[Episode 146 will kill you if you don't debut]

"Now, wide~"

The shutter sound rang. The tester, sitting on the pool, smiled at the camera with his arms around his shoulders.

Of course, I was included in it.

"You look great in the picture. Thank you for your hard work".∼"

"Thank you!"

Since I came all the way to the United States, I am filming a summer package.

It's a combination of pictorial and simple reality video content.

And at the request of the production team to "take a combination that I haven't seen very much" in this video content, a roommate was assigned.

This means that Park Moon-dae and Ryu Chung-woo shared a room.

Oh, you're talking to me.

"Moodae, towel."

"Yes."

He snatched a towel and wiped his neck.

I felt nauseous.

"Whoo."

I try to control myself as much as possible, but I don't know if I can get caught on camera or not.

"...I'm doomed."

I know.

It's not Ryu Chung Woo's fault.

But what am I supposed to do when I'm reminded of something? Every time I see that...... It comes to mind.

Thanks to this, roommate content is completely devastated. We don't even talk properly in the room.

This was my limit.

I hope there won't be rumors of discord no matter what. First of all... First, when I go back to Korea and fall a little, I'll get better.

It's driving me crazy.'

I got up from my seat as soon as the declaration of break time fell.

After a while, I thought I would make my roommates ride some kind of water slide, so I thought we'd be apart for a while.

But there's a tail on it's stuck.

"Hey..."

"Why?"

"Ee, this."

Sun A-hyun, who followed, held out a take-out glass. There was a steaming drink in it.

Seeing that he had a drink in his hand, the staff seemed to have handed it out.

"......."

I took the cup. If you don't answer, I'll keep talking to you.

Even after giving her a drink, Sun A-hyun did not leave and sat at an ambiguous distance.

However, instead of talking to him, he sipped his drink while secretly looking at me.

It was quiet.

"......."

I lost strength in my shoulders.

I roughly sat on the flower bed, bringing a hot drink to my mouth.

"It was hot chocolate."

It's dirty.

* * *

After riding on a water slide across a shark aquarium, the content of gathering and exchanging questions and answers was conducted.

It was bearable.

"Okay, then I'll pick a question!"

Big Se-jin smiled and picked a question from the barrel.

"Well, 'the member I've gotten the most close to recently' I can't get a few votes for this. I! Since I'm a close member,

Let's finish it quickly.

"I pick Lee Sejin."

"Wow! You've been relying on me a lot lately, huh?" It's so touching! I'll pick a tattoo, too.∼"

Big Se-jin, who quickly changed his posture, smiled and tapped his back.

"What about YU JIN?"

"Bae Sejin!" "I like roommates."

Now that I've moved on to the next person, I don't have to say more. It won't look strange because you answered moderately funny.

"Hahaha, is it me again?""

The sound of laughing and talking continued for a long time.

A few questions have passed..., At the end of the show.

The last question came out.

"This is the last question card." "What was your life experience that you had a hard time overcoming?" Well, I think it's a question that many cases can come to mind."

"Oh, is it a bit depressing for the last one?" Another chance to pick one. What do you think?

"...? I think it's meaningful and nice!"

With Kim Rae-bin's answer, the question and answer went around.

... Starting with Ryu Chung-woo.

"Hmm, experience of overcoming it." Actually, I quit archery because... I didn't mean to. "I heard there was a car accident during my family trip when I was young."

Stop

"It was because of the aftereffects."

...No, I'm filming. Let's think about something else.

"But now that I can meet you and debut and work like this, I can just accept the turning point in my life. Thank you guys. Thank you, love!"

"I like it!"

"...Is it okay to talk about this?"

"Ha ha, I think I've never talked about this in front of the camera before, but I did it because the fans will see it."

"Oh, CHUNG WOO has a lot of experience". ~Let's accept it and pick a new one, right? YU JIN needs to pick one, too!

"Pick me!"

I feel like throwing up.

"...Park Moon-dae!"

"Wait. Bathroom."

I got out of the sofa and left the room full of lights. I ran through the dark hallway connected to enter the bathroom.

