I was shitting bricks.

I couldn't sleep at all last night. My anxiety had set in early and if I was having a restless night then I knew for sure that Carson had a restless night.

I was so nervous for them.

For Carson, Dominic, Kyler, Abel, and Marcus this would be their last chance at winning the championships. Sure they had a whole career ahead of them in the NBA being in the top ten draft picks, but this was their last shot being on the team to get their win together.

Haze and Xander had two more years– that is unless the scouts saw otherwise and decided that they were fit for the draft before their last year of college.

Which could very well happen if they kept up the good work.

'' Ayanna eat.'' Jora slid the plate of food in front of me.

I wanted to throw up at the sight of it. I was too nervous to eat or even think about eating.

'' I can't.'' I stress, looking over at Lizzie who was shoveling food into her mouth so quickly that I was sure she was swallowing it in one go.

'' Unlike Lizzie I tend to barf food up when nervous instead of consuming it whole.''

Lizzie sucked in a breath, her fist closed as her cheeks turned red quickly. '' I can't help that I soothe my nerves with carbs, Ayanna! At least I'm not fixing my worries by buying everything cute that I see online."

Elizabeth was the stress eater and Rhegan was the stress shopper.

Turning my head, I found her with her phone in one hand and a fork in the other.

'' Whatcha doing, Rhe?" I inquired, managing to swallow down some eggs to satisfy my friends. She turned her head slightly, her lips pursed but her eyes gave her away.

She looked guilty before she even opened her mouth.

'' Oh, you know," She shut her phone off before shoveling more food into her mouth.'' I was just checking out the weather. Can't be drenched in sweat when our boys win their big game right?"

I exchanged looks with the girls as we all collectively nodded our heads. "Right.'' We responded, making it known that we didn't believe a word she just said.

Picking up my phone, I checked the time again for the thousandth time since waking up. Only a few more hours until we were sitting in the arena seats watching them play the last game of their college career. Watching them play their last game as teammates. And watching them play their last game before they went off to achieve their dreams.

I hadn't called or texted Carson since this morning, not wanting to disturb him while they got prepared for the game. After dinner with his parents last night, I was able to spend a little time with him before he had to retreat to his hotel room for their stupid ass curfew.

'' I need a fucking smoke.'' I sighed, letting my anxiousness get to me.

'' Same.'' Jora agrees, eyes flocking over to me with mischief.

You know the best things about flying on a private jet— no tsa.

'' We'll be back.''Jora jumped up from her seat, pushing away from the table as I stood up as well.

I ran towards my room while she ran into hers. I changed into a hoodie and slipped into my nikes before running out, meeting her at the elevator.

Jora had a small baggie and lighter in one hand and her phone in the other as the elevator doors opened up.

Before they could close, Rhegan slid inside with a sigh. "I think that I have a serious problem.'' She leans her head against the walls of the elevators.

I snorted, watching the numbers drop as the elevator descended.'' A shopping problem? We know babes.'' Jora snickers as Rhegan brings her middle finger towards her lips, blowing an air kiss Jora's way as she flicks her off at the same time.

'' Not that kind of problem.'' She stresses, running her hands through her hair that waved up to its natural state due to the humidity we'd been experiencing for the past week.

'' Then what is the problem?'' I questioned, curiosity reaching its peak as we exited the elevator.

She stayed quiet, chewing on her bottom lip as we walked throughout the lobby and a little ways away from the hotel towards a back alley. Jora pulled out her lighter and a joint and lit the ends. She brought it to her lips, inhaling deeply before passing it towards me.

I inhaled the smoke, feeling my nerves slowly calm down as I exhaled and passed it the blunt to Rhegan.

'' I think I'm in love.'' She admits as the smoke leaves her lips, blowing away on a whisper of a soft breeze that blew past us.

I nearly choked on a cough at her confession. It takes alot for Rhegan to admit her feelings for anyone– that is unless she were telling you off. It didn't take a genius to realize that Rhegan had strong feelings for Dominic but love– I didn't see her confessing that any time soon.

