I wake up in the middle of the night with my heart racing and a sheen of cold sweat coating my body. The massive stone block doesn't let me breathe. It isn't real, but my chest hurts as if it was.

I feel my nightstand for the glass of water I always leave there. Then I open the drawer, grab the small bottle, and wash the pill down with the liquid. Staring into my dark bedroom, I count to one hundred trying to get some air into my lungs, but it's useless. My hammering pulse won't let me sleep.

I take my cigarettes and a lighter and pad to the window, lighting a cig on the go.

Nicotine makes it worse. I should quit, but I'm not one to do what's best for me. Although the shit's bad, it gives me something to do while I'm trying to calm down.

I open the window and climb onto the windowsill. It's easy to see the night sky from there. No stars tonight, but something I notice makes the corners of my mouth lift in a smirk.

"Yo, Kitten."

The curtain's drawn, but Kitten's open window reveals the outline of her thin frame. Is she hiding from me?

Kitten appears from behind the fabric. "Hey, O'Brien."

Her voice is quiet, and there's no trace of her earlier laughter.

"What's up? Can't sleep?"

Kitten nods and sits on the windowsill, mirroring my position. "Mom and I argued because I asked her why she didn't accept the job. I'm still grounded. I'm lucky she wasn't here when you dropped me off."

"You did nothing to deserve being grounded," I say. "You're not a damn kid."

"I know." She sighs. "I just don't want more arguments. She'll let me go out when Gavin comes to pick me up tomorrow, anyway."

"Tomorrow? It's Saturday."

Kitten shrugs. "We're going on a date."

I lower my gaze to the half-burned cigarette and bite my lip at Kitten's admission. Knowing how shitty Fer is, I'm baffled that he's her boyfriend. I might keep forgetting about it on purpose. However, even in my miserable, insomniac state, I know it's for the best. I'm not good for her. She's a good girl, innocent and naïve. I'm none of those things — I won't wear pressed pants, go to college, or stop cussing.

No words leave my mouth while I finish smoking. Then I slide back into my room and leave the cigarette butt in the ashtray. "Night, Leah," I say before drawing the curtain and returning to my already cold bed.

***

Mac's gym is the first place I go once I wake up. He set it up last year together with Lenny, using the little savings they had.

It's doing well — Mac's good at business, and he's not afraid of hard work.

I make my way inside and spot my friend next to the dumbbell rack. Mac's inspecting it while writing something down on a notepad.

"'Sup," I say.

The guy turns around and gives me a half-hug. "At last, you graced this place with your presence."

"Don't be a dick; I've been busy. Moving boxes with tools is also a workout."

"Your old man doesn't let you laze around."

"No, but it's for the best. Keeps my mind busy."

Mac's eyes sweep over me. "You look like shit. Bad night?"

I nod, stuffing my hands in the pockets of my sweats. The bottle of pills is there, and Mac notices.

"Again, Bri?"

I shrug. "It's okay."

"It's not. Maybe quitting smoking will help."

"After you, asshat."

Mac grins. "I'm quitting on Monday. Annie's been asking me to for a while. Says she won't kiss me if I keep smoking."

"And you're too whipped to say no."

"Whipped and proud of it, so you can fuck off." Mac laughs.

"Just kidding. So, what's new?"

"Not much. Bella stopped by the gym last night. Said she went to see you at the garage, but you weren't there."

"I went for a ride. What did she want?"

Mac smirks. "I guess to fuck you good night."

The thought of being with Bella doesn't excite me the way it used to. I blame it on the shitty night I had.

"Saying nothing, huh? Don't tell me you're quitting mindless fucking too. Who are you, and what have you done to the whore I know and love?"

"Not quitting anything." I roll my eyes. "Bella's getting annoying. The garage is where I work. She's not my girlfriend to keep tabs on me."

"She might think she is," Mac says. "You should talk to her. I think the girl likes you for real, Bri."

"Someone likes the fuck-up; I'm impressed."

Mac looks at me and sighs. "That's not who you are. Why don't you stop pretending and tell everyone the truth?"

What he doesn't get is I've tried too many times to think I could do it. It's nobody's business, anyway.

"Are we gonna work out or what?" I ask and nod toward the weights.

"First this, to quench your thirst."

Mac saunters toward his desk in the corner and opens the drawer. He pulls out some crossword puzzles and extends them to me.

"How much do I owe you?" I ask.

"It's a gift, whore boy. Now, come on. Let's get you in shape and rid you of the beer belly."

I flip the fucker off and get ready to sweat.

***

When I'm done working out, I'm sore, but it's a good pain - the best there is.

I hop on my Fat Boy and ride home, stopping at the bakery midway to get something for Pops. He deserves a treat for giving me an afternoon off.

Pops is in the kitchen when I enter the house. The smell of ground coffee makes my mouth water. "Morning," I say to him.

"You're an early bird." Dad smiles.

"I went to work out with Mac. It was great. What about you?"

"I'm gonna have a big ass breakfast with my son, and then I have a date."

I sit on a chair and stare at Pops. "A date?"

Pops grins. "With your mom."

I can't keep the smirk from forming. "Fuck, so Jimmy didn't lie. You two are fucking."

Pops gives me a light smack on the back of my head. "Language."

"You're getting some loving," I rephrase the sentence. "How come I had no clue?"

Dad sighs and pours coffee in two mugs. He also places two glasses with orange juice on the table, and I pull the muffins out of the bag.

"It's not easy, Son," Dad says, sitting on a chair next to me. "Mom and I are trying to get back together, and I want it to work."

"For real? Together like before?"

"I miss her. I gave her the time she wanted, but she didn't date anyone else despite being away. She wanted a break from me, and that's okay, but I want my wife back."

"I don't know why you needed a break in the first place," I say, taking a sip from my mug. "You never argued."

"Love isn't an even road, Brian. It has bumps. The routine sucks you in, and the problems make you forget everything that made you fall madly in love. Although we were doing okay separately, we're much better together. So, we're dating, like in high school. I take her on bike rides and buy her flowers and do other shit you, little fucker, have no business knowing."

I smile into my coffee — it's hard not to get my hopes up. I want my parents to get together because they're good for each other. I've always been proud of my family.

"I hope it works out, Dad," I say when we finish eating.

"Me too, little fucker. If you have time, check this week's figures. It won't take you more than a minute, anyway. I'll be back in the evening cause I'm taking your mom somewhere special."

I nod. "On it. Have fun."

Pops smiles and goes to his room to get ready. I tidy up the kitchen and head to the garage.

A glance toward Kitten's house dampens my mood. She's getting into Ferdinand's car, wearing a dress. It's the first time I've seen her in something that fits her body. It looks good on her.

I ball my hands into fists as I take the few remaining steps toward Pops' business.

Someone's next to the garage already — Bella. Mindless fucking might be exactly what I need, after all.