"Gasp."

Fortunately, nothing came up my throat. No, isn't that a relief? If you focus on your actions, you can stop thinking.......

"Shut up."

I turned the water on the sink and hit my head.

Cold water was comfortable.

"...Moon-dae!"

"Mundae, are you okay?"

"Hey!"

I heard a call from outside. It was fortunate that it was self-produced content. If it was a normal broadcast, I couldn't fix it.

"You have to go out."

But I can't take my hair off. In a little bit... A little bit more...

"Stop."

I lifted my head from the water.

And after wiping off the water roughly, I opened the bathroom door.

The staff and several members were standing outside the door.

"...I'm sorry. "I'm not feeling well."

"No, are you okay?" Can we film it now?"

"Yes..."

Big Sejin intervened.

"Park Moon-dae. It's okay to postpone the shoot here." If you need some rest......."

It's the same anyway. Just do it."

I shook off the remaining water and continued filming.

And this time, it ended without a big problem.

"See you again, love".

But I realized.

I'll be in big trouble if I keep doing this.

'We have to come up with measures.'

Dinner where all the filming is finished.

Instead of returning to the room where Ryu Chung-woo will be, I went to the garden behind the hotel and organized the situation.

First of all, my condition is PTSD. There is no room for further discussion.

The problem is that I thought it would subside over time, but now that it's at this point, I'm slowly skeptical about how long it will take until then.

There's no answer.'

If it took more than two or three months to recover, I would have problems with my test activities in the future.

Then I have no choice but to hope that I can restart even if I die in an abnormal condition.

"It's more problematic to think that everything will be fine."

It was clear what happened to the mind. I sighed.

(Sound effects)

At that moment, a vibration rang on a smartphone I had in my pocket.

When I took it out and checked, an unexpected name was ringing.

[VTIC Cheongnyeo]

It was an integrity.

"Whoa..."

Normally, I just don't pick up. But I should get some now.

I can't help but ask if you've ever been rewarded in this X-like state.

"Hello."

When I answered the phone, a slightly strange voice answered.

I didn't know you'd answer right away.

"Yeah. I see. What's the item?

It's been a while since I called you, so don't be like that... Are you doing well?

"If you don't have anything, tell me first."

- Haha, all right.

"Have you seen any illusion?"

Welcome?

"During the mission."

-.......

I didn't talk for a while over the phone, and soon I heard an answer.

Oh, there's a problem.

"......!"

RJ: Grades? Company? No, it's probably not like that. Is it a more uncontrollable element? Then, relationships?

"......."

It's a relationship.

What kind of punk is this?

I think I'm under a lot of stress. Um...... When I say it, it's more stressful, so it's hard to give advice.

I think I thought I was welcoming because of stress.

Then, for now, this baby has never been rewarded due to his condition.

Advice.

"Do it."

Is that so?

Oh, yeah. I don't think I'll think of anything even if I hear anything from him now.

Let's make some noise about restarting.

Then I heard a calm voice over the phone.

You don't have to be stressed out.

"......."

-If you go back to the beginning anyway, the emotional exhaustion you're doing now means nothing. Just... Next time, I'll exclude it. That's what I think.

"......."

It's going to disappear anyway.

... It'll disappearing.

I assumed for the first time, clearly.

Let's say we can really go back.

Suppose that if I also fail, I will return to the 20th birthday of Park Moon-dae.

So until now, all 22-year-old Park Moon-dae has never happened, and it is to make it from scratch.

I'm sure it's comfortable since I've done it once. If you bring a lottery number, you can buy it in a place with good security from the beginning.

And I could do better from the beginning. Since I already know it all.

From the first filming of "Ajusa" to after debut, avoid all the tired and embarrassing things in advance, so that the group can be created with a better number of people.....

"No."

... I didn't want to.

It's funny, but even if that's how you overcome everything....

I didn't think I'd like it more than now.

All the hardships and troubles, all the things I've made with these young nerds... This is because I suddenly thought it was my achievement.

And even if I made it again, it could never have meant the same thing as it is now.

