear when we get out of this house, we're going clubbing together," Rucker said, looking at Khan. "The shit that comes out of your mouth would have me raining in pussy for weeks."

"Shut up," Yaz said before turning to Seb. "Yeah, we've literally went through how much shit together now? You're not a loser, and you do fit in with us. You have a place in the group, just like all of us do. And not only are we a team, but we're friends too."

Rucker held up a finger. "We're not friends though. I still hate your guts, scooby snack. Always will."

"I felt the same way at first," I said before Sebastian could respond to Rucker. "Like I didn't fit, and that I was the weird one out. But I realized that once I let down my walls, it got better." That was slightly the truth.

Sebastian nodded and peered at all of us. "Thank you, guys for saying all of that. I promise to do better and be more open about my feelings." He paused. "I still don't think you should kill Gmie and Demo though. It's different now. Killing someone in the moment, when it's self-defense, is different from stalking and murdering someone. What if you feel differently after you do it? What if it haunts you?"

Do you?

"He's right," Khan said, looking down for a moment before giving me a heavy stare. "Killing someone because you need to is different from murdering someone in cold blood. The latter could cause different emotions and hang-ups compared to the former. But at the end of the day, it depends on the person." He shrugged. "I'm not telling you not to do it. Just know that it could come with some unexpected surprises and thoughts."

"True," Rucker said. "But once you do it once, the next time's easier and then--"

"You sound like a psychopath," Sebastian said, glaring.

"Okay? That's why I'm here," Rucker said before cocking his head. "Isn't that why you're here too? Hmmm?"

Sebastian reddened and his eyes darkened to stormy pits, and that innocent act disappeared for a split second. And came right back.

Oh, I needed to bring that out again. I wanted that Sebastian. That Sebastian.

"So?" Sebastian said, fingers digging into his leg.

"Then why are you acting like this is her first time?" Rucker asked, eyes darkening.

"Because it is?" Khan said, looking at me, reading me.

"Wait, what?" Rucker jerked his head toward me. "You've never killed before?"

Don't lie. Because Khan will just refute it anyway. He's good. "No. I haven't."

A thick silence filled the air, all eyes on me. It was so quiet that I swore I could hear my own heartbeat.

Pure shock colored Yaz's face, her eyes rapidly blinking. "But the way you cut through that corpse..."

I folded my arms over my chest. "Studied books and saw videos."

Hurt filling his eyes, a stricken expression formed on Rucker's face, making my stomach hurt. "You really never killed anyone before?" His voice came out so high-pitched and whiny.

"No," I said, getting frustrated. I turned to Khan. "How did you know?"

"A gut feeling, but I didn't know for sure until you just admitted it," Khan said before giving me a satisfied smile.

He was fucking good. "You're a dick," I said, even though I wasn't really mad. It would've come out eventually, I guess.

"So then why are you here?" Yaz asked.

I shrugged. "Not sure."

"But Jookie said you killed someone — that everyone killed someone," Yaz said. "Except Layla."

"I know," I said. "But I don't remember ever killing anyone. I think he's just lying for the show."

"But what if you have a split personality and this is the other personality we're seeing," Sebastian said.

Again, everyone went silent, eyes still on me. Again.

Nothing. Oh, you need me now? I thought you told me to shut up. Be honest.

Okay, be honest. I could do that. "You are so far from ever getting pussy from me," I said to Sebastian who lurched back in surprise while Rucker and Yaz laughed. Khan smiled, amusement jumping around in his brown eyes.

Okay, you didn't need to be that honest.

"I don't have a split personality," I said, staring at him. "People with that disorder don't remember events when the other person takes over. I have no gaps in time or memory."

When I was away, I saw and remembered everything Betinia did, but I just didn't experience it myself if that made sense. It was hard to explain, but it wasn't like a split to me.

"That's true," Khan said, eyeing me. "Amnesia, even acute, usually occurs with dissociative disorder. It could be the simple occurrence that you killed someone, and your mind is blocking it out. You repressed the experience to help yourself cope with it."

It's possible.

"So, killing this time would be like her first time," Sebastian said. "Which could trigger that past trauma or memory. You really shouldn't do this."

Maybe, he's right. Maybe — Then how come we don't fully remember that day?

"I'm doing this. That bitch tried to kill me multiple times, and I'm done seeing her walk these halls like she owns them." I lifted my knife. "She's gonna get fucked by this blade figuratively and literally." I glanced at all of them. "You either have my back or you don't. And if you don't, then get the fuck out. Now."

No one said anything for a moment.

"Kill them," Yaz said, speaking first. "You're your own woman and if you think you can handle it, do it. Kill them. You won't see me crying. Just make sure you do it extra slow for me."

Khan shrugged. "I don't have an attachment to either of them. Go ahead."

Sebastian gave me a pleading look before sighing. "Alright. But just be careful. Gmie might be prissy but she can—"

"Still no match for me." I grinned and turned to Rucker. "Ready?"

Rucker gazed at me for a long moment, a weird look forming on his face. He coughed before speaking. "Umm, yeah, let's go."

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