'' Same.'' Jora lifts her brows slightly as she inhales her smoke, holding it as she passes the blunt back to me. She releases the smoke through her nose as she looks up at the sky.

'' Well, I know that I am in love with the idiot. He just doesn't deserve to know that tid-bit just yet, I think.''

'' Will you ever tell him?" I asked as I leaned against the wall, tapping the ashes off of the blunt before placing it in between my lips. '' I mean you guys aren't your average couple you know.'' I point out as she shrugs.

'' Who knows. Maybe I'll never get the chance to tell him how I really feel about him.'' She runs a hand through her hair, unintentionally adding extra volume to it as she fluffs it slightly. '' I just– I just don't see myself with anyone besides him though.''

Carson made me feel like that– he made me feel like there was no one else out there for me.I knew that there was no one else out there for me. I had him and he was all that I needed in my life.

'' Same.'' Rhegan repeated Jora's earlier words as I nodded.'' How did we get to this point? We used to have boys down on their knees for us, begging for a date or just one fucking night. And now here we are, at the hands of three of the most notorious playboys on USC's campus. How did we get here?''

Dirty Jenga.

It might not have been the start of our initial introductions to the guys, but it was what brought us together with them.

That game– whether we liked to admit it or not, was the push that we were given to take things to the next level with them.

'' It all started with a game.'' I answered.

'' Who knew that that game could have so many consequences come along with the aftermath of it all.'' Jora sighed, planting her foot against the brick wall behind her. "Imagine the amount of headaches I could've doged if I never participated in that damn game.''

'' I find that hard to believe,'' I shook my head.

For some odd reason I think that Jora and Kyler would have always found themselves in the predicament they are in now. I knew deep down that they were meant to find each other one way or another.

'' I think that everything will turn out just the way it was meant.'' I exhaled, my high settling in and my nerves diminished as I stared at the sky that was clear and free of clouds.

It was such a pretty day today.

'' Do you guys feel better?'' I asked, pushing off of the wall as they nodded in response.

'' I feel like a giant boulder has been lifted off of my shoulders.'' Rhegan chuckles as we make our way towards the hotel once more. '' It's so refreshing to get something off of my chest for once.''

''I could imagine,'' I say, linking my arms with theirs as we look both ways before crossing the street.

We quickly ran across the street, beating the cross walk and pushing through the crowd of people that came out early before things got a little chaotic later on in the night. Our laughter follows us as we squeak out small excuse mes and finally make our way to the hotel entrance.

My smile immediately drops as I look up, seeing my father get up from a chair upon our entrance. '' And there goes my high.'' I sighed as the girls froze with me, throwing the sharpest of daggers his way.

'' He knows how to suck the life out of the fucking party.'' Jora turns her nose up in disgust as he makes his way towards us, throwing very timid smiles in their directions.

'' We're going to wait for you by the elevator, Yaya.'' Rhegan dismissed his presence as a whole, walking around him as if he were a mere obstacle in her path.

I nodded, sliding my hands into the pockets of my hoodie as he raised his brows, watching as the two walked off without a second glance his way.

"Is she always so...dismissive?" He attempted to make a joke.

It wasn't funny.

''She has a vendetta against neglectful parents.''

His face falls as he swallows, nodding his head in agreement with the jab I'd just given him.''That and she really doesn't like you. And for good reason, don't you think?'' I throw in for good measure.

Crossing my arms, I walk off to the nearest quiet corner while he follows. " Why are you here?" I cut to the chase, wanting to surpass the bullshit and get straight to the point.

" I want to make amends." He says quickly, not wasting a second." Perhaps even fix our relationship."

I couldn't help the little giggle that came from the depths of my throat.

Fix our relatio—

Fix our non— existent relationship is more like it.

" You can't fix what isn't there." I correct, crossing my arms as I lean against a pillar.