Of course, the situation was a little lame right now. Still, because of this, the balance of payments was not right to give up now.

My hair got a little clean.

I opened my mouth.

"It could disappear, so I'll have to do better."

-... That's...

"Thank you for your advice."

You'll regret it.

"Well, I'll do it." Who wouldn't do anything? Then I'll get going now."

I hung up the phone.

And I thought.

'This punk is helpful, too.'

Surprisingly, the reason for leaving the house seems to have returned to the phone call with Cheongnyeo.

Then let's objectively find the best choice in the current situation.

If I don't see any signs of recovery...... There's only one answer.

"Stopped activities due to health problems."

From experience, it will be better if you live in seclusion alone for about a month while taking medicine. This side is better than discord theory.

If the company refuses, then... There is no choice but to endure the theory of discord.

If you explain to others that if you look at Ryu Chung-woo's face roughly, it will be a psychopath, and the contact between Park Moon-dae and Ryu Chung-woo will be eliminated as much as possible.

It may be uncomfortable for each other, but I should tell the company to protest because it is the company that caught the person who wanted to take care of it.

Still, I want to do it in a way that is as harmless as possible, so I hope the company will accept the suspension of activities.

"Is it this much?"

I left the garden and started going back to the room.

Now that I've calmed down, I thought I could say hello to him.

"I'll hold out somehow until this summer package shoot is over."'

There's no other way, and when I leave tomorrow, I'm done with the ending cut.

If you hold it in, that's it.

However, when I opened the door and entered, I saw an unimaginable sight.

"You're here?"

Ryu Chung-woo was sitting on a chair with a bottle of liquor on top of the table.

"......."

I slowly step back and go out of the door, and then close the road.......

"I collected all the cameras." You can drink it."

"......."

At that moment, I realized that I desperately wanted to drink.

"Screwed up."

I know there's nothing good about drinking in this situation. But...

"Here you go".

I reached out and received a bottle. And I picked the top.

I just put it in my mouth.

It was only then that I realized that my snout was shaking. There was a sound of teeth hitting the entrance of the bottle.

"......."

I kept pouring alcohol into my throat, turning around.

I didn't think of anything.

At that time, I heard a voice.

"You're holding it in to me."

"......."

"I'm just holding it in because I'm afraid it'll become irreversible when I burst it." Right?

I heard a carbonation leak.

"Just say it. I don't get hurt by things like this.""

So even if I say X, you don't know the situation.

This is... Isn't this a situation where common sense can never be understood?

It's not even his fault at all.

Seeing that I didn't even know his name in the first place, he's a distant relative who doesn't have many faces. The Poongsan Ryu clan did so much together that they must have gone together.

"And since the child had such a big accident, his parents wouldn't have had time to care about anything else. So, even at the funeral, I didn't see it......'

I put the alcohol back in my throat.

I couldn't stand it.

I picked up a new bottle. I heard a calm voice again.

"...Okay. Then tell me only as much as you can accept. I'll never tell you."

"......."

"I'm not going to say anything about whether it's a company or a hospital."

At that moment, a sound that I hadn't even thought of popped out of my mouth.

"Because I'm jealous."

"'?"

"I'm jealous."

And I realized at the same time while talking.

I was jealous of this jerk.

If I got hurt following the trip that day like Ryu Chung-woo, I don't want my parents to go to the ruined pension because they were following me in the ambulance.

It wasn't just because I was reminded of the accident, but I hated this jerk.

Seeing him talk about his greatest luck as an ordeal in his life, his belly was twisted.

"My parents are fine and do everything they want to do..." I'm jealous."

"......!"

I let go of the alcohol I drank and breathed in.

I talked about this crazy thing...... Strangely, I felt relieved.

Ryu Chung-woo didn't answer for a long time.

And after a while, I handed over another bottle.

"Did you remember when you were sleeping?""

"What?"

"I heard it from Rap-in." I think you're reminded of your old memories while sleeping."

"......."

"I brought up the aftereffects of a car accident..." "It must have sounded like you were full."

...I think they misunderstood that Park Moon-dae's parents died in a traffic accident.

