《Swish》.20
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The nightmare shook me awake, and the accompanying scream would've been enough to do the same with the rest of the house, but if they showed any concern for my wellbeing, they didn't come by my room to check on me.
They'd probably had enough of my mental breakdown drama the weekend before and didn't want another front row ticket to my falling apart once more. It would be like the first time, when they did absolutely nothing to help me and only made it worse, just like they did with everything.
I really did have a terrible family, didn't I?
What had gone so wrong? Was it that bad even before my mom's death, and I'd just blinded myself to the fact because I was so young? Twelve years old, and it was like I'd blocked out all the terrible memories before the worst night of my life...
The very same night that I couldn't stop remembering in my dreams that ended up more like night terrors. They sure terrorized, alright.
My room reeked of empty bitterness, what from the missing music and recording equipment and my salty tears that I could still taste at the back of my throat, the thickness welling up just like it had before I'd cried myself to sleep.
Dressing for the day and performing my usual hygiene routine because we had more than one houseguest that I didn't feel like greeting with morning breath, ragged hair and bloodshot eyes, I was ready to face the music, literally and figuratively, though one look in the mirror and the signs from my restless night were on display on my face.
My eyes looked like I'd just smoked an entire blunt, streaks of red darting through the whites and disappearing into the deep brown of my irises, and thick bags accompanied the underneath of said bloodshot eyes, and no matter how much concealer was applied, there was still that slight blue-purple tinge to that sensitive skin.
I didn't know where the courage to even get up out of bed and trudge down the stairs came from, let alone the strength to put myself together and force myself to look like an actual human instead of sleep deprived and haunted zombie, but soon I found myself seated at the bar, slurping down mouthfuls of sugar coated flakes cereal and contemplating ever being born.
I mean, who gave my dad permission to procreate, anyway?
"You're up early."
"Kara. I could say the same for you as well."
Soft rays of muted gray tinged sunlight pierced the space around us, almost creating a barrier of light between us while my aunt contemplated breaking the silent boundary in order to reach the kitchen cabinets.
"I always come down early to prepare your father's medications for the day. I didn't hear you come in last night, must've been late?"
Like it was any of her damn business.
"Yes, I did get in fairly late. I was at a party."
"Hmm."
The noise she had made from the back of her throat dripped with distaste, but when was that any different from any other day?
My aunt had always been cold and distant, closed off and emotionally unavailable. She was the night to my Mother's Day, the dark to her light, the sharp edged to my mother's soft curves. They couldn't have been any different, and their relationship suffered because of it.
Where Kara was off traveling with her nursing degree and living it up in every city she could think of to get away, my mother had already settled down and was making a home for us. That all changed after her death, however, and Kara committed herself to taking care of my father. Me? I wasn't so sure she knew what to do with me, and left Sara to befriend me instead.
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It was obvious that plan had backfired.
Finally stepping into the soft sunshine between us, she cast a long shadow across my cereal bowl and I could see her more intensely as for a few seconds her skin was awash in startling clarity.
Like me, the bags under her eyes were more prominent than ever before, and the wrinkles that she used makeup to cover were on full display, the most noticeable being the frown lines framing her thin face.
Like me and my mother, her dark skin gave off a dark caramel tone, but whereas her chin came to a sharp point at the end, mine was more rounded off and where her eyes were less slanted in the corners, giving her more of an ordinary look, mine were creased in just the right spot so that I was constantly tested for looking exactly like Pocahontas. Something everyone loved to point out, and the joke never failed to rub me the wrong way.
I knew I looked different than everyone else, there was absolutely no reason to point it out every time you noticed someone who didn't look the same way as you. It wasn't a compliment, it wasn't nice, and it sure as hell wasn't a conversation starter. It wasn't my fault people had no interpersonal communication skills that they couldn't come up with a better opener than, 'Hey! You look like that Disney Princess...'