Xion shakes his head." Ayanna, don't be like that. I'm trying here."

Thinking back on all of the times he 'tried' the two things that he always managed to stay consistent in was leaving and lying.

" I'm twenty now, Xion. Twenty. Where were you during the last fucking decade and a half? Where were you when I entered elementary school?" I asked, ready to go on a roll when it came to him all of a sudden wanting to be father of the fucking year.

" On my tenth birthday I was lucky enough to receive a card from you. And that was one of the five birthdays that I ever heard from you. You weren't there when I started my first day of middle school or high school, as a matter of fact you never even saw me graduate."

" Holidays, missed or either lied to about visits. And birthdays I got completely ghosted. You've made it so fucking abundantly clear throughout the years that you don't want a realationship with me. You were never there for us to have a fucking bond or relationship developed."

" You were never a fucking father figure to me and overtime I just referred to you as a sperm donor because that's literally what you are. And the sad thing is, some sperm donors are literally involved in their child's life, helping out the mother but you couldn't do that shit either."

" But oh! God forbid she finally ends up happy with a man that treats her like the fucking queen that she is, right? You can't fucking stand to see her happy unless it's you, and you don't even do that. You make me and her fucking miserable with your lies, your inconsistency, and your fucking audacity."

I was on a roll and I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop no matter how much I wanted to because it was years of unsaid words bottled up inside. It was years of being lied to, hurt and betrayed by him, and all and all abandoned by him.

I didn't care how harshly they were delivered, he deserved to hear every spit of what I had to say.

" As far as I'm concerned, you're as good as fucking dead to me. You might as well be the fucking ghost of Christmas fucking past coming back to try and fuck shit up like always. You and me have never had a fucking relationship, I see no need to try now." I say, watching as the weight of my words hit him like a fucking bull dozer.

You could see the feeling of failure, hurt, acceptance, and realization flash across his face when I was done with my speech. He finally knew the consequences of his actions over the years and it sucked that it had to be this way, but I couldn't trust him and I wasn't about to start trusting him now.

" If that's how you really feel and if you really want this, I'll step back. But no matter how badly you think of me, Ayanna, I'm still your father and I do love you."

I snorted— of course he would give up this easily.

" You stepped back a long time ago, Xion." I shrugged, palming my forehead as I felt a migraine come on strong.

"You were never here so I see no need for you to be here now. Maybe if things were different. Maybe if you ever tried then I would have a different answer for you. But you didn't, so I don't."

He nods his head slowly as I shrug my shoulders," I just don't have the energy to give to you anymore." I chuckle bitterly, poking the side of my cheek as I shake my head.

"And it sucks that it has to be that way, but you chose for it to be that way. You had years— years to make things right while you could but eventually I was over it. Eventually it reached a point of no return and now we're here."

It did hurt to cut him off completely. It did hurt to see him realize just how bad the consequences of his actions were.

At the end of the day he was still my father.

But that was a title that he never earned or deserved. I couldn't bring myself to let him back into my life once more, only for him to repeat his same actions and burn me again.

I refused to get burned by another man. I absolutely refuse.

And maybe with the burning of this bridge, my life would have a more peaceful outcome.

No more fucked up, abusive ex. And no more absentee fathers.

At the end of the day, I had everyone around me who made me happy and complete. My circle was full of love and all the affection that I could ever ask for. Sure it had room to grow but to the people who deserved it.

He didn't deserve it one bit.

" I understand. Maybe one day we can have a different conversation, but for right now I can respect wishes if it makes you happy." He nods, looking defeated as I straighten up.

" Yeah maybe, but that day is not today. I wish you the best of luck, Xion." I send him a brief nod before walking off towards the girls.

We didn't say a word during the elevator ride back up, I was still too hot after spilling every little thing that had been bottled up inside for years. I had finally told him how I felt and it felt....

Good. It felt reliving.

Rhegan was right. It was like a boulder lifted off of my chest.