In front of the person whose family died in the traffic accident, he/she must have felt like he/she was whining for the aftereffects of the traffic accident.

...Similar, we did.

"Sorry for saying that."

"You don't have to apologize.""

"But you feel better after hearing the apology. Look, it's been a while since I talked to you."

"......."

"Moon, please..." "It's okay to talk about this comfortably."

Ryu Chung-woo opened another bottle.

"People, in front of fear and pain..." You're supposed to be angry and blame others, but it's okay."

"......."

"I was like that when I just quit archery. I probably didn't have that kind of truth."

Ryu Chung-woo smiled faintly.

"But I don't think you can do that. It's okay, so do it now. How can a person live reasonably every time?"

"......."

I put down the bottle.

My hands were shaking a bit.

I didn't want to have a hard time."

I thought I was doing well.

Until graduating from high school, I received support from all over the place, and I was able to get living expenses because I was good with my hands.

I thought it wasn't the worst, but in fact, I endured it because there was nothing I could do, and I must have hated it.

"But I'm like X because I can't live like that."

"...yes."

"It's a bit too much."

I opened a new drink.

I thought it would be uncomfortable after saying this, but it was surprisingly okay.

I don't know if it's because there's alcohol in it... Anyway, it was like that right now.

I slowly moistened my throat.

I'm not sure because I'm drunk, but I think I've only lined up words or sentences without context after that.

Ryu Chung-woo did not intervene in particular, but sometimes reacted.

Then I only brought it up at the end.

"I decided not to talk about the hospital..."Still, it's better to get counseling when you go back to Korea. With Ahyun."

"......."

"I'm not saying this because I look weird, but because I look tired.""

"Okay."

"I got a lot of money, but I use it for you."

"Okay."

I swallowed alcohol.

"But it's still hard to see you."

Ryu Chung-woo had a short blank face, and soon he laughed out loud for the first time.

"Ha ha, let's go slowly." "We're not going to see each other for a month or two, so it's okay to spend some time away."

"...okay."

That was right.

"But it's a tattoo." Use some honorifics. You're talking informally all of a sudden.

"......!"

Completely... I forgot.

I kept drinking, recovering from honorifics as requested.

The topic of conversation was a little off and we didn't sit face to face, but it wasn't that uncomfortable.

I found out the next day that the bottles were all room service and were charged a crazy price, but it wasn't too wasteful.

And after returning to Korea, fortunately, there was a new schedule waiting for me to spend time alone in between schedules.

It was a personal appearance that I had put off coming to the U.S.

[Episode 147, If you can't debut, you'll get sick if you don't debut]

"Hyung, I'm so sorry." In order to judge the situation hastily and arbitrarily, I will recklessly share my personal experiences......."

"It's okay."

If you listen to it one more time, it's the fifth time.

I was a little fed up with Kim Rae-bin's apology.

'Some people might think I've been framed.'

All he did was let the members know, "Moon Dae-hyung said he remembered what happened in the past while sleeping.

Perhaps it was also likely that he was scared or nervous.

Based on that, he must have tried to interpret and respond to my own light emission somehow.

I thought I hid it well.'

It was an illusion.

When I checked the filming of the summer package in Korea, my atmosphere was dirty and gloomy.

"I didn't know I would have been careful about handling it because I was afraid something would happen.'

The camera showed signs of concern or nervousness.

The filming went well thanks to Sejin, who talked twice as much alone.

'...Ryu Chung-woo refrained from it.'

It was clear that I realized that I felt uncomfortable with myself from the beginning of the shoot.

I endured the acupuncture and told Kim Rae-bin.

"Then I have to apologize." "I'm sorry for making the mood gloomy."

"What"? No way! In the first place, you need to apologize for an unexpected situation that occurred in a continuous filming situation....."

"Yeah. You don't have to apologize in the same sense."

"...! I see. Thank you!"

When he convinced me of "why I don't have to apologize," Kim Rae-bin finally stopped talking and said hello before leaving.

"Let's go in." I hope you have a comfortable rest time."

"Okay. You too."