But Kara, she had the best of both worlds. Constantly tan and glowing skin with no indications of being anything other than white because she kept her hair a lighter shade than the black as night that it originally was, the color that would've grown through her roots had they not already turned prematurely gray.
"How is he doing? What medications is he on?"
I hadn't taken an interest in his health in that way before, so of course her attention was back and focused on me fully.
"He's on medicine for his lungs. Because it's hard for him to take deep breaths due to his injury, he also can't force strong coughs to clear his lungs of mucus. This build up caused him to develop a respiratory infection, and all the other antibiotics haven't been helping so we've switched him to something stronger, and we're hoping that this does the trick otherwise he'll need to be hospitalized and is at a bigger risk for pneumonia. He's on medication to help strengthen his immune system, as well as blood pressure medication since his is usually high. He's..."
She stopped suddenly, like she clammed up.
"How's his liver?"
She seemed shocked at my words, like she didn't think I would've known about his alcoholism. It was also a test, to double check if what my grandmother had said on the phone the night before was true, and it turned out that it was. Very true.
"He...he has very slight cirrhosis of the liver from years of heavy drinking, but we've managed so far. He quit cold turkey and hadn't had a drop since..."
Since my mother's death. She still couldn't even speak about it. I wonder how she'd feel if she knew I'd witnessed it all, down to the nitty gritty, bone white details.
"Good. I'd like to stay more updated on his condition."
If he truly was failing in his health, then maybe his actions and behavior as of late were because of his illnesses and why he wasn't acting like his usual self.
It didn't explain what I'd seen in my 'nightmares' that could've been memories, but one step at a time. I couldn't write him off if he was seriously ill.
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"Of course. About the Sara situation-"
"I'm not concerned in hashing that out with you. I'll speak to Sara about everything in time, when everyone's cooled off. I...I won't hold anything against her. I know she's still figuring out relationships, and feeling strong things for the first time would make anyone act irrationally. She's still my cousin, and she's still like a sister to me. We're just going through a tough time right now."
While I didn't necessarily mean every word I'd spoken, trying to get on Kara's side would do well with proving to my father that I was going to be following his rules and get me one step closer to having my recordings back.
It was crucial to my future that I got at least the most important recording back, as it was the only recording of the song I planned to sing at the showcase. The entry had to be an original piece. A hundred thousand dollars depended on it.
"Good. And I hope you plan on apologizing to her as well. Those things you said to her were just-"
"Like I said, I will speak to Sara about the situation and we'll handle it like the mature women we are."
Kara's eyes sharpened and they reminded me of a snake's, the inherited crease on full display as they narrowed into slits right before my own eyes.
"Of course. I'll just get these up to your father."
"Of course."
One down...
Twenty minutes later and my father wheeled into the kitchen, coughing lightly into a tissue that revealed specks of blood as he pulled it away from his face.
Alarm surged through me as I stood up quickly and went to him, forgetting the 'game' that we were playing and only focusing on my concern for my father who was very much in real danger of being hospitalized for pneumonia, and there I was agonizing over things that were very much not life and death. Well, maybe one of those things were life and death, but...
"Are you okay? Dad?"
"I'm fine, I'm fine," he said, waving me off while using his hands to push himself further into the room. Kara was nowhere in sight.
"Where's Kara?"
"Getting Sara up. I'm glad you made it home last night."
"Yeah. Look dad, about that-"
"And I can guess you're wondering where your things are?"
Straight to the point, then. It was obvious he didn't want to talk about how sick he really was.
"Well, yeah, but I-"
"You'll get them back next weekend, if you make it here right after work on Friday. I understand your classes are Monday through Friday, and you work until midnight, but-"
A fit of coughing took over his body and he hacked up something that he definitely shouldn't have been coughing up, something slimy and tinged in reddish black hues.
"Um, dad, why don't we just call your doctor? We can talk about all that later and-"
"Hell no, I am not going to any doctor. Kara says I'm fine. She's a nurse, isn't she? Now, are you going to listen to your father, Virginia, or do I need to take something else away from you to get in line?"