I wasn't obligated to keep people in my life who showed no interest for half of it. I wasn't going to allow him to repeat the same actions towards me again.

I wasn't a little girl anymore. I was a grown woman who has been through so much shit that he wasn't even there to comfort me through.

He was never there to hold my hand and walk me through life. He was never there to tell me that everything was going to be alright, that I was daddy's little girl and he would protect me from all things bad.

I never got that.

He didn't deserve to be in my life and he damn well wasn't about to come waltz back in when I was completely happy with the way things were.

Yeah sure, maybe in the future I'll have a change of heart. But as of right now, there was no place or room for him in my life.

" Are you okay?" Rhegan and Jora both lay their heads on my shoulder as we watched the elevator numbers rise.

" Never better." I responded truthfully as they encircled their arms around my waist.

" Well if it's any consolation," Jora opened her mouth. I couldn't help but laugh because I knew where she was going to go with this.

" I'll be your daddy." She smirked.

Rhegan and I snorted as she pressed a wet, fat kiss to my cheeks.

"I'm sure Carson would just love that." I giggled, turning my face and puckering my lips up. She pressed her lips against mine for a prolonged kiss before we pulled back with an exaggerated mwah.

" He'll live." She simply shrugged as the elevator doors opened."I'm hotter anyways."

Coming out of the elevator, we realized that we still had a few hours before we needed to get ready. I managed to shovel some more food down my throat now that my high had kicked in.

The girls and I had taken to the couch, laying on top of each other as we cuddled under the blankets due to the cool air flowing throughout the suite.

"I need a nap." Sade yawned.

My eyes were growing tired and heavy as well." I do too. Someone should set an alarm so that we can get a quick nap in before getting dressed.

Audrey had already had her phone in hand and proceeded to do the deed." Done."

And with that we found ourselves in a deep slumber until the annoying sound of an alarm clock was heard going off a few hours later.

____________________

I adjusted the jersey that Dominic got me for Christmas, the one with both his and Carson's names and numbers on it as I sat down in the stadium seats.

The game was starting soon and right now the other team was on the court warming up.

'' I feel like I'm going to shit myself and throw up at the same time.'' Skylar shifts in her seat as I nodded in agreement.

I hadn't spoken to Carson all day besides a quick goodmorning text that we sent to each other when we woke up. Usually we would have time for longer conversations but he needed to focus on the game and I didn't want to disturb him.

Even though I knew he would take the time out of his practice to respond back to me, I wanted him to be one hundred percent focused on today.

"Ayanna!"

I looked up from my phone seeing my mom and Jax, Carson's parents, followed by Kyler's, Abel's, and Marcus's. Haze and Xander hadn't arrived yet.

" Hey!" I stood up, encircling my arms around my mother's neck as she does the same around my waist.

" I feel like I haven't seen you in forever." She sighs into my ear as I roll my eyes at her dramatics.

"You saw me before I left." I remind, pulling back as she sucks her teeth.

"That was like a week ago. Too long in my book." She responds as I move onto Jax, engaging in a big bear hug with him.

After receiving a kiss from Giselle and another hig from Cairo. I moved onto Kyler's parents who were engaged in a conversation with Skylar, who was Jora hostage next to her side.

" Ayanna!" Renee opened her arms wide, embracing me with a warm hug as I approached her."I was just telling your mom that it's been so long since we last saw you." She beams up at me, her fingertips brushing my elbows as we pull part.

'' I know. A lot has changed so far since then too.''

'' I can tell. You seem much happier these days.'' She winks as I smile shyly, feeling my cheeks heat up as Skylar nudges me in the side with her elbow.

'' You have no idea. Carson has her smiling like a fool twenty-four seven.'' She chimes in as we finish up our conversation.

Elizabeth steals me to the side, introducing me to Abel's parents and Skylar does the same with Marcus's parents as well. It all felt so surreal meeting their parents. It felt like it was finally setting in that we were in real relationships that were happy and healthy.