"I..."
My mind was spinning. Even in the middle of a health emergency, he was still only worried about me complying with whatever he wanted. I had never met a man more stubborn or pigheaded in my life.
"Yes. Yes, I'll come home every weekend. Whatever, I don't care. But I'm worried about you! I think we should-"
"Am I interrupting anything?"
One look up and I wasn't far off from my father in terms of my lungs failing me.
Eli, hair sleep-rumpled and features drawn, his entire frame took up the entire room and his head almost touched the top of the door frame that he had entered through, much like my dad's had used to before the accident.
Our eyes connected and there was no looking away for me, nor for him. Heart beating to sixteenth notes in my chest, he moved closer to us, taking in my concern and my father's pale pallor and bloody tissue.
"Coach? You doing alright?"
A flash of panic overtook Eli's features for a moment, and it was like I could see his mind churning as he worked through possible scenarios of what this could mean, for him and for us.
"I'm fine, boy. Now get yourself some breakfast and meet me outside on the court."
"Yes sir," he replied, just as Sara, Jared and Kara came into the kitchen.
Both of them sleep stained and bleary eyed, I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that her mother allowed them to stay in the same room at night, but that wasn't any of my business.
"Good morning Uncle Mike. Hello Eli. Virginia."
Sara's icy greeting was my cue, though I didn't miss her flirtatious tone when she said hello to Eli. Jared didn't even bother with a greeting, going straight to the pantry for food.
I grabbed my mug of chilling coffee and abandoned the party to step outside when I realized Eli was in the path of the outdoor patio.
Neck craned to stare up into his eyes, flashes of his mouth on mine and hands on my body burned in my brain and all I wanted to do was drag him up to my bedroom and never let him leave, but I had plans to make, games to play, and his practice to stalk because, if temperatures were any sign, his shirt would definitely be off within the first fifteen minutes of running drills with my dad.
Desire swirled in his green eyes that I was starting to realize were actually hazel, clouds of brown mixing with the previous vibrant color and matching the deep ocher of my own.
"Ahem?"
We broke our stare to realize that everyone had been watching us, and it was more than awkward to realize that I had no idea how long we'd been staring at each other without saying a single word.
I ducked out of the door frame and hurried out onto the patio to set my things down that I'd brought with me.
Pencil and journal, I prepared myself to write at least a few lyrics, if not an outline of a new song. I needed a backup plan if I couldn't get my recordings back.
And once I had a few things drafted, I sat back and allowed my eyes to wander along Eli's glistening muscles as he ran up and down our court, the burgundy and grey colors vivid against the blue of the morning sky and drank in the sunny color of Eli's skin, a brightness that reminded me of my mother's own light disposition.
I couldn't help but wonder if, through our connections with our dead parents, that our meeting wasn't one of divine intervention, because following him on the court with my eyes as he tried not to distract himself with me as well, it was getting harder to ignore what was staring me straight in the face.
I pitched forward in my seat as the strong emotions threatened to overwhelm me. There was no way I should've been thinking that word so suddenly, especially after only knowing him for so long, but it was so hard to deny.
Love was something that didn't come easily, especially not since the whole Jared debacle. With him it had taken me a year and a half to even say the words back to him that he'd first uttered six months into our relationship. He'd told me he could wait for me to catch up with him, but in this case with Eli, he was most likely going to be the one catching up to me.
And if he never caught up, what would I do then?
I had no idea, but I had to believe it went both ways. There was no way I was the only one feeling it, especially not after that kiss.
I'd just have to instigate another kiss, to make sure the first one wasn't a fluke. Yeah, that was exactly what I'd do. On the drive back, once we parked I'd invite him into my dorm room, after texting Hazel and Bea to make sure they weren't there already. Then, I'd test out my theory.
Love at first sight? Maybe it wasn't really a myth after all...
***
Who's ready for Virginia's theory to be tested??? :)
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